# jtur88 telling special needs kid to "get over" being assaulted **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 8, 2018, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446 "2018-02-08T16:11:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2018, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446/21 "2018-02-08T21:24:49Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > It requires a lifetime of commitment for the disabled. My niece is now 57 years old (with a mental age of a not-very-bright 12-year-old), and her siblings, who are now her guardians since my sister died, remain vigilant. I remember about 20 years ago when she came home from work and told her mother that she had been going to lunch with a coworker and he had asked her out for dinner. My sister promptly went to the office and confronted the guy, telling him in no uncertain terms that his behavior was unacceptable, and that if she heard of this happening again, she’d report him. She lives “independently”, as they say, but it takes a huge amount of work behind the scenes for her to remain so. If her brother and sister take their eye off the ball for even a moment, shit goes sideways in a blink. Why couldn’t your niece potentially have relationships with men? Mentally disabled people can even have happy marriages, although in most cases they should not have children. If this involved some kind of boundary violation, I apologize for jumping the gun. I had never heard of Atyrau until I came to this board; Jtur references it all the time, and after seeing that post, I think he should go there (although they probably don’t want him there either). Telling a SIX-YEAR-OLD to “get over it”? Sounds like my childhood. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2018, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446/22 "2018-02-08T21:45:11Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Why couldn’t your niece potentially have relationships with men? Mentally disabled people can even have happy marriages, although in most cases they should not have children. > > If this involved some kind of boundary violation, I apologize for jumping the gun. > > I had never heard of Atyrau until I came to this board; Jtur references it all the time, and after seeing that post, I think he should go there (although they probably don’t want him there either). Telling a SIX-YEAR-OLD to “get over it”? Sounds like my childhood. :mad: Did you miss the part where he said the woman has the mentality of a not very bright 12 year old? ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2018, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446/23 "2018-02-08T21:51:05Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > Did you miss the part where he said the woman has the mentality of a not very bright 12 year old? No, I didn’t. If she’s working at a place that hires a lot of MR/DD people, like a sheltered workshop, chances are he was too, UNLESS he was, for instance, her caseworker. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2018, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446/24 "2018-02-08T22:02:11Z")
I really think we need more info from Chefguy if he’s willing to provide it before throwing accusations at his niece’s sister. She sounds remarkable in her devotion to her sister. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446/25 "2018-02-09T01:19:05Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > I really think we need more info from Chefguy if he’s willing to provide it before throwing accusations at his niece’s sister. She sounds remarkable in her devotion to her sister. Her job was/is with a federal agency. She makes copies, and has been doing so for the past 30 years or so as a GS-2. The guy who was making some moves was her supervisor, which is questionable in most any case. She does indeed have a boyfriend, who is far worse off than she is, and marriage is just not in their future. My sister explained to the guy that while her daughter may act normally in many ways, she is not emotionally mature, and is completely naive about the machinations of some men (all of which he already knew). She was mainly putting him on notice that she was aware of his actions, and that as her daughter’s guardian, she was fully within her legal rights to intervene in an inappropriate relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Isosleepy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/isosleepy/32/479_2.png) [@Isosleepy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isosleepy)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446/26 "2018-02-09T04:07:44Z")
I have tried to interact with Jtur as if he were a fully realized human being in the past. This did not work. Every time I see one of his pearls of wisdom, I consider it my act of charity for that day not to take him to task. He is a sad old man, this is all he has. I have no way of knowing, but suspect, that cognitive issues might be at play as well. He misses key points in such a profound way, there has to be a reason, and I really din’t think he’s just a troll. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446/27 "2018-02-09T04:11:27Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Her job was/is with a federal agency. She makes copies, and has been doing so for the past 30 years or so as a GS-2. The guy who was making some moves was her supervisor, which is questionable in most any case. She does indeed have a boyfriend, who is far worse off than she is, and marriage is just not in their future. My sister explained to the guy that while her daughter may act normally in many ways, she is not emotionally mature, and is completely naive about the machinations of some men (all of which he already knew). She was mainly putting him on notice that she was aware of his actions, and that as her daughter’s guardian, she was fully within her legal rights to intervene in an inappropriate relationship. Yep, what he did was inappropriate in every way. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446/28 "2018-02-09T05:10:02Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > From his numerous comments on the justice system over the years, I think that probably is his view. If he dislikes “revenge-based justice”, the Philippines weren’t really the best destination for him then. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446/29 "2018-02-09T08:08:40Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > My 17 year old niece is in a similar position and my sister and BIL are working hard to make sure that she has the skills, assets and legal papers in place to be cared for. > > She does go on dates. With special needs guys her own age. > > If I’m still alive when she’s 50 and some regular schmoe was putting the moves on her, I’d pay him a visit too, and I’m only her uncle. She doesn’t have the life skills or the intellect to deal with some guy just trying to get some by taking advantage of her. Maybe the guy doesn’t have the life skills, either. Maybe he thought there is nothing wrong asking out a late 30s adult woman, at least not anything wrong enough to be paid a visit by threatening relatives. That level of vigilance seems a little much. I understand talking to the guy but not with this over the top accusatory stance. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446/30 "2018-02-09T09:43:28Z")
> [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](#): > > Maybe the guy doesn’t have the life skills, either. Maybe he thought there is nothing wrong asking out a late 30s adult woman, at least not anything wrong enough to be paid a visit by threatening relatives. That level of vigilance seems a little much. I understand talking to the guy but not with this over the top accusatory stance. Note Chefguy’s additional information in post #25, especially the parenthetical phrase at the end: > [@Chefguy](#): > > My sister explained to the guy that while her daughter may act normally in many ways, she is not emotionally mature, and is completely naive about the machinations of some men (all of which he already knew). It sounds more to me like the guy was well aware of her naivete and lack of emotional maturity, and didn’t let that stop him. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446/31 "2018-02-09T14:19:40Z")
I read Jturds first response in the other thread and I actually agreed with him. His first post specifically addressed the victim and I agreed that you should tell the kid that sometimes bad things happen to you and you have to do your best to carry on. Then he went on and on with his bullshit about not bring perpetrators to justice and I realized that sometimes assholes like Jturd exist and you just have to hand them some lube and point them to the nearest cactus. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446/32 "2018-02-09T14:32:48Z")
“Just get over it” is never an appropriate response to a victim of violence. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446/33 "2018-02-09T15:37:25Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > I remember about 20 years ago when she came home from work and told her mother that she had been going to lunch with a coworker and he had asked her out for dinner. My sister promptly went to the office and confronted the guy, telling him in no uncertain terms that his behavior was unacceptable, and that if she heard of this happening again, she’d report him. > [@k9bfriender](#): > > So, she is never allowed to have a relationship with anyone? > > That’s pretty sad. If there was a particular reason why he was abusing or mistreating her, then surem, I understand, and vetting him and even keeping tabs on the relationship is understandable. > > But that it is unacceptable for her to ever go out on a date is pretty messed up. It’s pretty messed up that there are people out there who are so disabled they are unable to give legal consent to a sexual relationship, but if we can’t fix the problem that’s the reality. I don’t know if Chefguy’s niece fall under that category but if she does no, she can’t be allowed to date people or have an adult relationship. The majority of people who are interested in cultivating a relationship with someone with the “mental age of 12” as Chefguy describes do not have that person’s best interests in mind. They are most likely interested in satisfying their own needs and exploiting said disabled person. Sad? Yes. But the mentally disabled do need someone watching out for their safety and protection. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446/34 "2018-02-09T15:43:05Z")
> [@BubbaDog](#): > > I read Jturds first response in the other thread and I actually agreed with him. His first post specifically addressed the victim and I agreed that you should tell the kid that sometimes bad things happen to you and you have to do your best to carry on. > Then he went on and on with his bullshit about not bring perpetrators to justice and I realized that sometimes assholes like Jturd exist and you just have to hand them some lube and point them to the nearest cactus. I wouldn’t give him lube. JTurd strikes as the sort of person who’s gone through life being a bully and committing misdeeds and is terrified he’ll be called onto the carpet for it at some point. He’s selfish and don’t give a fuck about anyone else, he is without empathy except to the extent he empathizes enough with criminals to not want them punished so if he’s ever in the hot seat he won’t be punished, either. He’s a user, possibly an abuser, and a loathsome human being. Probably an advocate of might makes right. The sort who’ll claim they were beaten and abused as kids and they turned out alright (no, Jturd, you did NOT turn out alright). ---
**Author:** ![watchwolf49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9c0ed/32.png) [@watchwolf49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watchwolf49)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446/35 "2018-02-09T17:27:40Z")
C’mon folks … JTurd is the perfect example … spay/neuter … it’s the right thing to do … ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446/36 "2018-02-09T18:27:20Z")
DNFTT. Some of you may argue he’s not a troll, merely a moron, in which case do not engage the moron. DNETM. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Economist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c89c15/32.png) [@Evil\_Economist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Economist)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446/37 "2018-02-09T19:14:41Z")
> [@Maurie](#): > > I never thought I’d be a pitting person, but **jtur88** ’s behaviour in [this thread](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=848627) has my blood boiling. I don’t think I’ve ever read anything the guy has ever written, but in general it’s good to be wary of anyone with the number 88 (or 14) in their user name. ---
**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446/38 "2018-02-09T19:46:14Z")
> [@Evil\_Economist](#): > > I don’t think I’ve ever read anything the guy has ever written, but in general it’s good to be wary of anyone with the number 88 (or 14) in their user name. What’s the 14? ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446/39 "2018-02-09T19:50:19Z")
> [@k9bfriender](#): > > What’s the 14? Adolf Diddler? ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2018, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446/40 "2018-02-09T20:09:05Z")
> [@Evil\_Economist](#): > > I don’t think I’ve ever read anything the guy has ever written, but in general it’s good to be wary of anyone with the number 88 (or 14) in their user name. Unless they just like those numbers. (My youngest brother used to have an email that ended in 88, because he likes eight). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jtur88-telling-special-needs-kid-to-get-over-being-assaulted/808446.md?page=3)