# Jumping someone's bones... age/morality question **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 20, 2015, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jumping-someones-bones-age-morality-question/713162 "2015-02-20T03:58:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![vomit\_comet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/73ab20/32.png) [@vomit\_comet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vomit_comet)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jumping-someones-bones-age-morality-question/713162/1 "2015-02-20T03:58:36Z")
say you’ve known someone since they were a preteen and you have kept an up’and’up’ relationship with them through the years. Now they are age of majority and they want to get with you. OK, Never had any issues, but what if the girl was the daughter of a former employer. OK, What if you were friends with the father of the girl and what if you intended to marry the girl? ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jumping-someones-bones-age-morality-question/713162/2 "2015-02-20T04:05:37Z")
Since this is not a factual question, let’s move it to IMHO. Colibri General Questions Moderator ---
**Author:** ![vomit\_comet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/73ab20/32.png) [@vomit\_comet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vomit_comet)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jumping-someones-bones-age-morality-question/713162/3 "2015-02-20T04:11:28Z")
Thank god it is hypothetical. I really like being friends with both the father and the daughter, I just don’t know if the father likes me as a SIL. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jumping-someones-bones-age-morality-question/713162/4 "2015-02-20T04:25:19Z")
What do you mean by an “up’and’up’ relationship”? The only reference to this I could find was about women having relationships with men who were seeing other men on the side. ---
**Author:** ![vomit\_comet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/73ab20/32.png) [@vomit\_comet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vomit_comet)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jumping-someones-bones-age-morality-question/713162/5 "2015-02-20T04:36:10Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > What do you mean by an “up’and’up’ relationship”? The only reference to this I could find was about women having relationships with men who were seeing other men on the side. meaning nothing untoward. ---
**Author:** ![get\_lives](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@get\_lives](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/get_lives)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jumping-someones-bones-age-morality-question/713162/6 "2015-02-20T05:05:18Z")
Stephen Sondheim used this as part of the plot in A Little Night Music. I personally find large age gaps in relationships to be pretty gross, unless the usual power difference between the parties is somehow not present. So it’s pretty scammy. ---
**Author:** ![vomit\_comet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/73ab20/32.png) [@vomit\_comet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vomit_comet)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jumping-someones-bones-age-morality-question/713162/7 "2015-02-20T05:20:38Z")
Well, sorry to burst your bubble but I’m just a regular guy being hit on by a regular girl. When was the last time you got laid; in the eighties? ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jumping-someones-bones-age-morality-question/713162/8 "2015-02-20T07:07:05Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > What do you mean by an “up’and’up’ relationship”? The only reference to this I could find was about women having relationships with men who were seeing other men on the side. Who are seeing other men on the side, the men or the women? ---
**Author:** ![wellanuff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@wellanuff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wellanuff)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jumping-someones-bones-age-morality-question/713162/9 "2015-02-20T08:53:52Z")
> [@vomit\_comet](#): > > Thank god it is hypothetical. > > I really like being friends with both the father and the daughter, I just don’t know if the father likes me as a SIL. I’m not sure hypothetical means what you think it means. This whole story doesn’t hang together well. A girl who is currently at least 18 and whom you have known since before she was 13 is hitting on you, and you are thinking in terms of marriage? More than the circumstances, I find the idea that you are contemplating marriage with someone when your relationship currently is still at the “hitting on” stage to be nonsensical. So, divorcing myself from whatver the realities of your specific situation may or may not be, if someone had been grooming a preteen for five plus years, just biding their time until the girl was “legal,” that would be pretty sleazy. But if someone had a longstanding acquaintanceship with a young person over the years and then found a mutual and unexpected attraction after the younger party had become an adult, I would not find anything objectionable in that. To anyone who would find such a situation disturbing, I must protest, and cite as my proof of the acceptability of such a relationship the strange case of George Bailey and Mary Hatch. ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 9:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jumping-someones-bones-age-morality-question/713162/10 "2015-02-20T09:22:10Z")
are we supposed to know how old you are? ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jumping-someones-bones-age-morality-question/713162/11 "2015-02-20T09:35:58Z")
You may want to read this [thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=574888). One of our members was explaining a difference in ages. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jumping-someones-bones-age-morality-question/713162/12 "2015-02-20T13:34:05Z")
I’ve always been grossed out by the idea of a relationship between people who first knew each other as adult and child. It just seems wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Mouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mighty_mouse/32/7776_2.png) [@Mighty\_Mouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Mouse)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jumping-someones-bones-age-morality-question/713162/13 "2015-02-20T14:03:49Z")
Deleted ---
**Author:** ![vomit\_comet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/73ab20/32.png) [@vomit\_comet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vomit_comet)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jumping-someones-bones-age-morality-question/713162/14 "2015-02-20T15:23:44Z")
There was no grooming, at least not by me anyway. I mean I saw the girl maybe once a year, if that, and sometimes not at all for up to 3-4 years. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jumping-someones-bones-age-morality-question/713162/15 "2015-02-20T15:28:15Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Who are seeing other men on the side, the men or the women? [The men according to this](http://www.amazon.com/On-Up-Survival-Guide-Living/dp/B001PIHVTE). ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jumping-someones-bones-age-morality-question/713162/16 "2015-02-20T15:32:37Z")
> [@vomit\_comet](#): > > Well, sorry to burst your bubble but I’m just a regular guy being hit on by a regular girl. > > When was the last time you got laid; in the eighties? Personal insults are not allowed outside of the Pit. This is an official warning. ---
**Author:** ![vomit\_comet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/73ab20/32.png) [@vomit\_comet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vomit_comet)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jumping-someones-bones-age-morality-question/713162/17 "2015-02-20T15:44:13Z")
I always thought ‘on the up and up’ translated to “a straight shooter”, or “not skeevy” ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jumping-someones-bones-age-morality-question/713162/18 "2015-02-20T15:46:02Z")
> [@vomit\_comet](#): > > I always thought ‘on the up and up’ translated to “a straight shooter”, or “not skeevy” I have no idea. I just googled it and that’s what I got. ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jumping-someones-bones-age-morality-question/713162/19 "2015-02-20T16:12:43Z")
Depends on the individual circumstances ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2015, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jumping-someones-bones-age-morality-question/713162/20 "2015-02-20T16:33:17Z")
And another one bites the dust.