# June Rants **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 1, 2014, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737 "2014-06-01T02:26:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2014, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737/181 "2014-06-12T18:46:11Z")
Well, best-laid plans and all that … The women-in-technology seminar thingy was cancelled (local bad weather) so I’m going home to New Guy, alone, and we’ll be able to talk in person like I wanted. I called him on my lunch break and told him so, told him I’d been doing a lot of thinking, too, and while he sounded somewhat despondent or depressed\* when I told him I loved him and still wanted to work things out somehow, he did say he loved me, too, and wanted to work things out, too. I really hope he wasn’t just saying it to say it, but he doesn’t strike me as the type. - Then again, that’s just what his phone voice sounds like, so I dunno - another reason I wanted to talk in person, because his voice is hard as shit to read for emotional clues over the phone. When she told me the seminar was cancelled, my mom added that she & my dad wanted to meet me on such-and-such corner in my neighborhood that’s on my bus route home, a few stops up from the one where I get off. When I asked why we were basically meeting on a street corner, she said they simply wanted to see me and grab a bite to eat at a local sandwich joint. This makes me suspicious on so many levels. :dubious: The kicker is, New Guy has today off but is working tomorrow night, so Big Bad Scary Black Man won’t even be in my apartment when they want to meet me. Frankly, after torturing myself with so much unnecessary anxiety, I _want_ them to meet him. A small part of that is the “ripping off a Band-Aid, get it over with” mentality, but the main part is that I keep hoping that if they see him in person, maybe they’ll see him AS a person, yanno? He is capable of being quite charming (trust me on this one! 😃 ) and I have this stupid, probably-in-vain hope that if they see us smiling happily at each other, they’ll think all the happy thoughts y’all have expressed here. What REALLY isn’t going to help matters is that the apt. he was sharing with his sister was broken into last week so he’s been staying with me this past week. Has his own key and all. In an interesting bit of timing, I decided I’d give him a key and had the copy made on my lunch break and THEN found about about the B&E so it’s not like I gave it to him out of pity or something but there’s simply no way my goddamn parents won’t see him as using me. I’m one of the lowest-drama people I know. Really, all I want in life is to be left alone to cook, drink a bit of wine, watch TV with New Guy, pet and play with Nikki and Al, screw like bunnies, surf the SDMB, do my job, lather rinse repeat. I hate all this extra bullshit, and I really hate that a huge part of it is my own damn fault for letting my parents bulldoze over my life this way. I think when I meet them tomorrow I’ll have to take a few deep breaths, stay friendly and cheerful, smile a lot, and … try to convince them that I really am an adult who can be trusted to make the occasional good decision. Won’t work, though. Thanks for letting me rant here. The support of some anonymous imaginary friends is truly invaluable, and I particularly appreciate the input of those who have been there/done that too. ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2014, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737/182 "2014-06-12T19:38:14Z")
There’s someone who has been wanting to go on a date for a while. After hemming and hawing, I finally mentally committed myself to the idea (there are a few factors that I see as being potential issues down the road, and I wasn’t sure if anything would come from it). Due to his schedule of things that he does after work, today looked to be the best day to meet. Unfortunately, I had an alumni happy hour that I’d been intending to go to, if only to see who from my class lives in the area. So, I had to tell him that I wasn’t available. I just checked my email to make sure I had the right location for the event, and it turns out it is next week. I forwarded the email to the guy, to let him know that I’d made a mistake, but he’d already made plans with his friends for the evening. We are both busy over the weekend, too. Ugh. I really need to be more thorough. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2014, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737/183 "2014-06-12T21:12:31Z")
For extra fun, it’s apparently a slow day at work and about a dozen people around me are swapping pregnancy stories. Some are the “so what did YOU crave?” type, and more are the true horror stories. I’m sitting here trying not to contemplate that the fact that pregnancy and childbirth sound like my idea of a living hell AND that this semi-irrational belief may very well cost me a great relationship, and it feels like every horror story is just another nail in the coffin. But flip it around for a second: imagine that I desperately wanted a baby and couldn’t conceive, and had to listen to this shit? Shut up, people! Tell bikini-waxing stories if you have to – few people will find those emotionally debilitating. Shutupshutupshutup. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737/184 "2014-06-13T00:33:17Z")
[QUOTE=Flatlined] Grins with you. I don’t really think that I’m cute either, but many people don’t look at my face. [/QUOTE] You have a face? Sorry, I was too distracted ogling your bike… 😃 Now for my combination rant/stealth brag. 11 kittens in the house. 2 mommy cats for 8 of them and 3 orphans. Plus the 3 permanent residents. So yes, 16 felines in the house. How many can I send you? ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737/185 "2014-06-13T00:53:23Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > For extra fun, it’s apparently a slow day at work and about a dozen people around me are swapping pregnancy stories. Some are the “so what did YOU crave?” type, and more are the true horror stories. > > I’m sitting here trying not to contemplate that the fact that pregnancy and childbirth sound like my idea of a living hell AND that this semi-irrational belief may very well cost me a great relationship, and it feels like every horror story is just another nail in the coffin. > > But flip it around for a second: **imagine that I desperately wanted a baby and couldn’t conceive, and had to listen to this shit?** Shut up, people! Tell bikini-waxing stories if you have to – few people will find those emotionally debilitating. Shutupshutupshutup. Hey, remember two posts ago, when you posted this: > [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Which is true. **I could’ve lied and said I had an infection a long time ago that scarred my uterus and now I’m infertile.** I could’ve hidden the BC pills I went back onto and said nothing and let him keep hoping and wishing and thinking maybe this time it’ll happen and then I’ll fall in love with our baby. If I’d done either of those things, I wouldn’t be sitting here half-convinced that juuuuust when I had started opening myself up emotionally to him it’s going to be over between us. But I didn’t - I’ve always been bluntly honest with thim - and the result may be The End just when I was starting to feel that it was important to have him in my life. You had every reason in the world to not say it to New Awesomesauce Guy, but hardly _ANY_ reasons not to say it to the young ladies at work. _I_ think you’re smart enough to take it from here… 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Dunkelheit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dunkelheit/32/248_2.png) [@Dunkelheit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunkelheit)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737/186 "2014-06-13T08:21:48Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > I’m going home to New Guy, alone, and we’ll be able to talk in person like I wanted. I called him on my lunch break and told him so, told him I’d been doing a lot of thinking, too, and while he sounded somewhat despondent or depressed\* when I told him I loved him and still wanted to work things out somehow, he did say he loved me, too, and wanted to work things out, too. I really hope he wasn’t just saying it to say it, but he doesn’t strike me as the type. If this is a dealbreaker, best to know for sure before it gets even more serious. We have a friend who married and then divorced within a couple of years, because she wanted more children and while he was happy enough to marry her with her existing one, he didn’t want any of his own. That must have been heartbreaking, and a stressful process they wouldn’t have had to go through if their conflicting views on the subject had been made absolutely clear before the wedding. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737/187 "2014-06-13T09:07:27Z")
I’m very much pro-choice, so to me having a termination to prevent an unwanted baby wouldn’t be the big deal. The Big Deal would be concealing the pregnancy and lying to your partner - if this is someone you want to be with, surely you’d be able to confide in them and be supported by them? That’s the red flag for me, and I wonder if it is for New Guy too. Apart from that, he sounds fab and I wish you every happiness PHS. ---
**Author:** ![eenerms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@eenerms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eenerms)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737/188 "2014-06-13T13:43:58Z")
In a couple weeks my husband will have retired and will be home ALL THE TIME:eek:Right now he has a summer cold and has the most annoying cough. My comfy life is in for a change…grumble grumble… ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737/189 "2014-06-13T14:10:20Z")
A damn fucking cat pissed all over the floor. And I won’t be able to get any new cat litter to change the boxes today. Fuck me. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737/190 "2014-06-13T15:58:00Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > . . . Thank you so much for the information about Bill’s knee replacement. I will start doing my research now. I don’t like seeing him in pain, and its not going to get better. > > Steve isn’t a bad cat. He doesn’t rip stuff up and he always uses the litter box. He’s just afraid. > > And he’s going to be so sorry, his kitten has already chewed his whiskers off and she thinks his tail is the best toy ever. She is too young to be trusted with the run of the house, but when I brought her downstairs for some “family” time, Steve was always within 3 feet of her, which means he was within 3 feet of the scary humans. > > So, you could be very right. I don’t think Steve will ever be a lap kitty, but she might force him to stop hiding. The rock star surgeon in Sacramento has a huge website, with videos. I could send or post a link, if you’re interested. I don’t know if he’d be able to recommend someone in your area, but he gives seminars and otherwise trains other surgeons, so if you think he knows what he’s doing, it might not hurt to ask. Awww. That is such a neat kitty story. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737/191 "2014-06-13T16:46:46Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > From what I understand, most people don’t expect everything on their registries to be bought, so they ask for duplicate stuff at different places. While I like registries because it gives me an idea about what they would want…when I see one like that…and its always a child of a friend…I just give a card with cash. That’s really all they want. From what I learned the only time I’ve been involved with an American wedding’s registry: one of the options was to not pick up an individual item but put money toward a large-ticket one. People who liked the blue traditional china put money toward that one, people who liked the simple white china put money toward it, people who liked the hypermodern one in green put money for it. Eventually the couple didn’t get a certain % of each of course, just one of the three sets of china they’d pre-picked, but this saved them a lot of whines from relatives with widely-differing tastes. They only had duplicates for those items with tickets so high that they didn’t expect anybody to buy the whole set. > [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Thanks for letting me rant here. The support of some anonymous imaginary friends is truly invaluable, and I particularly appreciate the input of those who have been there/done that too. HEY! We’re imaginary, but no way we’re anonymous! Except for **'mika** , but she hasn’t been around in a while… ---
**Author:** ![Indyellen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/indyellen/32/4176_2.png) [@Indyellen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indyellen)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737/192 "2014-06-13T16:57:53Z")
Mom has been sick. She has a sinus infection, an ear infection, and bronchitis. I missed calling her the other evening because I was running around (driving) like a madwoman, and then even get home until 8 PM, and had to cook dinner on top of that. I really do try to call her every day; however, the Mistress of Guilt had a lovely time tormenting me over missing Wednesday night. Husband and I are going out of town this weekend to go to his Mom’s side family reunion. Daughter is not going, and we got a hotel room and everything. But the reunion doesn’t start until 3, so I’m trying to get up early and go to Mom’s before we leave, because guilt. Now she’s deciding (since Daughter went up there yesterday and did her grocery shopping) if she “needs” me to come over or not, and Husband is giving me a hard time because we’ve already paid for the hotel room, and “we’re going, dammit”. Yet another day in the saga of “ **Indyellen** tries to make everyone happy and makes herself miserable in the process.” To be fair, I did go off by myself last weekend to a reunion/meeting of a bunch of my friends, so I am taking my own needs into consideration, but the double-teaming is really annoying. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737/193 "2014-06-13T17:33:26Z")
> [@EmilyG](#): > > A damn fucking cat pissed all over the floor. And I won’t be able to get any new cat litter to change the boxes today. Fuck me. So it was because the litter got so gross the cat couldn’t stand to use it? Which means the litter needed to be changed way sooner than today? Cat is swearing at damn feckin humans in the house. ---
**Author:** ![Indyellen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/indyellen/32/4176_2.png) [@Indyellen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indyellen)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737/194 "2014-06-13T17:55:43Z")
Mom has decided she needs me tomorrow. She has “found” stuff for me to do. I told her again I had only a limited time, and she wanted to know why we were being so “strict” on our time. “Isn’t it going to be going on for a couple hours?” Yes, Mom, and that’s why we want to get there early enough to actually visit with people. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737/195 "2014-06-13T18:29:54Z")
> [@Cinnamon\_Imp](#): > > I’m very much pro-choice, so to me having a termination to prevent an unwanted baby wouldn’t be the big deal. The Big Deal would be concealing the pregnancy and lying to your partner - if this is someone you want to be with, surely you’d be able to confide in them and be supported by them? That’s the red flag for me, and I wonder if it is for New Guy too. > > Apart from that, he sounds fab and I wish you every happiness PHS. You know what? I hadn’t looked at it from that angle. Thank you for your post; it made me think deeply. To me - and I realize this is going to make me sound like a stone-cold bitch - an abortion is a medical procedure to remove an unwanted parasite from my internal organs. To him, it’s killing a life we created together. Let’s say the b/c failed and New Guy got me pregnant: From my perspective, since I’m very adamant that my vagina is an entrance-only/no-exit area, the abortion WILL happen. This is not up for discussion, wheedling, pleading etc. So I see two options/outcomes: [ol] [li]I tell him. He’s elated. I get the abortion. He’s devastated.[/li][li]I don’t tell him. I get the abortion. Life continues to hum along.[/li][/ol] To me, option # 1 causes him needless pain, and option # 2 spares him emotional anguish in the face of something that I believe **is not up to him.** I didn’t think of it as concealing or lying – it’s more like, I dunno, taking one for the team. I thought it was the less selfish option, truly. But I see now that this is largely because I’m so very, very pro-choice (and so very, very anti- **purplehorseshoe** -gives-birth) and to him it would be deceptive, not to mention emotionally pushing him away. So again, thank you. Perspective is always a gift. I think we’re going to try to make this work. Somehow. I told him, “You have a decision to make, over and over. Every single day, you get to decide: ‘Do I want the possibility of a child with someone else, or do I want the certainty of having **purplehorseshoe**?’ I’ve already been clear with you that I’ve made that choice. Of course, I can make a new choice on a new day, but for now, my choice is done. The rest is up to you.” That seemed to resonate. He indicated that he didn’t want a child with some woman; he wanted to have a child with ME. I’ll take it as a compliment, albeit a very complicated one. I’m supposed to meet with one or both of my parents tonight – they’ve been REALLY weird about this whole “let’s meet for a sandwich” thing, so I’m suspicious as all bloody hell. However, I’ve also informed myself that I will allow myself no anxiety, and I will not put up with other people’s bullshit. If my parents start pulling their usual crap, I will leave, I will walk home, and if they hassle me further I’ll simply call the damn cops. Or something. _ **Mini rant** _: I was sucking on a lime wedge and some juice went down the wrong pipe. DA-YUM that burned! I was coughing for a good 20 minutes, and clearing my throat for another half-hour after that. (At least whatever I was coughing up had a pleasant citrus flavor!) ---
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737/196 "2014-06-13T19:14:07Z")
(((((horseshoes)))) Hope things go ok tonight. Also hope you get things worked out… Oral Surgeon went well… a walk in the park considering what I had been anticipating. Just wish I hadn’t been so scared. I feel like I kinda made a idiot of myself. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737/197 "2014-06-13T19:30:05Z")
Taken out of context, I could have written your post, **janis\_and\_c0**. 😃 I have a feeling I’m going to look back on these posts years from now and feel like quite the fool myself. It’s entirely possible that we’ll have a sammich, talk about my dad’s radiation treatments (prostate cancer), touch briefly but cordially on the topic of New Guy, and then everyone will peacefully go their separate ways with full tummies and happy hearts. It’s also entirely possible that pigs will take wing. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737/198 "2014-06-13T19:39:25Z")
((Purplehorseshoe)) and hell yeah on the re-estranging parents thing! ---
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737/199 "2014-06-13T21:45:44Z")
purplehorseshoe, I concur heartily. When I was young and stupid I had a pregnancy scare. I told my boyfriend who, instead of being as horrified and scared as I was, started hugging & talking to my belly. Now mind you, I was barely a week late! I was SO creeped out :eek: That put the cap on a that relationship. Thankfully I was just late and nature resumed her course very shortly thereafter and I told him that under no circumstances was I going to reproduce, and that we were done. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737/200 "2014-06-13T21:52:59Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > Anyhow, I think that you are needed [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=725762). I went, I posted. They probably won’t like what I said but :shrug: > [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > You know what? I hadn’t looked at it from that angle. Thank you for your post; it made me think deeply. > To me - and I realize this is going to make me sound like a stone-cold bitch - an abortion is a medical procedure to remove an unwanted parasite from my internal organs. > To him, it’s killing a life we created together. > > Let’s say the b/c failed and New Guy got me pregnant: > From my perspective, since I’m very adamant that my vagina is an entrance-only/no-exit area, the abortion WILL happen. This is not up for discussion, wheedling, pleading etc. So I see two options/outcomes: > > [ol] > [li]I tell him. He’s elated. I get the abortion. He’s devastated.[/li][li]I don’t tell him. I get the abortion. Life continues to hum along.[/li][/ol] > > To me, option # 1 causes him needless pain, and option # 2 spares him emotional anguish in the face of something that I believe **is not up to him.** I didn’t think of it as concealing or lying – it’s more like, I dunno, taking one for the team. I thought it was the less selfish option, truly. But I see now that this is largely because I’m so very, very pro-choice (and so very, very anti- **purplehorseshoe** -gives-birth) and to him it would be deceptive, not to mention emotionally pushing him away. Did you tell him this? I would be doing a #2 myself, and my husband doesn’t even want children. I just think of it as something that the male half doesn’t need to get upset about since, I’m sorry, in this case he has no vote. Good luck with this. He sounds like a great guy and hopefully he’ll come to understand that a bird in the hand (you) is better than any in a bush (fantasy idea about perfect baby). My rant - why is e-tail so hard for some folks? I had to try three times to get the right item last week, and today I just got another wrong item. Is it really that difficult to post what you have for sale honestly?? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/june-rants/689737.md?page=11)