# Just check my groceries, please. Without the fucking commentary. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 1, 2011, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801 "2011-02-01T18:23:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2011, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801/121 "2011-02-03T02:37:01Z")
I forgot to say, I don’t normally listen at a high volume anyway - I listen to my MP3 player A LOT, and I don’t want permanent hearing damage. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2011, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801/122 "2011-02-03T02:47:27Z")
> [@WOOKINPANUB](#): > > Seconded. Well, maybe not the douche bag part - no need to be insulting- but my first thought was that the cashier’s comments must have hit a wee bit too close to home. Really? Because I’m not an alcoholic and I’d be pissed at that kind of remark, too. It’s not their place to make that kind of remark/joke. ---
**Author:** ![BrassyPhrase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea666f/32.png) [@BrassyPhrase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrassyPhrase)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2011, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801/123 "2011-02-03T03:07:39Z")
nevermind ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2011, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801/124 "2011-02-03T03:18:43Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Really? Because I’m not an alcoholic and I’d be pissed at that kind of remark, too. It’s not their place to make that kind of remark/joke. For what it’s worth, it may not have been intended as either joke or criticism. Drinking when one is cooped up by foul weather is a pretty widespread activity, and many folks see _nothing wrong with it_. It’s not an implication of alcoholism or any other problem. ---
**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2011, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801/125 "2011-02-03T03:42:35Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > A single day working in retail or waiting tables is an unforgettable lesson that a) almost everyone thinks they’re funny, and b) nearly all of them are wrong. QFT. > [@](#): > > I’d be tempted to have fun with it, at least. Lean in and whisper “this is just between you and me, but if you squirt Eucerin up your ass with a lemon wedge, it is \*exactly \*like ecstasy… _shhhh_, manager’s coming, this conversation NEVER HAPPENED!” You’re more imaginative than I am, all I want to do is lodge that promotional button in their trachea. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2011, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801/126 "2011-02-03T13:52:26Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > It’s really tough to tell sometimes whether your sense of irony is expertly honed or non-existent. I have to give this the attention it deserves; I snorted out loud. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Gukumatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/74df32/32.png) [@Gukumatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gukumatz)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2011, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801/127 "2011-02-03T18:12:19Z")
> [@Canadjun](#): > > They let mostly naked women into your library?! Your library lets them back out?! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2011, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801/128 "2011-02-03T18:21:32Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > It’s really tough to tell sometimes whether your sense of irony is expertly honed or non-existent. WTF??? ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2011, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801/129 "2011-02-03T19:11:39Z")
> [@bump](#): > > Usually the only commentary that I get that even perplexes me is when I’m buying something, the cashier sees it, and then tries to make conversation by asking if I’ve had some lesser version of the same thing and recommending it. > > Example: I’m buying a bottle of Chianti Classico from Tuscany. The cashier might comment about the high price, and then tell me how much they like Beringer White Zinfandel, and have I tried it? > > I’m usually not irritated, but I usually feel a little awkward, and usually forces an a-hole / not a-hole choice to be made. > > Part of me wants to make it a teachable moment of some kind, but that would be patronizing, and part of me wants to just stare, which would be rude, so the part of me that says “Yeah, I have had that. I prefer drier wines, but I have a lot of friends who like it a lot.” wins out in the end. Okay, it boggles my fucking mind that so many people don’t get how to do idle chit-chat. WTF? The main rule for chitchat interaction when it’s with someone you’re only seeing for a few minutes: unless they say something horrifically offensive (like racial slurs, specifically bashing any religion/ideology/whatever, etc) you _fucking smile and nod and reply in a generic but agreeable manner_. In your example, good answers could include: “Yeah, isn’t it good?” “No, I haven’t. What’s it like?” “Definitely; my friends LOVE it!” “Yeah, a friend of mine who also loves it was telling me about another awesome one (insert whatever wine you think is good).” It doesn’t fucking matter if you hate the shit or if you drink 8 bottles of it every week. It doesn’t matter if you hate it and say that you like it. It’s conversation that is over in a few minutes; why would you think the other person would 1- want a “teachable moment” (newsflash: people have different tastes. You aren’t the arbiter of good wines and I’m sure there are others who would snicker at your recommendations).. 2- be able to DO anything with the info you gave her? If she’s working, she can’t run out and buy the wine now and likely doesn’t have the time to even write it down because she’s WORKING (I’m sure you’d be really happy to see a cashier take time out of ringing someone up to write down a wine recommendation), even if she gives a shit in the first place. 3- Be happy that you basically told her she’s ignorant and has no taste. I get sports chitchat all the time (ESP if a team is doing particularly bad/well, playoffs, etc.). I really don’t give a shit about sports. I don’t SAY that, even politely! It’s easy to bullshit about it, even if just with really vague statements or asking them what they think. In the end, what does that cost you? ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2011, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801/130 "2011-02-03T19:56:14Z")
> [@zweisamkeit](#): > > Okay, it boggles my fucking mind that so many people don’t get how to do idle chit-chat. WTF? The main rule for chitchat interaction when it’s with someone you’re only seeing for a few minutes: unless they say something horrifically offensive (like racial slurs, specifically bashing any religion/ideology/whatever, etc) you _fucking smile and nod and reply in a generic but agreeable manner_. > > In your example, good answers could include: > “Yeah, isn’t it good?” > “No, I haven’t. What’s it like?” > “Definitely; my friends LOVE it!” > “Yeah, a friend of mine who also loves it was telling me about another awesome one (insert whatever wine you think is good).” > > It doesn’t fucking matter if you hate the shit or if you drink 8 bottles of it every week. It doesn’t matter if you hate it and say that you like it. It’s conversation that is over in a few minutes; why would you think the other person would > > 1- want a “teachable moment” (newsflash: people have different tastes. You aren’t the arbiter of good wines and I’m sure there are others who would snicker at your recommendations).. > > 2- be able to DO anything with the info you gave her? If she’s working, she can’t run out and buy the wine now and likely doesn’t have the time to even write it down because she’s WORKING (I’m sure you’d be really happy to see a cashier take time out of ringing someone up to write down a wine recommendation), even if she gives a shit in the first place. > > 3- Be happy that you basically told her she’s ignorant and has no taste. > > I get sports chitchat all the time (ESP if a team is doing particularly bad/well, playoffs, etc.). I really don’t give a shit about sports. I don’t SAY that, even politely! It’s easy to bullshit about it, even if just with really vague statements or asking them what they think. In the end, what does that cost you? Correct, and lets not forget that this person is tied to that register for hours and the chit chat helps them remove the drudgery of their job. Being polite is the least someone can be. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2011, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801/131 "2011-02-03T20:00:08Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > WTF??? Don’t you have some social anxiety or something? Maybe that’s what **Vinyl Turnip** meant. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2011, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801/132 "2011-02-03T20:03:32Z")
> [@zweisamkeit](#): > > Okay, it boggles my fucking mind that so many people don’t get how to do idle chit-chat. WTF? The main rule for chitchat interaction when it’s with someone you’re only seeing for a few minutes: unless they say something horrifically offensive (like racial slurs, specifically bashing any religion/ideology/whatever, etc) you _fucking smile and nod and reply in a generic but agreeable manner_. But don’t you know that a SUPER DOPER lives to fight ignorance everywhere? How else would they be able to shine their light of superiority around if they didn’t let anyone and everyone know of their impeccable taste in wine, music, movies, food, books, television, EVERYTHING! Why, it’s a public service when you think about it! ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2011, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801/133 "2011-02-03T20:05:26Z")
\*Everything \*is a teachable moment. Everything. ---
**Author:** ![Gukumatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/74df32/32.png) [@Gukumatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gukumatz)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2011, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801/134 "2011-02-03T20:34:41Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > \*Everything \*is a teachable moment. Everything. In the sense that every moment is one _you_ (generic you) can derive meaning and learning from, sure. Presuming to be able to teach _others_ at every moment would, however, be the definition of being a condescending prick. ---
**Author:** ![mischievous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@mischievous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mischievous)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2011, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801/135 "2011-02-03T20:42:34Z")
> [@bump](#): > > Part of me wants to make it a teachable moment of some kind, **but that would be patronizing,** and part of me wants to just stare, which would be rude, **so the part of me that says “Yeah, I have had that. I prefer drier wines, but I have a lot of friends who like it a lot.” wins out in the end.** > [@zweisamkeit](#): > > Okay, it boggles my fucking mind that so many people don’t get how to do idle chit-chat. WTF? The main rule for chitchat interaction when it’s with someone you’re only seeing for a few minutes… you fucking smile and nod and reply in a generic but agreeable manner. > > In your example, good answers could include: > “Yeah, isn’t it good?” > “No, I haven’t. What’s it like?” > **“Definitely; my friends LOVE it!”** > “Yeah, a friend of mine who also loves it was telling me about another awesome one (insert whatever wine you think is good).” Bolding mine. It boggles my mind that **zweisamkeit** just wrote an entire post criticizing **bump** for doing exactly what **zweisamkeit** thinks is the correct action. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2011, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801/136 "2011-02-03T21:01:50Z")
> [@mischievous](#): > > Bolding mine. > > It boggles my mind that **zweisamkeit** just wrote an entire post criticizing **bump** for doing exactly what **zweisamkeit** thinks is the correct action. Bzzt, not quite, sorry! The poster clearly has to think about what to do. If you have to ACTIVELY consider rude options every time, even if you generally go for an okay\* response in the end, it’s not showing real understanding. I still can’t get over “part of me wants to make it a teachable moment”! :: snert :: I have this mental image of grocery store cashier getting schooled in wine choices and afterwards, a star shoots overhead with THE MORE YOU KNOW - “okay” because depending on how they said it, the general wording could still come across as disagreement or what have you. ---
**Author:** ![otternell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecc23a/32.png) [@otternell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/otternell)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2011, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801/137 "2011-02-03T21:19:15Z")
> [@Gangster\_Octopus](#): > > Correct, and lets not forget that this person is tied to that register for hours and the chit chat helps them remove the drudgery of their job. Being polite is the least someone can be. +1 Been there - and I was a chatty cashier cause that’s how you made the hours move by with some appreciable speed. Plus, I can be a fairly chipper person, who (in small doses) enjoys chatting with people on inane subjects. while the cashier in the OP was a bit inappropriate, I would have gone along with the joke and not given it a second thought. Maybe even up the ante a bit just to see how far she would go with the commentary. “You know - now that you mention it, maybe I should go back for that bottle of jager” hee hee hur hur. I had one customer that would literally choose to stand behind 2 other people in my line, and turn down chances for using another line, just cause she liked chatting with me. We’re all in this world together, we might as well do our parts to make it all go smoothly. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2011, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801/138 "2011-02-03T22:05:54Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Don’t you have some social anxiety or something? Maybe that’s what **Vinyl Turnip** meant. Nope, just OCD. I’m not agoraphobic or anything like that. Yeah, I spend a lot of time online, but I don’t have any aversion to going out in public. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2011, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801/139 "2011-02-03T22:09:26Z")
> [@spark240](#): > > For what it’s worth, it may not have been intended as either joke or criticism. Drinking when one is cooped up by foul weather is a pretty widespread activity, and many folks see _nothing wrong with it_. It’s not an implication of alcoholism or any other problem. A friend of mine is frozen into her house with three 11 to 14 year olds and a yonger child. I’ll wager she’ll be ready to give her left tit for a bottle of brandy by tomorrow. Is it legal to give children a small doses of benadryl just to get them to shut up for a while? ---
**Author:** ![akennett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee59a6/32.png) [@akennett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/akennett)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2011, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801/140 "2011-02-03T22:20:10Z")
> [@Gangster\_Octopus](#): > > I can get WHY people don’t necessarily wannt to talk, that’s fine, not everyone is a chatter. What I don’t understand is the anger and disgust some people seem to feel when another person dares engage them when they are in fact have an interaction of some kind. Of course certain topics are not appropriate, but it certianly doesn’t mean all conversation is verboten. I think it is because, in general, talkers don’t get non-talkers and don’t know how to deal with them. I’m a non-talker, always have been and probably always will be. I don’t want to chit chat in the checkout lane; I just want my stuff. When I was a cashier (Man, did that suck!), I would default to a “Hi!..Your total is $XX.YY…Here’s your change, Have a great day!” mode. If a customer wanted to chit chat and started it up, I would force a smile and make pleasantries with him to the extent I could without slowing down. If he didn’t, then he got out of the store that much faster. That, as a non-talker, is how I think these sorts of interactions should work. That is, the customer gets to dictate what kind of experience he wants, rather than being forced into choosing between rolling with the cashier’s desire or being an asshole and telling him to shut up. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-check-my-groceries-please-without-the-fucking-commentary/569801.md?page=8)