# Just drink the fucking ketchup **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 11, 2014, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849 "2014-04-11T04:32:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2014, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849/101 "2014-04-12T02:27:34Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > Actually, it’s reversed. He moved in with us so “I’m not his dad.” unless he needs $20 or a ride to work. I think he’s under the assumption that if he gets to aggravated that he can tell his mom to boot me out and live the glorious life. > > I’ve made up my mind that I will help him by teaching him to cook basic food. Stove on medium for 5 minutes on both sides then in the 350 oven for 30 min. After that its up to him. If he asks about salt, pepper and seasonings, I’ll go to the refrigerator and pull out the ketchup for him. If your intention is to create even more drama in your home, this is an excellent plan. This passive aggressive behavior appears to be practiced by everyone in your household. Sounds like a pretty terrible way to spend your days ---
**Author:** ![Not\_Carlson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc79bd/32.png) [@Not\_Carlson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_Carlson)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2014, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849/102 "2014-04-12T02:34:18Z")
> [@jimbuff314](#): > > > [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > > > [. . .] If he asks about salt, pepper and seasonings, I’ll go to the refrigerator and pull out the ketchup for him. > > Oh, please, please, _please_ do this. And then report to us. No, don’t. Because that would be acting like a dick. Go back and re-read what **cheesesteak** wrote, because that there is some healthy food for thought. You’re in a bad enough situation as it is. Don’t be part of the problem. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2014, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849/103 "2014-04-12T02:59:26Z")
I have an idea that’s so crazy it just might work: how about you sit down with your wife and her son and explain exactly what’s bugging you and the three of you try to work out a solution that everybody can live with? You know, like adults are supposed to do. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2014, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849/104 "2014-04-12T03:00:49Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > I have an idea that’s so crazy it just might work: how about you sit down with your wife and her son and explain exactly what’s bugging you and the three of you try to work out a solution that everybody can live with? You know, like adults are supposed to do. Tried that. Didn’t work. ---
**Author:** ![Reverse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@Reverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reverse)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2014, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849/105 "2014-04-12T03:05:04Z")
Have you explained to the kid that ketchup murdered your parents and seeing any amount of ketchup causes you unreasonable mental anguish? ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2014, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849/106 "2014-04-12T03:32:07Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > His wife made it his problem. That’s the thing about being in relationships with actual people-- you often have to stuff that you rather wouldn’t. Then his problem is with his wife and their relationship with her son. I still maintain that feeding a capable adult human being (with his own income source, no less) is not the OP’s problem. I agree that the OP has many problems. But that is not one of them. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2014, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849/107 "2014-04-12T03:42:53Z")
Cad, it occurs to me that if he can tell you don’t season his meals the way you season yours, he does appreciate your cooking. I think those late evening cooking lessons are a great idea, if you change your mind and teach him to properly season as well as prepare food. I think the best advice so far is to stop buying catsup. It’s nice to try keeping the family together for as long as possible. It’s nice to cook for someone who’s worked late. It’s nice to be protective of your young, even if they are not that young and don’t need protecting. It’s even nice to have trouble adjusting to a step-parent, because that means s/he is more than just another room-mate. Granted, 23 is a little old for this … ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2014, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849/108 "2014-04-12T03:47:26Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > Tried that. Didn’t work. Then you need to grow a pair. ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2014, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849/109 "2014-04-12T03:54:26Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > Tried that. Didn’t work. OK, so what are your options then? This is an honest question. What can you do that will make this situation better for your family? I ask because you are considering very passive aggressive ways to deal with the situation that, momentarily, will make you feel better; but the root cause is not in any way addressed. If you want to collect a bunch of momentary “fuck you” moves to to perpetuate on your step son i am sure the SDMB can deliver. Keep in mind this will not be the long term solution to your angst. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2014, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849/110 "2014-04-12T04:06:10Z")
I’m not really good with family relationships, I divorced my family when I was 17. I have known people in dysfunctional family relationships, and many of them were married men who were afraid to be alone. They were usually middle aged and trying desperately trying to hold their family together when it was obvious that the center had fallen out years ago. The only ones who ended up happy were the ones who just said fuck all this shit and gave up and left. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2014, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849/111 "2014-04-12T04:33:59Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > How would you feel? What would you do? I would do what I do with people who think the quilts and purses and hats and such I make for them are just blankets and bags and accessories–accept that the gift doesn’t mean the same thing to them that it does to me and stop killing myself making them stuff. People who don’t handcraft things as an act of love just have an unbridgeable visceral disconnect from people for whom “I made this for you” means “I tore off a little piece of me and put it in this object for you to have.” Neither of us is right or wrong, we’re just fundamentally different, and that’s something every maker has to come to grips with eventually. And then, when Spousy jumped my shit about it, we’d have a serious discussion of why, precisely, I’m automatically wrong and everyone else’s feelings matter more than mine. _That_’s your real problem, not the goddamn stepson or his goddamn ketchup. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2014, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849/112 "2014-04-12T04:39:46Z")
ugh! ketchup! Satan’s issue! ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2014, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849/113 "2014-04-12T04:44:12Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > Tried that. Didn’t work. So as an adult, what do you think ought to be your next step? For me it would be setting boundaries around when I was prepared to cook, and when it was his responsibility to feed himself. As in, these are the house rules, not to mention general courtesy: I am your step-father, not your personal chef. I’ll make dinner for the household to be on the table at 7pm, I can make and save leftovers \* if you ask me to in advance\*, otherwise as a grown man it’s up to you to obtain and/or prepare food yourself. I’d ignore the ketchup, which is essentially a side issue. eta: I have a 12 year old son, and the words “this is not a bloody restaurant” have been used to him more than once. You don’t have to like what’s been cooked, you don’t even have to eat it, but there’s nothing else until the morning. ---
**Author:** ![jimbuff314](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c57346/32.png) [@jimbuff314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimbuff314)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2014, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849/114 "2014-04-12T05:12:07Z")
I just realized that the only time **Saint Cad** asked questions of us was in regard to the hypothetical he presented comparing his situation to painting, etc. This leads me to believe that this is a “venting” pitting only. He is clearly caught between a rock and a hard place vis-à-vis Mrs. Cad and step-Cad. Thing is, people _like_ **Saint Cad** , so we (I) chime in with things intended to help him out of what looks to be a somewhat untenable situation. We want you to win **Saint Cad**. I don’t think there is any winning here for you, is there? I remember when I was in my early twenties, I did not have clue one about seasonings, what went with what, etc. If someone had attempted to educate me, I would have been like “Who cares? It’s _food_, man. So what?” It would not have been meant personally on my side. So **Saint Cad** , all I have to offer you is this: Perhaps you are letting other things in your relationships to some small extent color your views of your stepson’s ketchup use. So if you can find some way to depersonalize how you are taking this, that may be of some help. Ascribe it to his age, ascribe it to his general disinterest, anything. Anything to have it be, in the way _you_ view it, less and less about you. It may well not be. And by all means, keep venting if that is what this is about. If I am completely off-base here, I humbly apologize. ---
**Author:** ![Rex\_Goliath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bcef8e/32.png) [@Rex\_Goliath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rex_Goliath)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2014, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849/115 "2014-04-12T06:21:45Z")
Hi, **Saint Cad.** Former professional chef, checking in. If you actually took pride in your work, you wouldn’t cook shitty food, regardless of the audience. Cook it right or don’t cook it at all. Get over yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Little\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Pig)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2014, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849/116 "2014-04-12T06:41:07Z")
Cook him a nice meal. Put it in a bowl. Then put the bowl on the floor next to the back door. ---
**Author:** ![SirGalahad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/71c47a/32.png) [@SirGalahad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SirGalahad)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2014, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849/117 "2014-04-12T06:51:06Z")
Hi Saint Cad Buddy, I’m feeling you … I’ve lived with women who had grown kids. I think I can help, but you have to admit to yourself that what you’ve been doing isn’t working, and you have to commit to doing something different if you want a different outcome, K? First, you need to dilute your feelings of anger and frustration … and you have to shake off the sense you get of being insulted. If you let people upset you by being unreasonable, ungrateful, or demanding, they are determining your existence and manipulating your life. Stop it now. Learn to be ambivalent to their complaints and objections. If you enjoy cooking, cook plenty of food. Don’t serve the food. Cooking requires skill … serving doesn’t. Eat when you are hungry, and let everyone else eat when they are hungry. The food is prepared and in the fridge. If someone complains, just say, “Duly noted. Thanks for sharing that with me.” At worst, your wife will withhold sex. Big deal, she’ll get over it. Ignore arguments, don’t get sucked into a debate. Just say, “I cooked food, it’s in the fridge. I’m going to the bar to play pool. Smell ya later.” Keep this up until you change the status of meal time. It will change, just stand your ground. Deal with one problem at a time. This particular problem ain’t that bad. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2014, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849/118 "2014-04-12T07:28:53Z")
Actually, I think pulling the kid aside and offering some basic cooking lessons is a GREAT idea! He’s 23, so above the legal drinking age…one afternoon or weekend when he’s home doing doodly-squat, I’d have a few ‘blokey hours’ with him. Crack open some beers, chuck some loud music on in the background (his choice), get the kitchen into gear and get him into doing some real cooking! (Send Mum off shopping or something). Truth be told, he’ll probably love the opportunity to burn some meat (it’s a primal urge apparently), down some ale’s and dance around the kitchen . You might even have a friend afterwards! ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2014, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849/119 "2014-04-12T07:35:40Z")
Missed the edit and want to apologise for the errant apostrophe…before the GRAMMAR NAZIS get me! Arggghhhhhh 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2014, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849/120 "2014-04-12T07:38:10Z")
> [@Rex\_Goliath](#): > > Hi, **Saint Cad.** Former professional chef, checking in. > > If you actually took pride in your work, you wouldn’t cook shitty food, regardless of the audience. Cook it right or don’t cook it at all. Get over yourself. I am a musician. Do I work to performing standards when no one is around to listen? No way. It’s a waste of time. Do I practice as hard for the old folks home as I do for a recital? Of course not. One of the most basic life skills is learning to put the appropriate amount of effort into what you do, instead of trying to be a perfectionism. Perfectionism only results in people being perfectly unhappy, because perfectionism is impossible. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-drink-the-fucking-ketchup/685849.md?page=7)