# Just for fun: Moms - did your SO get you a 'Push Present'? If so, what? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 23, 2010, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430 "2010-05-23T03:26:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430/61 "2010-05-24T14:30:52Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > Well, this post has left me mystified, again. > > If $300 on a frivolous luxury item is going to make you lose your blob, I hope your SO doesn’t buy you $300 luxury items. > > However, the only reason I can find for your post is for you to tisk-tisk, and look down your nose at me in some sort of reverse snobbery because you think the gift my husband got me is a ridiculous waste. > > So, with that aside - do you actually have a child that you received a gift after giving birth to or adopting? Or did you just want to post here to criticize me? I don’t think it has anything to do with tsk-tsk and everything to do with explaining context. For a lot of people, a $300 purse is a needless and expensive luxury that does mean the difference between diapers and none. I’ve never been huge on luxuries because I’m VERY fond of financial security - to the point that its a fault. So I get upset when my husband buys me expensive trinkets (plus his taste requires direction when buying gifts for me) because I’d rather have money in the bank. That’s my own thing, I don’t demand it be anyone else’s thing. Fortunately, he doesn’t buy me expensive trinkets except under direction. And I’m starting to loosen up a bit as the bank balance gets me into “even I feel secure” territory. But the idea of expensive trinkets when a big change is around the corner, that makes my tummy go into knots. For me, being surprised by such a gift at such a time would show how LITTLE my husband knows me. But I recognize that is me, and my own weirdness around the need for security. And other women certainly feel very differently after such a long period of feeling like a beached whale and some people like to commemorate occasions with gift. Congrats on the baby - and the purse (pick something you can wipe baby spit off of so you get lots of use out of it - suede + babies = bad) ---
**Author:** ![ColdPhoenix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6bbea6/32.png) [@ColdPhoenix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ColdPhoenix)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430/62 "2010-05-24T14:39:31Z")
It’s traditional where I come from to buy a present for the new mother. As my first-born is due next month I’ll be buying some expensive jewellery very soon. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430/63 "2010-05-24T16:17:03Z")
Since there was no option for “Are you fucking joking?” I picked the last one. Seriously? Joe ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430/64 "2010-05-24T16:28:19Z")
> [@C3](#): > > I’ve heard of this, but only jokingly. My husband didn’t buy me anything for giving birth. **He did turn down the offer of tea and cookies** while I was in the OR with my second, so I give him credit for that. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430/65 "2010-05-24T16:37:50Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > I don’t think it has anything to do with tsk-tsk and everything to do with explaining context. For a lot of people, a $300 purse is a needless and expensive luxury that does mean the difference between diapers and none. > > I’ve never been huge on luxuries because I’m VERY fond of financial security - to the point that its a fault. So I get upset when my husband buys me expensive trinkets (plus his taste requires direction when buying gifts for me) because I’d rather have money in the bank. That’s my own thing, I don’t demand it be anyone else’s thing. Fortunately, he doesn’t buy me expensive trinkets except under direction. And I’m starting to loosen up a bit as the bank balance gets me into “even I feel secure” territory. But the idea of expensive trinkets when a big change is around the corner, that makes my tummy go into knots. For me, being surprised by such a gift at such a time would show how LITTLE my husband knows me. But I recognize that is me, and my own weirdness around the need for security. My wife is the same way. She wouldn’t even let me buy her an engagement ring. The only piece of jewelry she owns is her wedding band. She’ll accept chocolates or flowers from me, but anything more expensive than that has to have some practical application. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430/66 "2010-05-24T16:44:45Z")
IME, and gift that has a name is unnecessary. On the other hand, _I’m_ sure as hell not going through childbirth, so when my wife has to I’ll doubtless buy her something shiny. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430/67 "2010-05-24T16:47:06Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > My wife is the same way. She wouldn’t even let me buy her an engagement ring. The only piece of jewelry she owns is her wedding band. > > She’ll accept chocolates or flowers from me, but anything more expensive than that has to have some practical application. My engagement ring and my wedding band are the same ring. Not a set, the same ring. I wore it as an engagement ring, then we married and I started calling it a wedding ring. I do own other jewelry though, not a lot of expensive pieces - but a few. ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430/68 "2010-05-24T17:05:12Z")
> [@bordelond](#): > > 😕 With my youngest, I was rushed down to the OR for an emergency c-section (which ended up not happening - he decided to take the traditional route just as we got there). It all happened so quickly that they didn’t have time to get my husband suited up - they literally raced me down the hall on the gurney, with a whole team of people _running_ along with me. It was very dramatic. Anyway, they had my husband wait in the waiting room and while he was there, they offered him tea and cookies. He turned them down because he didn’t think that he should be enjoying a tea break while I was in a very uncomfortable position. Totally unnecessary of him, but sweet. ---
**Author:** ![Avarie537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/48db29/32.png) [@Avarie537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avarie537)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430/69 "2010-05-24T17:05:17Z")
I got a white gold chain with a charm for each of our children after #2 was born. He wanted to buy me something and it wasn’t very expensive, so I didn’t have a problem with it. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430/70 "2010-05-24T17:12:48Z")
My husband gave me a pair of diamond stud earrings the day Irishbaby was born. Not big diamonds, and we’re in a position where our disposable income is, well, disposable (and I breastfeed, so put in perspective they were cheaper than 6+ months of formula). I feel the same way about those earrings as I do about the other jewelry I wear every day- it means a lot to me, which has nothing to do with how much it cost. My wedding band and engagement ring on my left hand symbolise my marriage and my role as a wife, the ring I got from my parents on my 21st birthday on my right hand to symbolise my role as a daughter, my earrings are for my daughter and symbolise my role as a mother. Some people get tattoos- I have my jewelry. If, after weeks of puking, one 48hour hospital stay on a drip with hyperemesis, weeks of anti-emetics and then major abdominal surgery my husband wanted to express his love for me and appreciation for what I went through to bring our baby into the world with something more tangible than flowers, well, I was hardly going to throw it in his face, was I? ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430/71 "2010-05-24T17:20:51Z")
I wonder if there’s a correlation between people who knew about/expect “push presents” and those who use DH/DS/DD in their postings or conversation. If so, I assume there’s also a correlation among people’s reactions. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430/72 "2010-05-24T17:40:02Z")
> [@Rhythmdvl](#): > > and those who use DH/DS/DD in their postings or conversation. I don’t know what those things are - dear husband? Or something else? And who in this thread has used them? 😕😕 ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430/73 "2010-05-24T17:53:23Z")
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with giving gifts for significant occasions (and I believe it is quite traditional in some cultures), but the term “push present” is completely grotesque. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430/74 "2010-05-24T17:58:40Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > I don’t think there’s anything wrong with giving gifts for significant occasions (and I believe it is quite traditional in some cultures), but the term “push present” is completely grotesque. That’s what I came here to say. The term “push present” is tacky, disgustingly twee, and just generally annoying in the same way “staycation” is. Every time I see it, I get the irrational urge to punch whoever coined it in the face. As far as the actual gift-giving–that’s between the husband and the wife, and none of my business. I don’t have any kids and don’t want any, so my opinion doesn’t count. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/face_intentionally_left_blank/32/288_2.png) [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Face_Intentionally_Left_Blank)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430/75 "2010-05-24T18:08:45Z")
> [@Rushgeekgirl](#): > > I was in labor all Christmas day. After my little one was born we exchanged presents, so it’s almost like a “push present!” > Except not. > I feel cheated man! YOU feel cheated? Your kid’s the one that has to endure a lifetime of a single box presented as, “This is for Christmas AND your birthday.” 😃 /Born fairly close to Christmas. //So was my ex’s boy. ///Always tried to make sure we didn’t do that to him. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430/76 "2010-05-24T18:09:53Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > I don’t know what those things are - dear husband? Or something else? And who in this thread has used them? > 😕😕 It’s twaddle-speak for _Dear Husband/Daughter/Son_. Didn’t say anyone used it in this thread, just wondered if those who are prone to terms like “push present” are also prone to use those abbreviations/names. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430/77 "2010-05-24T18:13:57Z")
Not sure why you are getting annoyed, **alice** , when you are the one who started the thread. If this were a thread about you giving birth and you mentioned, “And I had a nice push present” and people started eye rolling, I could see that. But if you start the thread to specifically ask people’s opinions…how can you get annoyed when they express opinions that disagree with yours? ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430/78 "2010-05-24T18:27:25Z")
I think the term “push present” is stupid. I guess the idea of a little token to commemorate the event is nice if you’re into that sort of thing. I don’t care for jewelry, I don’t like expensive purses, and a new ipod seems somehow not quite in keeping with the spirit of the thing. 😉 Besides which, I was so entranced with the new baby every time I gave birth that the “push present” would have been just a distraction anyway. Well wait, MrWhatsit did run out to get me a latte and takeout sushi after Whatsit the Youngest was born. Highly appreciated, although I’m not sure this is the sort of thing people are talking about. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430/79 "2010-05-24T19:14:35Z")
My first child was born the week before Mother’s Day and my second the day after my birthday, so I got kind of a combo gift for the former and had already gotten gifts the day before I had the latter. Either way, I didn’t expect anything and didn’t get anything beyond flowers, though I understand that push gifts are becoming much more common. My thought is, meh - whatever. Had my husband gotten me a gift, I would’ve been thrilled. But that he didn’t wasn’t noteworthy at all. Personally, I’d prefer that any gifts for having a baby be spontaneous and not because “that’s just what you do,” like chocolates and roses for Valentine’s Day. Even gifts on my birthday don’t have as much meaning as random gifts that show me that my husband saw something and thought I’d like it, so got it for me. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430/80 "2010-05-24T19:23:30Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > My wife is the same way. She wouldn’t even let me buy her an engagement ring. The only piece of jewelry she owns is her wedding band. > > She’ll accept chocolates or flowers from me, but anything more expensive than that has to have some practical application. Your wife sounds like me. My “engagement ring” was a dual-fuel range. My wedding band is a somewhat simple metal band (mokume-gane, but no stones), and it’s the only piece of jewelry I’ve ever really worn. Almost every gift my husband has ever given me has been a kitchen implement or computer/phone related, because that’s what I’ll use and enjoy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-for-fun-moms-did-your-so-get-you-a-push-present-if-so-what/540430.md?page=5)