# Just heard from a guy I drunkenly hooked up with 15 years ago **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 18, 2011, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374 "2011-05-18T21:33:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![PeskiPiksi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e495f1/32.png) [@PeskiPiksi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeskiPiksi)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374/61 "2011-05-19T17:18:07Z")
Okay now this is just sad. This is his response to my apology: > [@](#): > > [This incident] was the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me, and keep in mind that at the age of 12 I was stuffed under a sink by a gang of kids who nearly suffocated me to death by spraying chemicals. When I recovered from that, they beat me senseless. This was worse, not by much, but worse…( **Here he goes off on one a rant against my best guy friend at the time, complaining that “this is the type of guy I was being judged and humiliated by.”** I hope you’re having a good life too, and I hope this doesn’t come up again. I mean, WTF? I hadn’t blocked him yet because I wanted to give him a chance to respond in a sane manner, but he’s totally blocked now. He won’t be hearing from me again. What a loser. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374/62 "2011-05-19T17:25:18Z")
Those other kids had good instincts. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374/63 "2011-05-19T17:36:26Z")
I’m thinking that if this guy was still bitter about that experience 15 years later, it signifies to me that he probably hasn’t done much living in those past 15 years. ---
**Author:** ![PeskiPiksi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e495f1/32.png) [@PeskiPiksi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeskiPiksi)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374/64 "2011-05-19T17:38:31Z")
I know, right? I mean, if that’s the most humiliating thing that’s ever happened to him, he should count himself very, very lucky. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374/65 "2011-05-19T17:45:55Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Exactly. Why are you guys obsessed with right or wrong here? Someone is hurt. What you do with hurt people is try to make them feel better, as long as it isn’t too big an imposition on you. > > Who the fuck cares whether the guy was justified or not? Why does that factor into your compassion? Being “hurt” isn’t an excuse to stalk someone. And the number one rule with stalkers is that you do NOT address them. It only encourages them. If that “hurts him”, so be it. She doesn’t owe this guy jack. Compassion doesn’t factor into it at all. ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374/66 "2011-05-19T17:46:16Z")
> [@PeskiPiksi](#): > > Okay now this is just sad. This is his response to my apology: > > I mean, WTF? I hadn’t blocked him yet because I wanted to give him a chance to respond in a sane manner, but he’s totally blocked now. He won’t be hearing from me again. What a loser. Lawd, if there was any doubt about this guy’s status as an imbalanced nutjob, those doubts have now been dispelled. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374/67 "2011-05-19T17:48:12Z")
Yikes. Yeah, dude, it won’t come up again. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374/68 "2011-05-19T18:27:59Z")
Yep, “crazy with all the warning bells and lights.” I do hope this is the last you hear from him. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374/69 "2011-05-19T18:35:27Z")
Time to block him. Keep the notes he sent (and your response), just in case. And consider letting one of those old friends know if he starts trying to escalate this - and your first response to that should probably be telling him to never contact you again. That is fucking weird. I was hoping it was a night of drunkenness and maudlin feelings, surfing Facebook, seeing your picture, and old shame comes to the surface and he drunk-messages you. Nope. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374/70 "2011-05-19T18:48:27Z")
Warning him never to contact you again is engaging him. Block him and don’t respond to anything he says in any way, not even to tell him to get lost. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374/71 "2011-05-19T18:52:54Z")
Wow, that guy is crazy bananas. My hunch is that he thinks he has a shot at guilting you into giving him another go. Maybe he regrets not going further with you the first time and that maybe he can manipulate you into giving it up this time. Good job with blocking him, absolutely the correct decision. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374/72 "2011-05-19T18:58:19Z")
The only thing I will add is - good for you, OP! You never need to feel guilty again. Your instincts were totally on the ball. You apologized and tried to be an adult; he is mentally forever fifteen, you cannot help him. Consider that you dodged a bullet. ---
**Author:** ![PeskiPiksi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e495f1/32.png) [@PeskiPiksi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeskiPiksi)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374/73 "2011-05-19T19:09:57Z")
And the crazy keeps on coming… I just now logged back onto Facebook to officially block him (my son woke up from his nap so I was pulled away before I could do it before) and saw there was another message from him. Couldn’t resist the temptation and read it. This guy is nuts. > [@](#): > > Don’t mean to make you feel bad over it, I just couldn’t understand why I was treated that way. Anyway, do you remember seeing me that one time at [local pool hall]? You were at the bar getting a drink. Well, I saw you from behind first, and for some reason your walk and posture are so distinctive, I recognized you from behind, your hair, everything, and I froze up! I told myself, don’t look, don’t look, and in my peripheral vision, it seemed like you saw me so in an instant I thought, you liked her, why should you act like she’s not there, just to prove you’re not a stalker or whatever the idiots at [our school]were told? So I looked up and you were looking at me. I was there to meet [John Smith], the house pro, to get my cues re-tipped. When I sat down with him you grabbed some guy and kissed him and I felt like you were doing it to get at me (isn’t that stupid, the things we think sometimes? You probably didn’t even notice me.) Anyway, I was so upset I walked out and when I left my mind was so preoccupied that I ran right into a guy in a little S-10 from behind. Well, here is the great part. So he gets out holding his neck, seriously, like he’s gonna sue me and he starts screaming at me… all the while he sees there’s no damage to his car and mine is all crunched. Then he starts lookin paranoid, stops griping, and says, “it’s ok man, no cops, ok? no cops, ok? we’re cool!!!” ~ and he just drives away. He just HAD to be wanted by the cops. Phew, I got lucky! > > Don’t worry, I won’t contact you again. It’s the past… I have no recollection of the the incident he describes. That pool hall is long gone, and I think I went there maybe once or twice in my life. It only existed for a few years, so I can narrow down the timeline, and if it even happened, the guy I was kissing “at him” was almost certainly the guy who is now my husband. It’s just scary to me that he remembers all these little details about me from \*years \*ago when I can barely remember what he looks like, and the ins-and-outs of our non-incident back in college are hazy to me, but he seems to remember every conversation word for word. And he has to know I’m married…my profile pic is a picture of me, my husband and our little girl. He’s officially blocked now, btw, I swear. On preview: Thanks, **Anaamika**! ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374/74 "2011-05-19T19:10:47Z")
Yeah, scary crazy. It sounds like perhaps his “Brothers” were not exactly nice about it. He may be attributing to you the humiliation they inflicted. Guys can be super horrid once they find a weak spot, or a weak member. I’d send him one more note ebfore blocking, just to say “Hey, all I did was kiss you, and then I wasn’t interested. Whatever these guys did I’m not taking responsibility for. Good luck to you, I’m going to block you now because I don’t think there’s anythign to be gained from further communication.” IOW, don’t just disappear again, make it clear why, that you ahve apologized all you are going to , and that you are not interested in communicating with him any further. Make it very, very clear. ETA: This was written before I saw your update. Eeesh! ! ! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374/75 "2011-05-19T19:34:31Z")
Ugh! Hopefully that will be the last you’ll hear from him. ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374/76 "2011-05-19T19:36:39Z")
No, no more contact with this guy, for any reason. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374/77 "2011-05-19T19:43:22Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Yep, “crazy with all the warning bells and lights.” I do hope this is the last you hear from him. Well, it only took 30 minutes for my hopes to be shattered. ☹ Let’s try this again. OK, now I _really_ do hope this is the last you hear from him. (Personally, if I were your husband, this is something I’d want to know about, but if this does appear to be the end of it, you might be fine just leaving well enough alone.) ---
**Author:** ![PeskiPiksi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e495f1/32.png) [@PeskiPiksi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeskiPiksi)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374/78 "2011-05-19T21:42:46Z")
Oh, my husband was the first person I told about it. He, along with everybody else thinks this guy is a weirdo, but he’s not the type of man to get all angry and territorial about it. He knows I can handle it, but he’ll step in if I ask him to. I doubt it will be necessary. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374/79 "2011-05-19T22:01:32Z")
> [@PeskiPiksi](#): > > Oh, my husband was the first person I told about it. He, along with everybody else thinks this guy is a weirdo, but he’s not the type of man to get all angry and territorial about it. He knows I can handle it, but he’ll step in if I ask him to. I doubt it will be necessary. As long as he is aware. I didn’t mean it in any Alpha Male sort of way; just a matter of being informed, in case the situation doesn’t go away. ---
**Author:** ![PeskiPiksi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e495f1/32.png) [@PeskiPiksi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeskiPiksi)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374/80 "2011-05-19T22:08:51Z")
Yeah, I defintely know what you mean. I told my parents, too, so if he calls them again looking for me they can tell him I’ve moved to China or something. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-heard-from-a-guy-i-drunkenly-hooked-up-with-15-years-ago/582374.md?page=5)