# Just How Common Is Sexual Incompatibility, Anyway? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 20, 2006, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-common-is-sexual-incompatibility-anyway/361411 "2006-06-20T10:52:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Push\_You\_Down](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/push_you_down/32/9095_2.png) [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2006, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-common-is-sexual-incompatibility-anyway/361411/41 "2006-06-22T21:04:16Z")
> [@John DiFool](#): > > Anyone have any experience with someone who…umm didn’t fit your body (either too > large or too small)? _Possibly TMI!_ Uhh… yeah actually… The girl I mentioned above… Hmm…I’ll just say it… The way her weight was deposited on her body… I had a lot of trouble entering her with my thoroughly average length member. She was very bottom heavy, all thighs, rear and christmas package which made missionary impossible. Doggie was like sticking my toe in the ocean. Her on top in any format just lead to near misses. She needed a skinnier guy with a longer penis… (she was also terrible at oral and that completely killed it.) Another girl I was with a couple of times had a very small vagina… and although as I said earlier, I am thoroughly average lengthwise… I’ve got a little extra girth. Intercourse took a lot of slow, breaking in. ---
**Author:** ![sabatobello](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dfb087/32.png) [@sabatobello](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sabatobello)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2006, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-common-is-sexual-incompatibility-anyway/361411/42 "2006-06-22T21:19:55Z")
> [@John DiFool](#): > > Anyone have any experience with someone who…umm didn’t fit your body (either too > large or too small)? Size can usually be gotten around- the orifices involved are usually happy to accommodate darn near anything human if you apply enough loving patience. What can lead to constant trouble is angle. Ladies are often… “slung” at different slopes, and some guys are totally stuck at one angle while others, no matter how stiff, will flop around at the root in all directions. This can lead to constant popping out, a limited number of comfortable or useable positions, and so on. If what you’re getting off on is the closeness, it might not be too big a deal to and work around, but heck, even with the person I dearly, truly love and treasure every moment with, sometimes we’re just doing it to get our rocks off and have fun before the new episode of Law & Order comes on, and it’d be kind of a buzzkill for that sort of thing if, like a prior lover, things would only stay in to completion when we did everything in one particular way just so. ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2006, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-common-is-sexual-incompatibility-anyway/361411/43 "2006-06-23T02:11:17Z")
> [@John DiFool](#): > > Anyone have any experience with someone who…umm didn’t fit your body (either too > large or too small)? Yes. I am not sure if it is a length thing or an angle thing. No problem with any other GFs, but with this one I can’t use a couple of positions that allow for very deep penetration (missionary with her legs on my shoulders, doggie style with her back arched down. She feels like I am stabbing her internal organs, even if it is done very slowly. As this is not something I have experienced before I think it probably has more to do with how she is put together than my own Massive Schlongsup[/sup]. ---
**Author:** ![Pullet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Pullet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pullet)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2006, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-common-is-sexual-incompatibility-anyway/361411/44 "2006-07-03T10:20:36Z")
> [@Psilocybe](#): > > I’ve been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years and while things have generally been pretty good in bed, she has **endometriosis**. This makes intercourse very painful for her - even me just going in and being still. Humping is out of the question. I don’t push it, frankly I usually dont care, so we just have outercourse or “pseudo”-sex as we call it. The problem I foresee is that this endo will _never_ go away, despite her expensive surgeries. > > I have no idea what will happen in the future. I can feel my sex drive falling already and I’m 20 years old. My girl is broken. Its very sad. I still love her though. Don’t let it get you down, **Psilocybe**. Since the main attraction isn’t available right now, try to think of fun ways to add variety to the options you have left. A nice hotel with a jacuzzi tub for the weekend. Or maybe just a handy cornfield. And for the love of all fluffy puppies, don’t call your gf broken to her face. For the longest time, I wasn’t able to achieve orgasim. The idea of me being somehow broken made the sex more stressful and compounded the problem. And there wasn’t anything actually physically wrong with me. I can’t imagine how demoralizing it must be for your gf. Here’s to successful surgeries for her and an adventurous sex life for you both. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2006, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-common-is-sexual-incompatibility-anyway/361411/45 "2006-07-03T14:33:50Z")
> [@Pullet](#): > > And for the love of all fluffy puppies, don’t call your gf broken to her face. For the longest time, I wasn’t able to achieve orgasim. The idea of me being somehow broken made the sex more stressful and compounded the problem. And there wasn’t anything actually physically wrong with me. I can’t imagine how demoralizing it must be for your gf. Here’s to successful surgeries for her and an adventurous sex life for you both. Well, I think there’s a difference between not being able to orgasm and not being able to tolerate penetration – if I had a condition that resulted in not being able to have intercourse, I _would_ consider myself “broken.” But I agree that it would be a bitch if anyone called me that to my face, unless it was a term that my SO and I used between us in a dark humour kind of way. Which might (just might) be the case with **Psilocybe**. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2006, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-common-is-sexual-incompatibility-anyway/361411/46 "2006-07-03T19:10:51Z")
I’ve dated a few men who were either too large or too small to make sex enjoyable (one of each). Since I’ve been sexually active in my life with seven men (I think), I have to say that two out of seven seems significant. I wouldn’t marry someone without a test drive, since a bruised cervix is painful and I have no desire for a long term sex life with someone who you really do wonder “is it in yet?” Yeah, love conquers all - except horrid sex for the rest of your life. ---
**Author:** ![whistlepig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/73ab20/32.png) [@whistlepig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whistlepig)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2006, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-common-is-sexual-incompatibility-anyway/361411/47 "2006-07-03T20:00:02Z")
Odds? I’d say 2/17 where sex was completly boring, 6/17 where it was just “meh”, 6/17 where it was pretty darn good and 2/3 where it was very good and 1/17 where we broke several beds etc. (But I was young and in love.) Now I’m with one of the 2/3 (is that math correct) and it just keeps getting better. Her sex drive is a bit stronger than mine but then I’m only the second man she’s been with in 23 years. She’s making up for lost time 😃 whistlepig BTW, she’s been “kegeling” for the last 10 years. Let me just say :eek: 😃😛 ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2006, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-common-is-sexual-incompatibility-anyway/361411/48 "2006-07-04T06:37:36Z")
I have two (2) ultimata (aside from the usual don’t hit me/otherwise treat me like shit ones) for my sex partners: 1. They must kiss. 2. They must be willing to take a shower with me.\* Just with those I’ve weeded out such a staggering number of one-night stands that it doesn’t even bear thinking about. Yes, even in a community as small as the queer community, sexual incompatibility is rife. \*This isn’t a particular kink of mine, it’s just something I think is fun. But it got me thinking, why on earth would you be _un_willing to do this with a partner? You just had my dick in your mouth, what possible issue could you have with soaping my back? So whenever a guy refuses to get in the shower with me, I just run. It seems to be a pretty good criterion for me. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2006, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-common-is-sexual-incompatibility-anyway/361411/49 "2006-07-04T07:17:28Z")
What **Twickster** said. And yes, sexual incompatibility would be a deal breaker for me as well. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2006, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-common-is-sexual-incompatibility-anyway/361411/50 "2006-07-04T09:50:29Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Yeah, love conquers all - except horrid sex for the rest of your life. So much truth in so few words. ::golf clap:: ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2006, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-common-is-sexual-incompatibility-anyway/361411/51 "2006-07-04T14:42:03Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > I have two (2) ultimata (aside from the usual don’t hit me/otherwise treat me like shit ones) for my sex partners: > > 1. They must kiss. > 2. They must be willing to take a shower with me.\* > > Just with those I’ve weeded out such a staggering number of one-night stands that it doesn’t even bear thinking about. Yes, even in a community as small as the queer community, sexual incompatibility is rife. > > \*This isn’t a particular kink of mine, it’s just something I think is fun. But it got me thinking, why on earth would you be _un_willing to do this with a partner? You just had my dick in your mouth, what possible issue could you have with soaping my back? So whenever a guy refuses to get in the shower with me, I just run. It seems to be a pretty good criterion for me. Not that I’m your type, matt, but I hate to shower with people. I don’t like water in my face or cramped quarters. I seldom enjoy showers by myself (bath girl) - far more functional. There isn’t enough water in a normal shower to keep two people warm. Nope, my own shower. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2006, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-common-is-sexual-incompatibility-anyway/361411/52 "2006-07-04T14:53:47Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > \*This isn’t a particular kink of mine, it’s just something I think is fun. But it got me thinking, why on earth would you be _un_willing to do this with a partner? You just had my dick in your mouth, what possible issue could you have with soaping my back? So whenever a guy refuses to get in the shower with me, I just run. It seems to be a pretty good criterion for me. I’ve never tried showering with a partner, because I hear time and again that it’s highly overrated – that someone is always cold, and that most showers simply aren’t designed to accomodate 2 adults (especially if one or more of said adults is a little on the pudgy side). I might be willing to try it someday, but probably not with just a one-night stand. Unlike **Dangerosa** I prefer showers to baths, but it’s a logistics issue, not an intimacy issue. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2006, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-common-is-sexual-incompatibility-anyway/361411/53 "2006-07-04T15:46:09Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > I’ve never tried showering with a partner, because I hear time and again that it’s highly overrated – that someone is always cold, and that most showers simply aren’t designed to accomodate 2 adults (especially if one or more of said adults is a little on the pudgy side). I might be willing to try it someday, but probably not with just a one-night stand. Unlike **Dangerosa** I prefer showers to baths, but it’s a logistics issue, not an intimacy issue. 🙂 Showering with someone is sooooo much fun. OK, it probably wouldn’t be much fun in one of those shower _stalls_, but I’m talking in a bathtub here. I’ve never been cold in one, and mmmmmm, soapy hands all over. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2006, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-common-is-sexual-incompatibility-anyway/361411/54 "2006-07-04T15:51:06Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > Showering with someone is sooooo much fun. OK, it probably wouldn’t be much fun in one of those shower _stalls_, but I’m talking in a bathtub here. I’ve never been cold in one, and mmmmmm, soapy hands all over. My best friend has a tub with shower heads at both ends. It’s as awesome as you would think. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-common-is-sexual-incompatibility-anyway/361411.md?page=2)