I think the importance of sex varies from relationship to relationship. With my ex-husband… sex was non-existant and that was fine by me. And when I say non-existant I mean that we had sex 5 times during our 27 month marriage! That was an awful time for me because I have a very high sex drive so after 18 months and no sex I found someone else to have sex with.
Now I’m with a man that is honest, funny, smart, loves my kids, and can’t get enough of me. We have lots and lots of sex and it’s fantastic. For the first time in my life I’m satisfied with the relationship and the sex. Without the sex I don’t think I would be completely happy. I’m not saying that I would leave him if he had a horrible accident and couldn’t make love to me anymore though. I would stay with him through anything but we’d just have to find other ways to satisfy our sexual needs.
Talking about this with him may help too. It sounds like he’s really trying so hopefully things will get better. I don’t know what to tell you about the massive amounts of cum except to lay a towel down and keep a washcloth handy.
He certainly isnt freakishly small… my first husband was smaller, but he had talents elsewhere.
This guy is by far and away the best kisser EVER, I think maybe he just needs some fine tuning…
Thanks guys ( I can always get sound feed back from y’all, and I appreciate it)
I think I was so freaked out because usually the sex comes first, THEN the relationship, but this time I got all attached without the test drive, and it was unsettling.
We wouldnt have to ever have sex at all, if it wasnt for the dang-blasted way he kisses!! YOWZA!!
(My $0.02) - even when the relationship is wonderful, the sex may not be following the same schedule, and might require a little patience. Also, give him a little time to get used to being sexual, if he’s not very experienced. Not all men are born Valentino’s, much as they would like us to think that they are. Imagine what could happen if he gets as good in bed as he is at kissing!
Oddly enough there is an article about sexless/low sex long-term relationships here, http://underwire.msn.com/underwire/itspersonal/love/105love.asp
The author does not seem to address your problem, but it’s a place to start.
Sex is pretty important to me, and I’d consider leaving a non-sexual relationship. I suppose the real answer is it depends on the person.
Sounds like I’m joining in with the general consensus. Sex is definitely not the only important aspect of a relationship for me, but it is very important. I tend toward monogomous relationships, and that’s just not going to work if I’m not satisfied sexually. The same thing applies to any area that’s important to me and not being satisfied… I could be having great sex two or three times a day, and if we couldn’t talk and laugh together, I couldn’t stay long. (I’d sure as hell give it a try, though!)
My girlfriend and I have a wonderful relationship. Our most frustrating issue is sex. She’s on antidepressants, and she has had some very bad sexual experiences, so she has some issues surrounding sex. I want it way more often than she does. When we have sex, it’s great. There’s just not enough of it to suit me.
We’ve had frank discussions about this. If I didn’t believe she wanted this to improve, or I thought she wasn’t working on improving it in any way, I would leave. As much as I care for her and as wonderful as everything else is, I know that resentments would grow out of this issue. But, she is trying to meet me on this, and I know she wants this as much as I do, so we’re good. I don’t expect everything to be perfect out of the box. There’s always things to work on in relationships. It’s unfortunate that sex is the issue, but it would be worse if we couldn’t communicate or something like that. We communicate wonderfully, which I thinks stands a better chance of leading to better sex than great sex leading to communication.
Wow. That really summed up my frusteration nicely. I think that in my relationship I don’t see my boy working on anything. It’s like my desires are my problems. That’s probably why I don’t really always feel like he cares. Hummmm. That is some good food for thought. . .
That’s not a boy thing… that’s the boy your with thing. If he’s not willing to discuss an aspect of your relationship you’re unhappy with, even if he’s unable to fix or change what is making you unhappy, then you got lots bigger problems than not enough sex.
Unwillingness to communicate comes up a lot higher on my relationship problems list than not enough sex.
I am perhaps not the right person to give you advice here. But the best marriages I know of are NOT based on how good the sex is, but on how good the friendship is. Is he good to you and your kids? Does he try to make you happy? Does he care about how you are feeling, does he TALK to you and make you feel as though your opinion is of value, even if he disagrees with you?
I don’t think you should continue with this relationship if you are not at all attracted to him. But, you seem to be turned on by his kisses. If he is that good of a kisser, I think you will be able to work the rest of it out.
Just my opinion, but I think that friendship and an ability to commit deeply to a person are at least as important as sexual prowess.
I don’t think that sex is a priority in a loving relationship. It is important to have the intimacy and bonding that is associated with sex though. My husband and I don’t sync perfectly sexually. The sex itself is great, but the frequency is dissapointing to me. I made an agreement with myself when I realized that I was going to marry him that sex isn’t the priority. Love is. I’ve told my husband many times that I would be very happy with him if he became a parapalegic and couldn’t have sex with me at all. (Of course, he is terrified of me positioning his head at just the right level, and setting him to work;)) The one thing I can’t live without though, is the intamacy that I associate with sex. I need the cuddling, the soft spoken conversation, and the dreamy eyes.
BTW, If this isn’t a physical condition, then you and he need to do some internet reading and decide wether this can be improved. If you aren’t comfortable enough to discuss this wih him, or he refuses to alter his persepective, then he isn’t worthy of you…
Gee, somehow this doesn’t seem either/or, somehow. The guy is decent, honorable, loving and so painfully willing to please he’s reading books on sexual techniques? A lot of guys don’t put that much effort into improving their golf swing.
If the sizzle isn’t there right now, sounds like a fun project to work on. There’s homework and then there’s homework. Not all great lovers are born; I strongly suspect most of 'em had willing tutors along the way. Character can’t be taught but sex can be. Betcha with enough ease, humor and rowdy, loving practice the man could suprise both of you.
well, its Saturday morning, and I have a much different perspective. That man is definitely reading some good stuff!!!
It turns out he has talents I hadnt expected…
I feel much better about the whole thing now, I understand now it doesnt have to be perfect the first couple of times, and it seems to be much better every time, so maybe we just needed to get more in sync (NSync?!) with each other.
Scotti asked: Is he good to you and your kids? Does he try to make you happy? Does he care about how you are feeling, does he TALK to you and make you feel as though your opinion is of value, even if he disagrees with you?
Yes on all counts!
Veb said:The guy is decent, honorable, loving and so painfully willing to please he’s reading books on sexual techniques? A lot of guys don’t put that much effort into improving their golf swing.
You know, thats SO true! What on earth did I do to deserve this darling man?
Thanks Dublos - communication is the KEY to any aspect of any relationship. Unfortunately, people cannot read other peoples’ minds. You need to talk. Reading books is good, but you need to talk. How will he know what to do that pleases you? Is it this or that he does? How about if he just moves a centimeter over to the left? better? best?
And what are you doing to seek out what pleasures him? Are you reading a book as well? You need to ask him as well because sex and relationships are a two-way street. I might be wrong in interpreting the general hue of your posting as being a bit self-centered; please excuse me if I am wrong.
I’ve been in a stable relationship for quite a while now and there have been ups and downs/more sex and less sex. But the keys to our growing intimacy is communication, focusing on the other person’s needs/wants/desires and trying out new ways of “doing it”. Talking, pleasuring [if there is such a word] and exploring… good luck
Well, better like an elephant stepping on a vanilla pie than like an elephant having sex for they have three foot long penises & about a quart of come…
And that, ladies and gentlemen, was your handy Moment.
kellibelli, I was in your situation five years ago. I dated a woman who was smart, funny, attractive, shared my political, non-religious and aesthetic views, was a Mac user…
…but was lousy in bed. Which is bad, but what was even worse was she thought I was great in bed; she told me I was the first man who’d ever been able to, uh, take her where she wanted to go, if you know what I mean and I think you do.
So every time we went at it I felt unsatisfied, and also guilty. I broke up with her, but didn’t tell her why (to spare her feelings, was my reasoning). Instead I gave her the usual crap about chemistry or not feeling “that spark” or whatever.
To this day I’ve wondered:
If the sex thing was genuinely enough of an issue to break up over.
If I should’ve been straight up (npi) about what the problem was.
If, had I been more honest but not broken up with her, things could have improved. I mean, if I went to bed with someone after they told me I’m lousy in bed, I think I’d be paralyzed by performance anxiety, or else so eager to please that my own pleasure would fall by the wayside, neither of which seems like an improvement.
So my advice is no better than “don’t do what I did.” But it sounds like previous posters to this thread have already helped you work this out.
