# Just how many Doms/subs ARE there on the SDMB? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 28, 2003, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449 "2003-07-28T15:51:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Susan100](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Susan100](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susan100)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449/41 "2003-07-31T16:22:32Z")
Ok, I’ve gotta delurk on this one. That Onion piece was funny, but I winced. Too much like real life. I’m a beginning sub and have had a mostly IM d/s relationship with a nice Dom named Bob for about 6 months. But several months ago it looked like Bob was going to lose his job, and in June he did. Of course, he didn’t feel like Domming anyone for much of the time while he was in suspense, and even less like it once he actually lost his job. Which leads me to raise the general topic - a hijack, I suppose, please forgive me, I’m only a beginner, don’t spank me too hard: the annoying way in which ‘reality’ or external life can screw up one’s bdsm sexlife. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449/42 "2003-07-31T16:37:18Z")
Both the boy and I are actually both. We regularly sub for each other and have a hell of a lot of fun. ---
**Author:** ![WavyDavy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3da27b/32.png) [@WavyDavy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WavyDavy)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449/43 "2003-07-31T17:23:47Z")
Well, as practical matter, silk scarves rarely leave a mark, as well as being strong enogh to hold down, er…whatever needs to be kept in place. Y/your local tack shop will have various crops of different flexibilities and lengths. Its kinda fun ‘trying out’ a crop in a store. “Oh yes, I think she’ll/he’ll really like THIS one.” May even find a sub store clerk to come home with Y/you. Still, its more a frame of mind, and a well timed palm and fun attitude will carry Y/you far. Just some thoughts from a Dom.😉 ---
**Author:** ![White\_Ink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c0e974/32.png) [@White\_Ink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Ink)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449/44 "2003-07-31T18:27:06Z")
Great thread! Does anyone know of any resources for those who are interested in sensation play without the domination/submissive/discipline frills? That is, I like a good thuddy thwacking, but not when someone is telling me how naughty I am. Also… I’m starting to think that my partner is a Dominant Bottom, that is, likes to be in control, but likes to be done to. I have no idea how to characterize myself as I find that I too like being done to as well, but I’m not crazy about giving up control of anything (tho I do like some surprises) and I certainly get minimal pleasure from pleasing for the sake of pleasing. The problem is that I find topping to be a lot of work, physically and mentally. Anyone have ideas for this beginner? (and yes, I’ve already read the topping & bottoming books) ---
**Author:** ![Necros](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/necros/32/11086_2.png) [@Necros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Necros)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449/45 "2003-07-31T21:45:48Z")
I knew there was a reason I like you, **missbunny**. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Necros](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/necros/32/11086_2.png) [@Necros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Necros)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449/46 "2003-07-31T21:50:52Z")
I knew there was a reason I like you, **missbunny**. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Necros](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/necros/32/11086_2.png) [@Necros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Necros)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449/47 "2003-07-31T21:56:15Z")
I knew there was a reason I like you, **missbunny**. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Necros](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/necros/32/11086_2.png) [@Necros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Necros)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449/48 "2003-07-31T22:02:22Z")
I knew there was a reason I like you, **missbunny**. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sejal\_Traurig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Sejal\_Traurig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sejal_Traurig)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449/49 "2003-07-31T23:15:58Z")
So Kellibelli… I’ve been waiting… You asked people to share their experiences… Tell how they got started… Your turn… Be a good girl… Give… ---
**Author:** ![kellibelli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e480ec/32.png) [@kellibelli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kellibelli)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449/50 "2003-07-31T23:19:29Z")
ahhhh you had to use the trigger phrase. all i will say is that i have been this way forever, and just didnt do the mental math. now i know what i want, what i need, i just have to find it. so there sejal.😛 ---
**Author:** ![Necros](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/necros/32/11086_2.png) [@Necros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Necros)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2003, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449/51 "2003-07-31T23:29:06Z")
Holy crap! I pressed submit once! I promise! Please don’t hurt me! Mods, a little help here? ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449/52 "2003-08-01T00:34:32Z")
Can I jump in with a question? Does “size matter” more with a typical submissive female than a \ female? I know that there isn’t a “typical” but you know what I mean. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449/53 "2003-08-01T00:45:45Z")
I don’t self-identify as a Dom but I definitley have some dommish tendencies. I have trouble staying serious enough to dom anyone for any length of time, as my homepage indicates. But lordy, I do have the Grade A fantasies … ---
**Author:** ![Susan100](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Susan100](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susan100)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449/54 "2003-08-01T01:08:48Z")
KidCharlemagne, persons of either sex who are not interested in bdsm are “vanilla.” ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449/55 "2003-08-01T01:46:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Susan100 \* > \*\*KidCharlemagne, persons of either sex who are not interested in bdsm are “vanilla.” \*\* Damn subcultures get all the cool lingo! ---
**Author:** ![Susan100](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Susan100](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susan100)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449/56 "2003-08-01T02:03:40Z")
Yes, a subculture is exactly what it is. As a beginner and someone not (yet?) fully identified with it, I find it a fascinating study. ---
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449/57 "2003-08-01T02:33:48Z")
**Susan** – Fwiw, one of the gentler, more feminine areas/aspects you might, or might not, find of interest as a beginner is ‘Shibari’ - type that into a search engine (there’s always rubbishy web sites to sift though, of course). Not everyone’s cup of tea but it’s been described to me as ‘flower arranging for the modern woman’ 😃 YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Sejal\_Traurig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Sejal\_Traurig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sejal_Traurig)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449/58 "2003-08-01T03:35:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by London\_Calling \* > **Susan – Fwiw, one of the gentler, more feminine areas/aspects you might, or might not, find of interest as a beginner is ‘Shibari’** Try reading up on it with this [Shibari Link](http://www.bdsmflorida.com/BDSMFloridaReadingRoom/Shibari/What/) ---
**Author:** ![Sejal\_Traurig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Sejal\_Traurig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sejal_Traurig)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449/59 "2003-08-01T03:36:26Z")
And it occurred to me I might have stepped over the line with that post after I did it… If so I apologize, and please remove it… ---
**Author:** ![Kricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f14d63/32.png) [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449/60 "2003-08-01T03:42:54Z")
London\_Calling, I looked at a few sites and I think I’m going to have to share some of them with my Lord. Fun, Fun, Fun! I like Gorean but have a hard time following since I like to put up a fuss and that is a pretty strict way of going. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-many-doms-subs-are-there-on-the-sdmb/191449.md?page=4)