# Just How Widespread Is Teen Sex? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 2, 2013, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-widespread-is-teen-sex/657288 "2013-05-02T03:42:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-widespread-is-teen-sex/657288/61 "2013-05-03T18:24:01Z")
> [@davekhps](#): > > Same time, same exact experience. I swear, this was the ABSOLUTE WORST time to go to high school. My older brother went to high school in the late 1970s and enjoyed more sex than anyone should ever enjoy. My younger relatives who went to high school in the late 1990s / 2000s tell me stories that would get rejected by Penthouse Letters for being too unbelievable. > > Me? Everyone was afraid of sex at my high school. Sure, a few people had it, and we all were envious, but it was nothing like the stereotype of horny teenagers, before or since. Just a complete sexual dead zone. Unfortunately, college wasn’t much better. > > Yeah, the late 1980s/early 90s just sucked. And not in the good way. Not everyone who went to high school in the late 70s had all that sex. I didn’t have any at all. Mainly because I was a nerd and had no game at all. I could barely talk to girls. In fact, I didn’t have sex in college either. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was in my 20s. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-widespread-is-teen-sex/657288/62 "2013-05-03T19:10:02Z")
> [@divemaster](#): > > If there was hanky panky going on, it was kept quiet. Not even dudes having locker-room bragging sessions. Pre-marital sex was seen as a sin or a moral weakness. And no one wanted to be seen as a weak sinner. See, that’s so weird to me. I went to a liberal public school from 8-12th grade, but I went to Catholic schools from 1-7th grade (and still knew plenty of Catholic school kids after that), and I didn’t notice much difference in attitudes about sex between the two groups. I can’t even imagine a large group of teenagers where having sex was generally looked down on (under certain circumstances, yes, of course, but just having sex at all). ---
**Author:** ![FrancisCastle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b4bc9f/32.png) [@FrancisCastle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FrancisCastle)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2013, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-widespread-is-teen-sex/657288/63 "2013-05-03T19:22:51Z")
I went to a high school in a smallish town with about 1500 other kids. It seems like a large number, but you pretty much knew (or knew of) everyone. I’d guess that more than half of us were sexually active. I got pregnant in my sophmore year and I know there were at least 5 to 6 other girls pregnant in that same time period. Now that my oldest goes to that school, I’ve learned that they’ve actually added classes into the curriculum for teenage parents. They also offer a part time daycare right at the school. The joke is that our town is full of drunks and people on welfare, but I think you can add promiscuous kids to that list. Hopefully they don’t grow up to fulfill the prophecy… ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-widespread-is-teen-sex/657288/64 "2013-05-04T05:39:23Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > Not really. Especially when you’re a bunch of hormonal teenagers. I saw some of the guys I had crushes on in highschool and I look back on it like what the f\*\*\* was I thinking. Oh good grief! This is so clueless. Are you not aware that there are millions of teenage boys out there, probably a large majority in every modern generation, who are desperate to get laid and can’t? (And that is not even counting the ones like **Qin** , who can’t get laid and manage to convince themselves that they don’t really want to anyway.) Did you actually fuck, or even date, these guys you had crushes on? If you did, they had game alright, even if they are losers now (and even if you were a dog). If you didn’t, well your crushes did them no good whatsoever. ---
**Author:** ![Student\_Driver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3da27b/32.png) [@Student\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Student_Driver)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-widespread-is-teen-sex/657288/65 "2013-05-04T06:09:29Z")
> [@divemaster](#): > > This is almost exactly my experience. I went to a smallish evangelical high school (about 100 students per class level) from grades 9-11. This was '83-85. For those three years there was 1 known pregnancy and 1 “went to live with an aunt” situation. > > That’s it. > > If there was hanky panky going on, it was kept quiet. Not even dudes having locker-room bragging sessions. Pre-marital sex was seen as a sin or a moral weakness. And no one wanted to be seen as a weak sinner. Glad to read this. Usually people don’t believe me when I describe the environment at the school I went to, since it’s so contrary to most other school experiences. “Sex can wait!” Seems cheesy, but when it’s the environment you experience from ages 5-18, it kind of sinks in. As an aside to further describe the puritanism in which we lived: one of the biggest scandals in my school was when one of my classmates got busted trying to steal a magazine from the local Kmart. That’s it. Enough of a scandal that we assembled in the gymnasium and had an hours-long fire-and-brimstone beatdown from the principal/junior pastor that lasted half the school day. And the kid who tried to steal was pretty much a pariah for the next several years. ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2013, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-widespread-is-teen-sex/657288/66 "2013-05-04T22:34:40Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > So what you are saying is, everyone who doesn’t share your personal view of morality is “stupid.” No, I’m not. > [@](#): > > Hey, playing soccer every weekend doesn’t fit my image of myself, but that doesn’t mean I think people who enjoy soccer are stupid. No, mosf of these aren’t really my own, I’m saying this is the attitude of my friends, even if not explicitly stated. > [@](#): > > This is probably just me, and I apologize if I’m being an asshole here, and also I have no idea if you yourself are Asian or not, and I suppose it’s a bit of a hijack, but: I wish you’d lay off the “Asian kid” routine. Why does the ethnicity of your friends matter? Are you looking for some kind of validation, because you think Asians are smart and so if you keep reminding us that you hang with Asians, we’ll think you are smart too? I’m speaking of Asians in the sense of culture, not of race, in order to supply some cultural reasons as to why my friends aren’t really interested in sex. > [@Troppus](#): > > I hope this isn’t the fate of all kids weaned on internet porn. This isn’t a healthy attitude towards sex and will surely lead to disappointment for both you and your future partner/s if you don’t reexamine this soon. Please don’t compare the girls you have a crush on or date to porn stars; it’s unrealistic, unsavory, and unfair. I hope you’ll find that the willing, affectionate, loving girlfriend squirming beneath you is the hottest woman on earth when you are in the moment, and for both your sakes I hope you can put all the years of masturbating to fantasies aside and focus on your partner. I generally don’t regard my crushes sexually but I do try not to compare them to porn stars or celebrities in general. > [@](#): > > You mean like bonding with a partner, sharing love and mutual satisfaction, and that awesome hormone rush of oxytocin and that makes you both feel fantastic and happy? Those side effects? **Qin Shi Huangdi** , those side effects are one of nature’s (or God’s) generous gifts and masturbation and pornography can’t even come close to replicating those feelings of mutual pleasure and love. And those benefits, in my opinion, come best in a committed marriage, not in casual relations. (Sorry if my responses seem vague, or limited but this topic is rather awkward for me and its 90 degrees right now…) ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2013, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-widespread-is-teen-sex/657288/67 "2013-05-05T04:33:23Z")
I went to Catholic school K-12 (HS 1981-1985) and I honestly could not tell you if anyone was having sex. I was so naïve I just assumed no one was! OK, there was one couple where there was some faint whisper that they were but no one I knew was. Now I wonder what all was going on back then that I didn’t know about! ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2013, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-widespread-is-teen-sex/657288/68 "2013-05-05T10:55:09Z")
> [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](#): > > I generally don’t regard my crushes sexually but I do try not to compare them to porn stars or celebrities in general. > > And those benefits, in my opinion, come best in a committed marriage, not in casual relations. > > (Sorry if my responses seem vague, or limited but this topic is rather awkward for me and its 90 degrees right now…) This message board is a pretty safe place for awkward discussions. Hopefully you aren’t bringing this topic up among your peers and using your views to shame them for having an interest in sex or for having relationships in high school. It’s possible to bully others into agreeing with your personal rules of conduct, but you’ll lose the trust and confidence of your friends if you attempt to direct their behavior and attitudes. Committed relationships are the best places to explore the benefits of sex for sure, ideally you’ll continue to love and respect the person you have sex with. I’m very surprised at the responses in this thread. Based on my experience and that of my peer group which ranged from my age to five years older, nearly everyone was having sex in high school including those who attended very conservative churches and those of us with after school jobs and busy schedules. At least in my group, our schoolwork and jobs didn’t suffer because we had relationships; in fact I’m certain that looming college plans ensured we avoided pregnancy and postponed talk of marriage and kids. I was utterly bored to death by most of my high school classes and if I hadn’t had dates and parties, kissing and making out with my boyfriend to look forward to my high school experience would have been pretty dismal. Not saying that teenage sex is a rite of passage, but definitely feel that the desire to get physical with someone you love is perfectly normal during the teenage years. For those of you with the willpower to postpone sex until you were much older: kudos. If I had it to do over, I still wouldn’t wait. I lived and loved every moment of those growing-up years. ---
**Author:** ![JustinC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justinc/32/8083_2.png) [@JustinC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustinC)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2013, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-widespread-is-teen-sex/657288/69 "2013-05-05T13:58:52Z")
I went to an all boys grammar school (you have to pass the 11+ exam to get in) so most of my friends were not big partiers, but neither were we prudes. There was some mixing with women, beer, empty houses (parents on holiday) and romps - just couples, no orgies until university - on occasion. I know one person at the school who was definitely having sex. One Monday morning we were called to a special assembly and solemnly warned to never speak of the weekend’s news or face instant expulsion. ‘What news?’ we were very confused until we found out, later in the day, that our headmaster had been murdered in a male prostitute’s apartment. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-widespread-is-teen-sex/657288/70 "2013-05-06T05:28:24Z")
Anyone surprised that the [_Onion_](http://www.theonion.com/articles/rise-in-teen-sexual-activity-comes-as-surprise-to,1580/) has something relevant? ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-widespread-is-teen-sex/657288/71 "2013-05-06T13:21:14Z")
Female, small public school in the Midwest, graduated 2001. Probably about 25% of my friends in high school were sexually active, and I’m guessing maybe a quarter to one third were sexually active school-wide. I had a wide variety of friends, too - goody-goodies/smart kids, the closeted LGBT crowd, D&D geeks, and band nerds (there was a lot of overlap.) There was definitely a big difference between sexual activity in freshmen vs. upper classmen. For my casual friends, you could never really tell if they were just bullshitting or really were getting laid. My two closest friends, both gay, were sexually active and had been for quite some time. Me, personally, I was a ‘‘True Love Waits’’ girl, (I did my persuasive speech as a factually flawed treatise on abstinence, oh 10th grade speech class, I am so sorry) and spent most of high school pining after my pastor’s son. After rapidly losing my faith in God, I fell in lust when I was 17 and there was oral sex and fooling around. I didn’t feel great about it, and in hindsight I think I was emotionally manipulated. I didn’t have intercourse until I was 23, on my wedding night. It was not for religious reasons. It was for a lot of reasons, but mostly we really did not want to get me pregnant, and that was the only way to be 100% sure. So I’m going to break with the crowd here and say, it’s totally fine for you to not be into sex right now. I understand what you mean by it not fitting your identity. When I was your age there were other things that were a lot more important, and I was much more cerebral than sexual. It doesn’t matter what other kids do, just do what feels right to you. You’re probably going to end up having sex before marriage, but if that happens, it should happen organically and not because you felt socially pressured into it. I’m personally glad that I waited as long as I did, because it would have made my already very complicated life even more complicated. I also think it’s cool that my husband is the only person I’ve ever had intercourse with. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-widespread-is-teen-sex/657288/72 "2013-05-06T13:30:45Z")
Thank you \*\* olives\*\* for sharing that. While I don’t personally regret having sex with my college boyfriend, I do think that it is often best to wait until you’re actually sure you’re in a committed monogamous relationship. My husband was a virgin when we got married and he was 25 at the time, and honestly there’s a part of me that loves the fact that I am the only one he’s ever slept with. 😉 I popped that cherry and no one else can have it, lol ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-widespread-is-teen-sex/657288/73 "2013-05-06T13:35:13Z")
He was a makeout slut though, which was fine with me because his kissing skills are part of the reason I fell so head over heels for him. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Woo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7c8e57/32.png) [@Dr.Woo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Woo)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2013, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-widespread-is-teen-sex/657288/74 "2013-05-06T22:28:04Z")
This is probably too stale for the OP, but I did an informal survey and found that 22% of my high school class members were parents at the time we graduated in June 1971. The pregnancy rate actually had gone down in 1970 when the Planned Parenthood clinic opened in our county and girls(and guys) could get birth control devices. I don’t seen why you can’t have **responsible** sex (if you want to) AND do your homework. Unless you need every waking moment for studying. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-how-widespread-is-teen-sex/657288.md?page=3)