# Just issue the friggin release. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 28, 2001, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-issue-the-friggin-release/70529 "2001-06-28T23:56:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-issue-the-friggin-release/70529/1 "2001-06-28T23:56:57Z")
“Hi. Amalgamated Widget here. Please halt trading in our stock, as we have a press release to issue later today.” Hey, AW, **manhattan** here. It’s seven fucking fifty four in the evening, thank you very much. Your shares don’t trade in Tokyo, for cripes sake. In fact, they barely trade _here_ because you are such losers that you couldn’t make your damn interest payments. So issue the damn release! I want to know how much more money I’m going to lose as a result of my dumb decision to trust your new big-shot managment. Then I want to go home. Thank you for your attention to this matter. P.S. By the way, if it’s something lame, like “we hired someone to review restructuring alternatives” or “yes, we’re finally confirming that we ain’t gonna make the numbers we said we’re gonna make,” or “we finally capitulated to the obvious and filed for bankruptcy,” I’m gonna be really pissed. It better be something like “we got an offer for the company” or “our Chairman cut and ran.” ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2001, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-issue-the-friggin-release/70529/2 "2001-06-29T00:11:33Z")
Awww… somebody needs a hug. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2001, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-issue-the-friggin-release/70529/3 "2001-06-29T00:16:16Z")
\ Oh yeah, I don’t have a portfolio! So, manny, would milk and cookies help you feel better?? ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2001, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-issue-the-friggin-release/70529/4 "2001-06-29T00:19:45Z")
Well, a hug wouldn’t suck, but what I really need is a beer. And a cigarette, but I’m off them. And there’s a whole bunch of them (beers, that is, not cigarettes), on ice, waiting patiently for me at [this fine establishment](http://www.nycbp.com/bartenders/bar9/index.html), where the marvelous Melanie or Tracy will even buy my first round since I haven’t been there for a while (and because I set up their savings plans!). But no! I’m sitting here waiting for the stupid press release! Gaaaah! ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2001, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-issue-the-friggin-release/70529/5 "2001-06-29T00:36:40Z")
Does anyone else find it weird that a big ole banner for {i]Teen\* People hovers over Tracy eating Melanie’s panties? ---
**Author:** ![Morrison\_s\_Lament](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Morrison\_s\_Lament](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morrison_s_Lament)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2001, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-issue-the-friggin-release/70529/6 "2001-06-29T01:23:35Z")
So, did they issue it yet? — G. Raven ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2001, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-issue-the-friggin-release/70529/7 "2001-06-29T04:53:56Z")
Well, did they? ---
**Author:** ![Morrison\_s\_Lament](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Morrison\_s\_Lament](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morrison_s_Lament)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2001, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-issue-the-friggin-release/70529/8 "2001-06-29T06:07:33Z")
It’s probably jsut my sad life, but I’m curious. When did it come and what did it say, dude? 😃 — G. Raven ---
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2001, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-issue-the-friggin-release/70529/9 "2001-06-29T09:01:16Z")
Must’ve been good, since **mannie’s** cut and run. He’s probably in Bermuda even as we speak. pan ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2001, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-issue-the-friggin-release/70529/10 "2001-06-29T10:46:15Z")
Actually, he was out drowning his irritation with a beer or three. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2001, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-issue-the-friggin-release/70529/11 "2001-06-29T12:52:27Z")
Well, geez, did y’all see the bar he was gonna head to? The bar wenches pour pitchers of water on themselves! _That’s_ entertainment! ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2001, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-issue-the-friggin-release/70529/12 "2001-06-29T12:56:40Z")
Well, christ. I don’t think I’d wait for the damn release if I got beers from those! ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2001, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-issue-the-friggin-release/70529/13 "2001-06-29T13:10:33Z")
This just in… AW really had no new news to release. They justed wanted to piss of manny by making him wait at home while everybody else was out having a good time. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2001, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-issue-the-friggin-release/70529/14 "2001-06-29T14:22:44Z")
Yeah, they finally did. “We’ve filed for bankruptcy protection.” “In other news, our forest products division has found bear spoor in the woods. We’ll publish our conclusions about this startling development later.” Schmucks. And **Biggirl** , I’ll have you know that that is the most _wholesome_ bartender-panty-eating establishment in the whole city! ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2001, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-issue-the-friggin-release/70529/15 "2001-06-29T15:06:36Z")
I SO need to come to New York sometime.