# Just once, I'd like to hear... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 27, 2015, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833 "2015-10-27T00:35:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2015, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833/21 "2015-10-28T12:47:36Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > All representatives are busy now, please leave your name and number and someone will return your call as soon as possible… Or not… Probably not… Yeah, most definately not. They do call back - they let it ring once (usually timed right after you left the room) - and then note that the call back was done and move on. As much patience as they want the customer to have - the customer rep usually has about 1 percent of that. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2015, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833/22 "2015-10-28T12:58:13Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > “…call volumes are unusually low, so we’re connecting your call immediately.” “Call volumes are unusually low, so we’re busy laying off 30 employees. Please hold while we box up their stuff…” ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2015, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833/23 "2015-10-28T18:03:36Z")
“Press 0 to skip all this voice menu BS” ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2015, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833/24 "2015-10-28T18:32:30Z")
“Please hold. Customer service is a low priority for us, so our call center is severely understaffed. Don’t be mad at the customer service representatives. Neither Mark (if you are calling from the Eastern or Central time zones) or Tonya (if you are calling from the Mountain or Pacific time zones) can do anything about this.” ---
**Author:** ![Haldurson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/51bf81/32.png) [@Haldurson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Haldurson)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2015, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833/25 "2015-10-28T18:46:35Z")
> [@furryman](#): > > “Press 0 to skip all this voice menu BS” I’ve discovered that a lot of people do not realize that pressing zero is an option, and it fairly often will connect you directly to a human operator. It doesn’t always work, but it works often enough that you should give it a shot when trying to typical phone robot maze. It’s generally not an advertised option – probably if it were known, the option would be removed. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2015, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833/26 "2015-10-28T18:51:10Z")
> [@Mr\_Shine](#): > > “We’re changing our product. It’s not an improvement, it is in fact unambiguously worse than our previous product, but the demands of the market mean we have to make this change.” At least [Sony was honest about this product](http://www.theonion.com/video/sony-releases-new-stupid-piece-of-shit-that-doesnt-14309)(NSFW unless you have headphones and can stifle your laughter). Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2015, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833/27 "2015-10-28T19:22:41Z")
Honestly, I prefer going through a (well-designed) automated menu over talking to a live human. In most cases, the menu will be able to solve my problem entirely by itself, and if it doesn’t, it will often at least send me directly to a human who’s actually capable of solving it, instead of going through five internal transfers as a bunch of clueless humans try to figure out what’s actually going on. Meanwhile, I don’t have to wait through half an hour of holding on the line, I don’t have to puzzle out accents, and I don’t have to worry about a human who just wants to get me off the line ASAP so they can increase their resolutions per minute count. ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2015, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833/28 "2015-10-28T19:29:14Z")
Said in my best Indian accent. “Hello, my name is Joe Smith, and I know exactly what is wrong with your computer. I will now route you to seven other individuals in our various technology departments, all of whom will also know exactly what is wrong with your computer, but who will continue to re-route you after asking you to repeat your name, address, social security number, pet name, shoe size, and bank account number. Eventually, you will either give up, or one of us will hang up on you…accidentally, of course.” ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2015, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833/29 "2015-10-28T19:41:00Z")
“We’ve decided to put aside our ideological differences and get back to doing our jobs here in Congress.” “Actually, this fire season here in California will NOT be the worst ever.” “We here at Coca-Cola concede that none of our products are necessary in a healthy diet.” “Yes, it’s true that the business of Psychics is to separate the ignorant from their money.” ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2015, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833/30 "2015-10-28T19:57:41Z")
“Please key in your 7 digit account number” 0000000 You entered “0000000”, press 1 if this is correct or 2 to re-enter" 1 “Please say your name. Press 1 when complete.” Joe Blow1 “Thank you. Please say a short description of your issue. Press 1 when complete” Your product sucks a big1 “Thank you. Please understand that this entire exercise was simply to keep you busy while we artificially deflate our hold time stats. None of this information will be passed on to the representative, should one actually answer your call.” ---
**Author:** ![Haldurson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/51bf81/32.png) [@Haldurson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Haldurson)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2015, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833/31 "2015-10-28T20:37:47Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Honestly, I prefer going through a (well-designed) automated menu over talking to a live human. In most cases, the menu will be able to solve my problem entirely by itself, and if it doesn’t, it will often at least send me directly to a human who’s actually capable of solving it In what strange new universe are you living, and how can I get there? Is it drugs? Please tell me it’s drugs. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2015, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833/32 "2015-10-28T23:38:37Z")
I love being on hold to my internet provider, waiting to tell someone that my internet connection isn’t working, and continuously being told by a recording to go to their web site. That is the phone version of “No keyboard detected press F1 to continue”. ---
**Author:** ![RadicalPi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/radicalpi/32/9806_2.png) [@RadicalPi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RadicalPi)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2015, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833/33 "2015-10-29T00:21:32Z")
> [@Atamasama](#): > > I love being on hold to my internet provider, waiting to tell someone that my internet connection isn’t working, and continuously being told by a recording to go to their web site. > > That is the phone version of “No keyboard detected press F1 to continue”. Sometimes, though, you can connect with your phone but not your home internet or vice versa. ---
**Author:** ![MacLir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9e8a1a/32.png) [@MacLir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacLir)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2015, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833/34 "2015-10-29T13:54:26Z")
I’m convinced that some of the hold “music” used is intended to drive you away so they don’t have to deal with you. Why else would it sound like someone beating a piano keyboard with a mallet? :mad: Not actually joking, completely … ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2015, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833/35 "2015-10-29T14:09:26Z")
“If you know your party’s extension, you may dial it at any time. If you don’t know your party’s extension, you should probably just give up now.” ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2015, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833/36 "2015-10-29T15:16:41Z")
> [@Atamasama](#): > > I love being on hold to my internet provider, waiting to tell someone that my internet connection isn’t working, and continuously being told by a recording to go to their web site. Amen. That is so infuriating. “Did you know that you can connect to 24/7 live help through the internet? Just go to the website and select “help” and a live technician will be able to help you through our chat feature.” MY FUCKING INTERNET WON’T CONNECT, YOU IMBECILE! “I’m sorry, I do not understand that option. Please hang up and try again. Goodbye.” ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2015, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833/37 "2015-10-29T16:24:49Z")
> [@MacLir](#): > > I’m convinced that some of the hold “music” used is intended to drive you away so they don’t have to deal with you. > > Why else would it sound like someone beating a piano keyboard with a mallet? :mad: > > Not actually joking, completely … The hold music I’m used to is easy listening crap. Designed to put you to sleep, so when the customer service person finally answers, they can say “Hello? Hello?” and then hang up on you. ---
**Author:** ![Alma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@Alma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alma)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2015, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833/38 "2015-10-29T18:00:13Z")
“We are going to ignore any buttons you push, because making you to shout menu options in a crowded office is hilarious. Please note that speaking ‘operator’ over and over will not get you to an operator. We don’t know the words ‘help’ or ‘customer service’ either.” ---
**Author:** ![AngelSoft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angelsoft/32/440_2.png) [@AngelSoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelSoft)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2015, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833/39 "2015-10-29T18:08:38Z")
> [@Diceman](#): > > The hold music I’m used to is easy listening crap. Designed to put you to sleep, so when the customer service person finally answers, they can say “Hello? Hello?” and then hang up on you. And yet the company I work for gets countless complaints about our hold music. It’s basically Top 40s stuff, so not bad to listen to for most people you’d think. But time and time again I get people complaining that it’s too upbeat. That we need to make it softer, more show so it doesn’t get people riled up while they’re on hold. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2015, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833/40 "2015-10-29T18:13:07Z")
“My PC is running at full speed today, so your information popped right up.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-once-id-like-to-hear/735833.md?page=3)