# Just saw an article on the NYT about a man who was arrested for assaulting a federal officer in WDC. . .with his Subway sandwich **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 14, 2025, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043 "2025-08-14T15:49:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2025, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043/61 "2025-08-15T02:07:16Z")
A rather rye remark. Maybe he could pay his bail in pumper-nickels. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2025, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043/62 "2025-08-15T02:24:16Z")
I’m glad Subway doesn’t use toothpicks. Might’ve put out an eye. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2025, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043/63 "2025-08-15T03:03:12Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > The thing about Subway’s bread is that it’s terrible. You can hardly make anything out of flour worse than what they make. The sandwich fillings are fine, but the bun is the lowest form of wheat. Not even legally bread in Ireland: [Subway’s Bread Isn’t Bread, Ireland’s Supreme Court Rules : NPR](https://www.npr.org/2020/10/01/919189045/for-subway-a-ruling-not-so-sweet-irish-court-says-its-bread-isnt-bread) ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2025, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043/64 "2025-08-15T03:32:51Z")
So disappointing the type of Subway sub used in the assault wasn’t mentioned. Whacking someone with a Spicy Italian is one thing, but wielding a meatball sub with extra sauce could be extra messy. Is it aggravated assault if it runs up a big dry cleaning bill? And can charges be enhanced in the case of extra condiments? ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2025, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043/65 "2025-08-15T03:47:25Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > Whacking someone with a Spicy Italian is one thing, but wielding a meatball sub with extra sauce could be extra messy. You’ve got to use the right tool for the job. For the Feds, I’d suggest a Veggie Sub. For eco-protestors, a Spicy Italian or a BMT. Other groups may require different sandwiches, of course. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2025, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043/66 "2025-08-15T03:51:20Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > He started out yelling at the feds, calling them “fascists”, started to leave, then returned and hit the guy in the chest with the food. They chased him down and arrested him. He could get a year or more. While it’s pretty clear that the feds overreacted, based on my awesome expertise derived from watching a lot of police bodycam videos on YouTube, hitting anyone with anything no matter how benign or harmless can technically be charged as assault. So while “assault with a sandwich” may sound funny, the guy could legitimately face prosecution. But charges like that are usually dropped, and I doubt that the guy will face any jail time. But being fired from his job at the DOJ seems silly, though these days everybody and their dog gets fired from federal jobs. No one is safe except Trump and his cronies. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2025, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043/67 "2025-08-15T09:28:03Z")
If this was a movie, this incident would become a catalyst and dead fascists troops would start showing up with sandwiches shoved in their mouths. I’d like to see that movie. ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2025, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043/68 "2025-08-15T09:54:09Z")
As an aside: seems like, if a woman wanted to make snide remarks about another woman’s genitalia, saying she had a “Subway in her pants” might work better than an Arby’s. ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2025, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043/69 "2025-08-15T10:00:16Z")
> [@wolfpup](#): > > hitting anyone with anything no matter how benign or harmless can technically be charged as assault. Police officer shows up to a domestic disturbance call and finds a guy clutching his face and wincing in pain. “Me and my girlfriend were having a fight, so she hit me with a smoothie!” “A _smoothie_? She threw a drink at you?” “Nah, you know, one of those things for smoothing clothes…” ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2025, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043/70 "2025-08-15T12:30:19Z")
> [@wolfpup](#): > > But charges like that are usually dropped, and I doubt that the guy will face any jail time. The punishment will likely be 30 days of eating nothing but Subway sandwiches and no water to wash them down. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2025, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043/71 "2025-08-15T13:34:35Z")
Maybe not. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2025, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043/72 "2025-08-15T13:37:08Z")
No, I’d like to see lots of federal officers turning up dead in Rock Creek Park with a sandwich shoved in their mouths. Like lots.. In a film, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2025, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043/73 "2025-08-15T16:55:04Z")
“Rep. Jack Kimble” on Twitter today: > [@](#): > > You will not stop ICE by throwing sandwiches at them. That only works on Dean Cain and you have to throw it in the opposite direction to get him to chase it. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2025, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043/74 "2025-08-15T17:09:09Z")
If he had just yelled “GRENADE!!!” when he threw it, he might have gotten away in the confusion when they all dived on the pavement. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2025, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043/75 "2025-08-15T19:43:06Z")
> [@Dallas\_Jones](#): > > Jussie Smollett is back in the news, seeking publicity. Possible assault with a frozen Subway sandwich “Justice for Juicy” at last! ---
**Author:** ![Zoobi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/13edae/32.png) [@Zoobi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoobi)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2025, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043/76 "2025-08-15T21:20:10Z")
I still don’t get this joke. What is his involvement here? ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2025, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043/77 "2025-08-15T22:58:09Z")
Incident involving violence and a Subway food run > **[Jussie Smollett hate crime hoax](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jussie_Smollett_hate_crime_hoax)** > > On January 29, 2019, American actor Jussie Smollett approached the Chicago Police Department and falsely reported a hate crime that he had staged against himself earlier that morning. He planned the fake hate crime with two Nigerian-American brothers, Abimbola and Olabinjo Osundairo, who had worked as extras on the set of television drama Empire, in which Smollett was a cast member. During the staged attack, which took place on East Lower North Water Street in Chicago's Streeterville neighb On ... January 2019, falsely reported a hate attack claiming that as he was walking home from Subway he was assaulted by two unknown individuals. Smollett described one of them as a white male. He also told police the men shouted “This is MAGA country”. In reality these were two black individuals who had worked in a show with him and who he had paid to stage the incident. As for “Justice for Juicy”, that’s Dave Chappelle’s take on it [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/wZXoErL2124/maxresdefault.jpg "Dave Chappelle on the Jussie Smollett Incident | Netflix Is A Joke") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZXoErL2124) ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2025, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043/78 "2025-08-16T01:13:00Z")
If one of my students had done that it wouldn’t have gone as far as a trip to the office. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2025, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043/79 "2025-08-16T05:31:43Z")
One of these? [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Ojdc8-bNTe0/hqdefault.jpg "Fawlty Towers - Hammer Sandwich") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ojdc8-bNTe0) ---
**Author:** ![Zoobi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/13edae/32.png) [@Zoobi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoobi)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2025, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043/80 "2025-08-16T14:32:32Z")
Was Smollett the guy who threw the sandwich? Or is Subway the only connection here? I guess maybe so. Insert Jared joke here then [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-saw-an-article-on-the-nyt-about-a-man-who-was-arrested-for-assaulting-a-federal-officer-in-wdc-with-his-subway-sandwich/1022043.md?page=5)