# Just say "Mr. \_\_\_\_" **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 17, 2013, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594 "2013-12-17T20:25:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594/21 "2013-12-18T15:17:28Z")
> [@Fretful\_Porpentine](#): > > This isn’t exactly fail-safe if the person they’re calling is female. Personally, I prefer that the telemarketers call me by my first name, because otherwise they default to “Mrs. Porpentine,” which I certainly am _not_. Hence the title “Ms.” ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594/22 "2013-12-18T15:20:42Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > Well, telemarketing drone is caught between a rock and a hard place, isn’t he ? If he calls you, you’ll tell him “Call me Mr. Strongarm !”. If he calls me just after that, I’ll probably tell him “Mr. 2 is my dad. I’m just Kobal”. > Then I’ll make a fart noise and hang up, because fuck telemarketing drones. Nope, because as I mentioned, Mr. \_\_\_ is actual social convention. There’s nothing offensive or improper about it. Saying “I’m just Kobal” is a nice thing to say to someone - it’s an offer of familiarity. It’s not a social mistake to call you “Mr. 2” first. Plus, as was my point, you get to tell him exactly what to call you (“Kobal”) rather than what he may see as your legal name on a sheet of paper. All the more reason to follow convention. ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594/23 "2013-12-18T15:23:04Z")
> [@spotthegerbil](#): > > (ring ring. I pick up.) > > “Hello Mr Hamster. I’m calling about…” > > The phone listing is still in my wife’s maiden name, but it’s usually me that answers the phone. If you know me, you are on first name terms and we talk. If you call me Mr Hamster, then you are out to fleece me. Wow, really? So you can’t imagine that someone would call you who doesn’t know you well enough to call you by your first name, yet have good news, or important news? I can think of dozens of other possibilities. I’m sure you wait until you hear them first before hanging up though. ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594/24 "2013-12-18T15:24:45Z")
> [@epbrown01](#): > > How about they split the difference with the African-American convention - an honorific with your first name, so “Mr. Lance?” Familiar \*and \*respectful! Doesn’t work though, because as I mentioned, my real first name is not the same as my legal first name. Plus, why? I don’t know you, you’re calling to ask me for money - the very least you can do is address me as an adult. ---
**Author:** ![Flyer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/flyer/32/7298_2.png) [@Flyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flyer)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594/25 "2013-12-18T15:57:02Z")
> [@lance\_strongarm](#): > > Okay, young man/woman on the phone who has called me to ask for money for your cause or who I called for customer service, I’m the old man now, but this has nothing to do with being fussy about titles and all that. Now that I’m older, I know there are good reasons for social conventions. You should learn that too if you want me to listen to your stupid phone pitch or whatever. > > I have a legal first name, yes. But it’s not the name I use. I use a variant of it. If you knew me well, you’d know that. But you don’t. And that’s why you should stop calling me by my legal first name and call me “Mr.” and my last name instead. Using my legal first name just points out three things: your attempt to be personable has backfired and you don’t actually know me at all, you shouldn’t be calling me by my first name (even if you knew it) because you don’t know me, and you don’t know how to get around that problem by doing what you should be doing anyway, which is calling me “Mr. \_\_\_\_\_” instead. > > Got it, young fella? Is your legal first name the one that you use for things like insurance, voter registration, and so forth? Because if it is, then it’s on a whole bunch of lists, and anybody who uses any of those lists for any reason is going to make the entirely reasonable assumption that you answer to that name. (Otherwise, why would you use it at all?) ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594/26 "2013-12-18T16:11:26Z")
There’s a way to deal with these scum: Caller: Mr. Toby, would… You: **KUNTA KINTE** Caller: Mr Kunty, would you be… You: **KUNTA KINTE** Caller: Mr Koonty, I represent the International Federation Against Pornography… You: **KUNTA KINTE** **click** See? No harm done. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594/27 "2013-12-18T18:20:14Z")
Just the other day I had this telephone exchange: Clueless Customer Service Person: “May I call you (FirstName), Mr. Jackmannii?” Me: “No, you may not, you shiftless rodent.” This puts the conversation on a proper professional plane and facilitates productive discourse. ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594/28 "2013-12-18T18:34:19Z")
> [@Flyer](#): > > Is your legal first name the one that you use for things like insurance, voter registration, and so forth? Because if it is, then it’s on a whole bunch of lists, and anybody who uses any of those lists for any reason is going to make the entirely reasonable assumption that you answer to that name. (Otherwise, why would you use it at all?) No, it’s NOT a reasonable assumption at all. And it’s not there’s to make. I use my legal name on legal documents because it’s my legal name. Nobody ever calls me by it in conversation. ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594/29 "2013-12-18T18:35:41Z")
> [@Derleth](#): > > There’s a way to deal with these scum: > > Caller: Mr. Toby, would… > > You: **KUNTA KINTE** > > Caller: Mr Kunty, would you be… > > You: **KUNTA KINTE** > > Caller: Mr Koonty, I represent the International Federation Against Pornography… > > You: **KUNTA KINTE** > > **click** > > See? No harm done. Nice. Maybe I am an old man, because I can remember watching that on TV when it first aired. “Grits, dummy!” ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594/30 "2013-12-18T18:43:48Z")
> [@lance\_strongarm](#): > > No, it’s NOT a reasonable assumption at all. > > And it’s not there’s to make. > > I use my legal name on legal documents because it’s my legal name. Nobody ever calls me by it in conversation. Just keep in mind that a lot of companies guidelines are to call people by first name. I’ve been in several phone customer service jobs where we’d be marked down and talked to by management if we didn’t ask for a person by first name, or both first and last. One of the reasons for it is that there could be more than one Mr. Strongarm in your home, but it’s less likely that there is more than one Lance Strongarm there. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594/31 "2013-12-18T18:52:59Z")
Aw, they’re just trying to be friendly so you’ll take it better when they deliver the bad news that your Windows has many viruses. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594/32 "2013-12-18T18:53:46Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > One of the reasons for it is that there could be more than one Mr. Strongarm in your home, but it’s less likely that there is more than one Lance Strongarm there. “I’m trying to reach Mr. Lance Strongarm.” Nah, too difficult. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594/33 "2013-12-18T19:22:18Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > Just keep in mind that a lot of companies guidelines are to call people by first name. Yes, and in that case, their guidelines should be changed. That’s their problem, not mine. > [@](#): > > One of the reasons for it is that there could be more than one Mr. Strongarm in your home, but it’s less likely that there is more than one Lance Strongarm there. Then they should ask for “Lance Strongarm,” and then afterward refer to me as “Mr. Strongarm.” Calling me by a name that nobody calls me by simply reminds me that someone who I have never met is being presumptuous and calling me by my first name and trying to be personal with me when they aren’t really my acquaintance. It’s not a good strategy for getting money out of me or serving me as a customer. ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594/34 "2013-12-18T19:23:44Z")
> [@Steve\_MB](#): > > Aw, they’re just trying to be friendly so you’ll take it better when they deliver the bad news that your Windows has many viruses. And thanks for that, Bill, I mean, Mr. Gates. ---
**Author:** ![Saintly\_Loser](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saintly_loser/32/4045_2.png) [@Saintly\_Loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saintly_Loser)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594/35 "2013-12-18T20:28:32Z")
I don’t generally mind people calling me by my first name. I actually prefer it. But I do mind when people who use my first name insist on the more formal form of address for themselves. It often happens with physicians. “Hi, [my first name]. What seems to be the problem?” Well, Bob [because I’ve looked at his hospital ID], you see this screwdriver sticking out of my chest?" And then Dr. Bob gets all bent out of shape. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594/36 "2013-12-18T20:41:52Z")
Life must be pretty good when you bitch about inane shit like this. Who fuckin cares? Get over it. ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594/37 "2013-12-18T20:46:45Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Life must be pretty good when you bitch about inane shit like this. Who fuckin cares? Get over it. 1. I care, especially when it happens over and over. You would too. 2. It’s the fucking BBQ Pit. It’s where stuff like this is supposed to go. There’s nothing more stupid and petty than going around telling people how stupid and petty they are, especially in a forum meant for stupid and petty things. So you win first place in the “inane shit bitching” contest - congratulations. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594/38 "2013-12-18T21:31:49Z")
Is it threadshitting to shit on a shitter who’s shitting on a threadshitter? Not sure, so I’ll stay out of that one… But I could tell stories about working for a boss whose first name wasn’t pronounced the ‘majority way’. Perfect for weeding out the salespeople: _“Yeah, put me through to Jan.”_ “You want Jan?” \*“Yeah, hurry it up. Personal friend of hers, she’s waiting for me to call.” \*“I doubt _ **Yon** _ wants to talk to you, or that you’ve ever met _ **him** _.” [click] ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594/39 "2013-12-18T21:51:20Z")
> [@Alan\_Smithee](#): > > it’s well established that false familiarity from sales and service people results in greater sales, despite the number of people who hate it Yup. I don’t like when people call me by my first name over the phone. But some call centers require their employees to do this. Don’t get mad at the caller, they’re just doing their job. Here’s a better idea: Unlike the employees calling you, who are at the whim of recordings and scripts and multiple bosses listening in on their phone conversations, nobody has \*any \*authority to force you to stay on the line. Either don’t pick up the phone for unknown numbers, or hang up when you determine that a caller is soliciting you unsolicitedly. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594/40 "2013-12-18T22:47:03Z")
> [@lance\_strongarm](#): > > Nope, because as I mentioned, Mr. \_\_\_ is actual social convention. There’s nothing offensive or improper about it. There is when it makes me feel like an old gasbag. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-say-mr-____/676594.md?page=3)