# Just So's We're Clear.... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 8, 2006, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509 "2006-02-08T05:21:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Greathouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greathouse/32/2992_2.png) [@Greathouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greathouse)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509/61 "2006-02-08T17:16:53Z")
> [@DrLoveGun](#): > > Are you seriously suggesting I, or anyone for that matter, would be so insecure as to get upset about my wife referring to an ex-boyfriend? Yeah, she dated him for quite a while. They broke up 4 or 5 years ago. > > Should I lock her up and refuse to let her speak to her exes, or of them for that matter? You should do something to shut that twat up. But I see the mods have taken care of that for you. > [@](#): > > I guess that means we probably shouldn’t be hanging out with him either. That’s up to you, but hopefully we won’t have to hear about that either. > [@](#): > > What kind of insecure fucktard gets upset at the mere mention of an exboyfriend? Obviously not you. I’d imagine you get pissed about her telling everyone under the sun how you lack responsibility when dealing with money, can’t keep a job, are a fuck up at school, and can’t seem to make a car payment before you got pissed at anything else. > [@](#): > > If that’s the sort of thing that causes problems in your relationships, I would strongly urge you to grow the fuck up. I am grown up. I don’t squander my family’s savings. I don’t miss my car payments. I keep my jobs just fine. I graduated from school. I also keep my private matters private. See, that’s what grown ups do. ---
**Author:** ![rayh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@rayh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rayh)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509/62 "2006-02-08T17:23:20Z")
> [@SHAKES](#): > > Well, All I know is if \*_inkleberry_ wants to involve me in her agruements with her husband; I think it’s only fair that I be included in the “Make up” sex as well. We back on the buttfucking thread? You get to bite the towel. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509/63 "2006-02-08T17:57:54Z")
until this one. I can understand why the first post was closed. It is hard for a mod to read tone and intent in **inkleberry** ’s post, and off-board matters between board members should remain off-board. **Dr.LoveGun** and **inkleberry** didn’t help their own cause, but the sheer assholenitude shown by posters, some of whom I expect much better of, is staggering. The holier than thou attitude shown in this thread is reminiscent of a Jerry Springer audience. ---
**Author:** ![Greathouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greathouse/32/2992_2.png) [@Greathouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greathouse)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509/64 "2006-02-08T17:59:20Z")
> [@D\_Odds](#): > > until this one. > > I can understand why the first post was closed. It is hard for a mod to read tone and intent in **inkleberry** ’s post, and off-board matters between board members should remain off-board. **Dr.LoveGun** and **inkleberry** didn’t help their own cause, but the sheer assholenitude shown by posters, some of whom I expect much better of, is staggering. The holier than thou attitude shown in this thread is reminiscent of a Jerry Springer audience. no u ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509/65 "2006-02-08T18:47:34Z")
> [@D\_Odds](#): > > The holier than thou attitude shown in this thread is reminiscent of a Jerry Springer audience. FWIW, I think they’re getting a bum rap; I just couldn’t resist the bad pun. To be fair, _inkleberry_ needs to learn not to cry over spilt milk. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509/66 "2006-02-08T18:51:12Z")
> [@Left Hand of Dorkness](#): > > FWIW, I think they’re getting a bum rap; I just couldn’t resist the bad pun. To be fair, _inkleberry_ needs to learn not to cry over spilt milk. > > Daniel And upon re-reading your post and this one … :smack: Give me a moment to determine if it is your head or my own that I’m smacking. ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509/67 "2006-02-08T18:54:23Z")
> [@D\_Odds](#): > > The holier than thou attitude shown in this thread is reminiscent of a Jerry Springer audience. That audience is a direct reaction to the _featured guests_ of the show. Cause and effect. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boo_Boo_Foo)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509/68 "2006-02-08T21:39:34Z")
Time to walk away folks. These guys are both viewing themselves as perpetual victims. They both derive self empowerment by having strangers buy into their life problems - never conceding that their problems are actually of their own making. If they WERE to concede that their problems are one’s which they could fix themselves, by extension, they would also wash away the self empowerment they derive by having strangers giving them so much airtime. It’s unhealthy, fucking unhealthy and all you can do is walk away because you can’t change people. It’s like walking past a black hole and getting sucked into the vortex. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509/69 "2006-02-08T21:45:04Z")
Are you therapizing, **Boo Boo**? 😃 Oh, yeah, the OP.I have no problems with either of the parties involved, but when the mods say repeatedly don’t do it, that’s pretty much the end of the discussion. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509/70 "2006-02-08T22:10:36Z")
> [@DrLoveGun](#): > > And thanks for bringing **Inkleberry** and I closer together. You’re too funny. A thousand page views, makes us smile. Oh, dear Lord! It’s Chevy & Patti all over again! ---
**Author:** ![Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boo_Boo_Foo)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509/71 "2006-02-08T22:11:54Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > Are you therapizing, **Boo Boo**? 😃 Heh Heh Heh. It’s just so easy! 😃 Look, we’re all adults here presumably, and I assume most of us have been on messageboards a fair while and I assume most of us have all seen the syndrome of “attention whoring” before in some permutation or another. All you can do is state your position and if it doesn’t get heeded, then walk away. I did like the bit of humour shown by SHAKES earlier however. That was quite inventive I reckon. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509/72 "2006-02-08T22:16:25Z")
> [@jlzania](#): > > I’ve finally managed to put my finger in what really bothers me about both yours, and \*\* Inkleberry’s\*\* posts about your arguments. > It’s the feeling that your forcing us to be voyeurs. > It’s almost as if you need an audience to get your marital rocks off. > Which is all good and well if said audience is a voluntary participant but we’re not. Yeah, it sucks that we’re required to read these threads. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509/73 "2006-02-08T22:35:09Z")
Nobody’s required to read them as they happen, but what **Inklegun** don’t seem to take into account is that fact that **once something’s been posted, it’s on the boards forever** (barring a content-deleting crash). By posting what she did about her husband, she made him vulnerable in future debates to someone who might dig up her thread and say, “Well, who are you to talk; you blew though the family’s savings TWICE!” or whatever is relevant. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509/74 "2006-02-08T23:05:23Z")
If I’m friends with both members of a couple, and they get into a fight, it’s always a bad idea to get involved. Why? Because if you join in and badmouth one party and they reconcile (as they usually do, despite the caustic invective they freely toss around), then what will they remember? The fact that you talked shit about their precious SO, who they love. The SO will not be pissed off at his partner, who talked smack about him in public to strangers, but at the people who took his side and told her to STFU. This is why cops hate being called in for domestic violence calls-- it’s OK for them to abuse each other, but if you get involved, you become the common enemy. This is why your marriage should stay private. There’s no way to involve other people in your spats and have it be OK. And yes, that IS what **Inkleberry** was trying to do-- when I opened the original Pit thread, I had no idea who her husband was, and when I got to the bottom and saw why the thread was closed, I was horrified and embarrassed for both of them, but mostly **DrLoveGun**. It recontextualized the entire thread and the motivations for posting it in a really disgusting way to find out that **DrLoveGun** was a poster on the SDMB. But then to have him DEFEND her right to do so… wow. I don’t need to see that kind of shit. That’s fucked up. And that’s the bottom line. Pit other posters about shit they did to you on the boards. Pit other non-posting people at will. But don’t Pit your family members who are ALSO people on the boards for shit that happened in your personal lives. It’s none of our business and it’s creepy as hell. I’m annoyed that I know this shit about these people’s marriage. I wish they would get some THERAPY for the sake of their kids and leave us all out of it. ---
**Author:** ![davenportavenger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@davenportavenger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davenportavenger)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2006, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509/75 "2006-02-09T00:13:05Z")
> [@DrLoveGun](#): > > So laugh people, laugh. And thanks for bringing **Inkleberry** and I closer together. You’re too funny. A thousand page views, makes us smile. > **[LiveJournal: Discover global communities of bloggers who share your unique...](https://www.livejournal.com)** > > Your life is the best story! Just start your blog today! And I really like the non-word “therapizing.” Am going to have to use it in further conversations. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2006, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509/76 "2006-02-09T00:43:23Z")
“Therapizing” is a term coined by one of my co-workers during one of my stints working residential treatment. He used it as verbal shorthand for pointless bullshit that looked and sounded like therapy, but was mainly a way for one or more of the participants to waste time or stroke their own ego. The key difference between therapy and therapizing is that therapy can actually do some good once in a while. Lots of therapizing gets done at this board. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2006, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509/77 "2006-02-09T01:14:29Z")
Does one use therapizing to get to the truthiness of things? Just asking. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boo_Boo_Foo)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2006, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509/78 "2006-02-09T02:01:36Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > “Therapizing” is a term coined by one of my co-workers during one of my stints working residential treatment. He used it as verbal shorthand for pointless bullshit that looked and sounded like therapy, but was mainly a way for one or more of the participants to waste time or stroke their own ego. The key difference between therapy and therapizing is that therapy can actually do some good once in a while. Lots of therapizing gets done at this board. So what you’re saying is that YOU have an issue with how a lot of people go about offering advice on this messageboard, and that YOU should be allowed to project your issues onto the rest us and we should all change so that YOU don’t have to deal with your own issues? That’s how you’re coming across Scumpup. When you first posted in this thread, you offered nothing to the OP. You merely attacked a poster for the “style” in how they offered advice and you got called on it. So slam me. Go nuts. I won’t give a shit because that’s how projection works you see. People have issues about something, and they project those issues onto other people and then try to convince those people that those issues are actually the recipient’s issues. I know lots of folks on this board who offer stellar psychological advice. Until this thread, I’ve never come across someone who has as much of an issue with that as you do. ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2006, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509/79 "2006-02-09T02:18:15Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > Does one use therapizing to get to the truthiness of things? > Just asking. > > 🙂 4 out of 5 scienticians think so. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2006, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509/80 "2006-02-09T02:21:36Z")
> [@Boo Boo Foo](#): > > So what you’re saying is that YOU have an issue with how a lot of people go about offering advice on this messageboard, and that YOU should be allowed to project your issues onto the rest us and we should all change so that YOU don’t have to deal with your own issues? > > That’s how you’re coming across Scumpup. When you first posted in this thread, you offered nothing to the OP. You merely attacked a poster for the “style” in how they offered advice and you got called on it. > > So slam me. Go nuts. I won’t give a shit because that’s how projection works you see. People have issues about something, and they project those issues onto other people and then try to convince those people that those issues are actually the recipient’s issues. I know lots of folks on this board who offer stellar psychological advice. Until this thread, I’ve never come across someone who has as much of an issue with that as you do. Eat me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-sos-were-clear/343509.md?page=5)