# Just the Punchlines, Please. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 24, 2005, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261 "2005-05-24T15:08:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/181 "2005-05-27T13:18:11Z")
Would **you** believe a lawyer who said “the Czech is in the male?” The bad news is: She’s black! They’re both f\*\*\*ing close to water. A good start. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/182 "2005-05-27T13:43:05Z")
An’ fer me foinal wish, I wish me penis were fifty percent shorter! ---
**Author:** ![doverpro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/838e76/32.png) [@doverpro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doverpro)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/183 "2005-05-27T13:53:38Z")
A hockey team showers after three periods. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/184 "2005-05-27T14:10:18Z")
Help me out, Sol; buy a ticket. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/185 "2005-05-27T15:23:09Z")
Okay, but do I have to stick my head in the barbwire like that? ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/186 "2005-05-27T16:19:07Z")
I want those two guys back in the office after lunch. Now the monkey checks the size before he eats anything. So vat did you do with the money? It’s only chest deep on my ducks. To show the armadillo it could be done. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/187 "2005-05-27T16:28:55Z")
Naw, it doesn’t hurt unless you catch your thumbs between the bricks. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/188 "2005-05-27T16:38:09Z")
If it was small, white and round it would be an aspirin. Because Noddy wouldn’t pay the ransom. She drops her chips. No, but I got 3 good leads. Lots of room. Footprints in the butter. “Did I mention I was Jewish?” “Stop making trouble!” “My son, the doctor, is drowning!” One to mix the martinis, one to call daddy. “Make me one with everything!” “Do you want to BUY a sweetie?” ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/189 "2005-05-27T17:15:27Z")
> [@gwendee](#): > > Doctor, that doesn’t say tiny, it says Ticonderoga NY No, my wife’s name is not Wendy, it says “Welcome to Jamaica, Mon, have a nice day” ---
**Author:** ![Punoqllads](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d2c977/32.png) [@Punoqllads](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Punoqllads)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/190 "2005-05-27T18:21:01Z")
“But that’s the first time I’ve been asked in the pluperfect subjunctive.” “First, assume a spherical cow…” “We sent two boats and a helicopter; what more did you want?” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/191 "2005-05-27T18:33:48Z")
I just saw my wife and she’s on a skateboard. Let’s go, Fanny ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/192 "2005-05-27T18:36:25Z")
No, the tattoo isn’t “Jane”, it actually reads: Jim Malduski’s Bar and Grille, Pennsauken, New Jersey. Hum the first few bars, and we’ll fake it from there. For your congregations I can’t speak, but in mine, it’s my face they’d recognize. Ralph! Move before that lady craps on you!! Pedophile? That’s a pretty big word for a 12 year old! ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/193 "2005-05-27T19:02:59Z")
You are on the other side! No, but you sure can’t fool them flies! I’m fine. Everybody has to be some where. Well, I’m westing! (This is an age test. Bonus points if anyone, besides me, can ID the female in this joke) ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/194 "2005-05-27T19:17:10Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > Pedophile? That’s a pretty big word for a 12 year old… …Michael Jackson fan! ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/195 "2005-05-27T19:32:53Z")
So he screwed her three times and hit her in the head with a brick. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2005, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/196 "2005-05-28T05:38:31Z")
> [@Punoqllads](#): > > “First, assume a spherical cow…” OK I knew the other two, but I gotta know this joke. Would you either post it, or e mail it to me? Thanks ---
**Author:** ![Nic2004](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4491bb/32.png) [@Nic2004](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nic2004)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2005, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/197 "2005-05-28T13:42:15Z")
> [@GaryM](#): > > Well, I’m westing! (This is an age test. Bonus points if anyone, besides me, can ID the female in this joke) Baba Wawa? ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2005, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/198 "2005-05-28T14:28:35Z")
Well, you better start, 'cause it’s on fire. Turn it around! C-c-c-c-c-cut her loose! Why, he’s not even a member of the club! He’s famous. He’d never remember us. No they don’t Mother. They call it a f\*\*king shovel! Ye almost got me back there when me wife fell oot. Then the whole afternoon it was hit the ball . . . drag Charlie. You’re eating too fast! One can shoot, but it can’t hit. That water ain’t fit to drink. What’s the matter, honey? Don’t we have a vase? ---
**Author:** ![ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2005, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/199 "2005-05-28T17:05:46Z")
So the nun says, “If you think I’m going to gargle with that crap after she sticks her ass in it, you’ve got another thing coming.” ---
**Author:** ![Meleemancer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@Meleemancer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meleemancer)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2005, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/200 "2005-05-28T20:05:40Z")
“I have reduced the problem to one that has previously been solved.” “First visualize an N-dimensional space, then let N go to 7.” Open door, get elephant out, put giraffe in, close door. People who live in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones. Irene. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261.md?page=11)