# Just the Punchlines, Please. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 24, 2005, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261 "2005-05-24T15:08:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Nic2004](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4491bb/32.png) [@Nic2004](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nic2004)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2005, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/201 "2005-05-28T20:12:39Z")
I wouldn’t send a knight out on a dog like this! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Unkempt\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b782af/32.png) [@The\_Unkempt\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Unkempt_One)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2005, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/202 "2005-05-28T20:35:29Z")
“Ha Ha” Said the farmer, “Ha Ha” ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2005, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/203 "2005-05-28T22:49:57Z")
“Aren’t you sorry now you sent me to the vet?” “No, but the pigs are in the truck, honking the horn.” ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/204 "2005-05-29T00:41:59Z")
Got any more dogs? We just met our wives…one was on a skateboard and the other was hitchhiking. Gosh, that’s a hard one. Thank you. (said without tongue - “Ghannngh ghyoooou.”) No, that goes UNDER the bed. Give him back his 15 cents and tell him to go to hell. All right. Break’s over. Back on your heads. On my balls. ---
**Author:** ![vl\_mungo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc8723/32.png) [@vl\_mungo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vl_mungo)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/205 "2005-05-29T00:54:12Z")
… if you can find my keys, we can drive out of here. ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/206 "2005-05-29T01:40:25Z")
I lifted up the cow’s tail and said “Hey, lady, does this look like yours?” …and she hit me in the throat with a nine-iron. ---
**Author:** ![NoPretentiousCodename](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/82dd89/32.png) [@NoPretentiousCodename](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoPretentiousCodename)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/207 "2005-05-29T03:23:51Z")
“You’re scared?! I have to walk back alone!” None of them knew when to SHUT THE HELL UP! The third one just slid down her barstool. “How do you think I opened the beer?” “No, but I sold your thermos for 50 bucks!” ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/208 "2005-05-29T04:15:36Z")
“There’s only two things I hate during sex–the smell of hair burning and the sound of a woman screaming.” “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?” “Nah–I was in line behind you at the supermarket.” ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/209 "2005-05-29T04:31:46Z")
“Because you’re fucking ugly.” ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/210 "2005-05-29T05:22:12Z")
. . . and the wax shot out of his ears. ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/211 "2005-05-29T05:24:24Z")
Dentist? No, I’m a mortician. ---
**Author:** ![Thalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f475e1/32.png) [@Thalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thalion)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/212 "2005-05-29T05:57:50Z")
Sorry. I must be in the wrong joke. _shhhhh!_ Buzzards! Silly rabbit. Kicks are for Twids. A good start. Not enough concrete. Look at that S car go!!! ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/213 "2005-05-29T06:54:04Z")
You don’t understand, that’s Michelle. Well okay, but don’t start anything. Why the long face? For the fifth time, _ **chicken!** _ ---
**Author:** ![SpectBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a87d85/32.png) [@SpectBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpectBrain)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/214 "2005-05-29T19:29:41Z")
Anything that that damn sheep says about me is a lie! ---
**Author:** ![SpectBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a87d85/32.png) [@SpectBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpectBrain)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/215 "2005-05-29T19:30:50Z")
A niche in time saves Stein. ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/216 "2005-05-29T20:48:22Z")
“I don’t know about coyotes in college towns, son, but out here they _ **eat** _ the sheep!” ---
**Author:** ![nivlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@nivlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nivlac)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/217 "2005-05-29T20:58:39Z")
“I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!” “Holy shit!! You’re a talking sausage!!!” Christopher Walken Elvis Parsley ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/218 "2005-05-31T00:53:50Z")
I need a motorcade in Dallas like I need a hole in my head… ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/219 "2005-05-31T07:03:44Z")
“I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and fifteen bucks for a fucked-up duck!” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/220 "2005-05-31T11:57:45Z")
Ohmigod, you’re _Arthur Miller_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261.md?page=12)