# Just the Punchlines, Please. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 24, 2005, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261 "2005-05-24T15:08:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/21 "2005-05-24T16:40:31Z")
“No, but his face sure rings a bell.” “You’re right. He’s a dead ringer for Quasimodo.” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/22 "2005-05-24T16:40:36Z")
GHOST? I thought you said sex with a _goat_ ---
**Author:** ![cabdude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@cabdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cabdude)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/23 "2005-05-24T16:48:38Z")
I don’t have to run faster than him, just faster than you. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/24 "2005-05-24T16:48:39Z")
Pepper. ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/25 "2005-05-24T16:49:22Z")
“Last thing I saw was the monkey trying to shove the cork back up the pig’s ass!” ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/26 "2005-05-24T16:49:51Z")
No, darlin’, I just picked the scabs off and let the pus run. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/27 "2005-05-24T16:50:16Z")
“Got any grapes?” ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/28 "2005-05-24T17:01:09Z")
Kiss you? We shouldn’t even be doing _this!_ ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/29 "2005-05-24T17:04:44Z")
Actually, sir, we use the camel to ride into town. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/30 "2005-05-24T17:05:52Z")
Sorry to say, Lady, this just ain’t your day. ---
**Author:** ![TwoTrouts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a9adbd/32.png) [@TwoTrouts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwoTrouts)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/31 "2005-05-24T17:06:28Z")
“Nothing?!?! Here, have a hump!” ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/32 "2005-05-24T17:10:03Z")
“Hard! A shistol pot! A pit shot! A shit pot! A cow shit! Bullshit, I shouldn’t have been in the goddamned play in the first place!” ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/33 "2005-05-24T17:11:32Z")
Don’t worry, Ma’am, I’ll take care of it. And can I get you a banana for your pet monkey? ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/34 "2005-05-24T17:12:01Z")
Two. One to change the lightbulb, and the other to hold the penis- _I mean **ladder**!_ ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/35 "2005-05-24T17:12:33Z")
Look at the f&cking clouds! ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/36 "2005-05-24T17:13:08Z")
Huh. And he still believes in genies? ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/37 "2005-05-24T17:13:50Z")
A pig like that you don’t eat all at one time. ---
**Author:** ![NoPretentiousCodename](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/82dd89/32.png) [@NoPretentiousCodename](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoPretentiousCodename)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/38 "2005-05-24T17:15:19Z")
How 'bout a kiss? ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/39 "2005-05-24T17:15:23Z")
I don’t have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/40 "2005-05-24T17:16:04Z")
Yes, but my dog doesn’t. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261.md?page=3)