# Just the Punchlines, Please. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 24, 2005, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261 "2005-05-24T15:08:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2005, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/141 "2005-05-25T21:20:01Z")
I got a f **k for a duck, a duck for a f** k, ten bucks to duck a f **k, and I’ve still got the f** king duck! ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2005, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/142 "2005-05-25T21:37:01Z")
“A hot flaxseed poultice? Doc, I coulda sworn you said to lay a hot, flaccid poetess on my chest.” ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2005, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/143 "2005-05-25T22:16:03Z")
Help me! Help me! My husband’s stuck! This one sure as hell does! It’s running down my leg. A submarine. Where are you going, oh boy-foot bear with teaks of Chan? I said she was fuckin’ Goofy! We needed the eggs. Could you get this guy out of my ass? –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/144 "2005-05-26T00:38:17Z")
If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a “teethbrush.” ---
**Author:** ![ILovCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e99b99/32.png) [@ILovCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ILovCoffee)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/145 "2005-05-26T00:59:47Z")
Should I have said, " DiMaggio"? That’s not my dog. ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/146 "2005-05-26T01:03:04Z")
Nothing, except grapes are purple. ---
**Author:** ![Nic2004](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4491bb/32.png) [@Nic2004](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nic2004)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/147 "2005-05-26T01:13:40Z")
Which only goes to show that a Benny shaved is a Benny urned. ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/148 "2005-05-26T01:28:30Z")
You want a two lane highway or a four lane highway? How the elephant got in my pajamas I’ll never know. ---
**Author:** ![Tamarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tamarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamarin)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/149 "2005-05-26T02:54:21Z")
“When he comes to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole.” ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/150 "2005-05-26T10:21:15Z")
Becuase they’re both on someone’s ass and usually full of shit. ---
**Author:** ![Jurph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/50afbb/32.png) [@Jurph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurph)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/151 "2005-05-26T12:00:06Z")
A pig this special, you don’t eat all at once. Nope, I’m a frayed knot. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/152 "2005-05-26T12:48:01Z")
Either way, somebody loses a trailer. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/153 "2005-05-26T13:24:37Z")
Git in the truck, bitch. ---
**Author:** ![NoPretentiousCodename](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/82dd89/32.png) [@NoPretentiousCodename](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoPretentiousCodename)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/154 "2005-05-26T14:46:56Z")
Everyone has one and most of 'em stink. ---
**Author:** ![NoPretentiousCodename](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/82dd89/32.png) [@NoPretentiousCodename](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoPretentiousCodename)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/155 "2005-05-26T14:48:03Z")
–Please! ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/156 "2005-05-26T15:35:06Z")
— It is scary how many of these I recognise – Stays awake all night wondering if there really is a dog. A stick Dung! Zzub. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/157 "2005-05-26T16:29:59Z")
Nothing. He told her twice already. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/158 "2005-05-26T17:20:12Z")
Because goose doesn’t rhyme. ---
**Author:** ![Agonist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@Agonist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agonist)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/159 "2005-05-26T17:32:09Z")
All right, Saracen, now where’s that lady with the toothache? ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/160 "2005-05-26T17:46:34Z")
“Hi, there, sir, I’m _ **CHUCK** _ and -” " **HEY**! Git th’hell outa’ here! * * * True Blue Jack [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261.md?page=9)