# Just the Punchlines, Please. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 24, 2005, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261 "2005-05-24T15:08:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/161 "2005-05-26T17:50:51Z")
(Ghetto accent from an 11- year old boy) "Yes, Ma’amm, acshullly I hass… **But Ah’ve nevah seen one so big Ah could crawl right back in agin!!!"** * * * True Blue Jack ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/162 "2005-05-26T18:02:08Z")
Look at the schmuck on that camel! “I think not,” and disappeared. ---
**Author:** ![Agonist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@Agonist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agonist)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/163 "2005-05-26T18:12:39Z")
Artie chokes three for a dollar. Peter, I can see your house from up here! The bullfighter wins, sometimes the bull… Once they’re on their backs, they’re both screwed. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/164 "2005-05-26T18:17:47Z")
No. He was up on the back of the couch licking his ass when he fell off and broke his neck. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/165 "2005-05-26T20:57:06Z")
[“Hey—a dog THAT good, you wouldn’t wanna eat him all at once!”](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=986663&postcount=24) ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/166 "2005-05-26T21:02:09Z")
On a theme: Why, Officer, is there a fat bird in my car? Tonight, I’m the designated decoy! What, don’t you believe me? And also: One leg, both the same. The higher the fewer. Orange you glad I didn’t say “banana”! No, cows go moo. An abelian grape! ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/167 "2005-05-26T22:08:55Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > It doesn’t say “puny.” It says “Punxsutawney.” Doctor, that doesn’t say tiny, it says Ticonderoga NY Jeff fell down! I know, Dear. That’s why I poisoned you. Now hush and let it work. Just put it on my bill. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/168 "2005-05-26T22:40:54Z")
Spit or swallow. ---
**Author:** ![Lao\_Tsu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lao\_Tsu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lao_Tsu)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/169 "2005-05-26T23:12:32Z")
“Happy Day! Death by Bubbalewboe!” “The dishes, if she knows what’s good for her.” “Rats! Great big fuckin’ rats, with cocks this long!” ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2005, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/170 "2005-05-26T23:45:18Z")
I’ll get half way across and you’ll turn the flashlight off! ---
**Author:** ![N.Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f19dbf/32.png) [@N.Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N.Sane)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/171 "2005-05-27T00:12:16Z")
“Well, dear, I hated to pith on it, but you know how you hate dry grapefruit!” “Big fart, no Chief.” “Pardon me, Roy. Is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?” “I left my harp in Sam Clam’s Disco!” “Well, tell him that Mr. Rab **bit** is here with the shit!” “Tying my shoes.” The cigar. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MagicEyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@MagicEyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MagicEyes)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/172 "2005-05-27T00:13:12Z")
The tiger just pants. How did you get your nose between his tiny little legs? How do you drive this thing? But this one’s eating my popcorn! One was assaulted. Why the long face? It was stapled to the punk-rocker. ---
**Author:** ![N.Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f19dbf/32.png) [@N.Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N.Sane)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/173 "2005-05-27T00:18:19Z")
“But with the grace of G-d and these two fingers, I managed to shove 'em back in!” ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/174 "2005-05-27T00:31:32Z")
Old Cary Grant fine. How you? ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/175 "2005-05-27T01:00:29Z")
One leg over each ear. ---
**Author:** ![MagicEyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@MagicEyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MagicEyes)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/176 "2005-05-27T01:08:20Z")
“Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?” ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/177 "2005-05-27T01:52:26Z")
What? And give up showbusiness? ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/178 "2005-05-27T12:02:19Z")
I didn’t know you could yodel! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/179 "2005-05-27T12:09:10Z")
As it just so happens, _I’m_ the fucking hall monitor. That would be Rio by Duran Duran. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261/180 "2005-05-27T12:40:21Z")
Get away from me, I’m on disability! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-the-punchlines-please/305261.md?page=10)