# Just what is unrealistic about porn? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 16, 2015, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302 "2015-07-16T05:52:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/21 "2015-07-16T13:51:21Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > The lights are always on. > > I mean, really! Who does that?! > > šŸ˜‰ Perverts, perverts and criminals, thatā€™s who. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/22 "2015-07-16T13:52:49Z")
And people who are too drunk to reach the light switch. ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/23 "2015-07-16T13:57:18Z")
> [@Vera98](#): > > Iā€™m 24 with limited sexual experience. I keep hearing about how porn creates unrealistic expectations, esp. for men. Now, I know that everything is staged and airbrushed. Obviously the plot is unrealistic. I donā€™t think most people have sex with the pizza delivery guy. Nor do they often have in candle-lit rooms or on marble staircases. Now, as for body image; well, these days many women around the world have plastic surgery, men who are well-endowed and both women and men of all ages work on their fitness. Many people buy sex toys. So, what is really so unrealistic? I mean there many mainstream Hollywood movies and TV shows that are unrealistic in portrayal of emotional aspect of relationships, especially when they pretend thatā€™s how it is in real life. Cockran, is that you? Yes, I watch too much Survivor. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/24 "2015-07-16T14:02:52Z")
Since this is about entertainment;), letā€™s move it to Cafe Society. Colibri General Questions Moderator ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/25 "2015-07-16T14:08:03Z")
Honestly, the most unrealistic thing about porn is the positioning/angling. What generates the oxytocin and makes sex exhilarating and intimate for most people is not the mere genital-on-genital stimulation but the skin-on-skin contact, being close enough to smell the other person, not to mention kissing, etc. Typical porn positions, where there is virtually no physical contact between the actors other than penetration, arenā€™t even very pleasurable when you try them with your own partner. (All IMO, of course.) ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/26 "2015-07-16T14:11:40Z")
Few real life women wear shoes in bed. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/27 "2015-07-16T14:11:43Z")
I suppose the biggest unrealistic expectation it creates is regarding what exactly is pleasurable humping for 40 minutes while frequently changing positions based on whether a third person can clearly see your genitals does not feel good in real life. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/28 "2015-07-16T14:25:57Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Porn is to real sex as a cop drama is to real police work. Specifically, as one of the later-generation ā€œforensicā€ cop dramas with the fantasy all-knowing instant-response DNA and records database and the infinite resolution enlarge/enhance screens. It was mentioned in another thread some time ago, much porn is if anything getting more unrealistic, because we are now dealing with whole generations who themselves grew up with easy access porn, meaning they learned about sex from porn to begin with so it winds up a caricature OF a caricature, and on top of that jadedness sets in and you have to ratchet up the ā€œpervā€ factor (i.e. the earlier mentioned rough treatment scenes). ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/29 "2015-07-16T14:31:41Z")
Nothing ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/30 "2015-07-16T14:40:43Z")
It might be easier to answer what is realistic about porn. Other than truly amateur stuff filmed with a fixed cam that is out of position (or even worse, hand held throughout the deed) with poor sound and lighting, nothing is real about porn (for what I would consider the vast majority of the population). ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/31 "2015-07-16T14:46:00Z")
> [@ralph124c](#): > > Not much to add here, except that the actors are young, good looking, and sream and moan a lot. Question: those 'erotic massage" clips; what is that oily stuff that the masseuse spreads over the body? It looks like some kind of aloe. Youā€™re probably thinking of nuru. Probably not safe to google. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/32 "2015-07-16T14:53:32Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > um, oil? Which, just in case anyone doesnā€™t already know this yet, should NOT be used during real life sexyfuntimes if youā€™re going to be anywhere near a latex condom or dental dam without washing with soap and water first. Oil eats holes in latex. So, thereā€™s one thing, for sure. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/33 "2015-07-16T14:55:30Z")
No foreplay. In fact, I always wonder who fluffs the women? I know thereā€™s fluffers for men to get them hard before shooting, but women donā€™t just spontaneously get wet with zero stimulation. So I assume theyā€™re using lube off camera, but still. That could still be painful without at least some arousal. And that sets up an expectation that many young men donā€™t understand or realize that women are like old muscle cars: If you get in and floor it, the car is just going to stall because itā€™s cold. But if you let it warm up first, itā€™ll haul ass all day long. The importance and necessity of foreplay is skipped because who cares about the womanā€™s pleasure? (Lesbian porn excepted.) I love porn and think it can be a great tool for building intimacy, but it should never, _ever_ be used as an instructional video. If you donā€™t have much experience and donā€™t know what to do, donā€™t start educating yourself with porn. ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/34 "2015-07-16T14:56:13Z")
One thing I havenā€™t seen stressed in the above answers is that in porn, itā€™s all about sex. In real life, itā€™s never all about sex, unless itā€™s a man with a prostitute, or a random hookup. When two people with any kind of a relationship at all have sex itā€™s a more complicated transaction than putting tab A into slot B. ---
**Author:** ![lalaith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@lalaith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lalaith)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/35 "2015-07-16T14:57:33Z")
> [@Vera98](#): > > Now, as for body image; well, these days many women around the world have plastic surgery _That_, by definition, is unrealistic. Itā€™s trying to achieve an unrealistic body type. And that you couldnā€™t intuitively understand that makes me sad. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/36 "2015-07-16T15:05:03Z")
I guess most of the technical stuff has already been covered. The biggest thing IMO, is that women are things, specifically fucktoys ---
**Author:** ![Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e47c2d/32.png) [@Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hershele_Ostropoler)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/37 "2015-07-16T15:06:12Z")
Itā€™s not unrealistic the way a Michael Bay movie is unrealistic; itā€™s unrealistic the way an Aaron Sorkin movie is unrealistic. Maybe less ā€œunrealisticā€ and more ā€œidealizedā€. Is any fiction truly realistic, including the dull parts of life? Porn is often scripted, so the problems of the participants not being on the same page are much less, in degree and frequency, than in real life. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/38 "2015-07-16T15:13:06Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > No foreplay. > The importance and necessity of foreplay is skipped because who cares about the womanā€™s pleasure? (Lesbian porn excepted.) I think itā€™s more pernicious than that. In porn, female pleasure is there to serve as proof of the manā€™s masculinity and power. Itā€™s about ā€œmaking her comeā€ and the basic idea is that if heā€™s man enough, that aura will propel her to massive, screaming orgasm. the most sexually creepy guys I have known were really into female pleasure, because it was all about them and their ability to control/overpower/humiliate. I think porn can reinforce that idea because of the over-the-top fake female orgasms in response to raw pounding. Itā€™d actually be less problematic if the women just lay there as passive vessels. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/39 "2015-07-16T15:23:37Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > the most sexually creepy guys I have known were really into female pleasure, because it was all about them and their ability to control/overpower/humiliate. Yeah, itā€™s really creepy that some men want to give pleasure to women. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2015, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/40 "2015-07-16T15:29:02Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > Yeah, itā€™s really creepy that some men want to give pleasure to women. I think Manda is referring to forcing pleasure, that in porn female pleasure is like some video game or sport where if the guy is mechanically adept he can score an orgasm [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302.md?page=3)