# Just what is unrealistic about porn? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 16, 2015, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302 "2015-07-16T05:52:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2015, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/101 "2015-07-20T16:45:22Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > Porn vids generally end before the cleanup. Real sex is messy, can get queefy or farty depending on the hole. Interesting that no one has mentioned odors. All the smelly things that go on during sex: Has anyone showered recently? Various odors from various bodily openings; Halitosis; Farting; Accidental release of bowels; Vomit in mouth; “Santorum.” Perhaps being “unrealistic” can be a good thing. ---
**Author:** ![Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ac8455/32.png) [@Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Your_Great_Darsh_Face)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2015, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/102 "2015-07-20T16:57:40Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Interesting that no one has mentioned odors. All the smelly things that go on during sex: Has anyone showered recently? Various odors from various bodily openings; Halitosis; Farting; Accidental release of bowels; Vomit in mouth; “Santorum.” > > Perhaps being “unrealistic” can be a good thing. I’ve managed to miss the last three of these, but perhaps your sex life has been more exciting. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2015, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/103 "2015-07-20T18:59:21Z")
I worked in pizza when I was younger. Not a one of our drivers were ever offered sex in exchange for pizza, although the topic was lively enough among us that we did have a policy in place in case a driver was ever confronted with the actuality.\* In interviews, I have read that porn stars are not crazy about some of the bizarre positions they have to contort themselves into in order to show off the goods for the camera. Cracked had an article this past week in which a lesbian performer complained she even pulled a muscle in her TONGUE, once… \*“You take too long, you risk getting written up. And you pay for the pizza out of your check. Aside from that, cheers!” ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2015, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/104 "2015-07-20T19:39:02Z")
> [@Master\_Wang-Ka](#): > > I worked in pizza when I was younger. Not a one of our drivers were ever offered sex in exchange for pizza, although the topic was lively enough among us that we did have a policy in place in case a driver was ever confronted with the actuality. My brother the plumber had been hit on several times by customers, so it’s not entirely a fictional scenario. Hotel bellhops would seem to be the most likely job to actually encounter no-strings offers of sex. When you combine the fact that one party is traveling and can move on without entanglements, and the fact that they are usually standing in a bedroom… ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2015, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/105 "2015-07-20T19:42:13Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > My brother the plumber had been hit on several times by customers, so it’s not entirely a fictional scenario. Plainly, I shooda gone into the plumbing business. Either that, or your brother is just a smokin’ Hasslehoff sex beast… ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2015, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/106 "2015-07-20T19:46:27Z")
> [@Master\_Wang-Ka](#): > > I worked in pizza when I was younger. Not a one of our drivers were ever offered sex in exchange for pizza, although the topic was lively enough among us that we did have a policy in place in case a driver was ever confronted with the actuality. My brother the plumber had been hit on several times by customers, so it’s not entirely a fictional scenario. That is how he met his current girlfriend. She called the plumbing company looking for a “cat friendly” plumber. She wanted to ensure her kitchen faucet _would_ leak, as one of her cats particularly enjoyed licking water from a dripping faucet. He knew how to make that work, they met, hit it off and have been together ever since. Hotel bellhops would seem to be the most likely job to actually encounter no-strings offers of sex. When you combine the fact that one party is traveling and can move on without entanglements, and the fact that they are usually standing in a bedroom… > [@](#): > > In interviews, I have read that porn stars are not crazy about some of the bizarre positions they have to contort themselves into in order to show off the goods for the camera. Cracked had an article this past week in which a lesbian performer complained she even pulled a muscle in her TONGUE, once… I’ve read of performer contracts that specify the maximum number of minutes they will endure particularly unpleasant positions like the “Piledriver” - the woman performing a headstand while the man plunges his penis downward (which doesn’t sound all that pleasant either). ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2015, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/107 "2015-07-20T21:56:10Z")
> [@Master\_Wang-Ka](#): > > Plainly, I shooda gone into the plumbing business. Either that, or your brother is just a smokin’ Hasslehoff sex beast… Dunno know why my post showed up twice in two different versions, but I am posting from a moving bus, so things are a little weird. My brother is a much more attractive and confident man than I am. How _much_ more I cannot say without things getting into a very weird area. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2015, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/108 "2015-07-20T23:04:55Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > “Santorum.” Pass the brain bleach. ---
**Author:** ![BrassyPhrase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea666f/32.png) [@BrassyPhrase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrassyPhrase)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/109 "2015-07-21T00:16:14Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > The lack of lube. The lack of clumsiness. Women allowing men to insert cocks into pussy, ass, and mouth in sequence without a thorough cleaning in between. Doing tons of crazy shit without negotiating. Infinite, instant readiness on the part of both genders. Flexibility levels. Endurance levels. Lack of scars. Sex in stilettos without difficulty. Penis size starting with largish and going up from there. Never a hurt feeling. Rarely a condom. Women tolerating being slapped in the face and called bitches. Every white chick lusting for black dick. Black men accepting being called niggers just 'cause they’re getting blown. > > That’s off the top of my head. First response, and well, you nailed it in one. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/110 "2015-07-21T01:13:40Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > My brother the plumber had been hit on several times by customers, so it’s not entirely a fictional scenario But, as I learned from this op-ed piece in noted news publication _The Onion_, “[The Plumbing Business Is Not As Glamorous As The Porn Industry Depicts](http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/the-plumbing-business-is-not-as-glamorous-as-the-p-10841).” > [@](#): > > The incidents depicted in such classic pornos as Plumbin’ In The Kitchen With Dinah and The Over-The-Sink-able Molly Brown are reportedly based on actual events. But they are wildly exaggerated in typical Hollywood style, presented in such a way as to make Joe Pipewrench’s love life seem a lot more exciting than it actually is. > > The biggest difference between fantasy and reality is, actual horny housewives don’t resemble porn-movie horny housewives as much as they do bank vaults. And they don’t lead you on with hot talk about hoses or tool belts, either–in all three of my encounters with such housewives, I had to practically come right out and proposition them. But at least those ladies were game: Most of the time when you start dropping hints, your customers look at you like they don’t know what you’re talking about. And in the movies, they don’t cry out of guilt and shame afterwards. Or worse, ask you for money. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/111 "2015-07-21T09:39:17Z")
There is WAY less sex on the Tokyo subway than some websites would have you believe. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/112 "2015-07-21T09:44:24Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > _The Breast Wing?_ > > _Charlie Wilson’s Whore?_ > > _Stripclub 60 on the Sunset Strip?_ > > _A Few Good Women?_ Gather Ye Rosebuds We Need to See a Guy About a Thing ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/113 "2015-07-21T10:23:09Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > But what’s NOT so conventional is that Scarlett Johanson’s character, whose head is filled with romantic fantasies (fueled by hundreds of chick flicks and bodice-ripping novels) Bodice rippers are written rapeporn, all that’s missing is the cum-on-face. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/114 "2015-07-21T14:21:49Z")
> [@Master\_Wang-Ka](#): > > I worked in pizza when I was younger. Not a one of our drivers were ever offered sex in exchange for pizza, although the topic was lively enough among us that we did have a policy in place in case a driver was ever confronted with the actuality.\* > > In interviews, I have read that porn stars are not crazy about some of the bizarre positions they have to contort themselves into in order to show off the goods for the camera. Cracked had an article this past week in which a lesbian performer complained she even pulled a muscle in her TONGUE, once… > > \*“You take too long, you risk getting written up. And you pay for the pizza out of your check. Aside from that, cheers!” Stephen Furst (“Flounder” from _ **Animal House** _) likes to tell interviewers that once, when he was a young, unknown actor who delivered pizzas for a living, he had to deliver a dozen pizzas to a house that, it turned out, was hosting an orgy. He was greeted at the door by a naked host and hostess who tipped him very nicely, but did NOT invite him to join in! ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/115 "2015-07-21T17:04:57Z")
> [@Master\_Wang-Ka](#): > > I worked in pizza when I was younger. Not a one of our drivers were ever offered sex in exchange for pizza, although the topic was lively enough among us that we did have a policy in place in case a driver was ever confronted with the actuality. I had a rather attractive girl answer the door in her birthday suit once. I was working for a very busy major chain pizza place with up to ~30 drivers on at any given time, so she wasn’t waiting for me specifically. Plus she’d already paid with a credit card. But I didn’t get upset when she failed to tip me in money. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/116 "2015-07-21T20:55:26Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Bodice rippers are written rapeporn, all that’s missing is the cum-on-face. I haven’t read enough… okay, I haven’t read ANY bodice rippers! My only point was (a point the movie \*\*\*Don Jon \*\*\*made better) is that men are constantly being told to give up their unrealistic pornographic dreams and fantasies, so that they can have REAL relationships with REAL women. Meanwhile, women are almost never told to put aside their unrealistic romantic dreams and fantasies. ---
**Author:** ![Maserschmidt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maserschmidt/32/18829_2.png) [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/117 "2015-07-21T22:21:05Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > I captured a completely clean screenshot that features the expression that I loathe. It’s not the most egregious example, but one that didn’t have any penis in the shot. > > [Square porno mouth](https://goo.gl/photos/cjFS1Sx6HPwrsBik6) > [@gaffa](#): > > I just found a perfect example of “square porn starlet mouth” - Scott Thompson of Kids In The Hall as Lester Esterhazy > > [http://i.ytimg.com/vi/A8uELeDcdME/hqdefault.jpg](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/A8uELeDcdME/hqdefault.jpg) I knew I’d seen this [somewhere](http://www.liberationnews.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/donaldtrump61815.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/118 "2015-07-21T22:43:08Z")
I hadn’t thought about this in years, but when I was about 23 or so and selling furniture, a woman offered me sex if I’d cut the amount of a bedroom suite in half. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/119 "2015-07-21T23:10:36Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > Meanwhile, women are almost never told to put aside their unrealistic romantic dreams and fantasies. It’s my impression that the common reaction to romance novels and their fans is basically just to point and laugh. The stereotypical bodice-ripper reader isn’t a young woman who looks like Scarlett Johansson, it’s basically the female equivalent of a neckbeard. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302/120 "2015-07-21T23:58:17Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I hadn’t thought about this in years, but when I was about 23 or so and selling furniture, a woman offered me sex if I’d cut the amount of a bedroom suite in half. It wasn’t you, she was just trying to get a “free test” drive of the bed. She was an exhibitionist and would have insisted on doing it there in the store. When I was a teen, I had a job selling t-shirts, programs and sno-cones at concerts. I would get the occasional “boob flash for free sno-cone” offer, but never got to the “half off bedroom set for sex” stage. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-what-is-unrealistic-about-porn/725302.md?page=7)