# Just When I Thought Lawn Ornaments Had Bottomed-Out **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 15, 2003, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458 "2003-11-15T19:47:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2003, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458/1 "2003-11-15T19:47:31Z")
. . . The stores are pushing those eight-foot inflatable monstrosities. They’ve been around a few years, but for some reason they’ve exploded (I wish!) this year. Started at Halloween, with giant jack-o-lanterns. Now the Thanksgiving crap is out: mostly huge inflated turkeys (dressed up as pilgrims, in a last-ditch, desperate effort to avoid being killed and eaten). And the local Shop Rite and Rite Aid (can no one spell “Right” anymore?) are showing titanic, looming Santas, many of them being impersonated by Homer Simpson. I shudder to think what’s coming for Martin Luther King, Jr’s., birthday . . . ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2003, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458/2 "2003-11-15T21:58:14Z")
…seven-foot inflatable lawn gnomes that have motion detectors, and when activated, recite quotes from the “I Have A Dream” speech? No, maybe not. That’s copyrighted, you know. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2003, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458/3 "2003-11-15T21:59:53Z")
There’s one advantage to giant lawn ornaments. If stratigically placed in one’s window, they keep burglars, solicitors, and relatives away. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2003, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458/4 "2003-11-16T00:06:08Z")
My local grocery store has a giant football player in an Iggles uniform ready to tackle anyone in the express lane who gets out of line. So to speak. ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2003, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458/5 "2003-11-16T08:12:26Z")
My neighbor across the street has a business pushing these monstrosities. The giant purple spider for halloween was deflated more than it was inflated. Her yard always has something in it. ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2003, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458/6 "2003-11-16T08:16:47Z")
The Super Walmart in town has an inflatable football player. I think the team is Texas A&M but I really wouldn’t know. I hope I never see one of those things on somebody’s yard. ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2003, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458/7 "2003-11-16T08:23:10Z")
Has anybody seen a giant inflatable Chthulu monstrosity for sale? Fortunately, chthulu’s make great year round lawn ornaments. ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2003, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458/8 "2003-11-16T13:27:08Z")
The thing about these inflatable monstrosities is that – unlike concrete ducks and plastic flamingoes and silhouette cutouts of men leaning on the porch to grab a smoke – they’re easily defeated. By defeated, I mean deflated. Wait until dark, then approach stealthily with a straight pin, and _POP_ no more inflatable lawn ornaments. Not that I advocate vandalism, of course. Just, you know, sharing this information so that if any tragedy befalls your neighbor’s Pilgrim Turkey, Frosty the Snowmoose or Homer Claus, you might be better able to help them understand their inflatable’s fate. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2003, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458/9 "2003-11-16T13:49:08Z")
**TeaElle** , for some reason, your post reminds me of these spam emails I’m always getting. You know; the ones that say “I can show you how to get electricity, online porn, cable television, gasoline and telephone service for free. We’re not saying you should actually do this. It’s for information purposes only!” Yeah, your post sounds a lot like that! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2003, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458/10 "2003-11-16T13:52:04Z")
More ways lawn ornaments could get worse … A giant inflatable planet earth for Earth Day. How about a giant inflatable tree for Arbor Day? If you have to chop down a tree to make room for it, heap on a giant dose of irony. Giant inflatable Founding Fathers for July 4th could be great fun if someone accidentally fires off their fireworks at them … ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2003, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458/11 "2003-11-16T15:05:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lee \* > \*\*My neighbor across the street has a business pushing these monstrosities. The giant purple spider for halloween was deflated more than it was inflated. \*\* Obviously, someone on your street has a b.b. gun . . . ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2003, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458/12 "2003-11-16T20:59:13Z")
There’s a giant inflatable Saints football player in our local Wal-Mart. As if shopping there wasn’t frightening enough. There’s a pair of houses several blocks down the street who compete each year to out-kitsch their yards for Christmas. While I think their total lawn ornament counts are probably pretty comparable in number, the effect is diluted for one because their yard is twice as big. They should be going up right after Thanksgiving; I’ll be sure to collect photographic evidence to horrify all and sundry. If ever there was proof that for some people, if you took away their bad taste they wouldn’t have any at all… ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2003, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458/13 "2003-11-16T22:43:19Z")
Last week they actually had a segment on the local news(Nashville) where somebody in a neighboring town had their giant, pilgrim clad turkey stolen. They were offering a $10 reward. Up until then I had been naive about the existence of these things. ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e79b87/32.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka1)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2003, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458/14 "2003-11-16T22:47:06Z")
If I EVER saw a seven foot inflatable Cthulhu for sale, I’d buy it. Santa hat or no Santa hat. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458/15 "2003-11-17T03:10:40Z")
[An 8-foot inflatable nativity](http://www.buyinflatables.com/christmas/15508.html). I wonder if the Baby Jesus lights up at night. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458/16 "2003-11-17T04:26:52Z")
Last year we drove around to see Christmas lights, and came across one family that had built an entire manger scene in their yard – complete with open shed-type stable – with a whole procession of wooden cutout animals marching up to adore the baby Jesus lying in his manger, being gazed at adoringly by… Santa Claus. There IS justifiable homicide in Louisiana, I understand. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458/17 "2003-11-17T04:53:14Z")
So wait-there’s a _Titanic_? I must have! And then a giant inflatable iceberg! HA! Seriously, as my mother pointed out, these things are about fifty bucks a piece. And then they just sit there and deflate. What a waste of money. But I still think a _Titanic_ and an iceberg would be pretty cool. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458/18 "2003-11-17T05:44:44Z")
That house near where I work (the one with the sign that says **No Admittance While Alive** ) has about a half a dozen of these things, including the Homer Simpson Santa. ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458/19 "2003-11-17T07:39:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Horseflesh \* > \*\*Has anybody seen a giant inflatable Chthulu monstrosity for sale? Fortunately, chthulu’s make great year round lawn ornaments. \*\* The human who makes a inflatable statue in my image will be eaten last. So hurry up on it! ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyMensch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@MonkeyMensch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyMensch)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458/20 "2003-11-17T08:01:56Z")
So am I going to hell for having an inflatable Santa-baby in my inflatable Créche? Just wondering… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/just-when-i-thought-lawn-ornaments-had-bottomed-out/213458.md?page=2)