# Juvenile Superman questions **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 23, 2013, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140 "2013-05-23T17:35:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140/21 "2013-05-24T00:20:15Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > The last thing anyone needs is for Krypto to mark a fire hydrant by peeing on it, and the resulting stream of hypervelocity urine to slice everything downstream in half like a superpowered yellow laser beam. I understand that this was the first draft of how they were going to write Hal Jordan out of the DCU. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140/22 "2013-05-24T00:40:52Z")
> [@mlees](#): > > Superman can pick up a raw egg without cracking it, as well as give Lois a hug. The muscles used for peeing aren’t the same ones, but with practice, you can teach yourself to “ease up” on the flow/pressure. Superman presumably has super sphincter control. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_A.Robrin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sam_a.robrin/32/14497_2.png) [@Sam\_A.Robrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_A.Robrin)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140/23 "2013-05-24T00:51:52Z")
Superman shaves with precision searing stubble with heat vision –burna shave ---
**Author:** ![OtisCampbellWasRight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/d78d45/32.png) [@OtisCampbellWasRight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtisCampbellWasRight)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140/24 "2013-05-24T16:13:25Z")
These and other burning questions are addressed in Larry Niven’s “Man of Steel, woman of Kleenex.” Juvenile Super ejaculate rocketing off at near-light speed comes (:eek:) to mind! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140/25 "2013-05-24T16:15:34Z")
> [@OtisCampbellWasRight](#): > > These and other burning questions are addressed in Larry Niven’s “Man of Steel, woman of Kleenex.” > > Juvenile Super ejaculate rocketing off at near-light speed comes (:eek:) to mind! That’s the link in Post #3. ---
**Author:** ![OtisCampbellWasRight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/d78d45/32.png) [@OtisCampbellWasRight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtisCampbellWasRight)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140/26 "2013-05-24T17:06:07Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > That’s the link in Post #3. Sorry. My bad. :o ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140/27 "2013-05-24T17:12:59Z")
> [@Sam\_A.Robrin](#): > > Superman > > shaves with precision > > searing stubble > > with heat vision > > –burna shave Brilliant. What if Superman farts, man? Would he choke everyone in the room? ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140/28 "2013-05-24T17:25:50Z")
Yup. Well, it happened that way in a Wonder Warthog underground comic strip; and in MAD parody he knocked everyone out with his superbad breath. ---
**Author:** ![OtisCampbellWasRight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/d78d45/32.png) [@OtisCampbellWasRight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtisCampbellWasRight)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140/29 "2013-05-24T17:27:13Z")
> [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](#): > > Brilliant. > > What if Superman farts, man? Would he choke everyone in the room? Perhaps we have stumbled upon the answer to the worlds energy problems: I give you “Supernatural Gas!” Let’s just hope Superman is a big fan of baked beans…🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140/30 "2013-05-24T17:35:49Z")
Wasn’t there some Elseworld comic where Superman runs a giant dynamo to power America and/or the world? Or was that a Superman expy in another comic? ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140/31 "2013-05-24T17:37:59Z")
In _The Dark Knight Returns_ by Frank Miller, the powers that be have the Flash running on a treadmill to power the USA. I haven’t read all the Elseworlds, so maybe there too. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140/32 "2013-05-24T18:45:32Z")
> [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](#): > > Wasn’t there some Elseworld comic where Superman runs a giant dynamo to power America and/or the world? Or was that a Superman expy in another comic? Maybe you were thinking of [this](http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=2305). ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140/33 "2013-05-24T19:12:45Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Maybe you were thinking of [this](http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=2305). Actually yeah, I think I was thinking of that. Am I ready for the weekend or what? ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140/34 "2013-05-24T20:39:30Z")
> [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](#): > > But then didn’t he get better? 😃 Actually, he did! He came back as the Hate Monger, dressed in a purplish version of a KKK cloak/hood and fought the Fantastic Four in the 60’s. edit: [http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/3b/Hatemonger1.jpg/230px-Hatemonger1.jpg](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/3b/Hatemonger1.jpg/230px-Hatemonger1.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140/35 "2013-05-24T20:46:23Z")
> [@TBG](#): > > Actually, he did! He came back as the Hate Monger, dressed in a purplish version of a KKK cloak/hood and fought the Fantastic Four in the 60’s. > > edit: [http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/3b/Hatemonger1.jpg/230px-Hatemonger1.jpg](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/3b/Hatemonger1.jpg/230px-Hatemonger1.jpg) He was stuck in the Cosmic Cube for a while as well. Comic writers have gotten a lot of mileage out of Hitler. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140/36 "2013-06-01T00:20:11Z")
I was listening to talk radio today when this subject came up amongst the host and his guests. One of the guests proposed the Hancock method: scratches the whiskers off with his fingernails. Which, of course, prompted the question: how does Hancock trim his nails? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140/37 "2013-06-01T01:38:41Z")
> [@TBG](#): > > Actually, he did! He came back as the Hate Monger, dressed in a purplish version of a KKK cloak/hood and fought the Fantastic Four in the 60’s. > > edit: [http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/3b/Hatemonger1.jpg/230px-Hatemonger1.jpg](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/3b/Hatemonger1.jpg/230px-Hatemonger1.jpg) So, coming back around: Marvel’s super-powered hero may have failed to kill Hitler in his bunker, but IIRC it’s canon that DC’s Unknown Soldier iced the guy just fine. [QUOTE=Lute Skywatcher] Which, of course, prompted the question: how does Hancock trim his nails? [/QUOTE] He’s a chronic nail-biter? ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140/38 "2013-06-01T23:26:52Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > He’s a chronic nail-biter? Works for his fingernails, but what about his toenails!? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2013, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140/39 "2013-06-02T00:14:47Z")
I can’t believe I’m the first to mention ye old classic [Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex](http://www.wattpad.com/115285-man-of-steel-woman-of-kleenex-by-larry-niven). 😉 ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2013, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140/40 "2013-06-02T00:42:36Z")
> [@alphaboi867](#): > > I can’t believe I’m the first to mention ye old classic [Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex](http://www.wattpad.com/115285-man-of-steel-woman-of-kleenex-by-larry-niven). 😉 [You’re not.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16317398&postcount=3) 😉 Not even the [second](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16320480&postcount=24). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/juvenile-superman-questions/659140.md?page=1)