# Kalista, Don't Make Me Celebrate the Resurrection of Our Savior By EATING YOUR HEART **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 17, 2003, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325 "2003-04-17T15:17:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2003, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325/1 "2003-04-17T15:17:19Z")
Three days ago my cellphone rings, it’s a fun tune, “Sunny Walks” on the Nokia selection. The caller ID simply says “call”, no number, no name. I answer cheerily, “This is Jessica!” “Lemme talk to Kalista.” “Excuse me?” “Kalista there?” “No, I think you have a wrong number.” _click_ Well! I’m not going to let a wrong number bring ME down, no way. Except I got three more of those calls THAT day, each more formal than the first…and a bit curt and cold when I informed them YET AGAIN, that KALISTA HAS GIVEN YOU AN INCORRECT PHONE NUMBER. I was met with sighs, with ‘mmmhmmms’, with audible raised eyebrows as if I had Kalista giggling in the background, refusing to take the call. So, last night was number SEVEN of these calls in three days. No caller id, just ‘call’ “May I speak with Kalista \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* (full name)” while I speak, I ritualistically carve _“KILL KILL KILL”_ in my kitchen counter. “THIS is an incorrect number for Kalista. And this is the seventh call I’ve received.” “An incorrect number.” “Yes.” “Is this \*\*\* \*\*\* \*\*\*\*” “Yes, and it’s my phone number, not Kalista’s.” “And you know Kalista?” “No! You have a wrong number” “Do you know where Kalista is? Right now?” “NO. WRONG NUMBER” and the woman hung up. **Ahem** Kalista, angelcake, if you gave MY CELLPHONE NUMBER to a selection of collection agencies [sub] (which I’ve heard on the phone and these people SOUNDED collections ish, very rude and pushy and such, not friends of Kalistas)[/sub] in order to avoid having to speak with them, I will find you. I will find you and force feed you rotten, molding green peppers. I tie rabid moles to your nether regions and allow them to feast and burrow into your loins. I WILL PULL YOUR LUNGS THROUGH THE BACK OF YOUR SPINE and sacrifice you to the Red Dragon. These calls MUST STOP. IMMEDIATELY. YOU HEAR ME KALISTA? REPENT. REPENT NOW, DO IT FOR EASTER, TWATPLUG. TRUST ME. **JESUS WANTS YOU TO CUT THIS FUCKING SHIT OUT.** ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2003, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325/2 "2003-04-17T15:20:49Z")
If you don’t know her, how do you know how to spell her name? Maybe it’s Calista with a “C”, as in Calista Flockhart, and she’s dodging members of her “For God’s Sake, Eat Something!” support group. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2003, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325/3 "2003-04-17T15:22:36Z")
Yeah, well, ever since Ally McBeal was cancelled, maybe she’s having a hard time paying for her liposuction. My ex-roommate once had a similar problem, except that people called expecting to get a local ER. Add to this the callers’ frantic moods because their loved ones were dying of butt cancer, and you realize what an un-pretty situation it was. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2003, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325/4 "2003-04-17T15:29:35Z")
Yep I have the same problem on my home line. I think whoever keeps calling doesn’t speak English, further compunding the problem. I feel your pain. ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2003, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325/5 "2003-04-17T15:41:39Z")
I’ve been getting anywhere from 2-12 calls _per day_ for the last couple weeks from some inmate somewhere. I absolutely refuse to accept an $8.00 collect call just to tell some degenerate to stop fucking calling me, but there isn’t an option to block them. So I just have to hope that the fact that I refuse the charges every cockknocking time finally sinks in and he stops ringing me up. Ugh. So yeah, I feel your pain **jar**. Maybe you should invest in an airhorn, and keep it handy. ::insert devilish smiley here:: ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2003, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325/6 "2003-04-17T15:41:42Z")
I had the same problem a few weeks ago. Someone gave my cell phone number to a rent-to-own place and then apparently decided to continue to own, but not rent. The calls stopped eventually after they finally realized I didn’t have their stuff. I guess I don’t have any advice. It is annoying, though. ---
**Author:** ![roadrunner70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@roadrunner70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roadrunner70)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2003, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325/7 "2003-04-17T15:50:14Z")
Did any of 'em sound like Harrison Ford? ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2003, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325/8 "2003-04-17T16:08:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by belladonna \* > \*\*I’ve been getting anywhere from 2-12 calls _per day_ for the last couple weeks from some inmate somewhere. I absolutely refuse to accept an $8.00 collect call just to tell some degenerate to stop fucking calling me, but there isn’t an option to block them. So I just have to hope that the fact that I refuse the charges every cockknocking time finally sinks in and he stops ringing me up. Ugh. > > So yeah, I feel your pain **jar**. Maybe you should invest in an airhorn, and keep it handy. ::insert devilish smiley here:: \*\* If you know what prison he’s calling from, you can call them and ask them to please instruct the prisoner not to call you. Or they can block the number. (Depends on the phone system.) Robin ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2003, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325/9 "2003-04-17T16:24:33Z")
I don’t think moles carry rabies. Otherwise, fine sentiments. We had a selection of collection agency-ish types calling our number for _over a year-and-a-half_ trying to reach some nimrod, persisting even when told there was no one by that name at our number. In particular, one fool must have called two dozen times (not counting the hangups when he got our answering machine). This has stopped since we invested in a blocking service for no-name “personal number” calls. If they’ve got that for cellphone service, it might be worth the trouble if Kalista’s stalker won’t go away. By the way, people who program their cellphones to ring with happy tunes and go out in public, should be covered in bugs and honey and fed to starving Komodo dragons. ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2003, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325/10 "2003-04-17T16:33:57Z")
I have a friend who’s phone plays “Smoke on the Water.” Even that is pretty annoying. As far as phone calls go … I just don’t answer it any more because they are only from newspapers and telemarketers. 'Cept two weeks ago I got a call from a girl looking for a girl that I know. Who is in Virginia. No idea why she would call our house. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2003, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325/11 "2003-04-17T16:38:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jackmannii \* > \*\* > By the way, people who program their cellphones to ring with happy tunes and go out in public, should be covered in bugs and honey and fed to starving Komodo dragons. \*\* Bring it Jack. If I could get it to ring Rammstein Chords I would, but until then, it’s SUNNY WALKS. YOU WANT A PIECE OF MY PESACH WRATH? ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2003, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325/12 "2003-04-17T16:44:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gorgon Heap \* > **I have a friend who’s phone plays “Smoke on the Water.” Even that is pretty annoying.** Least it ain’t ‘Turkey in the straw’ God help us it’s getting warm out, and soon that’s all I’ll hear. That and the entertainer. \ ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2003, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325/13 "2003-04-17T17:18:15Z")
Mrs. Skammer has hers set to play “Ode to Joy.” But she’s not getting a dozen wrong numbers a day. ---
**Author:** ![Blackclaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e68b1a/32.png) [@Blackclaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackclaw)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2003, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325/14 "2003-04-17T17:20:26Z")
> [@](#): > > Kalista, Don’t Make Me Celebrate the Resurrection of Our Savior By EATING YOUR HEART Finally, a religion I can get into! Jarbaby, darling, where’s your church? I’m signing up! ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2003, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325/15 "2003-04-17T17:21:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by World Eater \* > \*\*Least it ain’t ‘Turkey in the straw’ > > God help us it’s getting warm out, and soon that’s all I’ll hear. > > That and the entertainer. > > \ \*\* You think that’s bad? My coworker’s phone plays the University of Michigan fight song. And every time I hear it (like, two minutes ago), I get that fucking song stuck in my head. AHHHHH! [sub]Hail, to the conquering heroes…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Kantalooppi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a5b964/32.png) [@Kantalooppi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kantalooppi)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2003, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325/16 "2003-04-17T17:23:12Z")
Why does the thread title make me think of Indiana Jones? Kalistaaaaa! Kalista maaaa! Shakti deeeeee! ---
**Author:** ![butter\_pie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@butter\_pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butter_pie)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2003, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325/17 "2003-04-17T17:24:31Z")
My phone is currently playing “All you Need is Love.” And I had the same thing happen to me the other morning and WAKE ME UP — someone called my cellphone for the wrong number – not once, not twice, but it wasn’t until the THIRD time that I told them I HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU WANT TO TALK TO. I keep my phone on my desk by the bed because the bf is usually the only person ever calling me in the middle of the night or morning. I was extremely annoyed. Not to mention the fact that I wasted my precious minutes arguing with him about it not being the person he wanted’s number. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2003, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325/18 "2003-04-17T17:24:47Z")
Mine plays the theme song from “Itchy and Scratchy.” 😛 fight fight fight, bite bite bite… ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2003, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325/19 "2003-04-17T17:29:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by World Eater \* > \*\*That and the entertainer. > > \ \*\* Since Scott Joplin is from here, can I continue to use The Entertainer in tribute? ---
**Author:** ![cleosia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@cleosia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cleosia)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2003, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325/20 "2003-04-17T17:29:12Z")
Mine is _Flight of the Valkyries_ which my husband has as the tune that plays when I call **his** cell phone! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kalista-dont-make-me-celebrate-the-resurrection-of-our-savior-by-eating-your-heart/169325.md?page=2)