# Kansas City DopeFest! (And orgy). W/O the orgy.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [June 28, 2002, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465 "2002-06-28T21:43:59Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 5
### Author:  [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)
#### Post date: [July 3, 2002, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465/81 "2002-07-03T20:42:06Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by psychomonkey \*
> \*\*Umm, in case I missed it (and I probably did) where will this shindig be held…what part of town?
> -PSM \*\*
Kearney, MO. Which is just 20 minutes North of Kansas City, MO. I’ll set up a website with map and directions information for you guys.
---
### Author:  [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)
#### Post date: [July 3, 2002, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465/82 "2002-07-03T20:57:05Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by SkipMagic \*
> \*\*
> Will you not be happy until I’m crumpled on the floor, wailing and gnashing and convulsing with unhappiness?! \*\*
Nail on the head, bruh-thah. 😉
**Psycho** , I must warn you that I make my deviled eggs sweet. Hell, I thought everybody did, until my friend John nearly spit one across the room at a little Summer Fire Escape BBQ I threw several years ago, when I lived in California… The following Thanksgiving, I went to HIS place, where he had a plate of “proper” deviled eggs waiting for me…
_with motherfuckin’ **horeseradish** in them!!!_
This time it was my turn to grace the company with projectile egg.
His logic is that the horseradish (the “heat”, as it were) represented the “Devil” in the egg. How could you have deviled eggs with no “Devil”?
My theory is that the Devil should be sweet (and–ahem–_palatable_), all the better to tempt you…
But I digress.
Hey! Do y’all like black beans and rice? I could bring that, too!
I get so few excuses to cook (I live alone, yet have not mastered the art of Cooking for One), so perhaps I’m getting a little nutso, here, but just go along nicely, and nobody gets hurt.
---
### Author:  [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)
#### Post date: [July 3, 2002, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465/83 "2002-07-03T21:05:23Z")
Sweet deviled eggs! Black beans and rice! Yum! Cook all you want! Please! Or I’ll keep on using exclamation points!!
---
### Author:  [@psychomonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychomonkey)
#### Post date: [July 3, 2002, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465/84 "2002-07-03T21:12:22Z")
**Auntie Em** If you brought Black Beans and rice, you would be my new favorite doper. If yall want, I could bring some salsa I picked up in Costa Rica that macks black beans and rice palatable to even the pickiest of eaters. Unless of course that would ruin your dish…
Kearney, yes, someplace I know, and doesnt involve drvivng in city traffic (I swear, Lees Summit has a high concentration of idiot drivers, and KC drivers are just downright insane.)
-PSM
---
### Author:  [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)
#### Post date: [July 3, 2002, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465/85 "2002-07-03T21:12:53Z")
OK.
Here’s what I’m bringing:
Beans
Eggs
Cabbage salad
(Hmmm, and maybe a little bottle of Beano as well…)
Candy necklaces
I could grab a bottle of Chardonnay or a 6-pack of Red Stripe on the way too, if need be. Just let me know.
---
### Author:  [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)
#### Post date: [July 3, 2002, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465/86 "2002-07-03T21:17:41Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by psychomonkey \*
> \*\ ***Auntie Em** If you brought Black Beans and rice, you would be my new favorite doper. \*\*
Just out of curiosity… who’d I just overthrow? 😉
> [@](#):
>
> **If yall want, I could bring some salsa I picked up in Costa Rica that macks black beans and rice palatable to even the pickiest of eaters. Unless of course that would ruin your dish…**
Bring it on, Baby! My beans are very versatile. I’ll be bringing some sour cream as well, because that’s how I like mine.
> [@](#):
>
> \*\*I swear, Lees Summit has a high concentration of idiot drivers . . . \*\*
Doesn’t it also have _Stephenson’s Apple Farm_? Y’all sure you don’t want to meet THERE??? 😃
---
### Author:  [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)
#### Post date: [July 3, 2002, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465/87 "2002-07-03T21:25:36Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by auntie em \*
> \*\*I could grab a bottle of Chardonnay or a 6-pack of Red Stripe on the way too, if need be. Just let me know. \*\*
Bring the Chardonnay! I already have bottles of Pinot Noir, Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, White Merlot, Zinnfadel and White Zinn. I personally plan to bring Hornsby (both original and dark) and, maybe, Heineken. (I was never a fan of beer. Or drinking for that matter. I just tend to…collect.)
**Psychomonkey** , I’m glad you know Kearney! And if you think KC drivers are bad, try Liberty. Sheesh. Nutty, all of them.
By the way, **'Em** , what’s so great about Stephenson’s? I’ve never been there, but I think it’s up in Independence. (We can meet there, of course. I don’t have no problem wit dat.)
---
### Author:  [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)
#### Post date: [July 3, 2002, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465/88 "2002-07-03T21:50:51Z")
**Skippy** (may I call you Skippy?), I was just kidding about Stephenson’s. Actually, despite the tasty apple fritters, I find it kinda cheesy and don’t recommend it, but it’s where major events (birthdays, guests in town, etc.) tended to be celebrated by my family when I was a kid.
And we went there on my 30th birthday. After my mother had vetoed my first FOUR restaurant choices (for MY BIRTHDAY DINNER), I (being the sometime smart ass that I am) spat, _“Whaddaya want, Stephenson’s Apple Farm?”_ (You know… given our whole cheesy family tradition back in the 70s)
She thought that was a great idea. 😃
We can save that for the _next_ Dopefest, though. 😉
Um… are we sure we need Chardonnay? Sounds like you alone have enough booze for us to kill ourselves. 😉
---
### Author:  [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)
#### Post date: [July 3, 2002, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465/89 "2002-07-03T23:13:07Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by auntie em \*
> \*\ ***Skippy** (may I call you Skippy?)
>
> After my mother had vetoed my first FOUR restaurant choices
>
> Um… are we sure we need Chardonnay? Sounds like you alone have enough booze for us to kill ourselves. 😉 \*\*
1.) Yes, Skippy is fine. I also accept “God.” However, people tend to stop believing in me when that happens, so be forewarned. I do not accept any of the following: bastard, asshole, jerk, smegma, fool or stupidhead _without_ the respectful _Mr._ preceding the name.
2.) Moms are like that. If, at 30 years of age you still let your mom tell you where to eat, please cut the cord. 🙂 I will, however, sample Stephenson’s apple fritters. Just without your mom being present, that’s all.
3.) Bring the Chardonnay! You can never have too much wine. Or so I’ve heard. I have an opened Chardonnay in my fridge that’s been sitting there for two months now. I have enough wine, I just don’t do anything with it.
4.) In an addendum to #1, you are welcome to call me many things, but if you screw up and call me **Homebrew** , I feel that our tentative, plutonic friendship will be at an end. Like Kermit once sang, it’s not easy being green. 😉
---
### Author:  [@psychomonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychomonkey)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465/90 "2002-07-04T01:08:03Z")
I dont think you beat anyone-feel special, youre the first to hold that title 😉
Anyone who doesnt want to be stcuk on the side of the road blowing up balloons and touching their nose? Lemme know and Ill try to bring some soft drinks that arent coke, sprite… Ive taken a liking to this Sangria i discovered in the store, and Ive been dying for an excuse to buy a 6 pack of Malt India (I have no idea, its a malted beverage that sits on the shelf and taunts me) Or if you want just coke, thts just groovy as well.
What is it one does at a dopefest anyway?
---
### Author:  [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465/91 "2002-07-04T03:09:11Z")
Would any Topeka Dopers attending be interested in carpooling? I could drive, or would help on gas if someone else did. Warning, if they all _really_ want chocolate cream pie space for a cooler will be needed. But ask **auntie em** or **Ender** about the chocolate pecan. And if there will be kids they may not go for a big piece of pie, but I make cookies too!
---
### Author:  [@SoMoMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SoMoMom)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465/92 "2002-07-04T06:04:03Z")
I know this is going to break your hearts, but being that I’m working as a Fun Ambassador this summer (every single day that they will let me), I will not be able to attend this event. Try to carry on without me. I was only considering going because I am also stalking Crunchy Frog but since he’s not showing up, I’m not going to miss out on a day’s pay.
I’m sorry. I had a silly attack there for a minute. I really am in KC and I really am a Fun Ambassador (makes me giggle just to say it). I’m not really stalking Crunchy Frog.
Y’all have a great time.
---
### Author:  [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465/93 "2002-07-04T06:15:27Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by SoMoMom \*
> \*\*I’m sorry. I had a silly attack there for a minute. I really am in KC and I really am a Fun Ambassador (makes me giggle just to say it). I’m not really stalking Crunchy Frog.
>
> Y’all have a great time. \*\*
You tease. One post just to tell us you’re not coming, but only because you’re busy working at an area amusement park whose very existence I loathe. Because once, long ago, I worked there as both a cariacture artist and a food service guy. That’s right, boys and goils, I was the king of the Vittle Griddle! All I can say is that it ain’t fun. And there ain’t worlds of it, either. I also feel the same way about oceans, too. 🙂
Sorry you can’t make it, **SoMoMom**! But if things work out diffrently, please feel free to join us!
---
### Author:  [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465/94 "2002-07-04T13:10:24Z")
> [@](#):
>
> _Originally posted by auntie em_
> **Somebody, please, deflower my meat thermometer!**
You know, I can’t come up with a single interpretation of this sentence that makes me believe this was written by a prude. What’s funnier is that an ex-g/f used to refer to Spike as a meat thermometer. 😉
I really have to stop quoting movies so much amongst the unwashed heathens that are my kin. Last night, whilst in the throes of a truly awesome fireworks display, I held aloft the _pièce de résistance_ of the show (a massive Black Cat cannister) and uttered a line from the ultimate cheese-gore movie: “_This_… is my BOOMstick!!” I was awarded with blank and confused stares. I even heard the classic chirping crickets that accompanies such moments in old WB cartoons. Nevertheless, I ended the show with a climax (no, not THAT kind) and feel that I have regained most of manhood. The Horselings were unharmed and I only look slightly more like Freddy Krueger than I did yesterday. Oh, and I did get Mrs. 'Flesh a birthday present but couldn’t for the life of me remember what DVD she wanted that she mentioned a few days ago. I settled for getting her a nice video card upgrade for my computer. 😃
I see we’re discussing specific menu items of our impending Dopeka at **Skip** ’s spooky mansion. I’m a mostly a microwave maverick myself but I’ll help out by bringing some hamburger meat and buns (BYO condiments tho, I likes my hamboogers nekkid). I have a feeling that **Ender** and I will be vying for [Grill Sergeant](http://www.outdoorcookingstore.com/Products_top.cfm?state=detail&n_id=2257) and we may come to dueling spatulas. (BTW, **Em** , I ran across [this](http://shop.store.yahoo.com/rockcheeseandhoney/christhemhan.html) while googling for the Grill Sergeant link :))
**psychomonkey** , don’t come to this hoedown thinking you _won’t_ be corrupted by us old fogies. **Skip** and I will be instructing you on the proper wear of lawn jarts while **auntie em** needles your back with her favorite thigh-high leather stilleto heels and shakes her unfettered yabobs and **Baker** feeds you her world famous key lime spider pie.
---
### Author:  [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465/95 "2002-07-04T14:14:54Z")
Oh yeah, **Horseflesh** one needs no web page to refer to _The Army of Darkness_. The first time I saw that movie I was shocked–but only because I expected your basic B horror movie. Was I ever wrong. It is a hoot! Well, glad to see you made it back safe and sound from your explosive adventures; for Mrs. Horseflesh’s sake, I hope Spike avoided harm from the destructive exhibit. (Not that I’m really wanting or needing an answer here; just throw a nod my way if you want. I usually try avoiding prolonged chats about other men’s equipment. Ya’ know? :eek: ) Nice gift for the missus, though! Brilliant! See, that’s the only reason I wanna get married–so I have more excuses to buy myself things. Only so many times does the excuse, “I’m buying this for my cats,” works. Especially with books–they just don’t read as much as they use to.
By the way, did I tell that the ghost haunting my spooky mansion goes by the name of “Cecil”? Serious. That was the name of the guy who owned the house a few years back, and he died whilst waiting to move out of here. At least that’s what the Kearney people tell me. I always figured he died while having sex, so depending at what stage he started singing with the choir invisible, he’s either a happy ghost or an eternally pissed-off one. I would excorcise the ghost…wait…wait, just hold on…_but I’m not sure he needs to lose weight._
…silence…
Damn. _I_ thought it was funny. 🙂
I’m not sure I would challenge **Auntie Em** on her puritanical ways; I’d hate to have her come to this thing with a [puritan costume](http://miniatures.tripod.com/P101.html) on and wanting us to call her **Goody Em** (or Goody Cloyse if you’re a Hawthorne fan. And I am.) Stilleto heels? I don’t mind; aside from which, if she can walk in those things, more power to her bad self. 🙂
Oh, for those of you who haven’t sacrificed yourself on the altar of humilty yet, please check out [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=2245181#post2245181), send me a picture and then watch as you appear on [this page.](http://www.tschirhart.net/sdmb.htm)
---
### Author:  [@psychomonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychomonkey)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465/96 "2002-07-04T15:37:42Z")
**Horseflesh** -Im literally quivering with antici…pation just thinking about getting my back needled, oh and the wearing of lawn jarts sounds great too.
Im begining to think that a Doper’s movie night might be a fun time every now and then. Maybe a day long fest sometime. Hmmm possibilites…
---
### Author:  [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465/97 "2002-07-04T15:49:17Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by psychomonkey \*
> **Horseflesh -Im literally quivering with antici…pation**
What a _show_ing of a _horrible_, _rocky_ quote. It’s almost _picture_sque. 🙂
…sorry, had to.
---
### Author:  [@psychomonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychomonkey)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465/98 "2002-07-04T18:33:20Z")
Damn, and somone used it in another thread too. All well.
---
### Author:  [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465/99 "2002-07-04T21:45:46Z")
A-HA! Thanks to your casual remark on the name of your resident ghost I now know your address, **Skip** , and it’s nowhere near Missouri. [607 W. Maple, Rawlins, Wyoming](http://www.wyomingtalesandtrails.com/rawlins3.html) (bottom of the page, second-to-last picture and last paragraph). You’ve been routed once more you ruffian, and this time not by a gay man. Fie on you for teasing us gullible Kansans into thinking you were a local man with a passion for books, movies, and puppy heads. I hereby take back all the good things I said about you (::scanning back thru thread, nope, nope, uuhhh nope. Oh well:: ) and strip you of all your [Princess Points](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0114682). ::Psst, can I still come to the party?::
Okay, I’m really just popping in to wish everybody a safe Independence Day (I have to work a 12 hour shift tonight. Casinos never sleep.) And please remember the whole point of this holiday is to try not to get less drunk than you were last year. 😉
---
### Author:  [@psychomonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychomonkey)
#### Post date: [July 5, 2002, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465/100 "2002-07-05T03:02:14Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Horseflesh \*
> \*\* and strip you of all your [Princess Points](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0114682).
> \*\*
Im scared that I recognized that quote. Wow, so scared, so very very scared.
[Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465.md?page=4)
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kansas-city-dopefest-and-orgy-w-o-the-orgy/116465.md?page=6)