# Karl finally answers the telemarketer's call - short and oh so sweet
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [October 9, 2006, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806 "2006-10-09T15:46:44Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@KarlGauss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGauss)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2006, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806/1 "2006-10-09T15:46:44Z")
I’m not sure why, but I finally decided to pick up the phone yesterday when the telemarketer called. Perhaps it was the fact that this person (or, at least, someone from the same office, with the same number) had called about 43 times over the last 10 days and I wanted to hear what the voice of perseverance sounded like. Or maybe it was because of my good mood what with the glorious weather we were having and the long weekend not even half over (this is our Thanksgiving weekend in Canada - yes, we celebrate it a _lot_ earlier than they do in the US. I don’t know why, maybe we have less to be thankful for.)
Oh, before I go further, it may help the reader to know that there are number of newspapers available in the Toronto area including the Globe, the Star, and the National Post. Shitty as they all are, they do play a key role in my little conversation with Ms. Telemarketer:
* * *
TM: Hello, Mr. Gauss? My name is Mary Anne and I’m calling on behalf of the National Post. I see that you used to be a subscriber.
KG: Well, I’m sorry, but ever since my accident, I’ve had trouble with my memory. People say my short term memory is totally gone.
TM: Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that, Mr. Gauss. But still, perhaps I could interest you in subscribing to the Post again.
KG: I don’t remember subscribing to the Globe. Are you sure your records are right?
TM: No, no, the Post. Our records show that you once subscribed to the National Post. And now, for a limited time, you can subscribe again for just $4.99 a month!
KG: I don’t usually subscribe to magazines. Never seem to have the time to read the them.
TM: I’m calling from the Post, the National Post. It’s a newspaper not a magazine. If time is an issue, you can just read the sections of the Post that interest you. Did you know that in addition to our award-winning national correspondents and editorial writers, we have sections on . . .
KG: Time, eh? That was a long time ago. Must have been before my accident for sure. I haven’t subscribed to Time magazine for years.
TM (her suppressed exasperation beginning to raise its ugly head): Sir, I’m sorry, it’s not Time magazine. I’m calling about the National Post.
KG: Ah! I see, but how much would it cost me, Margaret?
TM: Just 4.99 for one month.
KG: $4.99 for one issue!? No way, that’s way too expensive.
TM: No, 4.99 for a month. Four ninety-nine.
KG: Four issues for 99 cents? Now that’s a good deal. I mean even if I don’t like the Star, and you know, I really don’t, that’s still a good price.
TM: No, no. That’s four dollars and ninety-nine cents per month. Per month. Just 26 cents per issue!
KG: 26 cents per issue!? That’s a terrific price! And for Time magazine, you say? Yes, I’m interested!
TM: Sir, Mr. Gauss, I’m calling from the National Post, not Time magazine. The price is four dollars and ninety-nine cents per _month_.
KG: Oh. I see. You should have told me that, Joanne. But will I get a prize? Like a prize for subscribing?
TM: Well, your “prize” is that you save fifteen dollars a month off the regular purchase price!
KG: Wait a minute, that’s way too much. I’m not paying fifteen dollars a month. You told me just a second ago that it was $4.99 for four months. And, especially not for the Star, that rag. If the price was right, and maybe if it was for the Post, I’d consider it.
TM: I _am_ offering you a subscription to the _Post_ at 26 cents an issue which is the same as five dollars for a month.
KG: The Post? 26 cents an issue.
TM: YES!
KG: Oh! I see!! I’m so sorry! You’ve been very patient with me, Carol. Don’t think that I don’t appreciate it, because I really do.
TM: No problem sir, I know how things can get confusing sometimes.
KG: Yes, you can be very confusing.
TM: OK, will you be paying with credit card or shall we bill you when delivery starts?
KG: What?
TM: Would you prefer to pay now or later?
KG: Who is this? Is this Randi? I told you never to screw around with me. I have a hard enough time as it is without you fooling around.
TM: Thank you Mr. Gauss. Have a good day.
KG: You too, Melanie. Good bye.
* * *
I’m kinda hoping that she calls back. I know exactly what I’m going to say if she does - “Good, thanks for calling. I was hoping someone from the Post would call. I’m interested in resubscribing.”
---
### Author:  [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2006, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806/2 "2006-10-09T16:22:08Z")
You are evil. Delightfully evil. Keep it up.
---
### Author:  [@Blalron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blalron)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2006, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806/3 "2006-10-09T17:08:46Z")
I honestly wonder how anybody could stand to work as a telemarketer. From what I gather they earn minimum wage, which is not nearly enough compensation for all the abuse they receive.
---
### Author:  [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2006, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806/4 "2006-10-09T17:36:58Z")
There’s a big telemarketing company here, and I’m told the money is actually quite good, but few stay more than a couple of months or so because the job itself is pure hell.
---
### Author:  [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2006, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806/5 "2006-10-09T17:45:08Z")
[QUOTE=Blalron]
I honestly wonder how anybody could stand to work as a telemarketer. From what I gather they earn minimum wage, which is not nearly enough compensation for all the abuse they receive.
[/QUOTE]
Judging from my experience as a 17-year-old CEGEP student in a particularly skeezy firm, they can’t stand it, and they quit after a month, once running off to the bathroom (only five minutes per bathroom break!) to cry and hyperventilate ceases to lose its charm.
---
### Author:  [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2006, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806/6 "2006-10-09T17:53:53Z")
Prediction: This thread goes to 6+ pages and ends up in the Pit. 🙂
Smoking, tipping and telemarketing are the pathway to flames and Pittage here.
---
### Author:  [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2006, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806/7 "2006-10-09T17:54:28Z")
\*\*Karl \*\*-- Brilliant!
\*\*Blalron \*\*-- [Apparently there is awesome money in it.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=974729&postcount=1)
---
### Author:  [@rayh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rayh)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2006, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806/8 "2006-10-09T18:09:23Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp]
Prediction: This thread goes to 6+ pages and ends up in the Pit. 🙂
Smoking, tipping and telemarketing are the pathway to flames and Pittage here.
[/QUOTE]
Err, it’s already in the pit.
---
### Author:  [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2006, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806/9 "2006-10-09T18:09:53Z")
[QUOTE=rayh]
Err, it’s already in the pit.
[/QUOTE]
See? 😃
---
### Author:  [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2006, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806/10 "2006-10-09T18:15:26Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp]
[QUOTE=rayh]
Err, it’s already in the pit.
[/QUOTE]
See? 😃
[/QUOTE]
It’s your astounding ability to predict the past that gets you all the attention at parties, isn’t it? 😉
---
### Author:  [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2006, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806/11 "2006-10-09T18:17:44Z")
[QUOTE=Ponder Stibbons]
It’s your astounding ability to predict the past that gets you all the attention at parties, isn’t it? 😉
[/QUOTE]
My prophecies fall into three categories:
1. Stuff that already happened.
2. Stuff in the future that’s way too vague to verify (King of Angolmois, anyone?)
3. Stuff in the future that I can personally bring to pass. For example, I’m quietly pushing this thread towards the 6 page threshold as we type.
😃
---
### Author:  [@Roonwit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roonwit)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2006, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806/12 "2006-10-09T18:31:59Z")
[QUOTE=Blalron]
I honestly wonder how anybody could stand to work as a telemarketer. From what I gather they earn minimum wage, which is not nearly enough compensation for all the abuse they receive.
[/QUOTE]
Y? because there is awsome money in it!
Or so I’ve heard.
---
### Author:  [@Roonwit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roonwit)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2006, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806/13 "2006-10-09T18:34:00Z")
Preview is my friend, and all that happy shit. :smack:
---
### Author:  [@Plynck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plynck)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2006, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806/14 "2006-10-09T19:03:46Z")
[QUOTE=Blalron]
I honestly wonder how anybody could stand to work as a telemarketer. From what I gather they earn minimum wage, which is not nearly enough compensation for all the abuse they receive.
[/QUOTE]
The same might be said for prostitutes. Or politicians. (But I repeat myself.) Shouldn’t we be rewarding _positive_ behavior?
Brilliant, **Karl**. You know, I remember once reading about a challenge that some friends had with one another: The trick was to keep the telemarketer on the line as long a time as possible. I liked the concept, but never had the heart to actually try it.
---
### Author:  [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2006, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806/15 "2006-10-09T19:51:13Z")
You’re going to post a transcript if she _does_ call back, right?
---
### Author:  [@KarlGauss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGauss)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2006, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806/16 "2006-10-09T19:52:29Z")
[QUOTE=Blalron]
. . . all the abuse they receive.
[/QUOTE]
I actually did feel sort of sorry for here. Note that I was polite.
But, abuse? I think not. Abuse is phoning every day during supper. And on the weekends. Before noon. And again on Thanksgiving Sunday.
---
### Author:  [@Frostillicus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frostillicus)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2006, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806/17 "2006-10-09T21:00:10Z")
43 times in 10 days? Time to sue someone for harassment.
---
### Author:  [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2006, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806/18 "2006-10-10T01:00:28Z")
And in other news, the National Post reports a senile doctor having his ticket lifted by the College after a tip by a telemarketer. 😉
---
### Author:  [@threemae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/threemae)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2006, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806/19 "2006-10-10T01:22:54Z")
[QUOTE=KarlGauss]
TM: Hello, Mr. Gauss? My name is Mary Anne and I’m calling on behalf of the National Post. I see that you used to be a subscriber…
KG: You too, Melanie. Good bye.
[/QUOTE]
Absolutely terrific, but I would like to raise one point. You really should have said, “You too, Mary Anne.”
---
### Author:  [@neutron\_star](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neutron_star)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2006, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/karl-finally-answers-the-telemarketers-call-short-and-oh-so-sweet/375806/20 "2006-10-10T01:36:45Z")
[QUOTE=KarlGauss]
TM: I’m calling from the Post, the National Post. It’s a newspaper not a magazine. If time is an issue, you can just read the sections of the Post that interest you. Did you know that in addition to our award-winning national correspondents and editorial writers, we have sections on . . .
KG: Time, eh? That was a long time ago. Must have been before my accident for sure. I haven’t subscribed to Time magazine for years.
[/QUOTE]
Fantastic! Your OP (and the quoted part in particular) gave me the first laughs I’ve had all day, and I sorely needed them. Thanks. 🙂
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