# keeping a girlfriend when asked tough questions **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 3, 2009, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774 "2009-07-03T01:59:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/41 "2009-07-03T13:15:41Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Bingo. BTW, she sometimes says she wants to be a size 10 (rather than a size 16) and she says she’ll try when I start going to the gym (I signed up for a year for $900 but haven’t been for months). Today I did 5 pushups in a row though. (which is a lot for me at the moment) Jesus, you’re bitching about your girlfriend not being beautiful, but I’ll bet dollars to donuts (mmm… donuts) that you’re a tub of goo yourself. ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/42 "2009-07-03T13:27:58Z")
Why, exactly, do you want to keep your girlfriend? Like others have said, you seem very lukewarm about her. It sounds like you’re only keeping her around to have a girlfriend, not because you actually want to be dating her, specifically. ---
**Author:** ![Teaira](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9d8465/32.png) [@Teaira](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teaira)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/43 "2009-07-03T13:38:36Z")
His posts sound fake. Who signs up for a gym and does 5 push-ups? ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/44 "2009-07-03T13:39:40Z")
> [@Teaira](#): > > His posts sound fake. Who signs up for a gym and does 5 push-ups? For that matter, who pays $900 a year up front in gym membership costs? That seems absurdly high. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/45 "2009-07-03T14:23:30Z")
Is there some especial reason you haven’t already broken up with this girl, \*\*\*other \*\*\*than your inability to do better? ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/46 "2009-07-03T15:03:00Z")
Y’know, if we assume beauty is normally distributed, a heck of a lot of women are 5s. 5 would be the mean, the median, and the mode. As a geek, that might be something worth working into your answer. ---
**Author:** ![BrandonR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@BrandonR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrandonR)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/47 "2009-07-03T15:32:20Z")
Either this is a giant woosh, or this guy is the most nonsensical and illogical guy on these boards. I especially like the complaining about the girlfriend from a guy who thinks 5 pushups is good. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/48 "2009-07-03T15:40:03Z")
> [@BrandonR](#): > > Either this is a giant woosh, or this guy is the most nonsensical and illogical guy on these boards. I especially like the complaining about the girlfriend from a guy who thinks 5 pushups is good. :eek: School’s out & the kids have time on their hands. This guy might be just as real as famous Canadian anarchist holding forth in a couple of other threads… ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/49 "2009-07-03T15:41:44Z")
> [@BrandonR](#): > > Either this is a giant woosh, or this guy is the most nonsensical and illogical guy on these boards. I especially like the complaining about the girlfriend from a guy who thinks 5 pushups is good. :eek: I’ve basically met this guy in person. Still you’re right – there’s something odd about the tone of his posts. He seems a bit too, I don’t know, self-aware. Also, as far as I know the _Beauty and the Geek_ applications process is done via a video and info sheet that you’ve got to submit, as in _Survivor_, at least in the first round. Not sure how one would ‘visit’ these auditions. ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/50 "2009-07-03T15:43:33Z")
> [@BrandonR](#): > > Either this is a giant woosh, or this guy is the most nonsensical and illogical guy on these boards. I especially like the complaining about the girlfriend from a guy who thinks 5 pushups is good. :eek: Well, from my dating experiences, I can tell you that there’s no shortage of men who think they deserve a supermodel girlfriend even though they’re no prize - physically, mentally, or emotionally. ---
**Author:** ![TheScogg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@TheScogg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheScogg)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/51 "2009-07-03T15:49:17Z")
You’re worried about keeping your girlfriend _ **after** _ you get on the show? The “purpose” of the show is for “below average” men who want to make a catch that is out of their league. Your girlfriend already knows she’s a “5” whether you tell her or not. She didn’t need your words to figure that out - your actions have spoken chapters. The fact that she hasn’t dumped you already also speaks volumes about how amazingly insecure she must be with herself. Look, I’m not trying to be mean. I realize you have a mental issue and wish you nothing but the best of luck in coping with it. But, when life hands you a shitty hand, you’ve **got** to learn how to bluff with the best of them. I’ve seen men lose girlfriends over something as simple as not answering quickly enough when she asks if she looks fat in a certain dress. You’ve gone as far as asking her permission to seduce women you would rate twice as physically attractive as her. Reel in the line now and never speak of this show again to her. “Best” case scenario, you’ll get on the show, win the show, and your beauty will leave you as soon as the camera man packs his equipment. Every other scenario is a worst case scenario. Quit torturing the one girl who finally gave you a chance. If you don’t want her, leave her. If you do want her, quit acting like you deserve something better. ---
**Author:** ![PotLuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@PotLuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PotLuck)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/52 "2009-07-03T15:53:40Z")
> [@TheScogg](#): > > “Best” case scenario, you’ll get on the show, win the show, and your beauty will leave you as soon as the camera man packs his equipment. Every other scenario is a worst case scenario. **Quit torturing the one girl who finally gave you a chance. If you don’t want her, leave her.** If you do want her, quit acting like you deserve something better. This, squared. (bolding mine) ---
**Author:** ![justpassingthrough](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bcef8e/32.png) [@justpassingthrough](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justpassingthrough)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/53 "2009-07-03T16:20:46Z")
I loved this show. Are they really auditioning for another season? So far, the information I’m finding says casting is on hold. As to the question in your OP, it sounds like the girlfriend is nicer to you than you are to her. But then, you like a bit of drama… ---
**Author:** ![The\_Universe\_Lashes\_Out](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8797f3/32.png) [@The\_Universe\_Lashes\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Universe_Lashes_Out)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/54 "2009-07-03T17:23:12Z")
His girlfriend obviously likes him a lot. And I would imagine that she knows that he’s not head-over-heels in love with her. Apparently that’s good enough for her. Maybe she’d rather have the OP, despite him ambivalence toward her, than to be with some even bigger loser who’s always telling her she’s the prettiest girl in the universe. Y’all are some mean, mean, cruel people to advocate that he break this girl’s heart. Is you perhaps a bit jealous? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/55 "2009-07-03T17:51:56Z")
> [@HowieReynolds](#): > > His girlfriend obviously likes him a lot. And I would imagine that she knows that he’s not head-over-heels in love with her. Apparently that’s good enough for her. Maybe she’d rather have the OP, despite him ambivalence toward her, than to be with some even bigger loser who’s always telling her she’s the prettiest girl in the universe. Y’all are some mean, mean, cruel people to advocate that he break this girl’s heart. Is you perhaps a bit jealous? His girlfriend deserves the chance to find someone who actually likes her who isn’t such a tool. The bar doesn’t exactly sound that high. ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/56 "2009-07-03T18:20:27Z")
> [@HowieReynolds](#): > > His girlfriend obviously likes him a lot. And I would imagine that she knows that he’s not head-over-heels in love with her. Apparently that’s good enough for her. Maybe she’d rather have the OP, despite him ambivalence toward her, than to be with some even bigger loser who’s always telling her she’s the prettiest girl in the universe. Y’all are some mean, mean, cruel people to advocate that he break this girl’s heart. Is you perhaps a bit jealous? Ah, the “you don’t agree, so you’re jealous!” answer. That doesn’t even make sense. What, exactly, is there to be jealous of here? And jealous of who? I feel bad for the girl. Yeah, she probably knows he’s not head over heels for her - but she probably thinks she can change that, and she can’t. Which is only going to lead to a much bigger heartbreak for her later if he keeps stringing her along. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/57 "2009-07-03T18:23:58Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > His girlfriend deserves the chance to find someone who actually likes her who isn’t such a tool. > > The bar doesn’t exactly sound that high. Also, either she’s ok with his ambivalence OR it would break his heart for him to dump her–no one is at the “heartbroken” level of emotional commitment and also ok with apathy. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/58 "2009-07-03T18:32:34Z")
To expand on what I posted: Saying that we are “mean” or “cruel” for advising the OP to do the right thing and break up with a woman he appears to not care for sounds a bit naive and socially clueless. Sometimes in life you have to make difficult decisions that may upset some people in the short term, but in the long run are much better off for everyone. There are few people more cowardly or contemptable than a person who is so worried about pleasing people and avoiding conflict that it prevents them from doing what is right. Now I don’t know if the OP is full of shit or not. But between never having been on a date until he was almost 30 and the mention of mental illness, it seems entirely possible that he could actually be that socially clueless. So here are some clues: 1. No one really rates a “5”. The ratings are something like: 10 - Meghan Fox 9 - The hottest girl you actually know from school or wherever 8 - Most above average attractive girls 7 - Anyone you or your friends would have sex with Ugly 2) You don’t rate your girlfriend. Chances are you aren’t dating Meghan Fox so she probably is at best an 8 and she (and we) don’t need to know that. 1. You don’t audition for a reality show if you have a girlfriend. If nothing else, the other contestents will use it against you. Daisy of Love taught me that. More later ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/59 "2009-07-03T18:33:44Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I just wouldn’t want someone to reduce me to just a 5, that’s all. I don’t know, maybe I’m just insecure, but I’d want to be with someone who finds me totally gorgeous, who isn’t just settling on me. Yeah, maybe you are. I wouldn’t care if the spouse thought I was completely average looking. For some people, looks aren’t important, or at least not nearly as important as other factors. It may not be “settling” because the person happens to be less than a 9.5 physically. But hell, maybe I’m just talking out of my ass since I can’t relate. I’ve never been with anyone who hasn’t found me more attractive than most girls. Maybe if my husband got hit by a bus, and the next guy I went out with didn’t find me particularly pretty, it would bother me… but I don’t think so. ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2009, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/60 "2009-07-03T19:16:18Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Yeah, maybe you are. I wouldn’t care if the spouse thought I was completely average looking. For some people, looks aren’t important, or at least not nearly as important as other factors. It may not be “settling” because the person happens to be less than a 9.5 physically. > > But hell, maybe I’m just talking out of my ass since I can’t relate. I’ve never been with anyone who hasn’t found me more attractive than most girls. Maybe if my husband got hit by a bus, and the next guy I went out with didn’t find me particularly pretty, it would bother me… but I don’t think so. I’d want my husband to think of me as a 10 in total attractiveness. In physical beauty it would be okay with me if he thought I was average… well… now that I type that, what I really want to say is, it would be okay with me if he thought I was about as physically beautiful as he thought _he_ was… but I’d rather not know, thanks. Fortunately Mr. Hunter, even if I asked such a dumb question, is smart enough not to answer 🙂 JohnClay, I’m curious: how would you rate _yourself_ on physical attractiveness, on a scale from 1 to 10? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774.md?page=4)