# keeping a girlfriend when asked tough questions **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 3, 2009, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774 "2009-07-03T01:59:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/81 "2009-07-10T04:40:16Z")
Well I broke up with my girlfriend… I told her I didn’t love her enough and also according to some people on the internet I didn’t deserve her. So now I don’t have to worry about offending her… I’m not sure if I’ll audition… I’m free on that day though… ---
**Author:** ![Silophant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a698b9/32.png) [@Silophant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silophant)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/82 "2009-07-10T04:47:02Z")
I’d go for it. What else do you have to lose? ---
**Author:** ![Baby\_Driver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@Baby\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baby_Driver)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/83 "2009-07-10T05:24:50Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > …I told her I didn’t love her enough and also according to some people on the internet I didn’t deserve her… To comment on the underlined part of your post: That shouldn’t have been offered as an explanation for why you’re breaking up with your girlfriend. It has no bearing on your relationship. If you don’t love her, then okay, that’s enough, that’s really all there is to it. I don’t recall anyone on the board explicitly stating that you didn’t deserve her, but _even if people did_ it shouldn’t matter, and it wasn’t right to hold this up as a support for your break up. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/84 "2009-07-10T05:29:16Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > Heck, for $900 a year, there better be aerobics-fit hookers fucking you in the locker room. That’s $AU900, not $US900. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/85 "2009-07-10T05:30:50Z")
e.g. > [@msmith537](#): > > His girlfriend deserves the chance to find someone who actually likes her who isn’t such a tool. I stand by my use of people like that to support my decision. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/86 "2009-07-10T08:07:51Z")
What we’re saying, John, is that’s not a good thing to tell your girlfriend. When people are examining their relationships. they often seek advice from other people (whether they’re strangers on the internet or close friends) and that will often help them make up their mind. But it is not appropriate to tell the other person that the reason you are breaking up with them is because of what other people have said. That is a potentially very confusing message to give your girlfriend. She may now be wondering whether you really wanted to break up with her or whether you didn’t want to, but felt forced to based on feedback from other people. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/87 "2009-07-10T10:56:51Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > …But it is not appropriate to tell the other person that the reason you are breaking up with them is because of what other people have said… It was a secondary reason. > [@](#): > > That is a potentially very confusing message to give your girlfriend. She may now be wondering whether you really wanted to break up with her or whether you didn’t want to, but felt forced to based on feedback from other people. Her brother talked to my mum. It seems like they got the message that I thought “she was too good for me” and they thought that was at least a bit nice. BTW I don’t think I’ll audition for Beauty and the Geek. If I did it would be a sign I’m not well (in the head). ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/88 "2009-07-10T11:13:14Z")
My mum strongly suggested I send a message that included an apology and this one was approved by her. “Sorry 4 hurting u. I hope we can be friends oneday if thats ok with u” “Leave me alone from S” [her full name not her nickname] ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/89 "2009-07-10T13:49:39Z")
(didn’t see page 2, deleted) ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/90 "2009-07-10T13:52:51Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I decided that my hub was for me when he made me laugh 'til I felt I was going to pee within 10 minutes of meeting him. One, most people aren’t that funny, but more importantly, this person who I’d never met managed to have a sense of humor that was right up my alley. It was awesome, but I can’t say I looked at him right away and said, “Wow.” No, it doesn’t always hit you the second you lay eyes on someone. But by the time you’re actually, you know, in a romantic relationship it really ought to have. If you’re not thinking wow by the time you’re calling someone your boyfriend or girlfriend, you’re quite frankly never going to think it. ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/91 "2009-07-10T14:08:38Z")
“_Leave me alone from (name)_”? Who the hell writes an SMS and adds ‘from (name)’ in there? What are you guys, 12? And, “Sorry 4 hurting u”? Is is that hard to type ‘for’ or ‘you’ when you’re supposedly proffering an apology? What’s the real message? “_Sorry 4 hurting u but btw ur not worth the time it’d take for 4 extra characters of text_”? Both of you are socially and emotionally retarded. You should stay together, and keep all the stupid in one convenient location. ---
**Author:** ![Baby\_Driver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@Baby\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baby_Driver)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/92 "2009-07-10T15:10:58Z")
> [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](#): > > “_Leave me alone from (name)_”? Who the hell writes an SMS and adds ‘from (name)’ in there? > > What are you guys, 12? And, “Sorry 4 hurting u”? Is is that hard to type ‘for’ or ‘you’ when you’re supposedly proffering an apology? What’s the real message? “_Sorry 4 hurting u but btw ur not worth the time it’d take for 4 extra characters of text_”? > > Both of you are socially and emotionally retarded. You should stay together, and keep all the stupid in one convenient location. Well dayum! I have my own critical opinion about how JohnClay handled the relationship and breakup, but I think it’s a bit much to ream him for the text lingo on his, you know, _text message_ to his ex. I personally try to type the words out over text message, but you’re going to far if you think typing “4” and “u” equals “you’re not worth the effort and I’m an emotional retard”. Frankly, this ain’t a hill worth defending (substitute: “barren crater” for “hill” and “being an ass over” for “defending”). ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/93 "2009-07-10T15:16:35Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > My mum strongly suggested I send a message that included an apology and this one was approved by her. > > “Sorry 4 hurting u. I hope we can be friends oneday if thats ok with u” > “Leave me alone from S” [her full name not her nickname] The “friends” thing is one of the biggest insults you can give someone after you’ve broken up with them, in my opinion. It generally means, or will be taken by the receiver to mean, “I expect you to forget that I was a jerk to you and make yourself available as my doormat in future.” “Leave me alone” was quite a mild response on her part. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/94 "2009-07-10T17:31:49Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Well I broke up with my girlfriend… I told her I didn’t love her enough and also according to some people on the internet I didn’t deserve her. So now I don’t have to worry about offending her… I’m not sure if I’ll audition… I’m free on that day though… Golly! This story just gets crazier and crazier! I can’t wait to hear what happens next! ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/95 "2009-07-10T17:38:17Z")
This is so the anti pajama pants girl wearing story. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/96 "2009-07-10T17:43:25Z")
> [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](#): > > Y’know, if we assume beauty is normally distributed, a heck of a lot of women are 5s. 5 would be the mean, the median, and the mode. As a geek, that might be something worth working into your answer. Yes, if all things are equal, but one person’s 4 might be a another person’s 7. When I step back and look objectively at my SO, he’s pretty ordinary looking, but I loves me some thin, brown haired, nerdy men so he’s a 9 to me. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/97 "2009-07-10T18:09:38Z")
> [@Baby\_Driver](#): > > Well dayum! I have my own critical opinion about how JohnClay handled the relationship and breakup, but I think it’s a bit much to ream him for the text lingo on his, you know, _text message_ to his ex. > > I personally try to type the words out over text message, but you’re going to far if you think typing “4” and “u” equals “you’re not worth the effort and I’m an emotional retard”. Frankly, this ain’t a hill worth defending (substitute: “barren crater” for “hill” and “being an ass over” for “defending”). I agree. I might also suggest that someone who has been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder would do better to get advice on his or her interpersonal relationships from a mental health counselor—specifically one who knows you, understands your baseline functioning, and can help you set reasonable and measurable goals for relating to others—than from strangers on the internet. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/98 "2009-07-11T00:09:28Z")
lorene: I’ve asked mental health counsellors though they usually say it is up to me to make the decision. I’m missing her a lot now for the first time. A counsellor I talked to after the breakup said that I could have just suggested a trial separation but it’s too late now. ---
**Author:** ![Southern\_Yankee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/southern_yankee/32/2800_2.png) [@Southern\_Yankee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Southern_Yankee)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/99 "2009-07-11T01:56:31Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > This is so the anti pajama pants girl wearing story. Now THAT sounds interesting. Any chance of a link? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/100 "2009-07-11T02:02:30Z")
> [@Southern\_Yankee](#): > > Now THAT sounds interesting. Any chance of a link? Yup. It’s about a guy who meets this girl, she wears pjs to school and maybe she likes him, maybe not, but she’s so adorable, and…yeah. [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=111990](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=111990) Actually, that’s the date thread, I can’t find the original one. [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=116085&highlight=pajama+pants](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=116085&highlight=pajama+pants) This is the “Maybe the PJ pants guy is lying thread.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774.md?page=6)