# keeping a girlfriend when asked tough questions **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 3, 2009, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774 "2009-07-03T01:59:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2009, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/141 "2009-11-14T20:30:06Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I just wouldn’t want someone to reduce me to just a 5, that’s all. I don’t know, maybe I’m just insecure, but I’d want to be with someone who finds me totally gorgeous, who isn’t just settling on me. I think everyone ‘settles’ somewhat when it comes to looks. And I think it’s pretty naive to expect that who you are with thinks you are the most beautiful woman in the world, or a ‘10’ or whatever. I mean, I am madly and deeply in love with my BF and am extremely attracted to him. I think he’s good-looking - but I don’t think he’s human perfection in physical form, and there’s no need for me to think he’s Adonis IMO. If someone’s going to ask a dumb question like ‘is he hotter than me?’ I would probably just be honest. ---
**Author:** ![StoutHearted](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@StoutHearted](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StoutHearted)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2009, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/142 "2009-11-14T21:58:29Z")
I don’t care what you think of your (ex)girlfriend’s looks. If you’re going to audition for a reality show where the purpose is to hook up with other people, while in a relationship, then you are being disrespectful to your partner. Frankly, your willingness to humiliate her, anticipating discussing her looks on national TV, shows that you don’t deserve her. And, yes, it is rather misogynistic to treat a woman like that, like a doormat. “Wait here, honey, I’m going to hang out with women much prettier than you.” Your actions say that, even if your words don’t. I don’t mean you any harm, but I’m just rather shocked by your post and the dismissive attitude you took towards your ex. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2009, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/143 "2009-11-14T22:13:14Z")
Jesus, **Argent Towers** , don’t give away all our secrets. (That post nearly made me bust a nut, btw.) ---
**Author:** ![Cubsfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Cubsfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cubsfan)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2009, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/144 "2009-11-15T05:14:28Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > I think she’s about average looking which means I could do a lot worse. But she is pretty attractive (like average girls are). I really like her personality though. BTW I could last a pretty long time with her when we used to have sex. Maybe if she was a lot prettier I wouldn’t last very long at all (or chances are her techniques wouldn’t be as good). This post gives it away. He’s a faker. No chance someone would really say this unless they were looking for a reaction or to try and be funny. FAKER! ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2009, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/145 "2009-11-15T07:03:37Z")
Cubsfan: Well this is what me and others said earlier: > [@badbadrubberpiggy](#): > > Well, from my dating experiences, I can tell you that there’s no shortage of men who think they deserve a supermodel girlfriend even though they’re no prize - physically, mentally, or emotionally. > [@JohnClay](#): > > I used to as well but now I think most really good-looking girls would be out of my league. > [@vandal](#): > > You just realized this now? > > You really thought you could attract a supermodel caliber girlfriend with what you had to offer? No job, schizophrenia, a belly, and man-boobs? Frankly, I’m surprised you even got a girlfriend at all. My reply: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=11305680&postcount=72](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=11305680&postcount=72) I’m looking for a response for that statement you quoted. I was trying to rationalize that I like her enough to want her back but hopefully I said it in a sensitive-enough way… (probably not) ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2009, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/146 "2009-11-16T04:48:12Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Update: > Nearly 2 weeks ago I met her and her mum while shopping. They were polite and her mum wanted me to say hi to my parents… also about two months before that her friend came to my parents house to drop off money for the internet (my ex is paying me 1/2 of what it costs me for the internet). I asked if I could talk to my ex and she came to the door and I introduced her to my grandma and also had a private chat about things (not related to relationships). > > I’m thinking about writing in an email or whatever if there are any things I can change about myself in order for her to give me another chance. But first I’ve got to decide if I want to become more committed with her (she wants to get married to someone one day) > > I think she’s about average looking which means I could do a lot worse. But she is pretty attractive (like average girls are). I really like her personality though. BTW I could last a pretty long time with her when we used to have sex. Maybe if she was a lot prettier I wouldn’t last very long at all (or chances are her techniques wouldn’t be as good). > > I guess my plan is doomed but I thought I might as well try, for the second time, to get back together. BTW I’m slightly on the Asperger’s syndrome scale which means I can find it hard to guess what people are thinking… though over the years I’ve read about the importance of body language and what they say vs. what they actually think… Please don’t do this. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2009, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/147 "2009-11-16T05:12:58Z")
Guinastasia: Is there anything you suggest I do? Though I’m studying fulltime I could probably get a job as well… and I could do a lot of things about my personality. I don’t feel very confident about finding a girlfriend that I would consider to have above average beauty. After all lots of decent men seem to happily hook up with below average looking women. (yeah I know that sounds bad, but sometimes my parents have said that my ex was beautiful in front of her so I had to try and say the same convincingly) I lack most things that self-help books say attract women, such as a good sense of humour, passion, etc. Well I can also talk to my case manager about it. Today he suggested I could ask if my ex wanted a drink or a bite to eat… ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2009, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/148 "2009-11-16T17:38:37Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Is there anything you suggest I do? This wasn’t directed at me, but I’ll answer anyway: leave her alone. Take it from me that if you do get back with her, you’ll probably start to remember why you broke up with her in the first place. If you dump her again, it’ll crush her worse than the first one did. Just move on. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2009, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/149 "2009-11-17T09:57:25Z")
Lord Ashtar: There are other fish in the sea I suppose… but after being exposed to heaps of barely legal (I’m nearly 31) soft-core porn with near-perfect faces and bodies my standards of beauty are really high… even on that website I only are really attracted to the best of the best. BTW many months ago, before my ex was officially my girlfriend I showed her a pic that was my idea of perfection… though I wasn’t a fan of her in other photos - her face and body didn’t look so perfect. Some of the self-help books are against porn though, including “No More Mr Nice Guy”. Sometimes lately I’d use regular photos of my ex as “porn”. I guess I crossed some line about what I should keep to myself and what I can say on a public forum… (and what I could say to therapists or close friends) ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2009, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/150 "2009-11-17T15:57:48Z")
If your standard of beauty is so high that you can only get it up for barely legal soft core porn starlets, then my suggestion would be to hie thee to San Fernando Valley, cruise the metro lines for that farm fresh girl right off the bus ready to make her mark in the world, and show her the ways of JohnClay and glamour her with all you have to offer…whatever that may be. I wish you the best of luck in this endeavour. ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2009, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/151 "2009-11-17T17:10:27Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > Taste in music is important but _don’t_ be a snob about it. If she likes Dave Matthews, try to find something good to say about Dave. This reminds me of a funny story in my own dating history that I know would be entertaining to the SMDB, don’t know exactly where would be the _best_ place for it, and I realize this thread probably isn’t it, but it provides a perfect segue: This takes place in the days before the Internet (well, I was on, but I was an early adopter), when dinosaurs roamed the earth and hookup sites were done by phone. I was on one of those and found a lovely woman whom I enjoyed talking to. She mentioned in one of our conversations before our first meeting that she liked country music, I enjoy it as well and filed it away in my head. We finally got together for our first meeting, and I noticed that she had nice red hair (how could I not? I’m always a sucker for a redhead!) I figured I’d use my knowledge of country music to good use, as her red hair reminded me of Reba Macintyre, and I wanted to impress her by telling her so. However, for some reason, what came out of my mouth was that she looked like [Rita MacNeil](http://images.google.com/images?q=rita%20macneil) (Google images link) - suffice it to say that she does NOT look like Rita Macneil, and that was the last I ever saw of her. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2009, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/152 "2009-11-17T19:08:38Z")
I suggest, as it’s been four months, to get over it and move on with your life. I’m certain she’s moving on too. The way you spoke about her before you broke up was pretty insulting, and it seems you only like her because you’re lonely – not for herself. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/153 "2009-11-18T10:11:33Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > If your standard of beauty is so high that you can only get it up for barely legal soft core porn starlets, then my suggestion would be to hie thee to San Fernando Valley, cruise the metro lines for that farm fresh girl right off the bus ready to make her mark in the world, and show her the ways of JohnClay and glamour her with all you have to offer…whatever that may be. > > I wish you the best of luck in this endeavour. The Valley girls might have tan lines though… (I told you I was picky) the girls I’m looking for are mainly Russian. On the other hand I want to visit the U.S. in the near future. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/154 "2009-11-18T10:19:35Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I suggest, as it’s been four months, to get over it and move on with your life. I’m certain she’s moving on too. Well in my breakup phonecall to her I did say that she should find someone else. She said a similar thing to me and I said that I didn’t think I’d find someone else. (also near the start of the phonecall she asked if I’d found someone else) BTW she used to have an athletic body when she was younger and was good at sports and popular with guys like she still is now. BTW she’s 30. When I consider that most of the girls I find prettier than her are in their 20’s or less it means that she’s not so bad looking for her age. > [@](#): > > The way you spoke about her before you broke up was pretty insulting, Well as an excuse is my father’s example… he used to treat my mum very badly but then he got prescribed anti-depressants and seems to treat her mostly ok these days. BTW I now am starting to think that pretty girls (which is more or less what my ex is) are simply pretty rather than trying to judge them as being perfect or trying to spot flaws. > [@](#): > > and it seems you only like her because you’re lonely – not for herself. I like her personality a lot… but because I care about her feelings I guess I won’t try to get back together with her… even as friends… ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/155 "2009-11-18T11:42:27Z")
If I can ask politely- what does she see in you? ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/156 "2009-11-18T12:11:16Z")
Cicero: In the past she’s called me “gorgeous”, according to her one of her support workers said I was her best looking boyfriend, during the breakup phonecall she said she was glad I was being honest, one time I planned to get a bigger big TV and decided against it due to changes in circumstances and she said she was proud of that, I think I’m a good chess opponent (I usually make moves very quickly so that our skills are fairly close), we also like to play air hockey and wii, etc, she also said that when she first met me I was really quiet… maybe I remind her of her father. A bit later on I was a mentor in a TAFE class which included her, her brother, and other people with mental illnesses (being a mentor meant I had higher status than the students in the class). We watched lots of movies together and she liked the movies I chose and also liked when I paid for things including a trip to 2 theme parks and a motel room with a spa. One time when we were at the beach in the water she said that her friend had a good personality and I replied that she had about the best personality I could imagine (and she swum up to me and hugged me). One time when I was sleeping in her bed I told her that my big dark secret was that I went to brothels twice (and I didn’t mention it but she was prettier than the girls I picked [due to them being friendly] and she was a lot better at sex) and she said that was a “good” secret. I also think she said earlier on that I was a good kisser (she was the first girl I’d kissed romantically and I got tips from “the art of kissing” videos). ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/157 "2009-11-18T12:17:23Z")
She also liked it very much if I used “product” and spiked my hair and liked many of my clothes. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/158 "2009-11-18T12:18:53Z")
That boils down to you are good at chess (you think),and she has said nice things about you- some of which may be relative. I see. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/159 "2009-11-18T12:36:31Z")
Cicero: I don’t think I’m good at chess… in high school I came about last at the chess tournament… but I’m better than people who haven’t learnt about things like the pin, fork, and how to checkmate people pretty quickly once there aren’t many pieces left. BTW though that 30 year old girl was the first girl I’ve dated I had requests for dates and sex throughout my life though I was too picky or scared of not knowing what to do. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2009, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774/160 "2009-11-30T11:29:10Z")
(I changed the names) > [@](#): > > Hi there, > Im the same I am not involved with anyone, at the moment. But still happy with things, the way they are… > … > [@](#): > > Happy Birthday for tomorrow M, i hope all your dreams come true. Take care and say Hello, to the rest of your family for me. By for Now. From S I wonder how I should reply… ? It seems she wants to be some kind of friend… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-girlfriend-when-asked-tough-questions/501774.md?page=9)