# Keeping a mailed postcard from your kid **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [November 21, 2013, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-mailed-postcard-from-your-kid/674409 "2013-11-21T04:49:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2013, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-mailed-postcard-from-your-kid/674409/21 "2013-11-21T21:48:42Z")
News Flash: No one sends postcards anymore. Your daughter sees things on Facebook and e-mail every day that are ten times worse than whatever you erroneously wish to shield her from in that postcard. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2013, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-mailed-postcard-from-your-kid/674409/22 "2013-11-21T22:54:41Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > … > What - no orbit, no nukes? You’re slipping, man. I was trying to be adaptable. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2013, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-mailed-postcard-from-your-kid/674409/23 "2013-11-21T23:07:08Z")
I have a theory that all parents look upon their kids as slightly younger than they really are. In other words, they grow up fast but you aren’t keeping pace. I base this idea partly on my own experience. I was screwing around like a muthafuck before my Mom thought I was sufficiently old enough to receive some “Facts of Life for Teenagers”-type books from her. You know – the ones that skirt the issue ever so carefully and say nothing remotely useful like how to give head. I laughed and laughed. So if you have a 16 year old, you probably are treating him/her as 14. If the kid is wise beyond his/her years, the gap widens. I’d say this should be kept in mind when deciding what to do. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2013, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-mailed-postcard-from-your-kid/674409/24 "2013-11-21T23:25:21Z")
> [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](#): > > First - I’m not a parent and I don’t have a good answer, but (I’m sure there will be a ton of “it depends” answer)… > > To those of you who say at withholding the postcard is a bad thing, how is this different than telling your 12 year old that they can’t watch a TV show or read a book or buy a magazine that you find objectionable? That depends on the show/book/whatever. If the parent refuses to let the kid read a book about safe sex or evolution because it offends the parent, then that’s bad too. Keeping your kid ignorant about a relative’s bad behavior does the kid no favors. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2013, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-mailed-postcard-from-your-kid/674409/25 "2013-11-21T23:45:33Z")
> [@SpoilerVirgin](#): > > When I was 17, my mother concealed some mail from me because she thought it would upset me. Even though she was right that it was upsetting, I was absolutely furious with her when I found out, and still get annoyed when I think about it over 30 years later. I feel like it was a terrible breach of trust. I heartily agree. When I was around that age or slightly older, my Mom returned something I had ordered because she couldn’t believe I had ordered it (I had), and she didn’t tell me (trying to protect me, :rolleyes: ). She didn’t open the package, just didn’t grok the shipper’s name. I only found out when the shipper sent me a discrete note in a plain envelope asking if there had been some mistake, since it was prepaid. That was truly an unforgivable breach of trust, you bet. Kids grow up and their tastes are different from yours. Deal with it. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2013, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-mailed-postcard-from-your-kid/674409/26 "2013-11-22T03:23:47Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > News Flash: No one sends postcards anymore… This just in: We get two or three postcards a week, on average. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2013, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-mailed-postcard-from-your-kid/674409/27 "2013-11-22T14:35:25Z")
> [@Musicat](#): > > I have a theory that all parents look upon their kids as slightly younger than they really are. In other words, they grow up fast but you aren’t keeping pace. > > I base this idea partly on my own experience. I was screwing around like a muthafuck before my Mom thought I was sufficiently old enough to receive some “Facts of Life for Teenagers”-type books from her. You know – the ones that skirt the issue ever so carefully and say nothing remotely useful like how to give head. I laughed and laughed. > > So if you have a 16 year old, you probably are treating him/her as 14. If the kid is wise beyond his/her years, the gap widens. > > I’d say this should be kept in mind when deciding what to do. The opposite is also true: kids think they are wiser and more mature than their years, when in fact their parents, who have been around the block, can see that they are not. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2013, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-mailed-postcard-from-your-kid/674409/28 "2013-11-22T14:53:41Z")
I think it’s pretty well settled that parents have very wide latitude to shield minor children from what they see as objectionable material, stemming from the broad parental authority\* they are granted at common law. I’m not sure I buy **Bricker** ’s argument that you must hold the postcard in trust until the child reaches majority. That would seem to undermine the general assumption that parents can exercise discretion in their childrens’ best interests - which surely includes the power to dispose of “trust” property. \*There are any number of constitutional cases affirming this idea, such as Parham v. J. R., 442 U.S. 584 (1979) (parents can institutionalize minor children over their objections, subject to certain review requirements), or Pierce v. Soc’y of the Sisters, 268 U.S. 510, 533 (1925) (state can’t make you send the kids to public school). ETA: I don’t think the moral side of the question is any different from the legal side. Do what you think is best for your kid. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2013, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-mailed-postcard-from-your-kid/674409/29 "2013-11-22T15:18:11Z")
Well, I don’t have an opinion but I do want to know the story behind the hypothetical, and I also want to know more about all these postcards your household receives, **Elendil’s Heir**. I haven’t received a postcard for around 20 years except for people wanting to sell me insurance and the dentist reminding me of an appointment. Are you talking about personal ones, like the one to your daughter? Really? Please explain! ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2013, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-mailed-postcard-from-your-kid/674409/30 "2013-11-22T15:39:52Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > This just in: We get two or three postcards a week, on average. I get about 4 or 5 a month. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2013, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-mailed-postcard-from-your-kid/674409/31 "2013-11-22T15:42:28Z")
I still get about 8 postcards a year. Though I cannot remember the last time I sent one. But I am terrible about postcards and thank you notes. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2013, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-mailed-postcard-from-your-kid/674409/32 "2013-11-22T16:31:32Z")
> [@Dallas\_Jones](#): > > I have both a legal and a moral responsibility to protect my child, both from physical abuse and mental abuse. > > The postcard falls into the mental abuse realm. I would burn the card and never mention it. I would agree that IF the card’s content would fall into the realm of abuse, then I’d happily get rid of it, and likely think twice about any further contact with that relative. If it was simply unpleasant, and my child was emotionally able to handle unpleasantness, then I send it forward, with a mind to discuss the content. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2013, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-mailed-postcard-from-your-kid/674409/33 "2013-11-22T16:43:04Z")
How far under the age of 18. A preschool child yes mail should be screened, a 17y11m old no it should not be. Where that line changes from yes to no will vary on the maturity of the person (and the maturity of the parent), and the severity of the postcard. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-a-mailed-postcard-from-your-kid/674409.md?page=1)