# Keeping US borders safe **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 7, 2005, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335 "2005-06-07T19:21:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![chique](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@chique](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chique)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335/41 "2005-06-07T22:36:47Z")
This guy is white, right? ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335/42 "2005-06-07T22:51:05Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > The chain oil I use in my chain saw is a deep maroon. There’s always some residual oil on the chain after I’m done; it dries to an even deeper shade of maroon. I’m sure it would look like blood to an observer unfamiliar with chain saws. This was my first thought as well. Bar oil does look a lot like blood. I actually managed to mistake the two once, and it was a suicide attempt. :smack: Lots of blood, I thought it was bar oil. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335/43 "2005-06-07T22:51:51Z")
That picture isn’t human. It looks like he’s a plastic doll; a very eerie one I wouldn’t want facing me in the middle of the night. I wouldn’t want to be the one getting in his way, even if he didn’t have a bloody chainsaw. ---
**Author:** ![ScoobyTX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@ScoobyTX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ScoobyTX)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335/44 "2005-06-07T23:25:05Z")
I _knew_ we needed to keep an eye on those wild-eyed, naturalized US citizens from Canada. They look just like real Americans- until they snap and decapitate the “Chet Atkins of Minto” with a chain saw. Who knew that Minto (a village of 2,700 people) had a Country Music Hall of Fame? ---
**Author:** ![UnwrittenNocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/6de8d8/32.png) [@UnwrittenNocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UnwrittenNocturne)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335/45 "2005-06-07T23:28:21Z")
One of the things I find really fucking (un)funny about this, is that I arrived on a regular flight a bit over a year ago. Every male on that flight, under around 65 yrs of age, who was travelling alone, was pulled aside and…searched. This guy though, they just let through. US citizens could not possibly be trouble after all. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335/46 "2005-06-07T23:38:55Z")
> [@wring](#): > > why are you assuming that the list provided is the sum and total of all that he had with him? I’d assume that it was the sum and total of _all potentiall suspicious_ items he had with him. again, we don’t know what all he had with him - maybe he was in the process of moving all of his stuff down here, and the full inventory was something like “14 plates, 2 saucepans, 7 spoons, 15 forks, one small tv, 15 books, 23 pair of jeans, 54 t-shirts, 60 pair of underoos, one pink satin teddy, one set brass knuckles, 4 screwdrivers, 1 hammer, 1 set tire chains, 1 chain saw, box of nails, and 47 8-track tapes” [This](http://www.dailynewstribune.com/localRegional/view.bg?articleid=56937&format=&page=1) sheds a bit of light on that: > [@](#): > > Gregory Despres hitchhiked to the Canadian border crossing at Calais, Maine, carrying a homemade sword, a hatchet, a knife, brass knuckles and a chain saw stained by what appeared to be blood. (My emphasis.) How does the law deal with brass knuckles in Maine, anyway? Most places, someone who’s out and about with brass knucks can be held on a concealed weapons charge, if it’s not just plain illegal to possess them. > [@D\_Odds](#): > > That picture isn’t human. It looks like he’s a plastic doll; a very eerie one I wouldn’t want facing me in the middle of the night. [_That’s_ what he reminds me of.](http://www.larrymudd.com/images/despres_doll.jpg) The Cupie Killer. ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335/47 "2005-06-07T23:46:51Z")
That picture is so fucking unreal, my stomach hurts from laughing. If I’d been the border guard I would have started looking around for the hidden camera. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335/48 "2005-06-07T23:58:41Z")
> [@](#): > > Being bizarre is not a reason to keep somebody out of this country or lock them up. I sense an amendment to a national party platform for '08… ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2005, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335/49 "2005-06-08T00:02:38Z")
But you’d go apeshit if this were evidence keeping a prisoner at Gitmo, wouldn’t you **Elvis**? So weak. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2005, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335/50 "2005-06-08T00:04:17Z")
Not for nothing, but Calais _is_ remote. I live in Maine – in Portland … way down south. Two hours north of Boston. Calais is about a six hour drive from here mostly along two lane roads that haven’t been re-paved in decades, past houses and farms that come straight out of _Deliverence_. And to tell the truth, in that sort of area, seeing some weird fucker walking around with a bloody chainsaw is pretty much a weekly occurrence. I don’t know what to make of this. It doesn’t seem like they had much of a reason to not let him in, but they could have at least called the local Maine authorities and let them know what’s up. You’d think carrying around all those blades might give them a cause to stop him and question him or something. On the other hand, if a homicidal chainsaw murderer doesn’t feel at home in the USA, I don’t know where he would. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2005, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335/51 "2005-06-08T00:06:55Z")
> [@Larry Mudd](#): > > [_That’s_ what he reminds me of.](http://www.larrymudd.com/images/despres_doll.jpg) The Cupie Killer. Thanks **Larry**. I won’t be getting any sleep tonight. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2005, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335/52 "2005-06-08T00:13:00Z")
On the other other hand … where are all these retarded Gitmo/Abu Ghraib arguments coming from? Apples and friggin’ oranges here. If this guy gets thrown in prison with no trial nor access to an attorney for three years … okay, let’s compare the situations. Other than that what the flying fuck does one have to do with the other? ---
**Author:** ![treis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@treis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/treis)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2005, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335/53 "2005-06-08T00:18:40Z")
> [@](#): > > Gregory Despres hitchhiked to the Canadian border crossing at Calais, Maine, carrying a homemade sword, a hatchet, a knife, brass knuckles and a chain saw stained by what appeared to be blood. Who the hell picks up a hitchhiker that looks like this guy? Let alone one carrying a chainsaw and a freaking homemade sword! ---
**Author:** ![Xploder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/a183cd/32.png) [@Xploder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xploder)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2005, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335/54 "2005-06-08T00:18:56Z")
Dammit! STOP ANSWERING WITH ALL THE GOOD REASONS BEFORE I GET HERE! Sheesh. Side note: My neighbor and I cut down all the trees between our two houses over the weekend and when my wife saw the chainsaw with **bar oil** all over it she almost screamed. Thought it was blood. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2005, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335/55 "2005-06-08T00:26:16Z")
> [@Jack Batty](#): > > On the other other hand … where are all these retarded Gitmo/Abu Ghraib arguments coming from? > > Apples and friggin’ oranges here. If this guy gets thrown in prison with no trial nor access to an attorney for three years … okay, let’s compare the situations. > > Other than that what the flying fuck does one have to do with the other? Well, ElvisL1es is always going on and on about the Gitmo situation and how unjust it is, how it’s an abuse of power by the Bush administration, etc…, etc…, yet here he is pitting the Border Patrol for following the law and not holding a person illegally. He can’t have it both ways. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2005, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335/56 "2005-06-08T00:31:48Z")
I don’t know if this idea has been floated yet, but it occured to me when I heard about this incident on the radio this morning. The border patrols of Canada and the U.S. should have access to each other’s warrant databases, so if someone acting in a suspicious manner tries to cross in either direction, the receiving nation can check for outstanding warrants from both sides and arrest the person if one is found; either for prosecution in the agent’s country, or extradition back across the border. Is there any particular legal or technological hurdle to this? ---
**Author:** ![UnwrittenNocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/6de8d8/32.png) [@UnwrittenNocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UnwrittenNocturne)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2005, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335/57 "2005-06-08T00:32:28Z")
> [@Weirddave](#): > > Well, ElvisL1es is always going on and on about the Gitmo situation and how unjust it is, how it’s an abuse of power by the Bush administration, etc…, etc…, yet here he is pitting the Border Patrol for following the law and not holding a person illegally. He can’t have it both ways. Bullshit and you know it. There is a world of difference between the human rights abuses at Gitmo and this. Quit being so fucking disingenuous. While I have always thought your politics were on par with those of a rabid snail I did not think you would stoop to outright ‘misunderstanderating’ a poster in those terms ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2005, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335/58 "2005-06-08T00:41:19Z")
> [@Weirddave](#): > > Well, ElvisL1es is always going on and on about the Gitmo situation and how unjust it is, how it’s an abuse of power by the Bush administration, etc…, etc…, yet here he is pitting the Border Patrol for following the law and not holding a person illegally. He can’t have it both ways. Well I’m always going on about video games. Does that mean I can compare this guy’s plight with Lara Croft’s? It’s still apples and oranges. Or Border Guards and Administration Officials, if you will. ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2005, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335/59 "2005-06-08T00:46:49Z")
> [@UnwrittenNocturne](#): > > Bullshit and you know it. There is a world of difference between the human rights abuses at Gitmo and this. Not relative to the legality of holding the prisoners without cause. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2005, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335/60 "2005-06-08T00:47:57Z")
> [@UnwrittenNocturne](#): > > Bullshit and you know it. There is a world of difference between the human rights abuses at Gitmo and this. Quit being so fucking disingenuous. Sure, there are plenty of differences. One of them being that Gitmo is an abrrogation of due process and the rule of law, while this is an example of following both to the letter. **Elvis** , in true stopped-clock fashion, is correct to decry the Gitmo abuses, but is simply being his typically idiotic self by turning around and complaining about these border guards doing exactly what they were supposed to. Smells like hypocrisy to me.\* [sub]\*Which smells like a combination of burning hair and turpentine, in case anyone was curious.[/sub] Of course, that doesn’t excuse **LonesomePolecat** for characterizing everyone who has respect for the Constitution and basic human decency as “dumb crybaby motherfuckers,” but much like **Elvis** , this sort of behavior should come as no surprise to anyone who’s paid any attention to his previous syphilitic dribblings on this board. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/keeping-us-borders-safe/307335.md?page=4)