# Kel Varnson - Latex Division is a dumdum **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 3, 2004, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919 "2004-12-03T17:31:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919/21 "2004-12-03T20:52:27Z")
No, no. That post is a little slice of Heaven just the way it is! \ “Fuck it.” I can’t count how many times I’ve typed that in a textventure game… ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919/22 "2004-12-03T21:40:09Z")
> [@Genghis Bob](#): > > I think he’s performed a valuable public service. The flaming-kid thread had at least three certifiable spit-takes; well worth the price of admission. > > Bravo, Dopers! Yeah, I think he deserves a medal. I don’t think I’ve ever read a thread that made me laugh out loud every time I reread it. Can a closed thread make threadspotting? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919/23 "2004-12-03T21:44:01Z")
I don’t know why i keep trying to play them since that was about as far as I ever get. I once managed to get Arthur Dent out of his house once, just in time for the Vogons to vaporize Earth. That was the zenith of my gaming career. ---
**Author:** ![tremorviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47774/32.png) [@tremorviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tremorviolet)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919/24 "2004-12-03T21:55:44Z")
Goddamit, I started reading the thread linked in the OP and now I’m giggling so loudly my coworkers are peering over the cubicle walls. I’m supposed to be pretending to work… ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919/25 "2004-12-03T22:14:00Z")
> [@This Year's Model](#): > > You have acheived a score of 0 points. Your moral ranking is worthless scum. > Undo/Restore/Restart? In a cubicle\> Bow down and worship This Year’s Model I’d sooner kiss a pig! Seriously, that was sheer brilliance. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919/26 "2004-12-03T22:21:21Z")
> [@Metacom](#): > > And if he doesn’t get satisfactory answers in _that_ thread, there’s no telling what the next one will be… > > ```auto > > You're in the middle of the Gobe desert, taking a walk with your 3 year old child, who, due to spinacranialitis, has been colostomized, is tube fed, requires a respirator, a catheter, kidney dialysis, has only a third as much skin as she should, is severely mentally retarded, and whose spleen protrudes from a unique hole just above her third nipple. The doctors say she has less then 2 days to live. You're hundreds of miles from civilization. Without warning, the ancient sand worm Slait-Nyarr errupts from the ground in front of you, and threads to unleash a 3000-year long rein of utter domination upon the earth--a period that will see all major nations fall, billions die agonizing deaths of starvation, and the destruction of human culture as we know it. All life would be enslaved to Great Worm (may he live forever)! Just then, Jesus descends from the sky, and hands you a hypodermic syringe filled with enough barbituates to ensure a quick, painless death for your child. He hands you the syringe, and instructs you that if you end your childs horrible suffering, Slait-Nyarr will die instantly and the world will be saved. > > Do you kill your child in this situation? > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~wavy lines~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > ``` Is this a test to see if I’m a replicant? Because I’m not. I remember when I was a child and my mother would make me practice the piano. I even have pictures. Here look at them. Damn you, look at them! ---
**Author:** ![Hunter\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/50afbb/32.png) [@Hunter\_Hawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hunter_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919/27 "2004-12-03T23:06:22Z")
> [@Metacom](#): > > You’re in the middle of the Gobe desert, taking a walk with your 3 year old child, who, due to spinacranialitis, has been colostomized, is tube fed, requires a respirator, a catheter, kidney dialysis, has only a third as much skin as she should, is severely mentally retarded, and whose spleen protrudes from a unique hole just above her third nipple. The doctors say she has less then 2 days to live. You’re hundreds of miles from civilization. Without warning, the ancient sand worm Slait-Nyarr errupts from the ground in front of you, and threads to unleash a 3000-year long rein of utter domination upon the earth–a period that will see all major nations fall, billions die agonizing deaths of starvation, and the destruction of human culture as we know it. All life would be enslaved to Great Worm (may he live forever)! Just then, Jesus descends from the sky, and hands you a hypodermic syringe filled with enough barbituates to ensure a quick, painless death for your child. He hands you the syringe, and instructs you that if you end your childs horrible suffering, Slait-Nyarr will die instantly and the world will be saved. Hunter Hawk [syringe] worm worm: “FFS!” Hunter Hawk: “lolol!” HUnter Hawk: “PWNED!” ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919/28 "2004-12-03T23:24:56Z")
> [@Metacom](#): > > You’re in the middle of the Gobe desert, taking a walk with your 3 year old child, who, due to spinacranialitis, has been colostomized, is tube fed, requires a respirator, a catheter, kidney dialysis, has only a third as much skin as she should, is severely mentally retarded, and whose spleen protrudes from a unique hole just above her third nipple. The doctors say she has less then 2 days to live. You’re hundreds of miles from civilization. Without warning, the ancient sand worm Slait-Nyarr errupts from the ground in front of you, and threads to unleash a 3000-year long rein of utter domination upon the earth–a period that will see all major nations fall, billions die agonizing deaths of starvation, and the destruction of human culture as we know it. All life would be enslaved to Great Worm (may he live forever)! Just then, Jesus descends from the sky, and hands you a hypodermic syringe filled with enough barbituates to ensure a quick, painless death for your child. He hands you the syringe, and instructs you that if you end your childs horrible suffering, Slait-Nyarr will die instantly and the world will be saved. \*If you decide to kill your child with the syringe, turn to page 92. If you decide to try to kill the Great Worm Slait-Nyarr, turn to page 44. If you want to try to reason with Jesus, turn to page 76. If you want to attempt communication with the Great Worm, turn to page 294. If you reach in your pocket for no discernable reason, turn to page 8.\* ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919/29 "2004-12-03T23:32:20Z")
Can I eat the kid for $1000 please Alex? ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919/30 "2004-12-03T23:48:31Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > Is this a test to see if I’m a replicant? Because I’m not. I remember when I was a child and my mother would make me practice the piano. I even have pictures. Here look at them. Damn you, look at them! Why don’t you flip over the tortoise? _Why don’t you flip over the tortoise_??? ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919/31 "2004-12-04T00:18:09Z")
What’s a tortoise? ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919/32 "2004-12-04T00:20:46Z")
**Bryan Ekers** ’ hypothetical in the inane **Latex** thread is a thing of beauty. ---
**Author:** ![Metacom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecae2f/32.png) [@Metacom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Metacom)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919/33 "2004-12-04T00:22:09Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > **Bryan Ekers** ’ hypothetical in the inane **Latex** thread is a thing of beauty. Yup. I gave up on that thread quick, and missed that before I joined this one. I feel humbled. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919/34 "2004-12-04T01:36:44Z")
> [@El Cid Viscoso](#): > > “Fuck it.” I can’t count how many times I’ve typed that in a textventure game… And I always wondered about a game programmer who’d then follow that up with “Fuck what?” and firther responses about the chosen subject being the wrong gender, underaged, or having a headache. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919/35 "2004-12-04T01:44:39Z")
I don’t know much about Mr. Latex, or shooting small flaming children, but I DO know that I’m home with a cold and I decided to check in with my old stomping grounds and that thread slayed me. One of the funniest things I’ve ever read. It should be used as advertising for this board. So give Kel a few points for cheering me up on a relatively chilly winter’s night. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919/36 "2004-12-04T03:03:23Z")
> [@](#): > > Is this a test to see if I’m a replicant? Because I’m not. I remember when I was a child and my mother would make me practice the piano. I even have pictures. Here look at them. Damn you, look at them! My mother? Let me tell you about my mother… \*KaBooom \* ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919/37 "2004-12-04T03:05:19Z")
We missed you, jarbaby! Where have you been? ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919/38 "2004-12-04T19:35:42Z")
> [@El Cid Viscoso](#): > > What’s a tortoise? You know what a turtle is? Same thing… ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919/39 "2004-12-05T13:09:37Z")
Welcome back, **jarbabyj**! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919/40 "2005-01-30T00:53:10Z")
[Zoidberg] Yay! I’m appreciated! [/ZB] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kel-varnson-latex-division-is-a-dumdum/277919.md?page=3)