# Kermit The Frog Killed By Mob **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 12, 2003, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kermit-the-frog-killed-by-mob/160863 "2003-03-12T16:50:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kermit-the-frog-killed-by-mob/160863/1 "2003-03-12T16:50:47Z")
[sub]yes, this is a parody thread. The France bashing Is really getting out of hand[/sub] Kermit the frog, beloved entertainer, was killed this morning. His limousine was taking Kermit and his wife, Piggy, home from a day of shooting when it broke down. The purple, rhine stone studded car quickly attracted attention. A crowd soon surrounded it. When the driver told them that an “important frog” was his passenger, the crowd went wild. They tore Kermit from the car and beat him to death.Renowned scientist, Dr Honeydew Bunsen, fired his sleep beam on the crowd. However, it malfunctioned. Only Bunsen’s assistant, beaker was put to sleep.Piggy attempted to defend her husband, but was overwhelmed by the sheer number of assailants. She has released this statement “Oh! Oh! My Kermy! I don’t know what I’ll do without my one true love! How will a fragile rose like moi survive in this cruel world? I can only hope to find the strength to survive and to massacre all the people who killed my frog! I’ll give 'em a ha and a hya! I’ll snap their necks like toothpicks! It ain’t easy being green. But, it’s a lot harder being black and blue!” Many of Kermit’s friends have released statements- “Borgy de floofen, frog. Deshubulgoobek miv boom. De hitten! De smashen! Mungud froggew! Oh, oh, oh” “I like Kermit. But, his wife’s a real ham! Wokka wokka wokka! C’mon folks! What is this, a funeral? WHAT?” “Kermit was Elmo’s friend, uh huh. And now, Elmo is very sad. Dorothy is sad too. Comfort Elmo,boo hoo hoo. Comfort Elmo, waaah!” “I have lost One, One good friend! So now, I am organizing a civil suit. We’re going for Six, six figures!” Private services were held at Kermit’s home. In accordance with his wishes, he was flushed after a brief ceremony. Security was able to keep paparazi off the estate. But, two intruders did gain entrance. They took no photographs and caused no disruption except to shout after the elegy. “Hey! How come we have to stand and the frog gets a box seat?” “What’s the big deal? We saw him die every time he tried comedy!” Michigan J Frog, Pepe LePew and actor Stuart French have issued statements that they have gone into hiding for their own safety. ---
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kermit-the-frog-killed-by-mob/160863/2 "2003-03-12T16:54:43Z")
Did you mean “actor” French Stewart? ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kermit-the-frog-killed-by-mob/160863/3 "2003-03-12T16:56:40Z")
Mmmm. That’s nice. ---
**Author:** ![swingchick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@swingchick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swingchick)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kermit-the-frog-killed-by-mob/160863/4 "2003-03-12T17:22:24Z")
Well written. I laughed, I cried, I got the muppets theme song stuck in my head. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kermit-the-frog-killed-by-mob/160863/5 "2003-03-12T17:25:39Z")
I could hear Miss Piggy’s voice as I read that. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kermit-the-frog-killed-by-mob/160863/6 "2003-03-12T17:56:35Z")
Hilarious. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![LordVor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90ced4/32.png) [@LordVor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LordVor)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kermit-the-frog-killed-by-mob/160863/7 "2003-03-12T18:03:39Z")
Serves him right for tricking Piggy into eating those Grand Slam Breakfasts. -lv ---
**Author:** ![Ferrous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Ferrous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferrous)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kermit-the-frog-killed-by-mob/160863/8 "2003-03-12T18:08:56Z")
That wasn’t the real Kermit anyway. The real Kermit disappeared and was replaced by a lookalike a few years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kermit-the-frog-killed-by-mob/160863/9 "2003-03-12T18:31:37Z")
In fact, he wasn’t the real Kermit the Frog either. The real Kermit the Frog has been retired for 15 years and is living like a king in Patagonia. ---
**Author:** ![Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kermit-the-frog-killed-by-mob/160863/10 "2003-03-12T18:40:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ferrous \* > \*\*That wasn’t the real Kermit anyway. The real Kermit disappeared and was replaced by a lookalike a few years ago. \*\* At the end of the Muppet Movie Song, you can hear Fozzie softly saying “I bury Kermit.” ---
**Author:** ![Elenfair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cc9497/32.png) [@Elenfair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elenfair)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kermit-the-frog-killed-by-mob/160863/11 "2003-03-12T18:49:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lno \* > \*\*Mmmm. That’s nice. \*\* I just spewed my tea all over my keyboard… Bwaaa ha ha ha ha. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kermit-the-frog-killed-by-mob/160863/12 "2003-03-12T18:58:17Z")
I knew Kermit’s career was on the skids. I recently saw that new Hobbit movie and they didn’t have Kermit in even once. He is my favorite Hobbit. ---
**Author:** ![singular1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@singular1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/singular1)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kermit-the-frog-killed-by-mob/160863/13 "2003-03-12T19:46:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Elenfair \* > \*\*I just spewed my tea all over my keyboard… > > Bwaaa ha ha ha ha. \*\* Why? ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kermit-the-frog-killed-by-mob/160863/14 "2003-03-12T21:07:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DocCathode \* > \*\*[sub]yes, this is a parody thread. The France bashing Is really getting out of hand[/sub] > “I have lost One, One good friend! So now, I am organizing a civil suit. We’re going for Six, six figures!” > > \*\* The whole thing was fabulous, but I loved the above line especially. ---
**Author:** ![Robb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a183cd/32.png) [@Robb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robb)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kermit-the-frog-killed-by-mob/160863/15 "2003-03-12T21:31:39Z")
> [@](#): > > “I have lost One, One good friend! So now, I am organizing a civil suit. We’re going for Six, six figures!” Yes, it figures that the Count is a lawyer. ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kermit-the-frog-killed-by-mob/160863/16 "2003-03-12T21:39:25Z")
Six figures for a wrongful death suit in the U.S.? He’s not much of a lawyer. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kermit-the-frog-killed-by-mob/160863/17 "2003-03-12T23:48:17Z")
If the Mouse buys the Muppet franchise, your story might as well be true. ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_of\_the\_CC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Earl\_of\_the\_CC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_of_the_CC)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kermit-the-frog-killed-by-mob/160863/18 "2003-03-13T01:07:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Robb \* > \*\*Yes, it figures that the Count is a lawyer. \*\* Everyone (who has seen Dave Chapelle’s brilliant stand-up take on sesame street) knows that the Count is a pimp. Cape and all. “You have been late 4 times! I have been _counting_! How many times must I slap you before you understand? One! Two! …Two times.” ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2003, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kermit-the-frog-killed-by-mob/160863/19 "2003-03-13T09:16:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Siddhartha Vicious \* > \*\*At the end of the Muppet Movie Song, you can hear Fozzie softly saying “I bury Kermit.” \*\* That’s true, and Kermit’s not wearing shoes - Tibetan symbol of death - on the album cover of _Abbey Toad_.