# Kevin Spacey comes out in response to accusation of sexual harassment of 14-year old boy **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 30, 2017, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221 "2017-10-30T12:50:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2017, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221/21 "2017-10-30T17:38:09Z")
Hell, it’s troubling enough that 14 year olds are hanging around Hollywood parties with drunk actors. Which I’m aware is a thing that happens, but it shouldn’t. That’s not to blame the kid, by the way. If you’re hosting a party with alcohol and some 14 year old kid is hanging around the drunks, the problem isn’t on the kid. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2017, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221/22 "2017-10-30T17:41:33Z")
Very sorry to hear this, as I’ve long admired KS’s acting. I also regret the inevitable conflation for some idiots of “gay” with “child molester.” ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2017, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221/23 "2017-10-30T17:41:40Z")
I’m not sure how he was supposed to handle it. “I apologize but I’m totally not gay.” Or “I apologize but we are just going to keep pretending I’m not gay.” Taking responsibility is confirming the rumors. He could either take responsibility and confirm the rumors or deny responsibility and be even worse. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2017, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221/24 "2017-10-30T17:44:14Z")
I wonder why it is that everyone seems to assume that the accuser is telling 100% the truth all the time. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2017, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221/25 "2017-10-30T17:45:53Z")
Although personally I don’t remember any rumors about juveniles there have been stories about him hitting on guys in the theater very aggressively. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2017, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221/26 "2017-10-30T17:49:28Z")
> [@kayT](#): > > I wonder why it is that everyone seems to assume that the accuser is telling 100% the truth all the time. In this case Kevin Spacey seems to believe him. I tend to believe that he doesn’t remember a drunken incident from that long ago. But he is still seems to be saying “I don’t remember it but that sounds like me.” ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2017, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221/27 "2017-10-30T17:51:12Z")
> [@Lasciel](#): > > Because for a very long time, and STILL NOW in certain religious and political persuasions, there is a false equivalence that “Gay People” are actually “People Who Molest Children” and it’s been used as a weapon to shame or persecute gay people. It has been a very hard stigma to erase, and has resulted in lots of people being afraid to come out themselves because of the fear that people will have this perception of them as being child abusers. > > For a specific example, I’m pansexual, I live in the Bible Belt, and I work with children, for a government agency. There is no way in HELL I will ever be able to be “out” around here without putting my continued employment at risk. > > So for him to “come out” as part of his “oh whoops I totally don’t remember ever doing that but if I did it was because I was totally drunk and also gay” statement is infuriating. Thank you for this. That was insightful. Interesting that him being aggressive is a “thing” because I discussed this story with Mrs. Cups and she has a “friend of a friend” story of KS coming on to him. This seems to be a trend ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2017, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221/28 "2017-10-30T17:54:50Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > I’m not sure how he was supposed to handle it. “I apologize but I’m totally not gay.” Or “I apologize but we are just going to keep pretending I’m not gay.” Taking responsibility is confirming the rumors. He could either take responsibility and confirm the rumors or deny responsibility and be even worse. He didn’t need to mention it at all. He could have left that whole part out. It was unnecessary. > [@kayT](#): > > I wonder why it is that everyone seems to assume that the accuser is telling 100% the truth all the time. That’s definitely not the case. Where do you get that? In this specific case anyway, Spacey owned up to it. ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2017, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221/29 "2017-10-30T18:00:37Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > That’s the same story addressed in the OP. Not sure he’s “done”. I think it depends on how many other stories there are, and how he behaves going forward. Oops. Sorry I somehow read it as a new one. The tweet about the Old Vic made me think this was new. The Old Vic tweet even though not a direct accusation from a victim does make it seem that there may well be more to follow. I was incorrect though. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2017, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221/30 "2017-10-30T18:00:55Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > He didn’t need to mention it at all. He could have left that whole part out. It was unnecessary. He is rumored to be gay for decades. He has repeatedly refused to admit to it. He issues an apology for aggressively coming on to a male. Does he try to issue the apology around the elephant or print it right on the side? ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2017, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221/31 "2017-10-30T18:05:27Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > He is rumored to be gay for decades. He has repeatedly refused to admit to it. He issues an apology for aggressively coming on to a male. Does he try to issue the apology around the elephant or print it right on the side? It’s self evident if he just apologized. There was no need to add any of that extra stuff. It was a clear attempt to mitigate what he did and most people saw through it. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2017, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221/32 "2017-10-30T18:06:47Z")
Yeah, how does he apologize for hitting on a male without outing himself? If he said nothing about being gay, that would have left it even more confusing and weird. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2017, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221/33 "2017-10-30T18:12:01Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > A twenty-six-year-old should not be attempting to seduce a fourteen-year-old. > [@outlierrn](#): > > Agreed, but that does not make him a pedophile. It doesn’t make him a bank robber either but that’s not the point. ---
**Author:** ![DrCube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@DrCube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrCube)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2017, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221/34 "2017-10-30T18:14:31Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > He didn’t need to mention it at all. He could have left that whole part out. It was unnecessary. I’m not so sure about that. If he wasn’t openly gay before, then admitting he hit on a teenage boy essentially confirms it. This would have been his “coming out” statement either way. The only other option was complete denial of both things. It’s too bad that owning up to his shitty behavior required opening up about his previously hidden sexuality, but at least he owned up to it and apologized. Not giving him a pass, of course. It’s just better than outright denial or victim blaming. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2017, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221/35 "2017-10-30T18:18:48Z")
It’s a sad world we live in when we can’t expect people to read a statement by a man apologizing for sexually assaulting another man and understand that the first man is either gay or bi without an overt declaration. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2017, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221/36 "2017-10-30T18:22:41Z")
> [@DrCube](#): > > I’m not so sure about that. If he wasn’t openly gay before, then admitting he hit on a teenage boy essentially confirms it. This would have been his “coming out” statement either way. The only other option was complete denial of both things. > > It’s too bad that owning up to his shitty behavior required opening up about his previously hidden sexuality, but at least he owned up to it and apologized. Not giving him a pass, of course. It’s just better than outright denial or victim blaming. Yeah it’s a no win situation for him. Not that he deserves a win. Either he either says he’s gay with the apology and people accuse him or deflecting from the real issue or he apologizes and doesn’t come out and he gets hounded for stil denying his sexuality. Like he’s only gay when he gets so drunk he doesn’t remember. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2017, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221/37 "2017-10-30T18:30:25Z")
Spacey’s apology is half-hearted at best. > [@](#): > > I have a lot of respect and admiration for Anthony Rapp as an actor. I am beyond horrified to hear his story. I honestly do not remember the encounter, it would have been over 30 years ago. But if I did behave then as he describes, I owe him the sincerest apology for what would have been deeply inappropriate drunken behavior, and I am sorry for the feelings he describes having carried with him all these years. I could legitimately say that I am horrified by Rapp’s story and I’m sorry for the feelings he’s carried with him for years. Because - and this is an important point - I am not the person who did those things to him. But when you are the person who harmed somebody, you don’t just express sympathy for how bad they feel. You take responsibility for what you did and you apologize for doing it. Here’s what a real apology would have been: > [@](#): > > What Anthony Rapp has said about me is true. I am beyond horrified at what I did. I was drunk at the time and I don’t remember doing it but that does not excuse what I did. I apologize to Rapp for the suffering I have cause him. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2017, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221/38 "2017-10-30T18:38:24Z")
We could nit pick Spacey’s apology all day, but I’m not seeing that his was bad. Was it the best apology possible? Probably not. But I think it was fine. Saying he was “horrified” at his behavior is good enough for me. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2017, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221/39 "2017-10-30T18:39:37Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Spacey’s apology is half-hearted at best. > > I could legitimately say that I am horrified by Rapp’s story and I’m sorry for the feelings he’s carried with him for years. Because - and this is an important point - I am not the person who did those things to him. > > But when you are the person who harmed somebody, you don’t just express sympathy for how bad they feel. You take responsibility for what you did and you apologize for doing it. > > Here’s what a real apology would have been: Unless he really doesn’t remember then that would be a phony apology. I might remember 3 things from1986 and none of those involved alcohol. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2017, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221/40 "2017-10-30T18:47:39Z")
> [@Jophiel](#): > > Hell, it’s troubling enough that 14 year olds are hanging around Hollywood parties with drunk actors. Which I’m aware is a thing that happens, but it shouldn’t. > > That’s not to blame the kid, by the way. If you’re hosting a party with alcohol and some 14 year old kid is hanging around the drunks, the problem isn’t on the kid. Threadjack: That’s how I’ve always felt about the Polanski thing. If you don’t know, her mother dropped her off at his house, knowing she would be alone with him. The woman he did this to (I know her name but will not use it here out of respect for her dignity) said that she’d had consensual anal sex before, and at that point, I knew that she’d been previously abused because there are an awful lot of things 13-year-olds just don’t do otherwise, and that is one of them. ☹ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kevin-spacey-comes-out-in-response-to-accusation-of-sexual-harassment-of-14-year-old-boy/800221.md?page=3)