Almost a quarter of the way through The Hotel New Hampshire, by John Irving. Great so far.
I tossed There there by Tommy Orange. There were too many characters and not real attempt to make them likeable to the reader. I just didn’t care about all these f***ed up lives.
Those of you who know of me probably have read my tales of driving for Uber – the time traveler, the Ubers of Shame, more. The following is a story told to me by one of my passengers, but instead of putting it in the Uber thread, I decided it fit more here. Note that this was a long ride so there may be parts where the story is redacted – the guy was long-winded and this is just a message board post, so my apologies upfront if you like boring descriptions of the arcana of American life as I cut them out. Go read Stephen King if you like that shit. So when you see actual passages in italics – like this opening paragraph – that’s me, the author, not me, the driver.
I hope this isn’t too confusing.
“Pete?”
“Yeah… you’re John?”
“Yup. Looks like you’re headed to (address)…?”
“Exactly.”
“Ready to go? Got wallet, keys, packages?”
chuckles “I’m good, appreciate you asking.”
We take off. The ride ahead is a long one -going all the way from Boerne, Texas to east of Seguin, I-10 the entire way. The passenger seems… drunk? He keeps chuckling, and by the third time I had enough
laughing “It’s not fair to keep something that funny to yourself, lol.” (Yes, I said ‘lol’. L. O. L. Shoot me.)
chuckles “It’s not that it’s funny, I just literally had one of the most amazing artistic experiences of my life about 10 minutes before you drove up. I was even asked by a concerned woman if I was OK…” and at this he starts chuckling again.
I stay quiet, then he asks…
“Do you want to hear a story?”
“I’d love to. We have about an hour to kill, so go ahead.”
And with that, my passenger begins…
Now you may think it’s weird that my Uber passenger would speak in parenthetical statements and asides, but as God as my witness, not only did I think turkeys could fly, I could also hear the parenthesis and asides in his voice. This man could use his voice like few others, that is a simple, pure-D, fact.
So this is the largest section I am cutting out, how he kept trying to get through this book, but it just wasn’t really doing it for him. Really, about 20, 30 minutes of how he sat down on the couch and then got distracted by a ping on his phone, or the day he spent Thanksgiving with his daughter, home from NYC (and a 2-minute digression of how awesome his kid is, and let’s be fair – she does sound awesome), pretty much every excuse you’ve given yourself for not doing something. So y’all don’t need this and I’m cutting it out for both our sakes. However, if you are truly interested in the minute details of divorced male American life, circa 2021, as recounted by the passenger, PM me. It was still riveting, just too much for this post.
Like I said, my guy was quite a speaker. He made you realize that, yes, you can hear parenthetical statements AND paragraph breaks! Also, would like to let you know that the passenger was quite blue, but I edited most of the cursing out as this is a family forum. But not all.
I’m sitting here listening to my passenger, noting that he hasn’t even said the name of this book.
And, in recounting and then re-reading this, I notice he didn’t really talk about the plot either. Or anything else, for that matter.
We’re getting close: surprisingly, our exit to Seguin is in a half mile, his drop off point isn’t much further – a BBQ restaurant off I-10 which had seen better days – the passenger was a helluva talker, I will give him that. I still had most of my Diet Coke!
We pull in to the restaurant, as he winds down his story, looking for the red Ford he said his friend was driving. Spies it, makes sure I see it, and I pull up, stopping just as he was rummaging through his backpack, he still in story mode.
“No, but lord knows it’s inconceivable that I haven’t seen it, given my nerd history.”
“Take it. She has thirty copies, she passes them out to any one who wants one, and if she needs it replaced, that sounds like another fantastic book-shopping+lunch date. I am rather smitten with her.”
I thanked him as he departed, turned off the app, and turned the book over, so the cover was facing upward.
And then I, too, found out the name of the book which gobsmacked the passenger. Looking forward to reading it!
Your timing John T was creepy and downright frightening: I just got off the phone with Uber support after driving for them all night and I just 10 minutes ago downloaded my email…
That aside, As God is my witness and turkeys too, I have tried to read that damned book about 10 times and I canNOT get past page 5. I will just watch the movie a dozen more times.
Follow-up:
Wrote the above review.
Sent the link to the lady referenced in the story.
She was so thrilled with the review, and that I liked her favorite book as much as I did, she invited me over to eat a bowl of her delicious Azteca sopa and talk about the novel. She, being a teacher, had assigned the book to various classes over the years but had never had another adult to talk lit-crit about her favorite book. Especially not one who liked it.
Guys, my car dialed to eleven so quickly it made the trip to her house in less than twelve parsecs.
So we sat there, on her couch, talking lit and theater and Pynchon and Bach and on and on… and get your minds out of the gutter, we made it clear beforehand that this was a booky call and not a booty call.
But, as I left, our kiss lasted longer, much longer, than any previous end-of-date kisses.
Awesome story! I too have not read the book but seen the movie many times.
I’m 2/3rds of the way through Termination Shock by Neal Stephenson. I’ll follow up when I’m done, but it is very much latter-day Stephenson–lots of characters, lots of exposition, lots of good ideas, kind of a slog. Just got to the beginning of the real action. As has been said many times about Neal’s work, somewhere in that 800 page novel is a 400 page novel frantically trying to get out.
Aside from Cryptonomicon which was perfect. My reward (if one is needed) will be the last Expanse book.
Finished it. Worth it. Better than recent Stephenson in that it has a coherent plot line that mostly keeps moving, good and very realistic science and conflicts, and a not earth-shattering but VERY plausible view of our world 20 years from now or so. I thought Dodge in Hell had some great ideas but was in the weeds for far too long. Seveneves made me want to go outdoors and scream from all the Maguffins and handwaving. This was much better.
Yesterday I finished Thomas Berger’s slightly-tongue-in-cheek Camelot novel Arthur Rex, which I’d been reading aloud, off and on over the past few months, with my niece and one of my sons. The ending, with the king’s death and the tragic end of the Round Table, was very moving and sad.
I had exactly the same reaction. I gave up after my obligatory 50 pages - if an author hasn’t hooked me by then, I know from hard experience that he almost certainly never will.
I don’t think I even made it fifty pages.
Where, where? There, There, in the box of books to be donated.
Finished The Black Lizard Big Book of Locked-Room Mysteries, edited by Otto Penzler. I thought the best ones were “The Doomdorf Mystery” by Melville Davisson Post (an Uncle Abner story which I’d read before) and “The Phantom Motor” by Jacques Futrelle (a Thinking Machine story which I hadn’t read before.) Note that “Locked-Room Mysteries” here means supposedly impossible crimes. They don’t necessarily take place in locked rooms. For example, “The Phantom Motor” doesn’t.
Next up: “Octagon Magic” by Andre Norton.
As I’ve said in previous book threads, I think 50 pages is more than fair to the author, but allows me, with a clear conscience, to give up on a book that would otherwise, from my perspective, be a waste of time.
I don’t know how far I was in pages, I was listening to the audiobook. However, I had reached the fifth depressing and dreary life, about 32%, in and was done.
Finished The Judge’s List by Grisham. A good read, and a subject that he has not previously explored. I was a bit disappointed in the ending, as I thought things were hastily resolved. But I would recommend.
I’ve read two in December:
Rule of Wolves is the latest in the Grisha-verse series. If you haven’t read the previous umpteen books, it won’t really make sense; but it’s all great fun for YA fantasy romance. The magic is cool, the political scheming is intricate, the romance is fine, and there’s just enough real-world issues (bigotry, drug addiction, exploitation) to keep it grounded. If you think of starting the Grisha-verse books, I recommend Six of Crows, one of the best fantasy/heist mashups I’ve ever read.
The Arrest is my new least favorite Jonathan Lethem. I went through a jag a decade or so ago where I read everything by him and loved his stuff. This? It’s a post-apocalyptic book starring a terminally sad-sack loser and his sociopathic Hollywood producer friend, where nothing much happens until the end where something completely implausible happens, and even that isn’t much of anything. I think this is a book that’s gonna sour the more I think about it. Lethem’s a very good prose-writer, but man, this book doesn’t sit well with me.
The 22 Murders of Madison May Max Barry
Crime thriller set in present data New York City with a sci-fi twist. I don’t want to spoiler anything by describing the plot, which is fast paced and has some unexpected turns early on.
I quite enjoyed this book. Highly recommended.
Finished Octagon Magic by Andre Norton. Meh.
Now I’m reading The Gift of the Magpie by Donna Andrews.
Just started The Death of Mrs. Westaway by Ruth Ware.
An hour or so of an audiobook is equivalent to 50 pages, I think.
So possibly around 100 pages. Well it’s easier on audio when I’m walking 