# Kick my dog, I will beat you senseless. -or- Lumpy is out of my house. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 6, 2001, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886 "2001-03-06T03:35:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/1 "2001-03-06T03:35:35Z")
**Breaking News:** _Tripler’s folks kick his sister’s boyfriend out of the house!_ Lemme give you a little background info on “Lumpy”. My sister has been dating this moron for the past four years or so. He lives with his stepmom sometimes, and mooches for awhile, then moves to his father to repeat the process. He is barely a high school graduate with no future, and can’t seem to keep a job. Basically, he’s an overweight lump on two feet, which is why we call him “Lumpy”. It seems said jackass had moved himself into my folks house. Ya know, eating the food, using the phone to all hours of the night. Welp, one night, he decides to kick my dog . . . You don’t kick Tripler’s dog. Momma Trip gives him a nasty look and says to Lumpy “That was totally innapropriate.” The Lumpmeister replies, “I didn’t kick her that hard . . .” Momma Trip counters, “I don’t care. That was totally inappropriate. I think you should leave. . .” So, he sulks off to my sisters room, and Momma Trip tells Sista Trip to get Lumpy out of the house. Momma Trip has had enough of this welfare hotel crap. Two cheers for Momma Trip. Seems the folks are now changing the locks and alarm codes so Lumpy is denied access to the house. Apparently, he’s got a key to the old house locks from the spare key board. So, this will change. Tripler has also issued a verbal order - \*Use of force authorized. \* You don’t kick Tripler’s dog. . . Tripler I’m so damn happy!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![deb2world](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@deb2world](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deb2world)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/2 "2001-03-06T03:46:56Z")
**tripler** , your house sounds like mine, the dog (and in my house cat also) rules. 😉 But it sounds like the best thing for your sister to get this bozo out of her life. Hip Hip Horray to you and Momma Tripler, a job well done. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/3 "2001-03-06T03:50:13Z")
Oh good gravy! If ANYONE kicked one of my cats or my dog, they’d be in some SERIOUS deeeeep huuuuuurrrting. ---
**Author:** ![Eo\_Echo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ebca7d/32.png) [@Eo\_Echo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eo_Echo)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/4 "2001-03-06T04:03:55Z")
Good for you **Tripler.** I once had to pummel the almighty shit out of some dick who kicked my dog Piper (RIP, buddy). ---
**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/5 "2001-03-06T04:08:14Z")
just so. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/6 "2001-03-06T04:41:45Z")
If a trick, boyfriend, husband, or family member, I don’t care, ever kicked my cat or my roommate’s cat, they’d exit swiftly out the nearest aperture, door, window, or air vent. You don’t beat up on the kitties. ---
**Author:** ![Jalapeno\_On\_A\_Stick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Jalapeno\_On\_A\_Stick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jalapeno_On_A_Stick)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/7 "2001-03-06T08:16:05Z")
My mother, god bless her, was kind enough to let me and my 2 pit bulls stay with her when I first moved back to this god-awful-poor-excuse-for-a-state (don’t ask) until I could find a house. God bless her! One day as I was going out I told her “If they give you any trouble, just smack 'em or kick 'em or something”. Her response? “Yeah right”. In retrospect I suppose it isn’t a good idea for an old woman (or anyone perhaps?) to kick two 80 lb. pit bulls. Funny, anytime I’ve suggested that to someone they responded to me as if I was crazy. No, I don’t kick or in anyway mistreat my dogs. Spoil them beyond all belief? Guilty! How many dogs do you know with a king size and air conditioning? But hey, if you’re feeling like Bruce Lee, give 'em a kick… I’m curious to see what would happen… So send that dirtbag on over. He can stay with me for a few days. Although, he may never be seen again in one piece. :-p ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/8 "2001-03-06T08:59:07Z")
The only time when it’s appropriate to kick a dog is when it starts humping your leg. But then the dog just sees you as “playing hard to get”. ---
**Author:** ![Vince\_the\_Intangible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ba8739/32.png) [@Vince\_the\_Intangible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vince_the_Intangible)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/9 "2001-03-06T09:08:09Z")
> [@](#): > > But then the dog just sees you as “playing hard to get”. But that sure’s hell beats out being seen as “ready and willing”, or “fire hydrant”, for that matter. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/10 "2001-03-06T09:57:20Z")
Vince… I like you. ---
**Author:** ![Vince\_the\_Intangible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ba8739/32.png) [@Vince\_the\_Intangible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vince_the_Intangible)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/11 "2001-03-06T10:08:37Z")
Urmmm… I like you too Diddler, but… get off my leg. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/12 "2001-03-06T10:16:31Z")
Tripler, tell Sissy that she needs to dump Lumpy, NOW. Anyone who would kick a dog might decide that it’s all right to kick or hit his girlfriend. She deserves better than Lumpy. ---
**Author:** ![Vince\_the\_Intangible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ba8739/32.png) [@Vince\_the\_Intangible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vince_the_Intangible)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/13 "2001-03-06T10:30:29Z")
Yeah, a lumpy dump would be good for her right now. ---
**Author:** ![Jalapeno\_On\_A\_Stick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Jalapeno\_On\_A\_Stick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jalapeno_On_A_Stick)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/14 "2001-03-06T12:40:28Z")
Uh, I guess I should have added “bed” after “king size(d)”. \ ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/15 "2001-03-06T12:51:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lynn Bodoni \* > \*\*Tripler, tell Sissy that she needs to dump Lumpy, NOW. Anyone who would kick a dog might decide that it’s all right to kick or hit his girlfriend. She deserves better than Lumpy. \*\* **She can do better!** She just doesn’t feel like going out to find better. She said, “I’ll find someone somewhere along the line . . .” Problem is, the more overtly I deny Lumpy his “mooching pleasures” the more Sister Trip runs to him. She’s a charity worker-type, I think. So the more I/we (Clan Tripler) are reppellant of him, the more she runs to him. I think it’s that bad boy image. We’ll see just how bad of a boy he is with my boot up his ass. . . **Spoofe,** , **Vince** get off the couch. Bad boys. Wanna go outside? C’mon, I’ll put you in your pen . . . Tripler ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/16 "2001-03-06T14:30:39Z")
This is a great thing. You can tell how a person will treat people by the way he treats animals. Any man that loves a cat (dogs will do) is okay in my book! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/17 "2001-03-06T23:10:00Z")
I always used to trip over my dog…I don’t know if that counts. She would tend to sleep either at the top of the stairs, or in the enterance to the hallway. I’d be walking along, then _bump_, and she’d give me that look that said “You just ran into me”, at which point, I’d give the look that said, “It’s your fault, stupid, for lying in the middle of the hallway”, and she’d give me a look that said “Well, I’m going back to sleep now…please don’t run into me again.” But, it was never a deliberate decision…good for your mom, Trip. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/18 "2001-03-06T23:31:46Z")
I’ve been known to kick a cat off my feet in the middle of the night, but I don’t think that counts, since I’m not really kicking them, just kicking my legs around so the cat will move! Why is it the cat that weighs the most is the one who wants to lay on my feet? ---
**Author:** ![dewt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9dc877/32.png) [@dewt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dewt)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2001, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/19 "2001-03-07T13:12:41Z")
If someone kicked my dog… well, I’m not sure the dog would even notice… but hang on a sec, that’s not the point. The point is, I too, would be violently upset and would, as mentioned above, be moving the hapless offender towards the nearest aperture. Defenestration indeed. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2001, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/20 "2001-03-07T15:48:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dewt \* > \*\*… be moving the hapless offender towards the nearest aperture. Defenestration indeed. \*\* Lumpy’s lucky he got the window. “Face, meet wall.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886.md?page=2)