# Kick my dog, I will beat you senseless. -or- Lumpy is out of my house. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 6, 2001, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886 "2001-03-06T03:35:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2001, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/21 "2001-03-07T15:54:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BunnyGirl \* > \*\*This is a great thing. > > You can tell how a person will treat people by the way he treats animals. Any man that loves a cat (dogs will do) is okay in my book! 😃 \*\* \<–sitting down primly next to **Bunnygirl**. Hands folded in lap. I’ve got four cats, and I adore them all. 🙂 Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![dewt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9dc877/32.png) [@dewt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dewt)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2001, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/22 "2001-03-07T22:13:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Captain Amazing \* > \*\*Lumpy’s lucky he got the window. “Face, meet wall.” \*\* Well, sure, but a window is cheaper to replace. And the tinkle of broken glass and subsequent dwindling scream are _sooooo_ much more satisfying than an screamless crunch. Plus, what if you miss the joists and put his head through mere gyproc? That would be such an anticlimax. You’d have to do it again and again till you got it right and onlooks would merely shake their heads and mumble, “shoulda used the window.” ---
**Author:** ![OrcaChow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e47c2d/32.png) [@OrcaChow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OrcaChow)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2001, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/23 "2001-03-08T02:09:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE Bo Diddly \* > \*\*The only time when it’s appropriate to kick a dog is when it starts humping your leg. But then the dog just sees you as “playing hard to get”. \*\* At one job a long, long time ago, I was talking to a fairly powerful client of the business, when her dog **started peeing on my leg**. The first clue was that the woman was grinning. She thought it was cute and wasn’t about to stop the dog, so I wound up and kicked for the dog’s balls. Punted it in the belly instead. The owner didn’t say much, though she was unhappy that I kicked her dog. She was lucky I wasn’t wearing my carpenter’s belt. A clawhammer at ten yards would’ve cured the little bastard’s incontinence problem but good. ---
**Author:** ![OrcaChow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e47c2d/32.png) [@OrcaChow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OrcaChow)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2001, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/24 "2001-03-08T02:17:20Z")
Oh, and congratulations on freedom from Lumpy, Tripler. Too bad it took kicking your dog to get the jerk out. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2001, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/25 "2001-03-08T13:59:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by OrcaChow \* > \*\*Oh, and congratulations on freedom from Lumpy, Tripler. Too bad it took kicking your dog to get the jerk out. \*\* Much obliged. I’m just upset I wasn’t at home when it happened. It would’ve been satisfying to see what a shit lined human skull would’ve done to a sliding glass door. . . Trip ---
**Author:** ![LindyHopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2001, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/26 "2001-03-08T15:31:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dewt \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Captain Amazing \* > > \*\*Lumpy’s lucky he got the window. “Face, meet wall.” \*\* > > \*\* > > Well, sure, but a window is cheaper to replace. And the tinkle of broken glass and subsequent dwindling scream are _sooooo_ much more satisfying than an screamless crunch. Plus, what if you miss the joists and put his head through mere gyproc? That would be such an anticlimax. You’d have to do it again and again till you got it right and onlooks would merely shake their heads and mumble, “shoulda used the window.” Well, yeah, but I keep picturing a sort of Al Bundy thing, you know? Grab the guy by scruff of neck and waistband of pants, frog-march him toward the door, and then…miss. A couple of times. Just slam his face into the door frame. THEN throw him out the door. If anyone ever tried to harm any of my two dogs or three cats, they’d be in a world of hurt. The ONLY acceptable excuse, in my opinion, is if a dog is charging toward you with obvious intent to seriously injure you. Then it’s just self-preservation. Otherwise, MAN… ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2001, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/27 "2001-03-10T20:24:02Z")
Is your sister still seeing this goon, **Tripler**? When I first saw the title to this thread, I was wondering if you had a bone to pick with [**Lumpy**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/member.php?action=getinfo&userid=2010), a registered member of the SDMB. From reading this and checking the distance between Minot, SD, where you live, **Tripler** , and Minneapolis, MN, where **Lumpy** lives, I’m assuming they are not the same person. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/28 "2001-03-11T17:18:31Z")
Except (and I can say this because I’m physically here) that Minot is in North Dakota. Robin ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2001, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/29 "2001-03-11T17:46:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Spider Woman \* > \*\*Is your sister still seeing this goon, **Tripler**? > > When I first saw the title to this thread, I was wondering if you had a bone to pick with [**Lumpy**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/member.php?action=getinfo&userid=2010), a registered member of the SDMB. From reading this and checking the distance between Minot, SD, where you live, **Tripler** , and Minneapolis, MN, where **Lumpy** lives, I’m assuming they are not the same person. \*\* Aw hell no! I’ve never met **Lumpy**. It’s my _Lumpy_ that I can’t stand. We named this moron _Lumpy_ because that’s basically what he is. And as far Sista Trip, she’s probably still seeing him. At least he’s not in my house drinking _ **my** _ beer. . . Kick my dog and drink my beer? In some Middle Eastern countries, I hear they execute you publicly, bring you back, and then do it again . . . Tripler _TO Order 01-0311: Upgraded orders - Use of deadly force authorized_ if my beer is consumed by others than me. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/30 "2001-03-12T18:06:16Z")
First of all, I’d like to upgrade the Cheers for Momma Trip from two to three, and then contend that Deadly Force is Authorized not only for the beer thief, but the dog-kicker also. Not only in Middle Eastern countries, but in the American South. As in > [@](#): > > The use of unnecessary force in the apprehension of the Blues Brothers has been approved. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2001, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886/31 "2001-03-12T18:08:17Z")
First of all, I’d like to upgrade the Cheers for Momma Trip from two to three, and then contend that Deadly Force is Authorized not only for the beer thief, but the dog-kicker also. Not only in Middle Eastern countries, but in the American South. As in > [@](#): > > The use of unnecessary violence in the apprehension of the Blues Brothers has been approved. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kick-my-dog-i-will-beat-you-senseless-or-lumpy-is-out-of-my-house/56886.md?page=1)