# Kiddy porn in the closet. What NOT to find spring cleaning. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 11, 2009, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733 "2009-04-11T09:53:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733/101 "2009-04-16T09:46:07Z")
Re: OP - do whatever you need to settle your peace of mind, but I highly recommend that you wait a week or two to get things into perspective and not get too emotionally invested in it, unless you have causes to believe that your cousin is really up to no good. The thing is how much do you trust your cousin? Is one piece of paper going with kiddy porn going to make you distrust him that you won’t leave him alone with children? There’s no need to justify it, I guess, trust is subjective after all. I understand that it may be a big deal to you, but it is also wise to consider your cousin’s feelings. Some things are better left unsaid and let go. Count the cost. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733/102 "2009-04-16T11:11:38Z")
> [@AquaPura](#): > > 1. Exactly where do you get the stupidity and the hubris astro? Could you perhaps go back and read my posts, this time for comprehension? Neither of us are assuming the worst. We don’t even think the worst is likely. We do however, agree that it would be irresponsible not to at least ask if he has a problem. If we don’t, that bit of paper could color every encounter we have with him. Considering we are all very close, and he is over nearly every day, this might be a problem. Where is the hubris? You must be joking. It’s woven through your posts. The Jr. detective assumptions about “juicy wank folders”, your obvious, almost carnivorous relish at the opportunity to play human lie detector and see if he squirms, and your anticipation that he may break down blubbering that he needs your help to get over his kiddy porn habit. You seem utterly tone deaf to the context of the fact that teenagers routinely download and print out the most obscene stuff imaginable without a care as to whether it is illegal or not. Beyond the fact that this was a single page of thumbnails which almost no one uses to masturbate to despite your CSI spatter analysis, beyond the fact that this was all you found of it and fetishists of any type normally have mountains of the stuff, beyond the fact this was 10 years ago, beyond all these is simply the fact that he was 14 years old, and 14 year olds download almost anything regardless of whether it is atomic put you in jail kiddy porn vs any other disgusting fetish porn. Given these facts most reasonable people would use common sense and sense of overall context and would weigh the hard evidence that he was a kiddy porn lover as a 24 year old adult (virtually nil) vs the emotional impact of humiliating him over this and decide to let discretion be their guide and put it into the “14 year olds do stupid crap” category. Not you. After your elaborate Kabuki dance about how all this burned into your brain you are determined to grill him on this because well…you just gotta! And in the end that’s the most disgusting part of this. There is no weighted consideration of the relationship damage, humiliation and embarrassment you will potentially cause over this stupidly thin indication that he is a child porn lover. It’s all about your need for closure on this vs the need for an adult to give a person the benefit of the doubt for porn they viewed when they were 14 years old. This crusade of yours to confront him over porn he was looking at when he was 14 is insane. ---
**Author:** ![amanset](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8dc957/32.png) [@amanset](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amanset)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733/103 "2009-04-16T12:21:31Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Stealing candy and broken windows? I’m not sure what bizzaro, “Leave It To Beaver” alternative universe you’re living in, but I will refer you to post #69 where I describe what I found on the computers of the children of doctors, lawyers and engineers from the mid- late 90s to the mid-2000s when I was cleaning spy ware out the PCs of friends (which I no longer do it’s too much of a PITA). This stuff happens all the time and it’s worse on kid’s PCs because they have no filter or understanding the differentiation between what is “gross and weird” vs being put you in jail illegal re the stuff they are perusing. Not “Leave it to Beaver” world at all. I’m just letting you know what the world thinks hijinks are. But hey, he has a girlfriend now so he can’t possibly be into child porn, because clearly no-one in a relationship ever has been. And there’s no possible way he could have moved his stash and this single sheet, nicely archived away, was just what he accidentally left. No siree. Especially seeing as he is such a nice, normal guy. And as we know, just a bit of child porn is nothing really. Honest. That’s the police’s official line and everything. There’s a huge fucking gap between being a mentalist that runs a paediatrician out of town and being a tiny bit concerned when actual child pornography is found filed away in someone’s stuff. There is no way on earth I wouldn’t have confronted him. Pretending a little bit of child pornography is nothing and he’s OK because he looks normal is, to me, showing smashing head repeatedly against the wall levels of idiocy. And don’t forget. He didn’t search it out on the net for a laugh and then move on. He searched for it on the net, found it, printed it out and then filed it away for later use with the rest of his wank-fodder. But still, he looks OK now and has a girlfriend and everything. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733/104 "2009-04-16T12:55:36Z")
> [@amanset](#): > > And don’t forget. He didn’t search it out on the net for a laugh and then move on. He searched for it on the net, found it, printed it out and then filed it away for later use with the rest of his wank-fodder. And how do you know exactly how it came to be there? Whether it was searched out, passed to him, printed with a bunch of other stuff or whatever? Also, if it really was his “wank fodder” as you put it, do you think he’s gonna leave it there? Further, it was ONE page of thumbnails (or at least small pix) in amongst a whole folder of other weird porn. I don’t see anybody jumping, least of all the OP about the rest of the weird porn in any other way asking if he is into bondage, or watersports or anything. Most are not saying this is absolutely nothing to worry about, but rather asking for it to be put into context, aside from this one page, there is ZERO other things that even put the smallest ping in the radar. Even though the rest of his actions are now being viewed in light of the fact that kiddie porn was found in his room. Look at the other comments made by the OP, he doesn’t work with or seek out little kids, he has been in a long term relationship with a lady his own age, he is not around children, nothing at all like that. None of this is conclusive in itself, however if you can look at him knowing that a page of kiddie porn was found in his room (and remember, you don’t know for SURE that it was his, its just the best bet) and still not find the slightest indication of any deviancy then perhaps its not there? One swallow does not a summer make. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733/105 "2009-04-16T12:57:58Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > One swallow does not a summer make. Are you absolutely certain you want to say that? ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733/106 "2009-04-16T13:15:40Z")
> [@Cicero](#): > > Are you absolutely certain you want to say that? No, but just as certain as those that are saying things like “folder of his wank fodder” and “he jerked of to this stuff” ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733/107 "2009-04-16T13:17:40Z")
No offense, OP, but you are blowing this whole situation way out of proportion. Does nobody remember what it was like to be 14? I can tell you that when I was growing up that kids were looking at all kinds of crazy shit. We would be looking at and showing others anything that we could get our hands on. I’m a chick and I looked at, and indeed even went looking for, all kinds of weird porn and dead body pictures and any kind of ‘shock’ images. Heck, when I was in middle school, a bunch of us kids figured out a local adult BBS that had pretty lax security, and downloaded hundreds of files of raunchy sex stories. One of the kids, who I’m fairly sure was married now and completely straight, told me how to get to the hardcore gay porn stories. Should I go all detective on his ass and make sure he’s not really secretly gay? I’d be incredibly embarrassed and offended if someone brought to me one of my old floppies with something like fake snuff on it and demanded to know if I was into that kind of thing today and if I was a risk to other people. I was a kid. I was curious. Kids get into things they’re not supposed to and they like to wow their friends. As a point of note, I never came across any kiddie porn, but I’m pretty sure I would have looked if I had. I have a close male friend who told me that that he and all his guy friends once looked at kiddie porn – when they were kids and young teens themselves. They were curious and wanted to shock each other, in a sort of faux-manly “I’m not even bothered by this” kind of way. A single page of thumbnails in a folder of lots of different fetish porn pages is a “hey guys, look at this” type thing, not a future pedophile. If you value your relationship with this person, I’d let it go. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733/108 "2009-04-16T13:55:23Z")
[QUOTE=amanset;11043728 And don’t forget. He didn’t search it out on the net for a laugh and then move on. He searched for it on the net, found it, printed it out and then filed it away for later use with the rest of his wank-fodder. .[/QUOTE] Some people print out pretty much anything BEFORE really looking at it. Particularly back in the day when internet connections were slow and hard (heh) drive storage was limited. Hit print, do something else till its done. Combine that with a packrat mentallity (which the family obviously has) and its not surprising at all to me that you found it. And to repeat. Going looking for it (once) at 14 does not make a pedophile. Unless you think a majority of males are pedophiles. And to repeat more, there is a darn good chance he was looking for run of the mill porn and accidently got that instead. Back in that era, I even once ran across some pretty nasty porn looking for “pyrex glass tubing” for gods sake. Just call me Pete the Pyrex Perv ehhh? Another thing, if it was ME, and you told anyone in real life about this suspicion of yours, I’d be darn tempted to sue your ass off. Not sure it would do much good, but I’d be that pissed about it. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733/109 "2009-04-16T14:05:54Z")
> [@AquaPura](#): > > No, you aren’t sorry. You are simply delighted. Pot, meet kettle. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733/110 "2009-04-16T14:09:51Z")
> [@AquaPura](#): > > And if anyone wants to know what the fall out of this is, we are asking him about it tonight. Gee, glad all our advice was so helpful :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733/111 "2009-04-16T14:16:22Z")
> [@AquaPura](#): > > . For two, his cousin REALLY sucks at lying. He can’t even tell little white lies without you being able to tell it all over his face. He turns bright red, looks away, and grimaces while he does it! > > . So if he lies, you will catch him. Or maybe the concept of, ughh, I dunno, being accussed of liking kiddy porn will make him highly embarrassed (or mad). Gee, whats that thing many people do when embarrassed or mad? Oh yeah, their faces turn bright red! Nothing worse than a frackin LYING pedophile I tells ya. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733/112 "2009-04-16T15:03:22Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > So if he lies, you will catch him. Or maybe the concept of, ughh, I dunno, being accussed of liking kiddy porn will make him highly embarrassed (or mad). Gee, whats that thing many people do when embarrassed or mad? Oh yeah, their faces turn bright red! > > Nothing worse than a frackin LYING pedophile I tells ya. This is what I came in to mention. Don’t you think if a guy’s cousin’s girlfriend asks him about his 10-year-old porn stash, he’s gonna get all red and turn away?! > [@](#): > > I will repeat again. We DO NOT assume he is. We don’t even think it is likely. Then why ask him at all? For the love of Moses, you came in here asking for advice, and the overwhelming advice you’ve gotten has been to drop it, _so drop it!_ No good can come from this. Bringing this up will only cause bad things to happen to this relationship. If a cousin of mine and his girlfriend somehow got hold of a stash of dirty Internet pictures that I had from when I was 14, and then asked me about something they found in there, I’d probably turn beet red, puke, and never talk to them again. To be honest, if _I_ looked through a stash of dirty Internet pictures I had when I was 14, I’d probably feel a little queasy. Those pictures neither shaped nor scarred me. Same most likely goes for your bf’s cousin, which you’ve said so yourself. So let me repeat: No good can come from bringing this up! Don’t do it! ---
**Author:** ![MissMossie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@MissMossie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissMossie)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733/113 "2009-04-16T15:13:17Z")
> [@AquaPura](#): > > And if anyone wants to know what the fall out of this is, we are asking him about it tonight. I’m kind of curious about what happened. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733/114 "2009-04-16T16:42:36Z")
I’m wondering if you’d have the same amount of virtriol toward this person if he was a she and she, for whatever reason, took nude photos of herself at 14 and you found those. Since, you know, technically that is child porn too and teens are getting arrested for taking nude photos of _themselves_. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![GreedySmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a698b9/32.png) [@GreedySmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreedySmurf)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733/115 "2009-04-16T23:26:10Z")
> [@AquaPura](#): > > Out of curiosity, why would it be an automatic relationship destroyer for us to ask him about it? Perhaps we just have a better relationship with our family than most, but why would anyone assume that asking him this question is going to blow open the apocolypse? Think about that for a moment. I can’t think of very many things worse for a normal person to be accused of than being a pedophile. And even worse that accusation coming from close family. It doesn’t matter how you approach it or phrase it, a ‘casual’ conversation about “hey we found kiddie porn, you’re not still into that are you?” is going to come across as an accusation. How is your cousin going to look you or your boyfirend in the eye ever again, having the knowledge that you thought he might be a pedophile? I don’t care how strong your relationship with someone is, having in the back of your mind that they could honestly think that about you, do you think you would voluntarily see them again? ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2009, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733/116 "2009-04-17T00:35:20Z")
Allow me to provide the Cliff Notes: OP: “What should we do, Dopers?” Dopers: “Let it go.” OP: “NO!!! WHY SHOULD WE!!! I’M SHOCKED AT ALL OF YOU!!” :rolleyes: Oh, and I’ll take odds on the OP’s follow-up as “We talked to him and we could tell he was lying and we were RIGHT and he broke down and he’s getting help” at 5-2. ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2009, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733/117 "2009-04-17T00:41:52Z")
Or else, “we talked to him and he denied it, and I _think_ I believe him, but I’ll never be sure. I wish someone had warned me this might happen.” ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2009, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733/118 "2009-04-17T01:05:10Z")
What gets me it this. This isnt just a cousin. This is a CLOSE cousin. If someone I know “closely” was accussed of kiddy porn propensities, it would take a shitload more than one 10 year old page of THUMBNAILS before I’d be convinced. Is there a brain tumor? An FBI file? A hard drive full of this stuff? Are you sure he wasnt framed? What?! This is prime example of why the legal system doesnt allow inflamatory? evidence at trial…hell if this stuff make one close cousin question another this easily…most people would be be hanging a perfect stranger after seeing it before even hearing any “facts”… ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2009, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733/119 "2009-04-17T01:36:56Z")
Well, here’s what gets me- we, as complete strangers, are the ones giving the then-kid the benefit of the doubt, while the OP is totally unable to. Yuck. ---
**Author:** ![atomicbadgerrace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@atomicbadgerrace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/atomicbadgerrace)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2009, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733/120 "2009-04-17T01:39:31Z")
> [@Morbo](#): > > Oh, and I’ll take odds on the OP’s follow-up as “We talked to him and we could tell he was lying and we were RIGHT and he broke down and he’s getting help” at 5-2. I was picturing something more like “we confronted him and he denied it. I accept his denial, and of course have completely dismissed the entire notion of him being a pedophile from my mind. Our relationship is completely unharmed – he assured us of it!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kiddy-porn-in-the-closet-what-not-to-find-spring-cleaning/492733.md?page=7)