# Kids' books we hope we never see **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 22, 2005, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742 "2005-03-22T17:46:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742/1 "2005-03-22T17:46:01Z")
**HP Pufnstuf** : Will Jimmy and the gang elude the carnivorous hijinx of Whitchiphu and Oldone? **Good Night Keith Moon** : “Good night, bottle. Good night, bong. Good night, groupie. Good night.” **The Velvet Teen Rabbit** : Come along with our young “furry” friends to their very first FurCon! **Pippi Hiphuggers** : In a Dutch twist on the Swedish tale, join Pippi and her low-rider sportin’ pals as they head out from her wacky houseboat to explore Amsterdam’s red light district. **The Book Formerly Known as The Little Prince** : In which our little hero marries his rose, annuls the marriage, gets married again, annuls again, then divorces. **The House at Poo Corner** : Classic sequel to **Now We Are Sick** ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742/2 "2005-03-22T18:19:15Z")
**Where the Wild Things Are Buried** ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742/3 "2005-03-22T20:17:23Z")
**To Think That I Saw It on Christopher Street** , by Dr. Suess **Heather Has Two Mommies, But Her Daddy was a Turkey Baster** **The Show and Tell Book of Genitalia** - this is a pop-up book **The Pokey Little Puppy Gets Run Over** **The Berenstain Bears Learn about Nocturnal Emissions** **Where the Sidewalk Ends and the Zombie Graveyard Begins** **Grover Makes Friends with Bimby, the Sesame Street-walker** **Return to Neverland - This Time With a Subpoena** Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Agrippina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8797f3/32.png) [@Agrippina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agrippina)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742/4 "2005-03-22T21:14:58Z")
**Curious George and the Law Against Keeping Exotic Animals** **The Baby-Sitters Club Super Special: Inner City Detroit Vacation** **The Baby-Sitters Club: Claudia’s Rejection From Art School** **Nancy Drew and the Case of the Cannibalistic Serial Killer** **The Hardy Boys: The Mystery of the Foaming Mad Dog** **Are You There Satan? It’s Me, Charles Manson** **My Teacher Is An Illegal Alien** **The Three Little Mole Rats** **A Visual Encyclopedia to Septic Tanks** **Henry Huggins and the Bomb Shelter** ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742/5 "2005-03-22T22:00:07Z")
Danny Dunn and his Doomsday Machine Henry Reed’s Bitter Divorce The Great Brain and the Great War The Hippies of Oz Golden Books Presents: Grandpa Mao’s Lil Red Book Curious George and the Holy Inquisition Why Heather and her “mommies” Were Sent to the Camps Why You LOVE Big Brother Bionic Bunny vs. the Elders of Zion Nny’s Bedtime Tales ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742/6 "2005-03-22T23:04:07Z")
The Trouble With Harry Potter Harry Potter and the Rebel Teens “The Joy of Cookies” By Cookie Monster Did you know that The Hunchback Of Notre Dame is in the children’s section simply because it was turned into a Disney movie? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742/7 "2005-03-22T23:27:06Z")
**The Sexual Adventures of Huckleberry Finn** **One Bitch, Two Bitch, Red Bitch, Blue Bitch** **10 Chainsaws Up on Top** **Old Yeller Dies at the End of This Book** **President Bush is Your Real Daddy** **Germss: Silent, Invisible and Deadly** ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742/8 "2005-03-23T00:29:59Z")
**Encyclopedia Brown and the Trenchcoat Mafia** **James and the Giant Polyp** ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742/9 "2005-03-23T00:57:08Z")
**Let’s draw Betty and Veronica naked.** (I would have loved that when I was a kid, though) ---
**Author:** ![YellowTail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b5ac83/32.png) [@YellowTail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YellowTail)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742/10 "2005-03-23T01:07:09Z")
Horton Hires a Ho ---
**Author:** ![Agrippina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8797f3/32.png) [@Agrippina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agrippina)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742/11 "2005-03-23T01:27:11Z")
**Are You My Case Worker?** **The Cheating, Stealing, Lying Tree** **The Cat in the Straight Jacket** **How the Grinch Stole Pearl Harbor Day** **If You Give a Mouse a Bong** **Green Eggs and Stools** **The Very Hungover Caterpiller** **Goosebumps: The Yellow Stain on the Pants** **Wayside School is Imploding** **Harold and the Permanent Purple Sharpie Over Mommy’s White Carpet** **Clifford the Big Red Commie** ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742/12 "2005-03-23T01:34:29Z")
**Goodnight Moon, I’m Ready for Some Poon** ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742/13 "2005-03-23T01:49:01Z")
**The Powerpuff Girls Reach Puberty** ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742/14 "2005-03-23T16:31:14Z")
**Bathtime With Andrea Yates** ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742/15 "2005-03-23T16:42:52Z")
[**Uncle Shelby’s ABZ Book**](http://www.banned-width.com/shel/works/playboy/abz/abz.html) [adapted from an article in Playboy Magazine.](http://www.banned-width.com/shel/works/playboy/playboy.html) It’s funny bacause the material exists, just waiting to be republished. ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742/16 "2005-03-23T21:00:24Z")
I was the last to post, but that was a few hours ago, and I have now seen something incredible: [Corrupt thy children](http://www.worth1000.com/cache/contest/contestcache.asp?contest_id=316&display=photoshop#entries) . A collection of photoshopped images of children’s book, altered to be horrible, at [http://www.worth1000.com](http://www.worth1000.com), including: **Where the furry things are, by Marice Sendack, (with a surpisingly hot furry) If you give a moice pestacide,** and **Paddington Blows Chow on a Bobby** ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742/17 "2005-03-23T21:20:18Z")
**Encyclopedia Brown Gets Expirgated.** **Encyclopedia Brownshirt** **The Great Brain Tumor** **Horton Hears The Who** **A Boy’s First Book of Castration Fears** **Nancy Drew In the Kitchen Where She Belongs!** **The Powerpuff Boys** **Funk & Wagnalls Encyclopedia of Monsters Under the Bed** **The Golden Book of Blackheads** Another pop-up book One I’ve heard of: **Bi-Curious George** ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742/18 "2005-03-23T21:53:03Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > **Horton Hears The Who** That one was done as a **Bizarro** cartoon once. It showed the smiling elephant sitting in an audience full of shouting, lighter-waving rock fans. ---
**Author:** ![Agrippina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8797f3/32.png) [@Agrippina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agrippina)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742/19 "2005-03-23T22:23:18Z")
**A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Tiny Testicles** **A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Jittery Junkie** **Raggedy Ann and the Thrift Store** **The Berenstein Bears: Sister Needs Ritalin** **Beezus’s Teenage Pregnancy** (this one is by Beverly Cleary) **Children’s Guide to the Presidents of the United States by Hunter S. Thompson** (author of **A Children’s Guide to Las Vegas** ) **Charlie and the Cigarette Factory** **A Clockwork Orange: Coloring Book** ---
**Author:** ![MacSpon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@MacSpon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacSpon)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742/20 "2005-03-23T23:30:15Z")
**Nancy Drew Does the Hardy Boys** **The Bobbsey Twins go to Vegas** **Tom Swift and his Nuclear Dildo** [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-books-we-hope-we-never-see/295742.md?page=2)