# Kids, Sex, ''The Talk'' and Alternative Lifestyle choices **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 19, 2009, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-sex-the-talk-and-alternative-lifestyle-choices/490062 "2009-03-19T19:35:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-sex-the-talk-and-alternative-lifestyle-choices/490062/1 "2009-03-19T19:35:05Z")
Parents and children, when you’ve discussed sex with kids, at what age, if any, did you discuss less traditional sexual sort of stuff? This could be homosexuality or even some of the other topics that come up here such as transgender or polyamory. Did you broach these topics with “the birds and the bees” sort of talks, leave it for later, or hope that if they were curious that they’d google the right things on the Internet? ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-sex-the-talk-and-alternative-lifestyle-choices/490062/2 "2009-03-19T19:49:56Z")
We talked about whatever she asked about, whenever she asked. “Gay” came up pretty early, because I have a lot of gay friends. Conversations about stuff like transgender issues or polyamory or prostitution or any particular sexual practice were mostly triggered by stuff she read or saw on television. It always struck me very funny that people get up in arms about what their kids see on tv, when (within reason, of course), it strikes me as an excellent opportunity to have stuff just sort of naturally come up, and be able to tell your kids what you think and why, without it being a “talk”. ---
**Author:** ![InterestedObserver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@InterestedObserver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InterestedObserver)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-sex-the-talk-and-alternative-lifestyle-choices/490062/3 "2009-03-19T20:04:31Z")
Yep, the basics (reproduction, safety, maturity, responsibility) plus whatever comes up, answered in as appropriate way as possible. I don’t actually think we (meaning me or my late husband) EVER had “the talk” as in a sit-down, serious discussion about sex, more just as it comes up and regular acknowledgement of sex, the mechanics, safety and responsibility involved. (making comments in response to tv or films or comments the kids made or answering their questions/comments) Sex ed begins at birth, imo. And it includes not only the birds and bees basics but an entire approach stressing honesty, responsibility, approriateness, etc…all things which should be part of their wider education and example for ALL aspects of life. One thing that has always irked me is parents who SHHHH their kids or otherwise ignore them when they ask questions about uncofortable issues. Just BE HONEST with them, at their level, express in the process whatever beliefs or opinions you may have IF it is important to you to pass them on, and let it go. (“yes, those 2 men are gay. Some people are attracted to other people of their own sex.” Or "“well, this family has 2 mommies and 1 daddy because that’s what works for them.” Both actual examples.) So often, adults tend to give kids WAY more of an explanation than they are seeking, lol. The kid wants a simple, concrete answer, not the meaning of life and the universe as we know it (that comes later:D) ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-sex-the-talk-and-alternative-lifestyle-choices/490062/4 "2009-03-19T20:19:13Z")
**InterestedObserver** is right that there’s no such thing as “The Talk”, or at least there shouldn’t be. We discuss sex-related stuff in my house with about the same frequency and level of comfort that we discuss baseball. It’s just a normal thing that people do. After all, we spend a lot more time having sex than playing baseball. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-sex-the-talk-and-alternative-lifestyle-choices/490062/5 "2009-03-19T20:22:10Z")
I just showed them movies. Was that bad? ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-sex-the-talk-and-alternative-lifestyle-choices/490062/6 "2009-03-19T20:23:51Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > After all, we spend a lot more time having sex than playing baseball. Not in my family, right now, but point taken. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-sex-the-talk-and-alternative-lifestyle-choices/490062/7 "2009-03-19T20:30:19Z")
> [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > I just showed them movies. > > Was that bad? I guess it depends on the movies. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-sex-the-talk-and-alternative-lifestyle-choices/490062/8 "2009-03-19T20:52:23Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > Not in my family, right now, but point taken. I really, really hope you’re playing a LOT of baseball. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-sex-the-talk-and-alternative-lifestyle-choices/490062/9 "2009-03-19T21:37:47Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > **InterestedObserver** is right that there’s no such thing as “The Talk”, or at least there shouldn’t be. We discuss sex-related stuff in my house with about the same frequency and level of comfort that we discuss baseball. It’s just a normal thing that people do. After all, we spend a lot more time having sex than playing baseball. We do? [is suddenly very grateful he played baseball from sun-up until sundown for years as a kid] ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-sex-the-talk-and-alternative-lifestyle-choices/490062/10 "2009-03-19T21:41:42Z")
> [@Maeglin](#): > > I guess it depends on the movies. (I suppose the joke would have been funnier had I said, “dirty movies” … eh, you live, you learn) ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-sex-the-talk-and-alternative-lifestyle-choices/490062/11 "2009-03-19T21:46:45Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > I really, really hope you’re playing a LOT of baseball. 😃 I was counting baseball and soccer. Between the two we’re talking about 20 hours or so a week. ---
**Author:** ![Lucky\_13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucky_13/32/13209_2.png) [@Lucky\_13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucky_13)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2009, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kids-sex-the-talk-and-alternative-lifestyle-choices/490062/12 "2009-03-20T05:38:02Z")
I try to answer my daughter’s questions as honestly as I can, but I still haven’t had the BIG TALK with her yet. She knows about periods because she was present when her older female cousin had the period talk with their aunt. Last year, during the whole Prop. 8 controversy, she asked me about same-sex marriage, and I told her that sometimes, boys want to marry other boys and girls want to marry other girls. She seemed satisfied with that. Then, at Christmas, I found her playing with her male cousin’s Batman and Joker dolls. Apparently Batman had married the Joker and they went on their honeymoon, whereupon Batman became pregnant. (OMG my kid just discovered mpreg!:eek:) I wouldn’t have minded so much, except we were at her other grandparents’ place, and they are conservative Catholics. Fortunately, they didn’t seem to notice, or if they did, opted not to make a big deal of it. I did make sure to set her straight later on regarding who can get pregnant and who can’t.