# Killer putdowns **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 8, 2016, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222 "2016-12-08T19:17:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![aldiboronti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@aldiboronti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aldiboronti)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222/1 "2016-12-08T19:17:59Z")
I’ll start the ball rolling with this one, perhaps apocryphal but who cares? George Bernard Shaw sent Winston Churchill two tickets to the opening night of his latest play with a note: “Bring a friend, if you have one.” Churchill replied, “Can’t make it to the opening night but I’ll come to the second, if there is one.” Zing! Any more out there? ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222/2 "2016-12-08T19:23:59Z")
Also apocryphal and attributed to many persons: Gladstone: “I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease”. Disraeli : “That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_stainless_steel_rat/32/5727_2.png) [@The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Stainless_Steel_Rat)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222/3 "2016-12-08T19:28:11Z")
Possibly apocryphal (it seems almost all good putdowns are), but the biologist J.B.S. Haldane, asked by a theologian what could be concluded about the Creator from the study of creation, replied: “An inordinate fondness for beetles.” Max Reger, a German composer, after a bad review, wrote the critic the following message, which for my money is the best putdown ever: “I am sitting in the smallest room of my house. I have your review before me. In a moment it will be behind me!” ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222/4 "2016-12-08T19:58:52Z")
“This book fills a much needed gap on the subject.” - Moses Hadas “Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I’ll waste no time reading it.” - Moses Hadas ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222/5 "2016-12-08T20:04:44Z")
Killer put downs? Here’s one: You’re such a bad murderer that 6 of your last 10 victims LIVED!!! ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222/6 "2016-12-08T20:09:26Z")
Mahatma Gandhi, on being asked, “What do you think of Western civilization?,” was reported to have answered, “I think it would be a good idea”. You never said it had to be personal put downs. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222/7 "2016-12-08T20:17:46Z")
As long as we’re on politicians: Sir Winton Turnbull: “I am a Country member” Gough Whitlam: “I remember”. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222/8 "2016-12-08T20:38:45Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Also apocryphal and attributed to many persons: > > Gladstone: “I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease”. Disraeli : “That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.” Most likely 18th century, not Victorian, both in tone and individuals. Earliest known as attributed to Samuel Foote in response to the Earl of Sandwich, printed in the European Magazine in 1784: [https://www.google.ca/amp/quoteinvestigator.com/2014/01/26/gallows-pox/amp/?client=safari](https://www.google.ca/amp/quoteinvestigator.com/2014/01/26/gallows-pox/amp/?client=safari) ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222/9 "2016-12-08T20:39:31Z")
Reporter: “What do you think of your team’s execution, coach?” John McKay: “I’m all for it.” ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222/10 "2016-12-08T20:47:32Z")
There used to be a huge rivalry between the Detroit Pistons and the Boston Celtics, and an even bigger grudge between the Piston’s Bill Laimbeer and the entire Celtics team. An interviewer asked Larry Bird: “Do you think Bill Laimbeer will be a problem in the next game?”, to which Bird replied “I don’t think about Bill Laimbeer.” But clearly he did, as [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtBSIni2P6Q) of their mid-80s battle shows. Look at about 2:50 for Parish delivering the _coup de grace_ on Laimbeer. ---
**Author:** ![Totenfeier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@Totenfeier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totenfeier)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222/11 "2016-12-08T20:59:51Z")
Story is that Clare Booth Luce and Dorothy Parker were about to try to enter a doorway at the same time. Luce stopped, saying “Age before beauty.” Parker, moving forward, immediately knifed back with “Pearls before swine.” ---
**Author:** ![BobArrgh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobarrgh/32/2881_2.png) [@BobArrgh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobArrgh)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222/12 "2016-12-08T21:44:13Z")
Two more (possibly apocryphal) ones about Winston Churchill and his nemesis, Lady Astor: Lady Astor: Winston, you’re drunk! Churchill: Lady, you’re ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober. . . . Lady Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I would put poison in your tea! Churchill: Lady, if I were your husband, I would drink it. ---
**Author:** ![BobArrgh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobarrgh/32/2881_2.png) [@BobArrgh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobArrgh)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222/13 "2016-12-08T21:47:47Z")
Speaking of Dorothy Parker, she once said regarding Katherine Hepburn: “Come,” she said, “let’s all go to see Miss Hepburn and hear her run the gamut of emotions from A to B!” ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222/14 "2016-12-08T22:08:24Z")
[W]hen somebody asked George S. Kaufman … how he liked the “Vanities” show…”I saw it under bad conditions,” he niftied, “the curtain was up.” ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2016, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222/15 "2016-12-08T23:05:41Z")
Once I called someone a “waste of a cumshot”. 🆒 Basil Fawlty: [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3ZnzK1Ax0) ---
**Author:** ![Grumbacher\_Red](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85e7bf/32.png) [@Grumbacher\_Red](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumbacher_Red)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222/16 "2016-12-09T01:38:25Z")
Well this one is well-known, but it is a classic Zinger: Bette Davis, upon hearing that Joan Crawford had died, said, “One should never speak badly about the dead. One should only say good. Joan Crawford is dead. Good!” She actually said this more than once, with slightly different wordings each time, but you get the drift. And another one: “Why am I so good at playing bitches? I think it is because I am not a bitch. Maybe that’s why Joan Crawford always plays ladies.” ---
**Author:** ![mixdenny](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mixdenny/32/2962_2.png) [@mixdenny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mixdenny)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222/17 "2016-12-09T03:34:21Z")
Groucho Marx, “Please accept my resignation. I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member”. Dennis ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222/18 "2016-12-09T03:46:39Z")
Samuel Clemens told a story about having nearly been drowned as a boy. When the neighbors brought him all wet and bedraggled his Mother was apparently preternaturally calm. Asked about her weird composure, he claimed she shrugged and said “People who are born to be hanged are safe from drowning.” ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222/19 "2016-12-09T03:53:20Z")
You will, Oscar, you will. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2016, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222/20 "2016-12-09T04:18:21Z")
Cricket sledging (“gentle banter” to distract the opposition) has a rich history of putdowns. Rod Marsh: “How’s your wife and my kids?” Ian Botham: “The wife’s fine, the kids are retarded.” Glen McGrath: “Why are you so fat?” Eddo Brandes: “Every time I fuck your wife she gives me a biscuit.” Bowler Denis Lillee: “You’ve got some shit on the end of your bat, mate.” [batsman flips his bat over to look] Lillee: “Wrong end, mate.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killer-putdowns/774222.md?page=2)