# Killin a chicken **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [August 15, 2013, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331 "2013-08-15T18:02:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331/21 "2013-08-16T02:49:39Z")
Have you asked the advice of Ernie Anastos? ---
**Author:** ![JBDivmstr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b4bc9f/32.png) [@JBDivmstr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBDivmstr)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331/22 "2013-08-16T02:57:36Z")
Since the chicken will let you catch and hold it, do so and then put it in a 5 gallon bucket. (You’ll also need a piece of plywood big enough to cover the top of the bucket.) Ater you put the bird in the bucket, put the plywood on top, slide it over enough to make a crack and then spray in some ether (starting fluid). About 10 seconds or so of spraying will do it. Slide the plywood back and wait about 10-15 minutes, the bird should be deceased at that point. This is about as ‘humane’ a method, as I know of. I know that this method works, it’s also very un-traumatic. The animal just gradually loses consciousness and then expires. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331/23 "2013-08-16T03:21:33Z")
> [@Bill\_Door](#): > > I remember once the _[Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fabulous_Furry_Freak_Brothers)_ needed to kill a Thanksgiving turkey and settled on an overdose of reds. “Sir, our scouts report a tasty giant bird caracss on the kitchen table.” ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331/24 "2013-08-16T03:39:00Z")
> [@TreacherousCretin](#): > > “Sir, one of our scouts reports a tasty giant bird carcass on the kitchen table.” Correcting my typo’s, and linking to the original FFFB strip referred to by the OP and myself. \*[https://mycotopia.net/forums/general-discussions/74603-happy-thanksgiving.html](https://mycotopia.net/forums/general-discussions/74603-happy-thanksgiving.html) \* ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331/25 "2013-08-16T03:48:51Z")
> [@TreacherousCretin](#): > > Correcting my typo’s, and linking to the original FFFB strip referred to by the OP and myself. > > \*[https://mycotopia.net/forums/general-discussions/74603-happy-thanksgiving.html](https://mycotopia.net/forums/general-discussions/74603-happy-thanksgiving.html) > \* Not the OP. The other guy. ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331/26 "2013-08-16T04:09:12Z")
[“I’m alive I’m dead. I’m the farmer, Killin a chicken.”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdbLqOXmJ04) Thanks for the earworm, pal… ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331/27 "2013-08-16T05:56:06Z")
Cleaning out the wound very thoroughly (use a baster, lavage with very dilute betadine solution) and a course of avian antibiotics might pull her through. Pet stores with a large bird population will sell you some. Put her in a box and keep her warm, clean, and dry. Go on [feathersite.com](http://feathersite.com) or backyardchicken to get a lot of advice. Otherwise just catch her and wring her neck. Chicken necks wring very easy. Hold the bird under one arm, grasp her neck just behind the head between the first two fingers of your other hands and jerk hard. Keep hold of her until she stops flapping (a few seconds). ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331/28 "2013-08-16T06:10:51Z")
> [@Bill\_Door](#): > > I remember once the _[Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fabulous_Furry_Freak_Brothers)_ needed to kill a Thanksgiving turkey and settled on an overdose of reds. I had a roommate who could have used that story as a script for the “Old Time Thanksgiving” he prepared for us. He even copied the stuffing part. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331/29 "2013-08-16T06:15:33Z")
Drop the bird out of a helicopter hovering over a strip mall parking lot? ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331/30 "2013-08-16T06:21:09Z")
Put it in a box and pretend she’s Schrödinger’s Chicken. There’s a 50% chance you won’t have to kill it at all. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331/31 "2013-08-16T13:29:01Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > Badly mangled wing (probably a fox/racoon/orangutan given the feathery mess in the yard) Dude, I’m guessin’ Brewster the Rooster. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331/32 "2013-08-16T13:56:31Z")
Haven’t thought of Brewster since I was like 9. Well played, sir. 🙂 “I’m not dead, I’m waiting for them to land!” ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331/33 "2013-08-16T14:21:51Z")
The recommended method is [by hand, with a sharp knife](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=638206). Well, it works for turkeys, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331/34 "2013-08-16T15:23:15Z")
> [@cornflakes](#): > > [“I’m alive > I’m dead. > I’m the farmer, > Killin a chicken.”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdbLqOXmJ04) > > Thanks for the earworm, pal… I wasn’t thinking of that till _now_ :mad: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331/35 "2013-08-16T17:43:05Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > When I was a kid, we used a hatchet and tree stump to behead chickens. I currently own neither and believe I have a chicken what needs killin. That doesn’t always work. [You might wind up with a zombie chicken](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_the_Headless_Chicken). ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2013, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331/36 "2013-08-16T21:23:51Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > I had a roommate who could have used that story as a script for the “Old Time Thanksgiving” he prepared for us. He even copied the stuffing part. That’s crazy. It didn’t need stuffing,it wasn’t empty. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331/37 "2013-08-22T19:03:36Z")
Juuuuuuust in case this thread comes up in someone’s google-search: Neck-wringing: [ul] [li]You are trying to accomplish 2 things swiftly: dislocation of the neck bones, and rapid hyperextension of the spinal cord.[/li][li]It is possible to do this with finesse and speed, but be sure to remember the hyperextension part.[/li][li]There will be deep crunching. Do not think about this during the process as it will distract you from the hyperextension part.[/li][li]If you’re new to it and do not fully understand the mechanics of a chicken’s central nervous system, sacrifice a measure of finesse in favor of exaggerated, enlarged whipping/twisting motions. Think: crank-starting an old-timey automobile. The chicken’s body will provide the necessary outward force to hyper extend the spinal cord, and the cranking motion will sperarate the vertibrae.[/li][li]The head might come off in the 0.4 seconds it takes to do the cranking thing.[/li][li]If one of the other hens walks in on you during an execution, the following day you will have one egg from each of the remaining hens, plus one more, all properly placed in the nesting box rather than scattered throught the house and run.[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![harmonicamoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@harmonicamoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmonicamoon)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2013, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331/38 "2013-08-23T00:43:06Z")
After killing the chicken, I was cleaning it. Well, I don’t eat chicken livers, so I threw it to the dog. After that experience, the dog learned he didn’t need me to do the killing, and he helped himself to the chickens. It is very hard to break a dog of this. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2013, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331/39 "2013-08-23T18:11:44Z")
I, personally, have done the cranking thing a couple times. It works. Head comes off, body of chicken may run around for a bit. The OP of this thread clarified in post 9 that it was a family pet and “it needs to look like she just didn’t pull through”. A severed head isn’t going to be mistaken for “the wing damage was too extensive”. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2013, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331/40 "2013-08-23T22:36:06Z")
In which case, I think post # 16 (plastic bag + tailpipe) might be the best solution. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killin-a-chicken/666331.md?page=3)