# Killing a coworker **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 26, 2002, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016 "2002-12-26T20:08:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2002, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016/1 "2002-12-26T20:08:33Z")
I work in an office. About 2 months ago I had a casual conversation with a semi-weird guy about some weekend plans I had. He shows up at the bar where I was and hovers around me and my friends all night acting really creepy and annoying. From then on I was freaked out and started to avoid him. A few weeks ago we had to move cubes, and who do I get to sit next to? Yep, the fucking stalkerboy. I decided to just ignore him as much as possible, which has worked fine because he doesn’t talk to me much these days. Now the problem is that I have to sit and listen to him making this chortling, horking, laughing sound ALL DAY LONG. Instead of just a laugh, it sounds kind of like nose blowing or some shit. It is driving me nuts. I really don’t know how I’m supposed to sit next to this and get work done. It’s bad enough that I have to listen to him discuss The Lord of the Rings every single day with another dork that sits near us. I actually listened to him tell the other guy that he was going to see Lord of the Rings three times the day it came out and two times the day after. This guy is beyond lame. Every time I hear the “laugh” I want to suffocate him. That is all. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2002, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016/2 "2002-12-26T20:12:53Z")
You might want to check, but suffocation is usually against company policy. Why not just have a word with a supervisor and move holes? ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2002, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016/3 "2002-12-26T20:24:14Z")
Aaaah, yes. I’ve observed these animals in the wild. We classify them as _Obnoxious Loserus_. Funny when entrapped, yet completely predictable in the wild. . . I’m sure if you mentioned to him a few times how “your boyfriend” asked you to “a movie” and “a nice dinner”, the fellah would quickly stop rubbing his antlers on any nearby tree. And make sure to deliver a story to him how “your boyfriend bought you a great gift certificate at the spa!”. Tripler Simple minds are oft easily diverted by simple tactics. I should know. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SC\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@SC\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SC_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2002, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016/4 "2002-12-26T20:29:41Z")
And that you love the fact your boyfriend is hung like a horse. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2002, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016/5 "2002-12-26T20:31:52Z")
Well, you complain about his horning in on your social plans uninvited, and then you object to “horking/nose blowing.” I believe the only responsible approach would be for you to fuck the snot out of him, thereby addressing both issues at once. Glad to be of help. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2002, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016/6 "2002-12-26T20:32:28Z")
Well, he’s not flirting with me or anything. Actually, he doesn’t really talk to me anymore now that I ignore him (I have not so subtle bitchy ways of doing this). It’s the laugh. The annoying fucking laugh. It’s like nails on a chalkboard, it absolutley makes my skin crawl. ---
**Author:** ![Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/57b2e6/32.png) [@Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Random)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2002, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016/7 "2002-12-26T20:35:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Indygrrl \* > \*\* Actually, he doesn’t really talk to me anymore now that I ignore him (I have not so subtle bitchy ways of doing this). > > It’s the laugh. The annoying fucking laugh. It’s like nails on a chalkboard, it absolutley makes my skin crawl. \*\* Sound like the annoying laugh is more powerful than the subtle bitchy ways. ---
**Author:** ![Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/57b2e6/32.png) [@Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Random)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2002, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016/8 "2002-12-26T20:36:59Z")
argh. Sounds like… ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2002, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016/9 "2002-12-26T21:43:46Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m sure if you mentioned to him a few times how “your boyfriend” asked you to “a movie” and “a nice dinner” . . . Or it could launch an LOTR monologue by the guy. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2002, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016/10 "2002-12-26T21:45:17Z")
It could be worse… He could atonally whistle the same five notes all day long. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2002, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016/11 "2002-12-26T22:39:34Z")
I’d say that under these circumstances, death is definitely justified, and surely no jury in the world would convict you. Just being a LOTR dweeb is enough to make the murder an act of humanitarianism. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016/12 "2002-12-27T03:03:17Z")
Whatever you do, **don’t fuck with his stapler!!!** [Milton]They took my stapler and replaced it with a Swingline. Mine was a Boston, and it didn’t jam up as much…[/Milton] ---
**Author:** ![flood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@flood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flood)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016/13 "2002-12-27T03:50:57Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by Tuckerfan \* \*\*Whatever you do, **don’t fuck with his stapler!!!** While youre at it, steal the fax machine and beat the shit out of it. Oh wait, wrong thread… ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016/14 "2002-12-27T04:32:01Z")
[nitpick] [Milton]…and then they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler but I kept the Swingline stapler because it didn’t bind up as much…[/Milton] [/nitpick] ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016/15 "2002-12-27T04:38:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kat \* > \*\*[nitpick] > [Milton]…and then they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler but I kept the Swingline stapler because it didn’t bind up as much…[/Milton] > [/nitpick] \*\* Heh, I figured I’d blow that. Been too long since I’ve seen that film. ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016/16 "2002-12-27T14:02:15Z")
If you suffocate your cow-orker, you might lose your job and gain a jail sentence. I’m just saying, is all. 😃 I’d like to kill my tongue-clacking cow-orker, but I can’t. > [@](#): > > We’re going to federal “pound me in the ass” prison! See, there’s an Office Space quote for every occasion. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016/17 "2002-12-27T14:41:02Z")
Ugh, yesterday he came and started talking to me about his new Lord of the Rings ring that he got for Christmas. He acted really offended when I said I didn’t plan to go see the movie. I hate to be a rude bitch, but he gives me no choice. Kill kill kill. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016/18 "2002-12-27T14:48:28Z")
Indy, all I can suggest is that you refer him to [RinkWorks’ review of the first LotR movie.](http://www.rinkworks.com/badmovie/reader/411.shtml) With luck, that’ll keep him out of your hair (and in theirs) for a week. ---
**Author:** ![Brave\_Sir\_Robin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@Brave\_Sir\_Robin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brave_Sir_Robin)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016/19 "2002-12-27T14:53:24Z")
Sounds like the guy doesn’t get out much. You really shouldn’t feel bad about being rude. If he isn’t getting the polite, subtle hints, something drastic needs to be done. Of course, suffocating him will probably have a negative impact on your future employment. Unless other coworkers are just as annoyed and provide you with a rock-solid alibi. Actually, come to think of it, the guy sounds like a former coworker of mine. Stalker? Check. Annoying laugh? Check. Unable to tell a female coworker is definitely not interested? Check. LOTR obsession? I don’t know, but probably. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2002, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016/20 "2002-12-27T16:47:13Z")
> [@](#): > > He could atonally whistle the same five notes all day long. Ugh. _Human_ windchimes. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-coworker/145016.md?page=2)