# Killing a "friendship" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 13, 2002, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-friendship/132090 "2002-10-13T14:10:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![I\_am\_D\_Izzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e9bcb4/32.png) [@I\_am\_D\_Izzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_am_D_Izzy)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-friendship/132090/1 "2002-10-13T14:10:22Z")
I haven’t had too many friends in my lifetime so this is new… Alright, I was friends with someone, and don’t want to be anymore. What do I do to axe this joke of a friendship? ---
**Author:** ![AndrewL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@AndrewL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AndrewL)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-friendship/132090/2 "2002-10-13T15:26:45Z")
Need more information. How long have you been freinds, and why do you not want to be freinds anymore? Do you have to see the person on a regular basis, or can you simply stop answering the phone when they call? ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2002, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-friendship/132090/3 "2002-10-13T22:15:40Z")
Basically, become too busy. Everytime they ask you if you want to do something, say “We’ll see, I’m not sure what my plans are yet,” or something along those lines. Keep contact down to a minimum, and you’ll become “aquaintances,” and once that happens, it’s easy to drop them altogether. Or just move away. ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2002, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-friendship/132090/4 "2002-10-14T03:09:25Z")
I am all for the up-front way of doing it. Tell him that you are finding less in common than you have previously had, and that you are wanting to spend less time with him. If he really made you angry, be quit blunt, tell him that you are not going to waste your time with him and you are ready to part ways. ---
**Author:** ![Tal\_Shipman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/58f4c7/32.png) [@Tal\_Shipman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tal_Shipman)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-friendship/132090/5 "2011-03-06T08:06:39Z")
i don’t know when i don’t want to be friends with someone male or female i just walk up to them tell them i don’t find them interesting any more provide some reasoning behind this and quit speaking to them. yes i have a mental disorder associated with this subject. it seems i have some kind of social something or other but i gives me a unique ability to let people go very quickly. i often get called an asshole tho ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-friendship/132090/6 "2011-03-06T09:11:02Z")
ZCP (zero contact policy.) just stop any interaction with them, period. it’s what I did to my “friends” from high school. ---
**Author:** ![Foggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foggy/32/1082_2.png) [@Foggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foggy)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-friendship/132090/7 "2011-03-06T09:18:47Z")
I don’t want to be firends with a zombie anymore. [zombie smiley] ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-friendship/132090/8 "2011-03-06T14:03:13Z")
Avoidance. Have excuses ready when they invite you somewhere. Don’t pick up the phone when their # shows up in your caller ID. Walk the long way to wherever you’re going to so you don’t bump into them. It may take some time, but eventually they’ll get the point. And if they don’t, then you’ll have to be a grown-up and actually have a conversation with them, explaining what they did to make you want to stop being their friend. Let them be defensive all they want, but don’t cave in. I’m in the process of doing the same thing. It’s a coworker who’s close proximity to my office and our superficial similarities (age, gender, race, etc.) made us “natural” friends. But she’s always gotten on my nerves. She’s done nothing major…nothing that would get her branded as a “bitch” or anything like that. But our personalities just don’t mesh well. I used to eat lunch with her everyday, and now I don’t. She used to come to my office and talk to me for long periods; now I keep my door closed and pretend that I’m too busy for idle chit-chat. She has uttered snarky things about my avoidance, but I just say, “I don’t know what to say to that.” Eventually, she may summon up the cajones to ask me why I’m not so friendly anymore and I’ll have her sit down and tell her, as gently as I can. She’ll either get really defensive or burst into tears—and I’m not looking forward to either. I don’t want to hurt her. But I don’t feel like putting up a front anymore. I’m tired of her, and I’m not obligated to suffer through a make-believe friendship just so I don’t hurt her feelings. That’s not fair to me and my sanity. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-friendship/132090/9 "2011-03-06T14:09:36Z")
> [@I\_am\_D\_Izzy](#): > > I haven’t had too many friends in my lifetime so this is new… Alright, I was friends with someone, and don’t want to be anymore. What do I do to axe this joke of a friendship? Unless you have a real good reason, don’t. Looking at your first sentence the problem is more likely be you not him. The first inclination of people suffering depression is to start avoiding people. This is entirely the wrong thing to do. So more details about why you “should” not be friends is required. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-friendship/132090/10 "2011-03-06T14:15:21Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > Unless you have a real good reason, don’t. > > Looking at your first sentence the problem is more likely be you not him. The first inclination of people suffering depression is to start avoiding people. This is entirely the wrong thing to do. > > So more details about why you “should” not be friends is required. This thread is 9 years old. But ignoring that, how do you get out of one sentence that the OP is depressed and avoiding people? I just read it as him trying to nix one friendship. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2011, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-friendship/132090/11 "2011-03-06T20:36:30Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > This thread is 9 years old. But ignoring that, how do you get out of one sentence that the OP is depressed and avoiding people? I just read it as him trying to nix one friendship. Perhaps “I haven’t had many friends in my life”? Granted, that’s silly, as I know several people who would say the same thing and are definitely not depressed. Heck, I might even qualify in that I’ve never intentionally ended a friendship. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2011, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-friendship/132090/12 "2011-03-07T18:50:40Z")
Shame the OP hasn’t posted since the week he started this thread. I’d love to know if he’s still friends with the one in question or not. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2011, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-friendship/132090/13 "2011-03-08T01:59:51Z")
braaaaiiiinnnnsss… ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2011, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-friendship/132090/14 "2011-03-08T04:48:43Z")
> [@Foggy](#): > > I don’t want to be firends with a zombie anymore. [zombie smiley] Hi Foggy! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2011, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/killing-a-friendship/132090/15 "2011-03-08T13:42:34Z")
Since the OP hasn’t been around in years, it seems rather pointless to keep this open. If anyone wants to talk about friendship issues, feel free to start a new thread. **Ellen Cherry MPSIMS Moderator**