# Kind of sad **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 8, 2010, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481 "2010-10-08T13:51:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sticks_and_scones/32/16951_2.png) [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sticks_and_Scones)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481/41 "2010-10-10T01:49:37Z")
> [@Gestalt](#): > > I don’t know if it helps, but I guess the fact that she randomly flakes also shows that she’s not as good for you as initially seemed? Maybe it’s better you found out now than if she randomly decided the passion was too much three months into a relationship. Yes, I agree with this 100 percent. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481/42 "2010-10-10T13:13:48Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I feel awesome this morning. I came in to offer my sympathies; glad I read the rest of the thread first. A guy can fall behind pretty quickly around here. Either way, first drink is on me. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481/43 "2010-10-10T13:59:55Z")
[deleted quoted email] … ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481/44 "2010-10-10T14:00:59Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > > [@tdn](#): > > > > I feel awesome this morning. > > I came in to offer my sympathies; glad I read the rest of the thread first. A guy can fall behind pretty quickly around here. > > Either way, first drink is on me. That sounds great. You get the drinks, I’ll get dinner. We’re kind of long overdue for that anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481/45 "2010-10-10T14:56:36Z")
Oh man. I feel for you, **tdn** , I really do, but that was wicked tacky, posting her email. I cringed. I’m glad you’re feeling better about things though. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481/46 "2010-10-10T15:11:50Z")
Yeah, you’re right, it’s probably tacky. Could you report that post so a mod can delete it? ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481/47 "2010-10-10T15:13:29Z")
> [@Rasa](#): > > Oh man. I feel for you, **tdn** , I really do, but that was wicked tacky, posting her email. I cringed. Totally. I mean what the fuck dude? Do you think that pasting that here would convince anyone who doubted you story of The Real Truth? I read her note like she saw that you really liked her a lot and she didn’t feel close to the same way and she was letting you down easy. Then again, I wasn’t there so it really could have been any number of things. Take a look in a couple of weeks and see if her OKCupid profile is still up. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481/48 "2010-10-10T17:13:23Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Yeah, you’re right, it’s probably tacky. Could you report that post so a mod can delete it? I did it, mostly because this person is not a member and doesn’t deserve to have her stuff quoted here without her knowledge. That said, a) please think before you post, and b) you can report your own posts. **twickster** , MPSIMS mod ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2010, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481/49 "2010-10-11T02:27:43Z")
I did read the email before it got deleted and I didn’t really interpret it as her feelings were so strong that she didn’t want to get into a relationship, just that she wasn’t that ready. Though it’s definitely still sad, it does sound like maybe you read a bit more into the two dates that was actually there? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2010, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481/50 "2010-10-11T02:36:57Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > That sounds great. You get the drinks, I’ll get dinner. We’re kind of long overdue for that anyway. If you can fit me into your busy social calendar, sure. Got any place in mind? ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481/51 "2010-10-13T02:03:00Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > > [@tdn](#): > > > > MOL, I’m not quite sure why you’d even try to argue otherwise, unless you’re intentionally trying to make me feel worse. Why would you do that? > > I don’t really care how you feel, but it certainly is _not_ my goal to make you feel worse; I’m just saying what I’m thinking. But I guess I wasn’t supposed to say anything unless I was offering up {hugs}. Yes! That is a basic social skill. You don’t say bad things about someone that someone else cares about, especially when they are mourning losing them. And if you didn’t care what **tdn** thought, why did you post in this thread at all? What are you accomplishing? Why do you think that thinking something is itself justification for saying it? No, I propose you did care what **tdn** thought, and thought you were cheering him up by making it not seem like as big a deal as it was. The problem is, of course, that tdn, like most people I know, values people being taken at their word. To accept your conclusion, you have to say that not only was he mistaken, but that she was also flat out lying. You didn’t realize the implications, and thus made a mistake, but don’t want to admit it, instead choosing to attack the position that people should be nice to one another. Heck, I bet I insulted you by not believing you. I’m sorry thta has to happen, but at least I have a purpose: to fight social ignorance. PS If the guy is trying to defend himself, that means he feels attacked. And decent people apologize for hurting people, or else it means you wanted to hurt them. Again, basic social skills. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481/52 "2010-10-13T02:04:02Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I did read the email before it got deleted and I didn’t really interpret it as her feelings were so strong that she didn’t want to get into a relationship, just that she wasn’t that ready. Though it’s definitely still sad, it does sound like maybe you read a bit more into the two dates that was actually there? This is the nice way to say what was said without raising hackles. You get it. Also, people that have a higher view of how much other people like them tend to have better success. So even if that is the case here, fighting ignorance in this case is not necessarily helpful. Especially in someone who is obviously emotionally vulnerable. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481/53 "2010-10-13T02:11:43Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > PS If the guy is trying to defend himself, that means he feels attacked. And decent people apologize for hurting people, or else it means you wanted to hurt them. Again, basic social skills. And I just realized that that is unnecessarily hurtful. I tried to change it, but timed out. If the guy is trying to defend himself, that means he feels attacked. To communicate that you did not mean to hurt him, an apology is indicated. Otherwise, reasonable people can believe you meant to hurt. Again, basic social skills. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481/54 "2010-10-13T02:16:37Z")
The way you put that, **BigT** , reminded me of a long forgotten incident from my youth. Back when I was a young college student, I developed a crush on a classmate that seemed to be reciprocated. We went out on a couple of dates and then she gave me the talk. This was long before email was common but at least it was face to fact instead of a note. Anyway, she wasn’t sure of her feelings and she was confused and wasn’t really ready yet for a relationship and blah blah blah. In my mind though, she left an opening. I talked to a couple of friends about it and they were nice to me and told me that she really did like me but really was scared. My friend Wendy finally sat me down and said, “Look, Dude. She’s not interested. Let it go. She was just letting you down easy.” It was a total revelation (like the “she’s just not that into you” thing but two decades earlier.) The point is that it was the person who talked to me directly that helped the most. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481/55 "2010-10-13T02:27:37Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > The way you put that, **BigT** , reminded me of a long forgotten incident from my youth. Back when I was a young college student, I developed a crush on a classmate that seemed to be reciprocated. We went out on a couple of dates and then she gave me the talk. This was long before email was common but at least it was face to fact instead of a note. > > Anyway, she wasn’t sure of her feelings and she was confused and wasn’t really ready yet for a relationship and blah blah blah. In my mind though, she left an opening. I talked to a couple of friends about it and they were nice to me and told me that she really did like me but really was scared. My friend Wendy finally sat me down and said, “Look, Dude. She’s not interested. Let it go. She was just letting you down easy.” It was a total revelation (like the “she’s just not that into you” thing but two decades earlier.) > > The point is that it was the person who talked to me directly that helped the most. Well put. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481/56 "2010-10-13T03:02:28Z")
Well I’m sure glad the agoraphobic virgin, **BigT** , put me in my place about social skills. ---
**Author:** ![Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sticks_and_scones/32/16951_2.png) [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sticks_and_Scones)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481/57 "2010-10-13T03:05:18Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > The way you put that, **BigT** , reminded me of a long forgotten incident from my youth. Back when I was a young college student, I developed a crush on a classmate that seemed to be reciprocated. We went out on a couple of dates and then she gave me the talk. This was long before email was common but at least it was face to fact instead of a note. > > Anyway, she wasn’t sure of her feelings and she was confused and wasn’t really ready yet for a relationship and blah blah blah. In my mind though, she left an opening. I talked to a couple of friends about it and they were nice to me and told me that she really did like me but really was scared. My friend Wendy finally sat me down and said, “Look, Dude. She’s not interested. Let it go. She was just letting you down easy.” It was a total revelation (like the “she’s just not that into you” thing but two decades earlier.) > > The point is that it was the person who talked to me directly that helped the most. But, **tdn** isn’t going to try to pursue her, so why kick him while he’s already down? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481/58 "2010-10-13T03:51:11Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Well I’m sure glad the agoraphobic virgin, **BigT** , put me in my place about social skills. You’re a class act. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481/59 "2010-10-13T04:48:05Z")
> [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](#): > > But, **tdn** isn’t going to try to pursue her, so why kick him while he’s already down? Because the truth is best. Wouldn’t you want to know if you were missing the point? I know that I felt better about it when I was. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481/60 "2010-10-13T06:23:26Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Well I’m sure glad the agoraphobic virgin, **BigT** , put me in my place about social skills. Take it to the Pit or dial it back. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kind-of-sad/556481.md?page=4)