# King Henry VIII's Hottest Queen **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 15, 2010, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296 "2010-08-15T01:16:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296/1 "2010-08-15T01:16:27Z")
Which of the queens of King Henry VIII do you find (ahem…) most attractive? ---
**Author:** ![Pai325](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Pai325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pai325)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296/2 "2010-08-15T01:46:13Z")
Looks like the cousins are winning! ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296/3 "2010-08-15T01:47:12Z")
I think Anne of Cleves definitely got a bad rap. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296/4 "2010-08-15T01:51:49Z")
Anne Boleyn just beats out Catherine Howard. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296/5 "2010-08-15T01:58:25Z")
[Catherine of Aragon](http://www.google.com/images?client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&hl=en&source=imghp&biw=1680&bih=963&q=Catherine+of+Aragon&gbv=2&aq=f&aqi=g3g-m1&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=) [Anne Boleyn](http://www.google.com/images?hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1680&bih=963&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1&sa=1&q=Anne+Boleyn&aq=f&aqi=g10&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=) [Jane Seymour](http://www.google.com/images?hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1680&bih=963&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1&sa=1&q=Jane+Seymour&btnG=Search&aq=f&aqi=g10&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=) (You have to skim a bit to find her) [Anne of Cleves](http://www.google.com/images?hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1680&bih=963&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1&sa=1&q=Anne+of+Cleves&aq=f&aqi=g3g-m4&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=) [Catherine Howard](http://www.google.com/images?hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1680&bih=963&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1&sa=1&q=Catherine+Howard&aq=f&aqi=g4&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=) [Catherine Parr](http://www.google.com/images?hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1680&bih=963&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1&sa=1&q=Catherine+Parr&aq=f&aqi=g3g-m1&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=) ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296/6 "2010-08-15T02:17:03Z")
> [@Sage\_Rat](#): > > [Anne Boleyn](http://www.google.com/images?hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1680&bih=963&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1&sa=1&q=Anne+Boleyn&aq=f&aqi=g10&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=) I saw titties, so Anne gets my vote. ---
**Author:** ![GythaOgg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/49beb7/32.png) [@GythaOgg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GythaOgg)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296/7 "2010-08-15T02:18:54Z")
There’s a problem in this that some historians do not believe that any of the portraits usually labelled as being Katherine Howard are actually her; none of them can be authenticated with any accuracy. Likewise, a sketch usually identified as being Anne Boleyn probably isn’t her, either - the identifying label written on it was added many, many years later by someone who’d never known her. We really don’t know what some of Henry’s wives looked like, and some of the paintings are actually copies of copies of copies. ---
**Author:** ![In\_Winnipeg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a8b319/32.png) [@In\_Winnipeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/In_Winnipeg)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296/8 "2010-08-15T02:21:44Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > > [@Sage\_Rat](#): > > > > [Anne Boleyn](http://www.google.com/images?hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1680&bih=963&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1&sa=1&q=Anne+Boleyn&aq=f&aqi=g10&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=) > > I saw titties, so Anne gets my vote. Reportedly, she had _three_ of them, didn’t she? ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296/9 "2010-08-15T02:26:47Z")
All that said, I always thought Anne of Cleves got sort of a bum rap. She’s cuter than Jane, going by their portraits. ---
**Author:** ![LawMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@LawMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LawMonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296/10 "2010-08-15T02:30:53Z")
Went entirely by the first picture each had in their wikipedia article. Anne of Cleves just barely edged out Anne Boleyn. As to the others… well, I’m sure Henry had perfectly valid political considerations driving his choices. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296/11 "2010-08-15T02:45:27Z")
I’ll go with Catherine Howard. Not only does she look the best in the photos (and is the youngest), but Rick Wakeman’s song about her is the best on his album. Of course, she was the stupidest of the queens, too. ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296/12 "2010-08-15T03:43:23Z")
I went with none of the above and picked his mistress [Mary Boleyn](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Boleyn). Of the actual wives, I’d have to say that based on presumed paintings, Anne of Cleves is more to my taste than Henry’s. ---
**Author:** ![Kilmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a6a055/32.png) [@Kilmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilmore)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296/13 "2010-08-15T03:53:02Z")
> [@Tamerlane](#): > > I went with none of the above and picked his mistress [Mary Boleyn](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Boleyn). Of the actual wives, I’d have to say that based on presumed paintings, Anne of Cleves is more to my taste than Henry’s. According to the history, that painting was a little too flattering. That’s why Henry divorced her right after he married her and kicked painter Holbein out to the curb. Henry is recorded to have called her “A Flanders mare” though he did get along with her after the divorce. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296/14 "2010-08-15T04:03:02Z")
It’s probably a toss up between Boleyn and Parr. Most likely Parr, since Anne Boleyn was supposed to be a seriously hateful and vindictive bitch. Parr was a hell of a lot smarter, and was a better stepmother to all of Henry’s children, whereas Anne treated Princess Mary like shit. ---
**Author:** ![Gorsnak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gorsnak/32/7587_2.png) [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296/15 "2010-08-15T04:32:55Z")
Anne Boleyn by a head! What, too soon? ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296/16 "2010-08-15T05:15:56Z")
I like the one who was Dr Quinn Medicine Woman. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296/17 "2010-08-15T05:52:43Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > I’ll go with Catherine Howard. Not only does she look the best in the photos… :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![In\_Winnipeg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a8b319/32.png) [@In\_Winnipeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/In_Winnipeg)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296/18 "2010-08-15T06:14:53Z")
_In the tower of London, large as life, the ghost of Anne Bolyn walks they declare. Poor Anne Bolyn was once King Henry’s wife until he made the headsman bob her hair. Ah, yes, he did her wrong long years ago and she comes up at night to tell him so,_ Chorus: _With her head tucked underneath her arm she walks the bloody tower, With her head tucked underneath her arm at the midnight hour…_ When I was a kid, I was introduced to this song and to Stanley Holoway by my grandfather. Warning: It’s very British and in dialect, so if you’re a person who has trouble understanding English, you may want to give it a miss. [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3a0cFYa5Ffw) ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296/19 "2010-08-15T10:24:38Z")
> [@Sage\_Rat](#): > > … > [Jane Seymour](http://www.google.com/images?hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1680&bih=963&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1&sa=1&q=Jane+Seymour&btnG=Search&aq=f&aqi=g10&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=) (You have to skim a bit to find her)… I’ll definitely pick Anita Briem. (I’d post her Wikipedia URL, but it doesn’t even seem to have a photo – they must have been afraid she’d set the browsers on fire.) Assuming OP meant the originals, and not actresses on _The Tudors_, I’ll just say that based on the portraits **Sage Rat** posted it’s easy to imagine why Henry VIII was so faithless. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![torie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/77aa72/32.png) [@torie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/torie)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2010, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296/20 "2010-08-15T10:54:35Z")
I used both the portraits, which I just went and took a quick glance at to refresh myself, and contemporary descriptions to choose Anne Boleyn. Caherine Howard is hard to know, because most historians agree that we don’t have a 100% likeness of her, but we do have a portrait that is most likely her. Even the portraits of Anne Boleyn are copies of copies, and most made in Elizabeth I’s time, when Anne was no longer the Horrible Witch but Mother of the Queen. So those copies are probably more idealized than the originals. But almost all contemporary sources, even the less flattering ones, agree that despite being the “wrong” coloring for the time, she was an attractive and appealing woman. So ultimately, the prize goes to her. As for Anne Of Cleves’ portrait by Holbein, I’m pretty well convinced that it’s pretty accurate. It closely matches a later portrait of her that shows a thinner and older woman, but still the same arrangement of features. Holbein had nothing to gain and in fact a lot to lose by deceiving the king, and he was renown for his accurate portraiture. Considering the insane, delusional despot Henry had become by the time of his marriage to Anne, and the stupidly inane way he went to greet her, I think it’s more likely that she rejected him on sight, and the story flipped the moment he realized she was unhappy with his appearance. By all accounts, their first meeting was an awkward disaster all around. It is not at all outside Henry’s character to read that she wasn’t happy with his obesity and the ravages of syphilis, but convince himself that her unattractiveness was the problem. I think it’s most likely that Anne was a perfectly fine looking woman, judging by her portraits. Now, if you want HOT, check out Anne of Cleves’ sister Sybilla. I’ve loved this portrait ever since I discovered it a year ago. [Sybilla Of Cleves.](http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.tudorplace.com.ar/images/Cleves,Sybille.jpg&imgrefurl=http://forum.alexanderpalace.org/index.php%3Ftopic%3D3886.0&usg=__5Q99HZg4-b6G0d8HQflp23-43dI=&h=600&w=405&sz=96&hl=en&start=0&tbnid=h2p-9OnFegZrXM:&tbnh=168&tbnw=111&prev=/images%3Fq%3DAnne%2Bof%2BCleves%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D683%26tbs%3Disch:1&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=398&vpy=306&dur=2690&hovh=273&hovw=184&tx=87&ty=119&ei=NcNnTPKKDeqynAf76-HBBQ&oei=NcNnTPKKDeqynAf76-HBBQ&esq=1&page=1&ndsp=23&ved=1t:429,r:17,s:0) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/king-henry-viiis-hottest-queen/550296.md?page=2)