# Kirk vs Riker **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 27, 2003, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143 "2003-09-27T09:04:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143/1 "2003-09-27T09:04:04Z")
Who wins? You name the contest. And remember… Riker is “Re-Kirk” spelled backwards. ---
**Author:** ![BraheSilver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@BraheSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BraheSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 9:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143/2 "2003-09-27T09:14:59Z")
Here, you dropped a k. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![BraheSilver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@BraheSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BraheSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143/3 "2003-09-27T09:16:00Z")
Perhaps they should have a smiley-typing contest. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Grousser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9d8465/32.png) [@Grousser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grousser)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143/4 "2003-09-27T10:19:52Z")
I know it’s a bad answer, but my vote is always for Spock. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143/5 "2003-09-27T13:28:29Z")
Kirk. If he’s prepared. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143/6 "2003-09-27T13:38:21Z")
Once that shirt is torn, Kirk all the way. Besides, Kirk took out the genetically-engineers Khan, admittely by using a 23rd-century belaying pin to beat him senseless. What was Riker’s most impressive victory? He couldn’t even keep his girl/boyfriend from being neutered. ---
**Author:** ![Nars\_Glinley](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nars_glinley/32/8177_2.png) [@Nars\_Glinley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nars_Glinley)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143/7 "2003-09-27T14:00:15Z")
Kirk wins. Riker’s a lover, not a fighter. Kirk’s both. Worf is a different story. ---
**Author:** ![Spudo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@Spudo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spudo)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143/8 "2003-09-27T14:03:49Z")
It’ll all depend. In a fight they both have stupid moves, Kirk has that double fist thing that would break all his fingers, and Riker has that open palm jab. Now, Kirk took out Kahn, and Riker slapped a Klingon like a bitch, so they both have wins under their belts. If Riker can keep Kirk’s shirt in one piece he could win, but if Kirk’s shirt was ripped he’d dominate. Worf would kill them both and eat their hearts. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143/9 "2003-09-27T14:36:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JThunder \* > \*\*Who wins? You name the contest. \*\* A contest of insufferable smugness: its a fierce battle but Riker wins hands-down. (Kirk is just too lovable to be _really_ obnoxious.) ---
**Author:** ![GTPhD1996](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/97f17d/32.png) [@GTPhD1996](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GTPhD1996)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143/10 "2003-09-27T16:22:41Z")
One question: Is it Riker with or without the beard? ---
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143/11 "2003-09-27T16:24:49Z")
Hmmm…a difficult question. [Transported](http://trekguide.com/padd/tos19.htm) to a wilderness world by superior beings and forced to improvise weapons to fight to the death, I’d say Riker in three or four days. In the [Triskelion arena](http://www.originaltrek.com/info/Episode/gamesters%20triskelion.htm), I wager 500 Quatloos on Kirk in five rounds. ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Dracul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/50afbb/32.png) [@Vlad\_Dracul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Dracul)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143/12 "2003-09-27T16:33:47Z")
Even if he was losing… Kirk… would turn things… around… with an impassioned… speech… about how they… shouldn’t… be… fighting… at all! Also, Riker’s habit of tilting his head to one side makes him a sucker for Kirk’s chop to the neck. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143/13 "2003-09-27T16:35:34Z")
Kirk is much bettter at sucking in his gut. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143/14 "2003-09-27T16:43:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GTPhD1996 \* > \*\*One question: > > Is it Riker with or without the beard? \*\* Either way. Of course, I was going to propose that Riker would win the beard-growing contest… ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143/15 "2003-09-27T16:50:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bryan Ekers \* > **Besides, Kirk took out the genetically-engineers Khan, admittely by using a 23rd-century belaying pin to beat him senseless.** A 23rd-century **plastic** belaying pin that looked like it weighed less than an ounce. Khan was a wimp. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143/16 "2003-09-27T17:08:24Z")
It always seemed to me that if you combined Picard and Riker, you got Kirk. So, Kirk versus half-Kirk should tip toward Kirk, right? Julie ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143/17 "2003-09-27T18:25:14Z")
Okay, so which one of the would win in the following contests? - Tactical skill? - Unarmed combat? - Seducing women? - Gut-sucking? - Beardedness? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143/18 "2003-09-27T18:40:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KRM \* > \*\*Kirk wins. Riker’s a lover, not a fighter. Kirk’s both. > > Worf is a different story. \*\* Gotta be torn shirt Kirk. Worf may be strong and skilled at hand to hand, but he can’t aim worth shit. Shakiest gun in the Alpha Quadrant. He misses when shooting at an intruder not even 15 feet away from him. All Kirk has to do is find some rocks, sulpher, and a tube, put it all together… yessssssssssssssssss. Torn sssssssssssshirt Kirk winsssssssssssssssssssss. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143/19 "2003-09-27T20:04:33Z")
Kirk. Duh. ---
**Author:** ![Gadfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@Gadfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadfly)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2003, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143/20 "2003-09-27T20:26:36Z")
Riker, dude. How is Picard at all a part of Kirk? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kirk-vs-riker/204143.md?page=2)