# Kissing on the First Date **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 5, 2009, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968 "2009-01-05T18:28:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2009, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968/1 "2009-01-05T18:28:25Z")
Just a poll. Feel free to expand upon your answers however you see fit. I had a conversation with a friend of mine on New Year’s Eve who professed that she never kisses on the first date. She’ll happily make out with someone in a “hook-up” capacity at a party or wherever if it’s not a date, and she says she loves kissing and has no problem doing it on the second date or beyond, but that even if she really wants to kiss someone on the first date, she’ll restrain herself until she sees the guy again. I found this interesting, because my experience (and I’ve had _way_ too much experience, sadly) has always been that the best first dates – the ones where the dynamic is comfortable, the banter is unforced and engaging, and the chemistry is almost electric – nearly always involve a kiss or kisses, often occurring in the medium-to-late stages of the date rather than at the very end. A great date I had a couple of days ago reinforced this impression (although it looks like she might not actually be interested after all, another instance in a depressing pattern of romantic interactions that might merit its own thread at some point). So I thought I’d throw the following questions out there to the masses; answer as many or as few as you’d like. [ol] [li]Age and gender[/li] [li]Rough estimate of the number of first dates you’ve been on in your life[/li] [li]How long it’s been since you were on a first date[/li] [li]Whether you’re generally inclined to kiss on a first date[/li] [li]Whether you’re inclined to kiss on a first date even if you have no interest in there being a second date (if yes, do you have to find the person attractive, or will you kiss for some other reason?)[/li] [li]Tongue or not? What factors play into that?[/li] [li]Whether you’ve ever done _more_ than kiss on a first date[/li] [li]Whether you’ve ever had a first date that lasted until the next morning[/li] [li]If you’re currently in a relationship, whether you and your SO kissed on the first date[/li] [li]Whether you typically initiate the first date kiss[/li] [li]If you do typically initiate the first date kiss, do you ever do so before the two of you are on the doorstep/in the car/on the street saying goodbye? Under what circumstances? (same question the other way around if you don’t typically initiate – when are you amenable to a kiss that’s not a goodnight kiss?)[/li] [li]If the other person tries to initiate a first date kiss and you’re not into it, what are your typical defensive maneuvers?[/li][/ol] That should be enough questions. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2009, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968/2 "2009-01-05T18:45:36Z")
[li]Age and gender[/li] 47 male [li]Rough estimate of the number of first dates you’ve been on in your life[/li] Uh… About a bazillion? [li]How long it’s been since you were on a first date[/li] 8 months, 24 days, 30 minutes. [li]Whether you’re generally inclined to kiss on a first date[/li] Usually, but it’s rarely mutual. [li]Whether you’re inclined to kiss on a first date even if you have no interest in there being a second date (if yes, do you have to find the person attractive, or will you kiss for some other reason?)[/li] Sometimes yes, sometimes no. [li]Tongue or not? What factors play into that?[/li] It totally depends. [li]Whether you’ve ever done _more_ than kiss on a first date[/li] Sometimes. Never on a date that turned into a relationship. [li]Whether you’ve ever had a first date that lasted until the next morning[/li] See my last answer. [li]If you’re currently in a relationship, whether you and your SO kissed on the first date[/li] No, but we had one hell of a hug. [li]Whether you typically initiate the first date kiss[/li] Usually, yes. [li]If you do typically initiate the first date kiss, do you ever do so before the two of you are on the doorstep/in the car/on the street saying goodbye? Under what circumstances? (same question the other way around if you don’t typically initiate – when are you amenable to a kiss that’s not a goodnight kiss?)[/li] Not on a first date, but on a second one I try to establish face-sucking early on. [li]If the other person tries to initiate a first date kiss and you’re not into it, what are your typical defensive maneuvers?[/li] The individual words make sense, I’ve just never seen them strung together like that before. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2009, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968/3 "2009-01-05T18:49:47Z")
[li]Age and gender[/li] 28, male [li]Rough estimate of the number of first dates you’ve been on in your life[/li] Maybe 20 or so. [li]How long it’s been since you were on a first date[/li] Too long…about 8 and a half years. [li]Whether you’re generally inclined to kiss on a first date[/li] Yes, I have no problem with it, and usually try to if the opportunity presents itself. [li]Whether you’re inclined to kiss on a first date even if you have no interest in there being a second date (if yes, do you have to find the person attractive, or will you kiss for some other reason?)[/li] I suppose if I knew I didn’t like the girl enough for a second date, but she was into me and wanted to kiss me, I would kiss her. And, yes, I would have to be attracted to her. Or at least, not repulsed by her. [li]Tongue or not? What factors play into that?[/li] Yeah, tongue is good. I suppose the only factor is willingness on the part of my date. [li]Whether you’ve ever done _more_ than kiss on a first date[/li] Yeah, a couple times, but not many. [li]Whether you’ve ever had a first date that lasted until the next morning[/li] Nope. [li]If you’re currently in a relationship, whether you and your SO kissed on the first date[/li] Yeah, I got a little kiss from her when I dropped her off. [li]Whether you typically initiate the first date kiss[/li] I do yes, usually. [li]If you do typically initiate the first date kiss, do you ever do so before the two of you are on the doorstep/in the car/on the street saying goodbye? Under what circumstances? (same question the other way around if you don’t typically initiate – when are you amenable to a kiss that’s not a goodnight kiss?)[/li] Anytime I get that look from a girl - you know the one I mean - that says _kiss me_, I lean in slowly and go for it. If it’s at the end of the date, so be it. If in the middle, even better. If I never get that look, but I do feel that things are going well, I might try a look of my own to get a end-of-evening kiss. I’m sure any look I give looks ridiculous. [li]If the other person tries to initiate a first date kiss and you’re not into it, what are your typical defensive maneuvers?[/li] I can’t imagine when this would happen - a blind date maybe. I guess if I didn’t want to be kissed, I would mutter something incoherent and stumble to the nearest exit. ---
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2009, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968/4 "2009-01-05T18:59:20Z")
Yikes; sorry about the list formatting, guys. That’s what _I_ get for trying to make it look nice. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2009, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968/5 "2009-01-05T19:22:52Z")
This is so quaint and precious. Is “kissing on the first date” actually an issue, like it was in the 1800s? 1. Age and gender \*63, male. Gay, though you didn’t ask. - 1. Rough estimate of the number of first dates you’ve been on in your life \*In the thousands, though I’m not sure I’d call them “dates.” - 1. How long it’s been since you were on a first date \*Over 21 years. The last one was a keeper. - 1. Whether you’re generally inclined to kiss on a first date \*Yes, before, during and after sex. - 1. Whether you’re inclined to kiss on a first date even if you have no interest in there being a second date (if yes, do you have to find the person attractive, or will you kiss for some other reason?) \*I wouldn’t be with him if I didn’t find him attractive. - 1. Tongue or not? What factors play into that? \*I wouldn’t consider it a kiss, without a lot of tongue. - 1. Whether you’ve ever done more than kiss on a first date \*Um . . . yes. - 1. Whether you’ve ever had a first date that lasted until the next morning \*Many, many, many. My last first date has lasted over 21 years. - 1. If you’re currently in a relationship, whether you and your SO kissed on the first date \*Um . . . yes. For a whole weekend. - 1. Whether you typically initiate the first date kiss \*Actually, it’s pretty mutual. - 1. If you do typically initiate the first date kiss, do you ever do so before the two of you are on the doorstep/in the car/on the street saying goodbye? Under what circumstances? (same question the other way around if you don’t typically initiate – when are you amenable to a kiss that’s not a goodnight kiss?) \*You don’t kiss until you’re saying goodbye??? What’s the point? - 1. If the other person tries to initiate a first date kiss and you’re not into it, what are your typical defensive maneuvers? \*By the time we get around to kissing, it’s safe to assume we’re both into it. - ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2009, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968/6 "2009-01-05T20:43:46Z")
Zomg that’s a big list! But I’ll answer. [ol] [li]Age and gender[/li]late 20s, male [li]Rough estimate of the number of first dates you’ve been on in your life[/li]10-ish [li]How long it’s been since you were on a first date[/li]22 months (wow, I’ve been dating her almost 2 years?) [li]Whether you’re generally inclined to kiss on a first date[/li]Yes [li]Whether you’re inclined to kiss on a first date even if you have no interest in there being a second date (if yes, do you have to find the person attractive, or will you kiss for some other reason?)[/li]No. I recall a first date about 3 years ago where I took out a perfectly nice and decent looking young lady to see some music, but there was just no chemistry. I dropped her off and said good night (and never called her again.) [li]Tongue or not? What factors play into that?[/li]Yes. Umm, how hot she is, how willing she is to have my tongue in her mouth, how much booze we’ve had? [li]Whether you’ve ever done _more_ than kiss on a first date[/li]Hmm… not really. [li]Whether you’ve ever had a first date that lasted until the next morning[/li][li]If you’re currently in a relationship, whether you and your SO kissed on the first date[/li]Yes [li]Whether you typically initiate the first date kiss[/li]Yes [li]If you do typically initiate the first date kiss, do you ever do so before the two of you are on the doorstep/in the car/on the street saying goodbye? [/li]Not really [/ol] ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2009, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968/7 "2009-01-05T23:21:47Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > [li]How long it’s been since you were on a first date[/li] > 8 months, 24 days, 30 minutes. I’ve been watching \*\*Love Actually \*\*lately and this sounds like the answer to “And how long have you been in love with Karl, our enigmatic chief designer?” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2009, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968/8 "2009-01-05T23:28:29Z")
**Age and gender** 38/m **Rough estimate of the number of first dates you’ve been on in your life** more than I can count **How long it’s been since you were on a first date** My last first date was in Nov. Said girl is my current GF **Whether you’re generally inclined to kiss on a first date** Sure if it goes well. **Whether you’re inclined to kiss on a first date even if you have no interest in there being a second date (if yes, do you have to find the person attractive, or will you kiss for some other reason?)** Well, if I think that kiss is going to lead to sex than yes. **Tongue or not? What factors play into that?** Depends on the girl. When kissing I always let the girl lead. It’s the secret to being a good kisser so I’m told. **Whether you’ve ever done more than kiss on a first date** Bwahaha Um, yes. **Whether you’ve ever had a first date that lasted until the next morning** Yes **If you’re currently in a relationship, whether you and your SO kissed on the first date** Yes, but if she had offered me sex on the first date she probably wouldn’t be my GF right now. **Whether you typically initiate the first date kiss** Most of the time. Sometimes I’ll do a little tease thing where I’ll just keep looking deep into their eyes pretending I don’t know they want to jump my bones. It’s funny to watch them get so frustrated that I wont make the first move until they say “fuck it!” and go for it themselves. This usually makes for some hot action when I can pull it off but it takes extreme discipline and patience. **If you do typically initiate the first date kiss, do you ever do so before the two of you are on the doorstep/in the car/on the street saying goodbye? Under what circumstances? (same question the other way around if you don’t typically initiate – when are you amenable to a kiss that’s not a goodnight kiss?)** Yes of course. Kiss’n is half the fun of a first date for me. **If the other person tries to initiate a first date kiss and you’re not into it, what are your typical defensive maneuvers?** I’ve never had this problem ---
**Author:** ![black\_rabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@black\_rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/black_rabbit)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968/9 "2009-01-06T00:48:29Z")
[ul] [li]30, male[/li][li]No idea. Teenager to 21 - more hookups than dates. 21 to 30 - LTR/married. Last six months… uhhh… eleven.[/li][li]Four days since my last first date.[/li][li]Out of my last eleven first dates, eight resulted (at least) in tongue, one resulted in a peck on the cheek, one dodged me, and I dodged one. So, on average, yeah, I guess I’m inclined.[/li][li]Yes, if there’s physical attraction but no real emotional spark. Casual sex is awesome.[/li][li]Generally, if it’s a dating situation, and I’m inclined to touch you with my open mouth, then I’m willing to stick my tongue in you.[/li][li]Yyyyup.[/li][li]Yyyyup.[/li][li]Not currently in a relationship, but I’m seeing somebody every week or so. The peck on the cheek girl. Got date four this week, but the pressure’s off, if you know what I mean.[/li][li]I use **SHAKES** ’s strategy. I call it my The Smirk. Unless I’m not in to her, in which case, I don’t deploy it.[/li][li]I usually try to use The Smirk about a half hour before the evening feels like it’s winding up.[/li][li]Dodge n’ hug.[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Lionne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968/10 "2009-01-06T01:56:20Z")
27 year old female Rough estimate of the number of first dates you’ve been on in your life **More than 20, less than 50** How long it’s been since you were on a first date **3 months** Whether you’re generally inclined to kiss on a first date **Sure** Whether you’re inclined to kiss on a first date even if you have no interest in there being a second date (if yes, do you have to find the person attractive, or will you kiss for some other reason?) **No** Tongue or not? What factors play into that? **Sure, if I like the guy, find him appealing physically and mentally.** Whether you’ve ever done _more_ than kiss on a first date **No** Whether you’ve ever had a first date that lasted until the next morning \*\*Haha, yes \*\* If you’re currently in a relationship, whether you and your SO kissed on the first date **We didn’t really have a typical first date, but I would have**. Whether you typically initiate the first date kiss **No** If you do typically initiate the first date kiss, do you ever do so before the two of you are on the doorstep/in the car/on the street saying goodbye? Under what circumstances? (same question the other way around if you don’t typically initiate – when are you amenable to a kiss that’s not a goodnight kiss?) **It depends on the date…if it’s a very romantic moment or just a spontaneous opportunity, a kiss is fine. I prefer it to be a good night thing, though…to kind of seal the date and provide something to look forward to next time.** If the other person tries to initiate a first date kiss and you’re not into it, what are your typical defensive maneuvers? **I’ll lean away and smile, say “sorry, but no”.** ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968/11 "2009-01-06T02:21:19Z")
Ok, rather than fill out the survey, I’ll just say this. I find “first dates” incredibly stiff and uncomfortable and am much more comfortable in a “hookup” situation where you meet a girl, have a great time and end up making out or whatever at some point. For the most part, my early experience with first dates has been if I don’t make a move by the end of the date, the girl usually got offended and there was never a second date. So basically, I always look to kiss on the first date. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968/12 "2009-01-06T02:37:58Z")
1. 30, male. Hopefully you know this already. 2. 1, 2, many. But not that many. 3. Going on six years. 4. Almost always. I don’t mind the awkwardness of being refused, though I can’t actually recall if that happened. That is easier to recover from than leaving my date feeling insecure as to why I did not kiss her. 5. Sure. I have fortunately never been on a first date with a woman sufficiently hideous either in appearance or personality that I have not kissed her. 6. No tongue for smokers, women who have drank too much, or for ladies who have just eaten something truly revolting. Otherwise, sure. I have an immune system. 7, 8, 9, 10) Yes. 1. Sure. I like to act when the mood strikes me. If it has not yet struck by goodbye time, then there will typically not be a second date. I have found only one exception to this, and that was my first date with my wife. We only sealed the deal at the very end, and that is because we were both enjoying the tension. 2. Seeing as I am not actually a starfighter, I cannot take evasive action. Instead I just let it happen and end it respectfully quickly. Even an undesired kiss is flattering, and hell, if the lady in question is a fantastic kisser, my opinion could change. The above obviously applies only to my single days. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968/13 "2009-01-06T04:20:27Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > This is so quaint and precious. Is “kissing on the first date” actually an issue, like it was in the 1800s? Yeah, seriously! But then again, I’m a hussy. I sometimes _show my ankles_! :eek: But I’ll play: [li]Age and gender[/li]37. Female [li]Rough estimate of the number of first dates you’ve been on in your life[/li]A metric boatload [li]How long it’s been since you were on a first date[/li]One day [li]Whether you’re generally inclined to kiss on a first date[/li]Yes [li]Whether you’re inclined to kiss on a first date even if you have no interest in there being a second date (if yes, do you have to find the person attractive, or will you kiss for some other reason?)[/li]Sometimes. If I’m not 100% sure that I DON’T want there to be a second date, it makes for a pretty good test. [li]Tongue or not? What factors play into that?[/li]Depends. How much tongue are we talking about here? [li]Whether you’ve ever done _more_ than kiss on a first date[/li]Of course! I’ve been known to hug, too. [li]Whether you’ve ever had a first date that lasted until the next morning[/li]Yes. [li]If you’re currently in a relationship, whether you and your SO kissed on the first date[/li]n/a [li]Whether you typically initiate the first date kiss[/li]Very rarely. [li]If you do typically initiate the first date kiss, do you ever do so before the two of you are on the doorstep/in the car/on the street saying goodbye? Under what circumstances? (same question the other way around if you don’t typically initiate – when are you amenable to a kiss that’s not a goodnight kiss?)[/li]When am I amenable? Whenever the guy mans up enough to do it! [li]If the other person tries to initiate a first date kiss and you’re not into it, what are your typical defensive maneuvers?[/li]The best defense is not to allow myself into a situation where he could reasonably try it. And I find the ol’ handshake a great defensive maneuver. I mean, it’s kinda hard for a guy to lean in and lay one on ya if you’ve got your hand sticking out in front of you and you’re cheerfully saying, “well, thanks for dinner!” ---
**Author:** ![bubba\_jr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e95f7d/32.png) [@bubba\_jr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bubba_jr)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968/14 "2009-01-06T05:22:53Z")
1. Age and gender male, getting to the middle of the 30’s 1. Rough estimate of the number of first dates you’ve been on in your life 20 1. How long it’s been since you were on a first date About a year and a half 1. Whether you’re generally inclined to kiss on a first date If its someone I think will be good in the long run and I really like, I won’t take a hard run at it(there are other things that can convey you really like her without being a pig, unless she likes that), the freakyness can wait until later, need to lay down a foundation of being a gentleman so they can have at least some respect for me. If I think I can get some from somebody that I’m not sure I’ll ever call again, yes.(I’m no saint, sorry) 5)Whether you’re inclined to kiss on a first date even if you have no interest in there being a second date (if yes, do you have to find the person attractive, or will you kiss for some other reason?) More inclined if I(for my reasons, not hers) think there won’t be a second date. 6)Tongue or not? What factors play into that? If there is no tongue, its like getting that italian grandma kiss, and thats just creepy, besides girl spit has to taste good, you need to test the waters. 7)Whether you’ve ever done _more_ than kiss on a first date yeah 1. Whether you’ve ever had a first date that lasted until the next morning I showed up 3 days late for an 8 hour shift, very very sore, with a giant smile. 9)If you’re currently in a relationship, whether you and your SO kissed on the first date No, but the last one was Q#8. 10)Whether you typically initiate the first date kiss depends, not the adult diaper kind. 11)If you do typically initiate the first date kiss, do you ever do so before the two of you are on the doorstep/in the car/on the street saying goodbye? Under what circumstances? (same question the other way around if you don’t typically initiate – when are you amenable to a kiss that’s not a goodnight kiss?) NA 1. If the other person tries to initiate a first date kiss and you’re not into it, what are your typical defensive maneuvers? Defensive? Free girl spit, I’m not giving that up, unless I really don’t like it, in which case I would have been long gone already, burping the alphabet works pretty good as an early defensive move. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968/15 "2009-01-06T07:43:48Z")
1. 24 male. 2. 5 3. 2 months. I’m upset about this but trying not to be. 4. Yes, no kiss and it typically hasn’t been a very good first date. We’re dating, not casual friends. 5. I will kiss if it’s fun and the girl seems to want it. Second date doesn’t really factor in. 6. No tongue, unless she gets into it and then light tongue maybe progressing from there. 7. Only if you count first dates where the relationship started online. Oh, well there was one time, but it didn’t start as a date… just sorta happened. 8. Ditto. 9. N/A 2. Typically at the end of the night, although only if there has been touching of some sort before that. 3. I kiss when I feel the girl is into it. 4. I have never had this problem. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968/16 "2009-01-06T12:24:34Z")
**Age and gender** 37, straight woman **Rough estimate of the number of first dates you’ve been on in your life** Erm… quite a few. **How long it’s been since you were on a first date** A few months **Whether you’re generally inclined to kiss on a first date** Absolutely, if it’s a good date **Whether you’re inclined to kiss on a first date even if you have no interest in there being a second date (if yes, do you have to find the person attractive, or will you kiss for some other reason?)** Probably not. As a couple of people mentioned, I might be inclined toward making out with a “hookup” that I have no intention of seeing again, because a hookup doesn’t have the same implied promise of continuation that a date does. If I’m on an actual “date date”, then I don’t want to encourage someone I don’t plan to see again. And I can’t imagine why on earth I’d kiss anyone I’m not attracted to. **Tongue or not? What factors play into that?** It’s a date, right? Not an uncle? Yeah… tongue. **Whether you’ve ever done more than kiss on a first date** Sometimes I’ve even (gasp!) gone _all the way_! **Whether you’ve ever had a first date that lasted until the next morning** A few really, \*really \*good ones, yes. Some of which involved sex, and some of which didn’t. **If you’re currently in a relationship, whether you and your SO kissed on the first date** The kissing came before the date. **Whether you typically initiate the first date kiss** If I feel like it, sure. **If you do typically initiate the first date kiss, do you ever do so before the two of you are on the doorstep/in the car/on the street saying goodbye? Under what circumstances? (same question the other way around if you don’t typically initiate – when are you amenable to a kiss that’s not a goodnight kiss?)** Well, as previously mentioned, I’ll initiate kissing if I feel like kissing him. Frankly, if I make it all the way to the door without wanting to kiss him, that’s not a good sign. \*\*If the other person tries to initiate a first date kiss and you’re not into it, what are your typical defensive maneuvers? \*\* Hmm… usually if I’m not into it, it’s a damned short date anyway. On the rare occasions that I’m just not sure, I just \*say \*“Honey, we’re not there yet.” I don’t have a whole lot of “rules” for dating (although everyone has their "typcially"s). Every person and situation is different, I don’t think it’s helpful to approach it with too firm of an agenda. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968/17 "2009-01-06T15:01:11Z")
[li]Age and gender[/li]37, male [li]Rough estimate of the number of first dates you’ve been on in your life[/li]70 [li]How long it’s been since you were on a first date[/li]Ten years, ten months [li]Whether you’re generally inclined to kiss on a first date[/li]This way / that way [li]Whether you’re inclined to kiss on a first date even if you have no interest in there being a second date (if yes, do you have to find the person attractive, or will you kiss for some other reason?)[/li] No. [li]Tongue or not? What factors play into that?[/li] Likely not. [li]Whether you’ve ever done _more_ than kiss on a first date[/li] Yes [li]Whether you’ve ever had a first date that lasted until the next morning[/li] Yes [li]If you’re currently in a relationship, whether you and your SO kissed on the first date[/li] Yes [li]Whether you typically initiate the first date kiss[/li] Yes [li]If you do typically initiate the first date kiss, do you ever do so before the two of you are on the doorstep/in the car/on the street saying goodbye? Under what circumstances? (same question the other way around if you don’t typically initiate – when are you amenable to a kiss that’s not a goodnight kiss?)[/li] No. On a first date I usually went in for the smooch at the end. [li]If the other person tries to initiate a first date kiss and you’re not into it, what are your typical defensive maneuvers?[/li][/list] I don’t recall this coming up, or else I managed to make it pretty clear I wasn’t interested well before she came in for the kiss. ---
**Author:** ![StuffLikeThatThere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@StuffLikeThatThere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StuffLikeThatThere)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968/18 "2009-01-06T15:37:17Z")
1. Age and gender 34 year old straight female 2. Rough estimate of the number of first dates you’ve been on in your life I could probably figure it out exactly if I tried. But roughly, between 5 and 10. 3. How long it’s been since you were on a first date 6 1/2 years (Thank God. I hate first dates.) 4. Whether you’re generally inclined to kiss on a first date No. 5. … inclined to kiss on a first date even if you have no interest in … second date Definitely not, if I have no further interest. 6. Tongue or not? What factors play into that? I’d rather not at first. I move pretty slowly. 7. Whether you’ve ever done more than kiss on a first date No. 8. Whether you’ve ever had a first date that lasted until the next morning No. 9. … whether you and your SO kissed on the first date No. 10. Whether you typically initiate the first date kiss No. 11. … when are you amenable to a kiss that’s not a goodnight kiss?) I wouldn’t mind a short kiss in the middle, but prolonged lip-locking is not going to happen until we know each other better. 12. If the other person tries to initiate … typical defensive maneuvers? It’s been a long time, but I believe in the past I’ve turned my head and offered a cheek instead. Apparently I’m quite old-fashioned. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968/19 "2009-01-06T19:39:53Z")
1. 30, Male 2. 2 first dates 3. 13 years 4. I kissed on both first dates. First date #1 girl was my first kiss. I had already made out with the first date #2 girl a few times even before our first date, so no big surprise there. 5. (_If you’re currently in a relationship, whether you and your SO kissed on the first date_) First date #2 girl is now my wife. ---
**Author:** ![Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d9b06d/32.png) [@Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boozahol_Squid_P.I)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968/20 "2009-01-06T20:19:20Z")
[ul] [li]Age and gender[/li]26, Male [li]Rough estimate of the number of first dates you’ve been on in your life[/li]25 [li]How long it’s been since you were on a first date[/li]Eight months [li]Whether you’re generally inclined to kiss on a first date[/li]Almost always [li]Whether you’re inclined to kiss on a first date even if you have no interest in there being a second date (if yes, do you have to find the person attractive, or will you kiss for some other reason?)[/li]Actually, I’m more inclined to kiss on a first date if I don’t expect there to be a second date. I don’t date women I don’t find attractive, and if there’s a major problem which will preclude a second date, I’m going to get as much out of a first date as possible. [li]Tongue or not? What factors play into that?[/li]Who pecks someone you don’t know? Always tongue. [li]Whether you’ve ever done _more_ than kiss on a first date[/li]Yes [li]Whether you’ve ever had a first date that lasted until the next morning[/li]Yes [li]If you’re currently in a relationship, whether you and your SO kissed on the first date[/li]We didn’t. [li]Whether you typically initiate the first date kiss[/li]I’m a guy. [li]If you do typically initiate the first date kiss, do you ever do so before the two of you are on the doorstep/in the car/on the street saying goodbye? Under what circumstances? (same question the other way around if you don’t typically initiate – when are you amenable to a kiss that’s not a goodnight kiss?)[/li]No, that always seems a bit awkward. I’ve done the goodnight make-out, but it usually seems forced. [li]If the other person tries to initiate a first date kiss and you’re not into it, what are your typical defensive maneuvers?[/li]Never had a woman attempt to initiate a first-date kiss with me. I don’t think I’d have a problem with it. [/ul] [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/kissing-on-the-first-date/479968.md?page=2)